Better-Off-Friends

I’ve always loved stories about guy and girl best friends and whether or not they’ll become more, so I scooped up Better Off Friends by Elizabeth Eulberg. (This was my first Eulberg book, but her other titles are intriguing!) When Levi moves from California to Wisconsin in the middle of seventh grade, his classmate Macallan is the first person he meets. Macallan is still recovering from the loss of her mom in a car accident, and, though pretty and well-liked, is a little bit of an outsider. Levi’s surfer cool sticks out like a sore thumb in a sea of Midwestern jocks, so Macallan takes him under her wing. Before long, they’re inseparable – almost like family. Better Off Friends follows their friendship through the ups and downs of middle school and high school, as they repeatedly wonder whether they should take their bond to the next level or they’re better off… you know.

I didn’t expect this book to skew so young (how about reading the summary more carefully, Brenda?). But Macallan and Levi are pretty mature for their ages and have some mature problems too. This is a believable story with well-rounded, likable characters, true-life issues, and lots of witty banter (I laughed out loud at some of it). If I’d read Better Off Friends in middle or high school, I would have absolutely loved it. But I think it’s still enjoyable at any age.

Recommended for: teen readers; fans of friendship-based love stories

I received this book from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

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This month’s One Word linkup is a three-month(ish) check-in. Well, Alive is still inspiring me and remains very applicable!

When I chose Alive, I knew it would mean dealing with negative emotions I’ve tried to sweep under the rug. Even after working on it for many years, I still feel guilty about feeling angry or discouraged. Especially since most of my anger and discouragement falls into one of two categories: things I can’t do much about, or things prompting me toward actions with problematic outcomes. Like many other Christians who bought the self-denial package early on, I tend to dismiss these feelings while reproaching myself to have a better attitude. Last year I realized that in the process of shutting myself off from negative emotions, I was also hardening my heart. My emotional range was narrowing quickly. It scared me, because God made me sensitive for a reason, as a gift, not to torment me. I’m convinced that to fulfill my purpose on this earth (whatever it is) and find happiness, I need to be fully myself and fully open to God and life. Opening the door to all that, accepting the messiness of it, was my main motivation for making Alive my word. Well, let’s just say it’s working. It’s not fun, but I keep reminding myself that it’s far preferable to being a well-behaved robot.

I think about my word almost every day. It’s especially easy lately, with the black-and-white starkness of winter giving way to a Technicolor nature cartoon. Alive is all around me. Even the knowledge that I’ll have to start mowing soon doesn’t dampen my excitement about the grass greening up. After this Longest Winter Ever, when I notice a new flower or tree in leaf, something in me relaxes. I feel more alive just because the world is too. I also remember my word whenever I wear my chai necklace.

Overall, I know Alive is the right word for me. I don’t feel that it’s disappointed me, so far, but sometimes I feel like I’m disappointing it. There’s so much to learn. I need to keep working on my openness to messiness, but I also want to become more and more attuned to beauty, joy, and God’s presence in the everyday. We still have over eight more months, but seriously, I don’t think this effort is going to end with 2014.

This post is part of a monthly One Word 365 linkup at The Messy Middle.

6 Comments + Posted in: one word: alive, spring

coralpurse

I’ve been looking for a new spring and summer purse. Although most of the bags I own are well worn, they’re still functional, so I haven’t wanted to spend a lot. Yesterday evening I stopped by TJ Maxx and browsed through the purse section. Finding nothing good under triple digits (!), I was on my way out when I spotted a pretty coral bag of just the right size and structure. The tag said $16.99! Done. Just to cover all my bases, I quickly looked through the rest of the rack. Another purse that caught my eye turned out to be a duplicate of the one I was holding. That’s it, I thought, I need to buy this purse.

But something made me pause. I examined the bag a little more closely and noticed how flimsy it was. The material was very lightweight, some threads were poking out, and I could tell the lining would rip at its first contact with a key. The bag would fall apart in no time, and then I’d be back here, on another search for a replacement for something I liked that hadn’t lasted. Suddenly I felt tired. I’m always compromising in the name of sensibility and a good bargain, but in the long run, it usually means more work and trouble. Sure, I could buy this purse and have a bright new accessory for Easter. I could be satisfied right now. But I knew it would be a temporary satisfaction. I put the purse back on its hook, and left.

