I just got home from a weeklong, multi-city trip, so this post is late, but I couldn’t let last month go undocumented. As is the case with most Septembers of my life, A LOT happened.
In mid-September, I took the CLA/CP exam to become a certified paralegal. After throwing paralegal law at myself for two months via any means I could find, I took all five sections of the test over the course of two days. Whatever sections I don’t pass, I can re-take indefinitely, starting next January. The first-time pass rate is only 40%, but for various reasons, I felt very driven to hit a home run on the first try. I worked really hard, did the best I could, and am proud of myself for that. We’ll find out in November if it was enough.
It’s Tiger football season! Our group kept our existing season ticket seats, which have been upgraded to actual stadium seats instead of benches. Woo! We were 3-0 in September, making our new coach the first in Tiger history to hit that milestone in his debut season! But we lost to Ole Miss last weekend. I don’t want to talk about it.
Serious/sad news: Matt and I broke up over Labor Day weekend. It was amicable and we’re on good terms – I’m thankful for that. I’m doing okay, though I still have low moments.
My September book count was decent due to a minor binge at month end, but I felt meh about most of my choices. I really enjoyed Hannah Brencher’s If You Find This Letter and the Young House Love book, Lovable Livable Home (I allowed myself a few pages of fun, soothing interiors in between study sessions). I’d heard a lot of hype about Boy21; it was a tough read in some ways, but I give it props for its uniqueness and rawness. I was excited to check out Sarah Vowell’s biography of America’s Favorite Fighting Frenchman, but struggled through it for some reason.
Parenthood heir apparent This Is Us is the first show I’ve fallen in love with in a long time. I’m also excited about Designated Survivor and Pitch, though I haven’t seen the latter yet. Well done, networks!
Kelsey and I went to NEEDTOBREATHE’s Tour de Compadres, with Mat Kearney. It was my fourth NTB show and the closest I’d ever been to the stage! In September I also saw Delta Rae at the Shell (they blew me away) and Sheryl Crow at Live at the Garden. We were way in the back, but she played all the hits and it was still great.
No one lacks for things to do in Memphis in the fall and spring! My favorite fall event is Cooper-Young Festival, or as local media calls it, Midtown Christmas. I ran the CY 4-Miler on the Friday night, despite 95-degree temperatures and taking four sections of an exam earlier the same day. (This gives me a little hope for my second half-marathon training, which I haven’t started yet.) Saturday was the actual fest, and Alanna and I wandered around for several hours. We ran into friends, bought jewelry, discovered cool new makers (Crybaby Girl Gang!!), and basked in the Midtown-ness.
Alanna and I also went to BreakFest, a brunch festival that started (and sold out) last year. This year’s event was smaller and HOT, but we won some Grizzlies tickets while eating delicious breakfast foods.
My mom and I attended a Tour of Homes in my historic neighborhood – we wanted to go last year, but were out of town. One of the homes had original works by Chagall and Dali. I got heart palpitations just standing next to them.
My friend Gwen moved to Chicago for a new job. We had a goodbye dinner for her at the Majestic, which was the first place she ate when she moved to Memphis!
This magnetic organizer is bringing me joy. I used to keep my often-used kitchen utensils in a vase, but having them over the sink keeps them in closer reach and makes the countertop less cluttery. I wish I’d gotten this a year ago.
Last week I went to Miami for the best work conference I’ve ever been to! I had fun with my co-workers and met other legal peeps from around the world. We had dinner and dancing at the beach and stayed at a fairly swanky hotel in Brickell. Our last night was a Miami Vice party, which ended up a full-blown 80s party. One team dressed up like a flock of Richard Simmonses, and, at one point in the evening, swept me off my feet. Expect to see this on the Christmas card.
I flew in a little early to spend some time with my grandparents and nearby uncle and cousins. It was a good visit! On Monday night, my grandfather was keen to watch the presidential debate. I told him if he wanted me to get through that, I was going to need a drink. So he broke out the Chardonnay for me. Good times.
As a huge Makeup Revolution fan, I was intrigued by their New-trals vs. Neutrals palette at Ulta. It looked like a potential semi-dupe for the Too Faced Sweet Peach palette I’d been eyeing. Well, dupe or not, it’s fantastic! I used it almost exclusively in September and am not bored with it yet.
I chose my garden plants to attract bees and butterflies, so it’s been exciting to see lots of both in August and September. One day I was eating lunch on my patio and noticed two unusual creatures in the plants. They looked like bees but flew like hummingbirds. This was the best picture I could get. After extensive Googling, I found out they’re a type of hummingbird moth (a snowberry clearwing). SO COOL. The next week, I thought I saw them again, so I went outside and a pair of actual hummingbirds swooped down, flew right around my head for a few seconds, then flew away. It was amazing. My friend Sara and I are both currently into sensing God’s presence in nature, so I told her about it right away and we were extra excited.
Your Monthly Rufus:
We celebrated his first Gotcha Day on September 16! I’m so glad I have him.
Pinterest Quote of the Month:
Posts I Loved:
Similar themes this month. Sorry-not-sorry?
♥ Stacy London at Refinery29: How I Moved On From My “What Not to Wear” Style
♥ Matt Fray: The Magic of Boundaries: Date Well, Marry the Right Person, and Love Hard Forever (I thought about this one for days.)
♥ My friend Becca: On Fear-Based Silence
♥ Mandy Stadt at The Cut: “I’m remarried, so why does my divorce still feel like a failure?”
Another birthday month has come and gone. I celebrated 37 at Loflin Yard a few days in advance, in a co-birthday party with Alanna and a lot of great friends. On my actual birthday, my parents took Matt and me to Flight, my favorite restaurant!