I didn’t realize until that moment how weary I am of disposable things. I’d rather not invest myself in them anymore, even if they truly make me happy in the short term. I’d rather hold out for what lasts, even if it requires more of me and the wait is long. I’m tired of disposable clothing, disposable conversations, disposable relationships. It’s time to make peace with preferring quality in a quantity world. There’s a place for fun and frivolity, but I don’t want to make my home there. I want to be able to rely on things that are enduring and real.

6 Comments + Posted in: reflections, Uncategorized

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The small park near my house is a consistent joy in my life. It’s where I jog and people-watch. Sometimes I drive over with a picnic blanket and read next to the fountain with the ducks. There’s a thicket of trees in the back corner that has always been sort of magical to me – one year I took pictures of them at the peak of all four seasons. (Note to self: do something with those pictures.)

For about a week in spring, all the cherry trees in the park bloom at once. It’s an incredible sight. On my way to a party on Saturday, I stopped to take some photos!

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I love the carpet of fallen petals almost as much as the blossoms on the trees!

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Other signs of spring:


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When I opened the blinds Monday morning, this little cottontail rabbit was eating fallen seed from my bird feeder! I had a wonderful pet rabbit for eight years, and therefore get VERY excited about them. This one hung out for about fifteen minutes before suddenly spooking and hopping away. I hope to see him again!

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My daffodils took a while to emerge, but they were worth the wait.

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And of course, the squirrels are always around!

2 Comments + Posted in: nature, spring

himymfin



I realize that the finale of How I Met Your Mother aired over a week ago, and most people with anything to say about it have done so by now. It’s taken me so long to sort out my reactions that I thought it was too late to post about it, but friends are still asking what I thought, so let’s go for it!

WARNING: The following will completely spoil the ending of How I Met Your Mother. If you don’t want to know, don’t continue reading!


Things I Liked About the Finale:

- Ted was happy in the end… even though he lost his soul mate much too soon.

- Lily and Marshall are still awesome.

- The first meeting under the yellow umbrella was perfect.



Things I Hated About the Finale:

- So this was the ending the writers had planned from the beginning, had filmed with the kids eight years ago. The Mother (Tracy) dies, and Ted still ends up with Robin. What I find unforgivable is that, KNOWING this, they developed the plot and characters totally contrary to this plan for the last five or so seasons. They showed Ted and Robin growing in opposite directions, and him “letting her go” over and over again, finally for real. They convinced us that Barney and Robin made sense. They let us get to know Tracy and showed us how completely perfect she was for Ted. Then they turned around and gave us the final slap, but it never had to be that way. More thoughts about that in a minute.

- WHY would you set an entire season at a wedding for a marriage that lasted ten minutes in show-time… then cram another twenty years’ worth of important events into one episode? If they’d given us a little more time to get used to the endgame, it might not have been such a blow, or felt like such a betrayal of Tracy, who was seemingly reduced to a speedbump and egg donor on the way to Ted finally getting Robin. I really loved Tracy and wish we could have seen more of her and Ted together, although we did get some good moments.

- By the end of the show’s timeline, Robin had spent years estranged from the gang. How were she and Ted still close enough for him to start a relationship with her? How did his kids even know her well enough to call her “Aunt”?

- I hated what they did to Barney. After being redeemed as more than a one-note womanizer, he regressed to a nauseating degree. The only thing that finally settled him down was unexpectedly becoming a father. (To me, this also felt like a subtle jab at Robin, since she’s infertile and a child was the one thing she couldn’t give him. But they could have adopted!) Also, I guess we can assume “#31″ is the main character of How I Met Your Dad? I don’t plan to tune in.

- I watched the show with my dad, and at every commercial break, I expressed disbelief about how depressingly it was unfolding. He shrugged and said “It’s the truth. This is how life is.” He was right. As I said in my plea for the mother, real life is already overfull of painful divorces and close friends drifting apart and losing loved ones too soon. Most of us have lived it, and we don’t want to see those everyday tragedies on a comedy that we watch to feel uplifted and hopeful. We want help believing that something better is possible, not more fodder for our cynicism.

- Finally: from a writing perspective, I think this jarring ending is a cautionary tale about listening to your story. Over the years, How I Met Your Mother took a slightly different track from the writers’ original vision, and they should have rolled with it. I can’t remember the source because I’ve read so many articles about the finale, but one pointed out that a story – especially a long-running one on TV – is a living thing. Anyone who’s ever written fiction knows this. You have to give your story some room to breathe and be open to turns you weren’t expecting. When they filmed that final “Go ask out Aunt Robin” scene with the kids years ago, why didn’t they film a few different ones, just in case they changed their minds? To me, that’s irresponsible. There’s nothing admirable about staying the course if it means totally invalidating most of what you’ve built. It’s also not cool to pull a Lost and spend years vehemently insisting that a show is not going to end a certain way, then end it exactly that way.



It’s been a long time since I watched the early episodes, so I may go back and see how they bookend with the finale. Maybe then I won’t feel so double-crossed.

11 Comments + Posted in: reflections, tv

catstogether-2009

My cats having a moment, 2009

At work a while back, my boss handed out spa gift cards as a bonus of sorts. I hoarded mine until last week, when I decided to take a day off and get a massage. Several people close to me are massage devotees, but I hadn’t had one in several years. I take pretty good care of myself (or so I think) and haven’t been feeling especially stressed. But this masseur, a stranger, was able to tell me everything about my habits and physical problems based on tensions in my body – many of which I hadn’t even noticed – and advise me on how to fix those tensions. I got very ticklish a few times (it also happens whenever I get a pedicure), and he explained that ticklishness happens more when you’re not accustomed to being touched. These observations were unexpected light bulb moments. Until I reflected on these things, I wasn’t aware of the extent of the current touch deficit in my life.

Singleness often equals serious physical isolation, at least in American culture. As an adult, unless you’re in a demonstrative romantic relationship and/or parenting a small child, you’re probably running a touch deficit. After almost four years alone, I unconsciously take this for granted, but I still don’t think it’s okay or healthy. Family and friends usually greet me with hugs, and my two cats are affectionate companions, and that’s important. But it’s not the same as regular, dependable (non-sexual) physical closeness. Access to a comforting hug when you need one, a pat on the arm, a huddle together on the couch, is good for the soul in a deep and mysterious way. It provides a sense of connection not only to that person, but to all people. It even makes you feel more comfortable with and at home in your own body – especially in marriage, when your spouse is as familiar with your body as you are. It’s a genuine need, even if that need is not being met. I know all this because I’ve experienced it, and I believe God made us to respond this way.

Until I experienced some attentive, caring touch, I didn’t realize how far removed I am from it. That makes me sad. I worry sometimes about feeling increasingly closed-off from others, and now I wonder if lack of physical contact and care is contributing to that problem. As a result, I think I’m going to budget for more frequent spa services. What I’ve always seen as a lavish indulgence now seems like a good investment in my overall health.

I share this to encourage you: hug your single friends – especially the ones who live alone and don’t have a day-in, day-out bond with anyone. Hug your married friends too, because maybe their spouses don’t. Affection doesn’t have to be a weird, hypersexualized thing. It can be a way to help each other be fully human (and alive).

6 Comments + Posted in: health, singleness




Last weekend, my dad and I went to the Sweet 16 and Elite 8 games here in Memphis for the NCAA South Regional! It was a bucket-list experience that I’d been looking forward to for a long time. As a Tigers season ticket holder, I got an advance offer for a special tournament package last fall. I forwarded it to my dad, asking if he was interested. He said “Let’s do it,” but it was expensive and I kept hedging. A month later they sent the offer again, and I forwarded it to my dad again, and he replied, “GET THE TICKETS!” So I did. As it turned out, it was a steal compared to what I heard they were going for the week of the event… and totally worth it. My main motivation had been that if the Tigers did advance to those games, and I wasn’t there, I’d never get over missing it. I didn’t find out until a couple of weeks ago that per NCAA rules, no tournament team can play at its home, so it wouldn’t have happened anyway. Oh well!




On Thursday night at the Sweet 16 games, the Dayton Flyers were the stars of the show. If you haven’t been following, Dayton was the Cinderella this year. They beat Ohio State and Syracuse. I had never HEARD of them before this and still don’t even know what conference they’re in, but I was duly impressed by the the team and the fans. Everyone I met was so nice (also: TONS of cute guys, maybe they’re all in Ohio!), and they had such enthusiasm and spirit. They packed out the Forum like it was their home game. Even though I have Florida winning it all in my bracket, in my heart I kind of wanted Dayton to win!! And they did beat Stanford that night.




I was perplexed by Stanford’s mascot, a giant Christmas tree with a face. (Someone on Twitter explained it to me.) Stanford alums Condoleeza Rice and Seattle Seahawks player Richard Sherman (AKA “Don’t You Ever Talk About Me“) were in attendance, so that was cool. I did not get a photo of them. :)







I was amused by the photographers on the floor. Every time the action came their way, they all picked up their giant lenses in unison and followed the action with the cameras in unison.