The current focus of my life is the CLA/CP exam to become a certified paralegal. I’ve been classified as a paralegal at work for a year and a half and decided I might as well be a licensed one. I’m taking the exam in mid-September, i.e. attempting to teach myself in two months what many people go to school for months or years to learn. So I know it’ll be understandable if I don’t pass all five sections on the first try, but I’m trying for a sweep. In any case, I wasn’t willing to wait until January (the next test period) to do the only thing I can really do for my career right now. I naturally test well and there’s no reason not to give it a shot. Even if I fail a couple of sections, it’ll be progress. I’m hoping to share tips and some of my experience after the fact.
I won Glennon Melton’s new memoir, Love Warrior, on Goodreads and read the entire thing under a tree in Overton Park one Sunday afternoon. With this book, Glennon claimed her permanent place on my panel of personal gurus. I connect with her and her message on a level I don’t have words for.
I’m still not sure how I feel about Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. I enjoyed it, but it felt… unreal, in the context of the wizarding world we know. Maybe I’ll like it more and/or sort out my thoughts on subsequent readings.
I finally checked out the first volume of the latest Shadowhunters trilogy, and I think its themes are the most interesting and complex yet! I also love the increasing overlap between old (some really old) and new characters.
With so many words in my head from studying, Netflix has been more appealing this month. Matt convinced me to start Parks & Rec at last, and I started How to Get Away with Murder because it’s set in law school and might help me. It’s not my usual type of show, but I’m loving it. I also watched The Big Short last week and think it should be required viewing for everyone. Preferably before the election. Seriously.
Like everyone else, I spent most of August watching the Olympics. It’s a biennial sobfest for me. I’ve always felt attached to Michael Phelps, I think because he reminds me a lot of my brother, and am so glad he had a great last Olympic experience.
I signed up for Sling TV so I could watch all the Olympic channels, then found out the basic package I chose didn’t include them. I think I’ll hold onto it for at least another month, though, since it comes with two ESPNs and football is about to start. I got rid of cable several years ago and only miss the sports.
The Shipping Room podcast (about all kinds of fictional couples) has become my personal runner-up to Best of Friends Podcast. I also enjoy the occasional Hamilcast!
Gwen and I went to Crosstown Arts for Fish, an immersive experience with light and digital images projected onto line paintings of fish and other marine stuff. It was a refreshing activity on a hot summer afternoon.
My church held another Civil Pour event at Loflin Yard, inviting people to come discourse politely about our current political climate. I showed up to honor this bravery, though I didn’t say anything, and everyone did remain civil. It’s possible!
In honor of Elvis’s Death Week, the Flying Saucer made an elf Elvis pint glass. My birthday has been overshadowed by Elvis’s death day all my life, so I had to have it.
A big group of us went to Choose 901 slash Grit & Grind night at the Redbirds. #MemphisUnited
A few months ago I splurged on a perfect pair of leopard-print flats on Poshmark. Unfortunately, the previous owner had stretched them out so badly, they wouldn’t stay on for one step, despite multiple attempts to shrink or pad them. This month I finally caved and spent as much again on a brand-new pair from the Steve Madden website. Moral of the story: never buy shoes with no return policy, even if it’s a brand I know.
Matt and I went to Land Between the Lakes for a weekend. I’d been once with my parents two years ago, but that was a Jetski-focused trip. We did a couple of short hikes and checked out the nature center, elk and bison range (twice!), and planetarium. One year from our visit, LBL will be directly in the path of a solar eclipse, and the planetarium staff are very excited! Due to rain, we never got to swim, so I still don’t know where the good public beaches are. But it’s a very pretty area with lots of animals!
Over the summer I participated in a prayer class through my church, and a few of us are continuing on in a “story group” (one of the new types of groups my church launched this month). Being involved in this diverse group, getting to know these people and learning about prayer in a new and liberating way, has already had a noticeable positive impact on my life. I feel a sense of security and connection that I didn’t have just a couple of months ago. The plan is for us to start serving on the prayer team too, which is crazy to me, since a stalled prayer life is what drove me to the class in the first place. (One of the many things I’d love to write about here if I had time.) I’m thankful and a little excited.
Your Monthly Rufus:
Pinterest Quote of the Month:
Posts I Loved:
♥ Abernathy Bland, making me cry as usual, wrote a beautiful reflection on the life and death of her Aunt Sissy.
♥ Mark Manson: Is It Just Me, Or Is the World Going Crazy?
♥ Abby Norman on the Final Five: Patriarchy and Performance
♥ Heather Caliri: Do You Wish You Could Change Your Story?
♥ Mayim Bialik on O.J.: Made in America (when is this coming to streaming?).
♥ Amy at The Messy Middle: Holding the Long View in Mind
♥ C. Jane Kendrick’s desert adventure with her three young daughters made me smile.
July 2016: 95 degrees outside, 65 degrees inside. Daily thunderstorms, political conventions, unrest all over the world, and Pokemon everywhere you look.
The Fourth of July is my favorite holiday. I used to throw a big party every year, but these days I’d rather just enjoy it without the work and stress. Matt and I went to a party at Wes’s apartment and then a bunch of us went to the Redbirds game. Instead of my usual flag cake, I branched out into a no-bake cheesecake (I say it counts as flag-ish since it had artfully arranged berries on top).
My friends Carol and Taylor got married. It was a good time with the whole friend group!
After hearing lots of advance praise around the blogosphere, I pre-ordered Bromleigh McClenaghan’s Good Christian Sex and found it encouraging and refreshing. Christian culture desperately needs a more nuanced, realistic discussion about this topic, and I’m thankful to Bromleigh for starting it.
I also read another installment of Miranda Kenneally’s Hundred Oaks series, and made a special library run for the final 5th Wave book, The Last Star.
Stranger Things on Netflix hooked me right from the trailer. I’m not much of a binge-watcher, but at only eight episodes, this show is a reasonable time commitment and very enjoyable. It’s like if Stephen King wrote Super 8.
My mom and I spontaneously decided to see Weird Al Yankovic on his Mandatory Fun Tour! I’ve loved Weird Al since I was a kid, but had never been to one of his shows. He played for over two hours and changed costumes so many times I lost count. The expected Kurt Cobain impression and Star Wars finale were great, but my favorite part was during “Wanna B Ur Lovr” when he came out into the audience in a flame-printed suit and hit on a bunch of ladies. HILARIOUS.
A few months ago I raised some money for Operation Broken Silence, a local organization of filmmakers raising awareness about the war in Sudan. Last weekend was their annual fundraiser, Good People Good Beer. Ashley went with me and we had a great time!
I also went to a beer class at Wiseacre, focusing on their newest beer, Lord Skylark. It’s a pale ale with Earl Grey tea and I liked it a lot!
I’ve been spending a lot of time at Loflin Yard, which is basically a big backyard downtown with live music, hula hoops for anyone’s use, and amazing food and drinks. It’s especially great on a Sunday evening. Once I rode my bike there!
The college dorm I lived in for three happy years is being torn down. I went over to pay my last respects, assuming they were going to implode it. Apparently it’s too close to other buildings for a safe implosion, so they’re taking it down very slowly with one wrecking ball. It’s a terrible slow death for my former home. I only hope they’re saving some bricks for alumni!
I’ve been loving this Shea Moisture water mint shampoo for a while now. It feels especially amazing after sweating in the heat. When I ran out of conditioner this month, I decided to try one of the new Garnier Whole Blends conditioners. This coconut oil kind has made my hair a lot sleeker without weighing it down, and it’s cheaper than anything else I’ve used recently. Thumbs up!
Matt recently earned a plate at Flying Saucer, which meant a party and dramatic unveiling of the plate! It was a fun night. You have to drink 200 different beers to get there, so we’ll be having my plate party in about five years.
As a longtime ambassador of McAlister’s tea, I couldn’t miss Free Tea Day. My mom went to two different locations and snagged this shirt for me!
It’s so hot, I can’t run more than a mile outside anymore without feeling sick. It really started to mess with my head, which is NO GOOD in running. I decided trying to force it was doing more harm than good, and I should focus on something else for a while. A great yoga studio near my house ran a special over Fourth of July weekend, and I splurged on a three-month membership! I’ve been going to at least two classes a week and already feel stronger. Enhanced tone and flexibility will only help me when I start training again in the fall. I think it’s helping my mental health too.
My all-time favorite former Tiger, D.J. Stephens, was signed to the Grizzlies last week after three years of busting it overseas and in D-leagues! I’ve been waiting for this since he graduated, and was so happy I started dancing (silently) in my cubicle and texting people in all caps. He’s earned this and I really hope he gets a good shot.
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Pinterest Quote of the Month:
On The Blog:
I wrote extensively about my PRK eye surgery – the prep and surgery, and the recovery. If anyone is considering PRK and has more questions, let me know! I read A LOT of personal accounts when preparing for the surgery and want to pass that on. I have officially measured 20/20 one month out, so I’m thrilled with my results.
Posts I Loved:
Some months I struggle to find enough posts for this category, but I deeply relate to and/or salute every one of these!
♥ Melanie Dale at The Mudroom: Your Marriage Doesn’t Have to Look Like Anyone Else’s.
♥ Ask Polly: Am I Too Needy to Love?
♥ Samantha Field: What Does It Take to Be a Christian?
♥ Tina Muir: Being an Athlete vs. Being a Skinny Girl Who Runs. I’m not sure how I came across Tina Muir, but I appreciate her so much!
♥ Katie Elizabeth Hawkes: You Don’t Know Your Story Yet
♥ Suzanne Falter: 10 Sure Signs of Growth
♥ Allison Arnone: You’ve Changed
♥ And, not applicable to me in any way, but purely enjoyable: Design Mom: A Perfect Day in Paris with Kids
In the three months between my consult and my surgery, I read every PRK blog post I could find. Most stories were positive; a few were angry and regretful. These perspectives helped me go into PRK with correct expectations. I knew there was no way to predict my outcome, even a best-case scenario would involve some pain and frustration, and it could be months before my vision was consistently clear. Also, due to the severity of my astigmatism, there was a slight chance the surgery wouldn’t work and I’d need a re-do in six months (this was covered in my package). I believe knowing exactly what I was getting into made my experience easier, since all physical challenges are a mental game to some degree.
I stayed with my parents for the first few days following PRK. They were willing to take care of me, and I didn’t think being alone immediately was a good idea. After my surgery (which was in the early afternoon on a Thursday), I slept for a couple of hours as recommended, then stayed up until a normal bedtime. My light sensitivity was off the charts – I had to wear sunglasses in the house and could still see perfectly without turning any lights on – but other than that, I felt fine! I didn’t feel pain, just some irritation. (I’ll come back to this later.)
On Friday morning, my mom took me to my post-op appointment. My vision was 20/25 in one eye and 20/30 in the other, after less than 24 hours! After that, I relaxed around the house and took a long afternoon nap. My vision seemed pretty clear, and my eyes only felt tired. I was even able to go to dinner with friends (wearing a hat and sunglasses). On the way back to their house, I told my parents how pleasantly surprised I was, and how lucky I felt. I knew the third day was the worst for a lot of people, but everything was going so well, I thought I might be home free. Spoiler alert: Not so much!