In the second game, Florida beat UCLA! I learned to do the Gator Chomp.

We went back to the Forum on Saturday evening for the Elite 8 game, Florida vs. Dayton.










Dayton hung in and have nothing to be ashamed of, but Florida won as expected! We hung around to watch the trophy presentation and net cutting. I remembered the Tigers doing that when we won the C-USA championship at home a few years ago. Someday I WILL see that again.










Even though it wasn’t my team, I had a wonderful time and felt really blessed to be there, like I got to be a part of history. My dad decided that next we need to go to the Final Four. He met a couple who have gone to ALL the big tournament games for 20 years. Can you imagine? Anyway, yay basketball!

1 Comment + Posted in: memphis, sports

bookshelfumbrella

I did more reading in March than this list indicates, but a lot of it was magazines and spontaneous re-skims of favorite books that I can’t count here. Meanwhile, I have about 50 unread books on my Kindle alone. Whee!

I Don’t Know What You Know Me From: Confessions of a Co-Star by Judy Greer (4 stars)
I reviewed this here.

I’ve Never Been to Vegas, But My Luggage Has: Mishaps and Miracles on the Road to Happily Ever After by Mandy Hale (4 stars)
I reviewed this here.

City of God: Faith in the Streets by Sara Miles (4 stars)
I reviewed this here.

Body Mapping for Flutists: What Every Flute Player Needs to Know About the Body by Lea Pearson (3 stars)
I recently became interested in the Alexander Technique, so a flute-instructor friend loaned this workbook to me. It includes many tips and exercises for improving awareness of your body and identifying areas of tension as they specifically relate to musicians. I won’t be able to retain all this knowledge, but it was a good overview that should help me in my playing and daily life.

Beyond Boundaries: How To Know When It’s Time To Risk Again by John Townsend (4 stars)
This latest volume in the Boundaries series is aimed at people who have serious trust issues after weathering difficult relationships. *raises hand* Townsend shares solid, practical tips for figuring out when you’re ready to trust someone again, whether the other person is on the same page and worthy of your trust, when a relationship can be saved and when to cut your losses. His advice is applicable to all relationships, not only romantic ones (which he reiterates throughout the book). Beyond Boundaries is written from a Christian perspective that’s rooted in reality. Rather than advocating submission, being a servant, forgetting yourself, etc., it emphasizes the importance of individual health and growth and the fact that God made us with relational needs. Needs, not options. Then it encourages you to find constructive ways to get those needs met. This book really encouraged me, and I expect to revisit it in the future. I wish I’d had it five years ago.

Books for March: 5
2014 year to date: 16

1 Comment + Posted in: book reviews

marchweather

General Highlights:

March was a long month! In cliche fashion, it started with a snow/ice storm and ends today with blue skies and daffodils. Also predictably, I’ve spent these weeks embracing March Madness. At the beginning of March, the Tigers beat Louisville for a second time this season! We went on to win our first round tournament game, but then lost to Virginia. Last weekend, Memphis hosted the Sweet 16 and Elite 8, and I went to the games with my dad – more on that later!

The community band I’m part of performed a historically accurate John Philip Sousa concert (the director was even in character as Sousa). We had a blast, although I practically needed to ice my arms afterwards. Also, I’m part of a women’s resource group at work, which hosted a panel of influential local women for Women’s History Month. I got to talk to (and Twitter-befriend) several of the ladies, including the MC, Memphis news legend Mearl Purvis!

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In family news, my grandfather had some scary health problems and my mom went to Miami to help him. She’s been gone for almost a month, but is on her way home now because he’s doing much better!

Read and Reading:

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I’ve gotten in over my head with galleys and ARCs (as you can tell by the plethora of review posts lately), so most of my reading time has been devoted to those. But one of my spontaneous choices this month was Beyond Boundaries, a helpful book that I wish I’d had five years ago. More about it in the monthly book post.

TV/Movies:

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I saw Divergent (with my dad in tow, even though he doesn’t read) and LOVED it. The casting was great and I had no objections to the few changes made. Shailene Woodley really gave Tris her due, and Theo James made Four even more yowza than he is in the books. A+. I never expected to feel so resonant about this story, but the more I reflect on it, the more meaningful it seems to me.

How I Met Your Mother ends tonight. So don’t bother me between 7 and 8. I’ll be busy weeping (hopefully happy tears).