When I woke up on Saturday, I could tell this wouldn’t be another easy day. My eyes felt really bad, and drops didn’t help. After a few hours lying on the couch in increasing pain, I decided it might help to get out and distract myself. So, against her better judgment, my mom agreed to take me to the Bath & Body Works annual sale. It was a venture straight out of Allie Brosh. Within two minutes of entering B&BW, it became nearly impossible to focus my eyes on anything. I felt my way around the sale displays, grasping at lotions and body washes. To get to the register, I had to stumble through the visual minefield in the middle of the store – bright spotlights pointed at very shiny candle lids. Somehow I paid for my stuff, but bumped into a few other shoppers trying to find my mother. She quickly checked out and led me out into the mall… where I noticed that New York & Company was having an 80% off sale. Moments earlier I’d been wondering how I was going to get to the car, but now I was like “Wait! Let me see if I can regroup.” But I was already on a downward spiral. After a few minutes’ pause, I couldn’t even get my eyes open to put drops in them for relief. By the time we got back to the house, my mom had to physically lead me to bed. The pain was a solid 8/10 – it felt like needles stabbing my eyes. The knowledge that it was just my nerves reconnecting and my eye tissue regrowing did not help AT ALL.
Missing my own bed and my cat, I still wanted to go home as originally planned for that day. My mom reminded me that I had some hydrocodone, but I didn’t want to be so out of it that I couldn’t leave. (I also stubbornly did not want to let the pain beat me.) So, after a nap, my boyfriend came to take me home. I powered through the dinner my parents had cooked, but once Matt put me in the car, I was pretty incoherent. The moment I was settled at home, I took the hydrocodone and went to bed, where I slept blissfully for twelve hours. When I woke up Sunday morning, the pain was gone, never to return! I had a pain hangover all day, though, and my vision was terrible. My doctor had explained that the vision fluctuations happen because brand-new eye tissue is “bumpy.” It felt like I’d regrown my whole eyes in one day, so at least the loss of my vision progress made sense.
I planned for a week off from work, and needed it. I couldn’t drive or do much, so I mostly relaxed at home, doing small chores and “watching” a lot of Friends, since I can enjoy it without seeing every minute. On Wednesday, almost a week after the surgery, my mom took me to another follow-up. The doctor removed my bandage contacts and cleared me to drive. As I’d expected from my research, my vision took another hit once the contacts came out. They’re not corrective, but they protect the new tissue, and the eye gets used to them. Even so, I was relieved to be free of them.
I worked half a day from home on Thursday and Friday, my face inches from the computer screen. By noon on both days, my eyes were exhausted and I was very ready to hang it up. Thankfully, Fourth of July weekend would give me some extra time to heal and rest, and it proved to be the turning point. On Saturday night, July 2, Matt and I went out with some of his friends. I realized on the way to dinner that my vision was so good, and my eyes felt so normal, I hadn’t thought about them in several hours. On the Fourth, for the first time, I was able to read a magazine without strain. Happy Independence Day to me!
Since that weekend, my vision has been stable and good. At my one-month follow-up on July 20, I was confirmed 20/20 and discharged from my surgeon. My vision won’t be officially “set” for about six months, but I have no complaints about what I’ve got!
Notes and Observations
♦ Most people who’ve had PRK say the post-surgery irritation feels like sand or dust in your eye. That’s a fair take, but I’d describe it as like a contact lens went in badly, or had something on it. None of the write-ups I read mentioned the psychological toll this takes when all your life, that feeling has meant danger to your eye (keratitis feels similar). It took me a few days to understand why I had a constant sense of low-grade panic. Even then, I didn’t get over the alarm until the bandage contacts came out and I could be sure that any weird feeling in my eye was not caused by a harmful foreign object. If you’re considering PRK and have a history of difficult eyes like I do, be aware.
♦ My new vision is crisper than it ever was with glasses or contacts. My astigmatism was so bad, I figure I never had a contact lens that sat exactly like it was supposed to. Colors are also more vivid. I thought I must be imagining that, but I talked to a friend who had PRK 20 years ago, and she had the same experience. I think it has something to do with the new shape of the eye refracting light differently?
♦ My eyes are definitely shaped differently now. When I pat my eyelids, I can tell they’re less bulgy. My eyes never fully closed before PRK, and I’ve been sleeping in a sleep mask for three years to prevent problems. But as far as I can tell, my eyes close all the way now! I’m still using the sleep mask most of the time as a precaution, but can probably quit it eventually. Also: over the years, I’ve amassed a collection of high-end, guaranteed-no-pinch eyelash curlers. Every one of them pinched me… but now they don’t! Between that and no more tight sleep mask flattening them, I’m on my way to killer eyelashes. Vain, but exciting.
♦ I haven’t had the severe eye dryness many patients experience. I use preservative-free moisturizing drops several times a day, but don’t always feel like I need them. However, I’m sensitive to the cold, dry air in my office building. It hit me like a brick wall on my first day back at work and is still bothering me. I feel fine everywhere else. I’m happy with my choice to get PRK in summer – the heat and humidity probably helped, even with the extra bright light to deal with those first few days.
♦ My halos have been limited to a slight glow around bright lights, sort of a smudge if I’m looking directly at the light. It’s barely noticeable and should go away over time. Honestly, I think I had a halo-like issue before, because this seems like an improvement.
♦ Don’t underestimate the impact of overall health on your PRK experience. I decided to have the surgery now partly because I’m in a healthy and strong moment of my life. I think that contributed to my positive outcome. I also cannot recommend vitamins and supplements strongly enough: minimum, a daily multivitamin, fish oil, and vitamin C. I took extra vitamin C gummies every day for a month on the advice of a friend who had cataract surgery. It speeds healing. I’m also a big believer in probiotics – I take refrigerated capsules, but if yogurt or kefir or whatever is preferable to you, knock yourself out.
I’m only a month out from PRK, so nothing is set in stone yet. I’m also aware that I’ll probably still need reading glasses as my eyes age. But as of now, getting PRK is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. It’s truly miraculous that after a lifetime of half-blindness, I can lay under a laser for two minutes and get up with functioning eyeballs. I was prepared for a worst-case scenario, but got a best-case instead, and I feel incredibly thankful and lucky. Yay for sight!
I had PRK vision surgery three weeks ago, and I think it’s safe to say it was a success! Throughout the process, I read LOTS of information and personal accounts about the surgery, and I believe that good preparation was key to my correct expectations and overall great experience. I’ve also gotten a lot of questions from people who are considering it for themselves. So here’s the story of how I was once (legally) blind, but now I see!
I started wearing glasses in first grade. I probably needed them earlier, but it wasn’t obvious until I couldn’t see the chalkboard. When I was fourteen, my parents finally allowed me to get contacts – at great cost to them, since at the time, the only lenses that worked with my severe astigmatism cost $100 each. No matter how careful I was, the contacts tore and needed to be replaced often. I didn’t have access to mainstream, disposable contacts until well into my 20s.
My vision life as I knew it ended in November 2013, when I got keratitis in my left eye. The experience resulted in a stack of medical bills and a permanent prohibition on full-time contacts wear. I was in glasses for four solid months, which was torture after 20 years out of them. Once healed, I figured out a compromise of wearing my glasses until lunchtime on weekdays. I got used to it, but was frustrated by how much longer it took to get ready “blind” on weekday mornings. With less contact support, my eyes also started deteriorating a little faster (I was -7.5 with a 180 axis, if that means anything to you). I also lived in constant fear of getting another eye infection and being banned from contacts entirely. LASIK or anything like it had always sounded impossible for me. I was horrified by the idea of being conscious while someone held my eye open and did stuff to it. But one blurry morning about six months ago, I thought, This is my reality for the rest of my life. This will never change, and my eyes will only continue to get worse. Maybe I’m finally annoyed enough to do something about it.
At my eye checkup in March, I asked my doctor about vision correction surgery. He immediately said I was a good candidate and recommended PRK, not LASIK. Both procedures are common and involve a laser. Here’s my quick and dirty explanation of the differences (squeamish alert):
LASIK: A flap is cut in the eye and folded back over once the laser has done its corrective work. Pros: cheaper procedure; immediate vision stability; minimal recovery time. Cons: permanently altered night vision (halos) for many; risk of corneal damage with subsequent concussions or other head injuries.
PRK: The top (epithelial) layers of the eye are essentially scraped off by a surgeon before the laser portion of the surgery. Those layers then regenerate over a few days/weeks/months, eventually resulting in a whole and functioning eye. Pros: fully intact eyes with no long-term risks or night halos; preferred surgery of most ophthalmologists, athletes, and the military; regrowing your eyeballs makes you feel like Wolverine. Cons: longer, more painful healing and recovery; vision can take up to six months to fully stabilize.
Since I’d done some research, I wasn’t surprised that my doctor thought PRK was the better choice for me. I accepted his referral to Eye Specialty Group in East Memphis and went for a consult two weeks later. A friend who’d had LASIK years ago advised me the appointment would be quick and easy. Well, I was there for four hours, saw at least as many doctors and nurses, and was given a dilation drop that effectively blinded me until the following morning. On the plus side, the staff didn’t miss a thing. My only (amused) complaint was having to sign surgery paperwork I couldn’t read for myself after the dilation drop took effect. (“I’m a contract administrator,” I told the counselor. “I’m not comfortable with this.”) I knew I’d need a week or so off from work after the surgery, and I also didn’t want to do it around any big trips or other events. So I scheduled a date three months out – the first really open space in my calendar – and the wait began.
Around the beginning of June, I started doing whatever I could to prep for a good PRK experience. Many people say vitamin C and fish oil have an especially positive effect on recovery. I’ve been on a serious daily regimen – multivitamins, fish oil, probiotics, other supplements – for years, but I added vitamin C gummies to the routine. Following instructions, I got rid of my contacts three weeks prior to surgery and started a series of eye drops the week of, as well as Gabapentin, which is some sort of nerve blocker. The Gabapentin caused what my boyfriend calls “buffering,” where it took me about ten extra seconds to process things. (I continued to take it until a few days after the surgery, and while I know it helped with pain, I felt much clearer and more alert once I was off of it.)
On Thursday, June 23, my mom took me to the surgery center in Collierville. We checked in around 1 PM, and a nurse took me back for a final set of tests and measurements. I was starting to get nervous, but she was so kind and reassuring. As a person who constantly mixes up numbers, I’d been anxious about all my measurements going into the laser correctly, and it did me good to see how thorough the staff was. After I waited for a few more minutes with my mom, another nurse brought me into a lounge-y prep area. She gave me a Xanax, then covered my hair, put a bunch of drops in my eyes, cleaned the area around my eyes, and left me to chill out briefly. I felt a little skeptical that a Xanax would be strong enough for this procedure (I’d never taken it before), but I was mellower by the time she returned to take me into the operating room.
PRK is a very quick procedure – only about ten minutes. I lay down in a flat chair (like a dentist’s chair but more comfortable) and received another slew of numbing eye drops. A nurse handed me a small stuffed animal to hold onto, which I was unashamed to take. The doctor explained the basic steps of the surgery, asked if I was ready, then swiveled me under a light, applied the horror-movie thing that holds your eye open, and started methodically scraping my eye. This was the scariest part, but all I felt was pressure. I was never in pain or even very uncomfortable during the surgery. It was just very trippy watching this scraping happen and my vision get blurrier. There was no getting away from it. Then it was time for the laser. They warned me that it makes a lot of noise and you can kind of smell your eye burning, and that’s true, but I wasn’t even disturbed by that after the scraping. My only concern was whether I was looking at the laser adequately, since at that point everything was a giant blur and I felt like I had zero control over my eye. Hope I’m looking at the laser!! I’m doing my best!!