Music:

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I’m not a regular purveyor of iTunes’ free songs of the week, but Ana Tijoux’s “Antipatriarca” is pay dirt and has been in heavy rotation during my workouts. Yeah, it’s in Spanish, but I love the lines I can understand. Maybe I can get my Spanish back via her music! Also, after loving The Bridges’ “Pieces” and their EP Our Monster for years, I finally downloaded their only full album, Limits of the Sky. Great stuff.

Video:

Cute local school kids star in this video shot at iconic Memphis locations. Prepare to be filled with joy!

Cooking/Eating:

After a friend asked to borrow Shauna Niequist’s Bread & Wine, I started reading through it again. Now I feel like I could subsist solely on Shauna’s recipes for the next several months. I started last night with a fully loaded, delicious salad.

Oh and I discovered that Whole Foods’ organic instant oatmeal makes regular instant oatmeal taste like sawdust. I don’t know how there’s so much room for improvement in such a basic food, but YUM.

Beauty:

When I ran out of my usual leave-in conditioner, I decided to try Beautiful Curls organic leave-in conditioner with shea butter. I’m a month overdue for a haircut, and I’ve still gotten tons of compliments on my hair since starting to use this stuff! The smell was off-putting at first, but now I don’t even notice it.

Random Happiness:

♥ Generally I don’t talk about work here, but I was happily surprised to receive a great evaluation from my boss – AND a cost-of-living raise, which was a huge answer to prayer.

♥ I also received a very affirming, encouraging e-mail about my writing/this blog from a kind pastor I met this month. It came on a morning when I was feeling really low and discouraged, and there’s no doubt in my mind that God used this man to speak to me. It meant so much. I’m still pretty emotional about it.

♥ Almost five months out from my Eye Crisis, I finally got a clean bill of health from my eye doctor! I still have to wear glasses a few days a week, but I suspected this would be the case and am okay with it. I’m just happy to have healthy eyes and more flexibility to wear contacts!

♥ Oh, and this has nothing to do with me, but my all-time favorite Tiger D.J. Stephens got signed (temporarily) to the Milwaukee Bucks and logged his first minutes in the NBA last weekend. It couldn’t happen to a better guy. Congrats D.J.!!!

On The Blog:

In March I posted about blessings and failure, how change is part of being alive, and an update on my cat Peach who has IBS. (After everything I’ve been through with her, I want to share my knowledge.)

Posts I Loved:

♥ My friend Esther on Huldah: A Mysterious and Extraordinary Biblical Woman

♥ Just Adela: Coffee With God & Being Enough

♥ Conversion Diary: What I’m learning about choice and gratitude from not skipping songs on my iPod

♥ Amanda Williams at Deeper Story: In Which I Grow Wings

♥ Amber Wackford: When the Only Way Forward Is Open

♥ Paul Heggie: Vulnerability Sucks – But It’s Worth It

♥ Through A Glass Darkly: The Path Before You

♥ Sarah Markley: All The Small Things

♥ Little Did She Know: Creating Life

♥ 800 Miles off of Beale: Gravity (I still haven’t seen this movie and am not sure I want to)

♥ And for levity, Suburban Turmoil: Let Us Rise Up and Bridge the Gaps… in Public Restroom Stalls. This is a daily annoyance for me and I’m glad someone finally spoke up!

10 Comments + Posted in: what i'm into

idk

I’ve looked forward to reading Judy Greer’s memoir, I Don’t Know What You Know Me From: Confessions of a Co-Star, ever since I heard about it. What I personally know her from is 13 Going On 30, in which she played Jennifer Garner’s middle-school frenemy all grown up. But as Greer and her IMDB page attest, she’s been working consistently – mostly in supporting roles – since the late 1990s. Most recently she’s been on Archer, Arrested Development, and Two and a Half Men.

I Don’t Know What You Know Me From is a pretty typically structured memoir, starting with Greer’s childhood in Detroit. After ten years of ballet (she had the right body type but never particularly excelled), she started acting on a lark in high school. When another girl told her she wasn’t good enough to get into an acting program at DePaul University, Greer decided that was exactly what she wanted to do. After graduation, she moved to Los Angeles, where she still lives with her husband and stepkids. This memoir is full of amusing and touching stories about her family and friends (as well as straight talk about what really goes on in Hollywood). One of my favorite chapters is a series of e-mails from her best friends about how America’s go-to movie best friend stacks up in real life.

I found Judy Greer extremely likable. She seems like a genuine, humble, funny person who doesn’t take her success for granted and knows what’s important in life. I loved hanging out with her in the pages of this book and would definitely read anything else she writes!

 

I received this book from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

4 Comments + Posted in: book reviews

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