After 60 seconds of laser, the doctor rinsed my eye with cool water (which actually felt good, not headache-inducing as many have reported) and put on a clear “bandage contact.” Immediately, my vision was clear. I was elated, or as elated as you can be on Xanax. The doctor asked if I was ready to do the other eye, and I responded so enthusiastically I think he was a little taken aback. I officially had at least one working eye and I had survived, so the second one was a piece of cake. The nurses helped me sit up slowly (as I exclaimed that I could see them), then took me to a recovery room and went to fetch my mom. While we waited for the immediate post-op, my mom said I had really surprised her by being the first one in our family brave enough to do this, and I declared myself to be a “secret badass.” (I stand by that statement.)
The doctor and nurses came back in, checked me over, and gave us instructions. They were surprised that I wasn’t in more pain, with the numbing drops wearing off, but I only felt some irritation – nothing I hadn’t expected. On the way to my parents’ (where I would be staying for a few days), I rested in the car while my mom ran into McAlister’s to get me a tea and then into CVS for more moisturizing eye drops (which I had forgotten at home). I was pleasantly surprised by how okay I felt. I could see, and so far, so good!
Stay tuned for Part 2: The Recovery and Concluding Thoughts!
My June revolved around two events: taking a long-planned trip to San Francisco with my dad and sister, and getting PRK on June 23. Everything else was secondary. I’ve been fortunate to have enough time off work for both of these things, and I WILL post soon and more in-depth about each. Short version, I’m having a good, steady recovery with decent vision (reading and screen time are still a strain), and the trip was great.
The only book I completed in June was the Hamiltome, cover to cover on my flights to San Francisco. Pretty sure my last one-book month was in the early aughts, but in my defense, I was physically unable to read for a third of the month. Still, my book totals are very low this year and it’s no good. For me, not reading enough is like not getting quite enough oxygen. I can function, but not at a normal level.
I’ve been rewatching a lot of Friends during my surgery recovery (seasons 8 and 9), because I can still enjoy and follow it with my eyes closed. I’m also caught up on Mindy in time for the finale next week. I don’t know how I feel about this whole Jody thing.
The remodeled Levitt Shell is in full swing! I went to my first show of the season with Matt and some of his friends, one of whom was one of my good friends when we were all in middle school together. Life is funny.
Two weeks after my half-marathon, I did the Gibson Guitar 5K downtown. It was 94 degrees and humid at race time. I was dizzy by mile 1, gave up, and walked at least half the course, resulting in the worst 5K performance of my running career. But I’m trying to strike it from my mental record. It happens.
The Scruggs Club reconvened at the Redbirds to cheer on Wes’s favorite player, Xavier Scruggs, who now plays for a different minor league team. This time, our signs attracted the attention of his fiancee. Hilarious as usual.
Our friend Kim and her husband were in town from Finland for one night, which happened to be the day after my surgery. I was feeling okay at the time, so my parents kindly drove me downtown to have dinner with the gang. Kim was excited at the prospect of being in What I’m Into, so ta-da!!!! (PS: She has a travel blog chronicling her amazing global adventures!)
I was pleased with this root beer float cake that I made for a baby shower!
I’m taking care of as many random home tasks as possible during my time off. My Comcast internet has been consistently terrible as long as I’ve lived here, but I thought my modem was bad or something. This month I saw a thread on Nextdoor to the effect that Comcast doesn’t have sufficient bandwidth for our neighborhood. So I had U-Verse installed this week and am THRILLED with the speed and consistency so far. Moral of the story, location really matters with internet service, so ask your neighbors.
Oh and on that note, I got new next-door neighbors in June! I used to have a rotating cast of med-student renters next door, but now a couple around my age has bought the place. I’m excited about it.
I was the honored witness to Matt’s ceremonial 200th beer at the Flying Saucer. He has now earned his second plate. Plate party in July!! He also surprised me one day with this Significant Otter shirt. I knew he’d ordered a shirt for me, but assumed it was for one of his sports teams, so I was very surprised by this and laughed so hard I almost cried. I love it.
Pinterest Quote of the Month:
Your Monthly Rufus:
Posts I Loved:
♥ Cara Meredith addresses the inherent problems with the term “love on” (which has always made my skin crawl on a visceral level).
♥ Aziz Ansari in the New York Times: Why Trump Makes Me Scared for My Family
♥ Allison Fallon at Storyline: Doing the “Right Thing” May Be Keeping You Stuck
♥ Mandy Hale: Why We Cling to People Who Don’t Love Us
♥ I discovered Ask the Pilot this month via the Freakonomics podcast, and enjoyed his take on the current TSA crisis.
Completing my first half-marathon on May 28, 2016 was one of the proudest accomplishments of my adult life! As a runner, I’ve progressed at a ridiculously slow pace. I had zero running ability as a kid, and couldn’t even run laps in marching band without feeling suffocatey. When I was in my late 20s, I decided to attempt short sprints during my walks around the neighborhood and at the gym. That was all I did for years. It never felt good, and I decided the whole “runner’s high” thing was a myth. But for reasons I still don’t understand, I kept doing it… until, one day on the treadmill, I reached my usual stopping point and didn’t feel like I might die. So I kept going. And then I did it again and again. I was probably running a 20-minute mile, but I felt as gleeful as Dash running on water in The Incredibles. I’d put myself through seemingly pointless suffering, never expecting the situation to improve. But by persevering, I conditioned myself to do the very thing I thought I couldn’t do. I think about this lesson often.
On my birthday two years ago, I ran the Elvis 5K at Graceland. I’d walked many 5Ks previously, but I was determined to run this one without stopping. That 3.1 was a huge achievement for me at the time. I hung at that distance for about a year. When I ran the Cooper-Young 4-Miler last fall, something shifted. Suddenly I could run further and further with less effort. I decided I wanted to work up to 10K by the end of the year, and I did it on New Year’s Eve day. Then I ran the Hot Chocolate 15K in February. After that went well, I figured if I could run over nine miles in freezing conditions, I was legit! So I registered for the inaugural Memphis in May Great American River Run. I could think of no better first half-marathon than a brand-new race celebrating the city I love.
To add to the excitement, my SIPster and co-adventurer Bethany decided to fly up to Memphis and join me. She’s running a half every month in 2016 and needed a May race anyway. (I know.) Her flight in on Friday was delayed five hours, so we didn’t get a ton of sleep, but we still felt pretty good on Saturday morning!
The half-marathon route started downtown and passed most of the landmarks I wanted to show Bethany anyway. If they keep that route in the future, I recommend it as a quick and fun way to see the city! For the first few miles, the temperature was pleasant, and I was overflowing with thankfulness and goodwill. But miles 5-8ish were up the boring back side of Mud Island, with no shade or points of civic pride, and it started to get hot. Still, I never felt like I couldn’t continue. I’d memorized the list of things available at different mile markers, and I knew there would be cool towels at mile 9. I rounded the top of the Island, saw the river, felt the breeze, and claimed what turned out to be a Grizzlies growl towel. I think we were supposed to give them back, but I knew immediately that this GRIND towel was coming with me. I felt so re-invigorated, I sent Matt a selfie with the towel on my head. While running.
Bethany had passed me at around mile 5, but I caught back up to her around mile 12. Getting to cross the finish line together was great! Alanna was waiting for us there, and the official race photographer caught her excitedly jumping out from the sidelines and running with us for a minute before deciding she probably wasn’t supposed to do that. Hilarious. (For the record, we finished in 2:49. I wasn’t shooting for a specific time, but realized early on that I could finish under a 13-minute mile, so that became my spontaneous goal and I achieved it.)
I was extra happy that Debra, Lance, and my nieces came in from Nashville to meet me at the finish! Debra has done the Music City half twice, and gave me lots of good advice while I was training.
Overall, I’m very happy with my first half-marathon experience, and it won’t be my last. Only a few days later, Matt and I registered for the St. Jude half-marathon in December! It’ll be my first St. Jude (and his first half), and I’m excited. I also like that it’s far enough away that I can take a little break and mix things up. For a while, I had to run so much that it was the only exercise I had time or energy for (other than yoga here and there). I’m pretty sure that’s why I’ve gained about ten pounds in two months, most of it at the end, during my most intense training. I never ate very differently than my usual, or devoured entire pizzas or stacks of pancakes – I tried to make good decisions. It feels discouraging and unfair, but I’m forcing myself to stop obsessively Googling “half marathon weight gain” and give my body time and grace to balance itself out. I have a strong body that can do awesome things like run 13.1 miles. That’s worth celebrating!
If you’re a late-bloomer runner like me, I encourage you to stay true to yourself and your own progress. Over the years people have tried to convince me to take on distances and challenges I didn’t feel ready for, and sometimes it felt really lame and/or lazy to turn down potential glory. But I’ve listened to my body and done things on my own terms, and it’s made every milestone that much better. Trust and believe in yourself. YOU CAN DO IT!
On Saturday I ran my first half-marathon, the inaugural Great American River Run! I won’t say too much right now because I’m going to post separately about it (really), but it was a good experience, I’m recovering well, and I’m willing to do it again. I never thought I could run a half, but once I decided I wanted to progress, I went from a 5K to a half in eight months. Feeling accomplished!
May’s unofficial theme was Baseball and Brewfests. I celebrated Cinco de Mayo with free tacos at the Redbirds, followed by a Jackson Generals game the next day. The following weekend, Kelsey, Clark, Wes, and I went to Huntsville for my first Rocket City Brewfest. I had a great time and discovered a few new favorites (UFO Big Squeeze Shandy, anyone?). The Saturday after that was Taste the Rarity at Wiseacre here in town. It’s been fun, but needless to say the diet has begun.
June is going to be a big month. I’m taking a family trip to California, getting vision surgery, and starting on some other endeavors. Stay tuned.
I finally read Jeff Vandermeer’s Southern Reach trilogy, which had been on my list for a while. If you enjoy character-driven, thought-provoking sci-fi that gives you a good ride but doesn’t necessarily answer every question, you will love this. I’ve been recommending it to a lot of people.
Matt and I are almost finished with Season 2 of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt! (My crappy modem keeps interfering. Thanks, Comcast.) I especially love the therapy (Tina Fey!) and gentrification storylines.
I’ve been to a lot of great shows at Minglewood Hall, but HAIM last week was one of the best! It made me want to start writing songs with my sister. They played some new stuff they’re currently working on – glad a new album is on the way.
I’m obsessed with Hamilton. I don’t care if that makes me basic. It’s amazing, and Lin-Manuel Miranda is truly one of the most brilliant creatives alive.
In other news, the release of a new Justin Timberlake track is always cause for rejoicing.
My mom and I were going to run a 5K together for Mother’s Day, but it was canceled. So instead, we took a bike tour of Midtown murals. I did something like this with Alanna a couple of years ago, but it was fun to hit up old and new murals with my mom!
Bethany was here last weekend for the half-marathon, and I really got to show her My Memphis. Alanna and I took her to Overton Square (where we had a Chad Michael Murray sighting!!), Jerry’s Sno Cones, the Memphis Made taproom, the Madison rooftop, Beale Street, and a few of our favorite restaurants. We also did the Sun Studios tour, which I had been saving for her visit. It was a great weekend.
A big red ball visited Memphis this month. I finally caught up with it at the Brooks Museum on its last day, and also wrote a Memphis Type History piece about the New Daisy Theatre in connection with its stop there.
I’ve started working from home on Wednesdays, and it is glorious. Getting that peace and quiet in the middle of the week is great for my mental health. Rufus is happy about it, too.
My plants are all thriving beyond my hopes! I keep exclaiming about them every time I come home or go out. Perennials: they get the job done.
These Jordana eyeshadow palettes were irresistible, and of course I had to get a few more things to meet the free shipping threshold! I’m really pleased with all of these products, especially the blush stick (in Apple Cheeks) and the liquid lipstick (which is VERY long-lasting).
My older niece turned four this month. !!! GROWING UP TOO FAST. I saw her at her birthday party, then got to go to the zoo and hang out with her while she was here last weekend. She also came with my sister, BIL, and other niece to cheer me on at my race.
Matt and I are still dating and doing great. I’m very happy. :)
Pinterest Quote of the Month:
Your Monthly Rufus:
Posts I Loved:
♥ I’m glad I came across Perfect Number a few months ago. While I don’t necessarily agree with everything she says, I look forward to her posts and find them validating and thought-provoking. This month she tackled, among other topics, the Boundaries books and the “God has one perfect guy for you” myth.
♥ The Culture of Moore: Should We Stop Sharing That Newsroom Clip?
♥ Divergent author Veronica Roth on mental illness: Anxiety, Meds, and Words from the Horizon
♥ “I’ve spent most of the past seven years since I graduated from college feeling like a failure, because I can’t afford to be that carefree with my career and my finances and just quit everything… Coming to terms with that reality made me realize just how classist and elitist that whole concept of ‘quit everything & do what you love’ is, because very few people can afford to live like that. And I began to notice that all the people who were touting this as the One True Way to Creative Success were making a hell of a lot of money off of people’s insecurity.” Mic drop, Bethany Suckrow: Creatives: Can We Please Stop Shaming Ourselves for Working Traditional Jobs?
I’ll blame the lateness of this post on how eventful April was. April through June is THE BEST time to be in Memphis, but it’s also the busiest. On top of that, I’ve been traveling. I attended the Festival of Faith and Writing in Grand Rapids, soaked up a lot of great wisdom and inspiration, and came home with a pile of books to add to the already hefty stacks around my room!
If you follow me elsewhere, you may have wondered who this guy is. His name is Matt, and we went to middle and high school together. We didn’t really hang out back then, but he randomly chatted me up on Facebook in early March, and we’ve talked every day since. He’s a good, kind, and fun person, we have a lot in common, and I’m just enjoying being in a happy, supportive relationship! I’m still a little stunned by the whole thing (in a good way). I’ll leave it at that right now. :)
I devoured two books by FFW speakers on my flights to and from the Festival. (Both of their talks were wonderful!) Then I needed a break from deep thoughts and moved on to Heathers-meets-One Direction novel Kill the Boy Band. Despite the title, I was surprised by how dark it was.
I only attended one night of Music Fest this year, to see Weezer, who had been on my bucket list for years. Rivers Cuomo was not too high to perform and the show was great! I also saw Julien Baker, Young the Giant, and Panic at the Disco.
Even though the Grizzlies got swept by the Spurs, I was thrilled to go to both playoff home games! Alanna and I bought our Game 3 tickets as soon as they went on sale, but Kelsey surprised me with Game 4 tickets when I met her for brunch that day! It was a miracle that the Grizz made the playoffs at all due to endless injuries, and they fought hard to the end against a tough team. As one homemade growl towel said, “So proud of my team… all 28 of you.” Also, Grizz (the mascot) jumped off an extension ladder and pile-drove another mascot through a folding table, so that was awesome. MEMPHIS VS. ERRRBODY.
Wes, Kelsey, Clark, and I went to opening day at the Redbirds. The next day, we were Twitter famous.
April is crawfish month around here, and I enjoyed them at Rec Room one weekend and at Overton Square another. Matt took me to a great Founders beer dinner at Flying Saucer (the Mango Magnifico is amaaazing). Becky, Gwen, and I checked out and loved the latest hipster hangout, Loflin Yard. There’s a bar in an old locksmith shop and a big yard with abundant Adirondack chairs and fire pits. I’ll be spending a lot of time there this summer.
Alanna and I ran the inaugural Grizzlies 5K!
Food Truck Fridays have started at the Dixon Gallery & Gardens. I’m participating now before it’s too hot!
I had a couple of run-ins with my HOA in April, first for some thin wire I’d put on my gate to keep Rufus inside, and then for the clear twinkle lights on my patio (what kind of Scrooge doesn’t like twinkle lights??). I decided I’d better upgrade the fold-out chairs on my balcony, or they’d send me a letter about that too. So I got these faux wicker armchairs and cushions at Garden Ridge and am very happy with them. Now I just need more time at home to enjoy them!
My perennials are all coming back full strength and look beautiful. I also planted my essential herbs in pots: basil, mint, and rosemary. The mint has already grown about a foot since I took this picture.
After I stayed with my friend Erin the pie queen in Grand Rapids, Matt requested a blackberry pie. This recipe was a win and will be made again (though I used Pillsbury pie crust due to time constraints).
My older niece just turned four (CRAZY), and I went to Nashville for her Shrek birthday party! My BIL Lance did a wonderful job planning the party and was Head Ogre for the festivities.
I’ve gotten serious about half-marathon training just in time – the race is only a few weeks away! After my 15K in February, I lost a lot of mojo, but I’m finally feeling strong and steady again and my mileage is good. My only complaints are #MidtownRunnerProblems – bad sidewalks, lots of obstacles, constantly trying not to get hit by a car or bus. But I usually plot my route through Overton Park for some relaxation. Anyway, I welcome tips for running a half in hot weather, because it’ll be hot by then!
Your monthly Rufus:
Pinterest Quote of the Month:
On The Blog:
Posts I Loved:
♥ Angie at My So-Called Chaos: What Do I Even Do with A Boyfriend?
♥ Heather Caliri: Beliefs I Wish Weren’t True: Bitterness Is Poison
♥ Jayson D. Bradley: Coming to Grips with Christian Hypocrisy
♥ Kelle Hampton: A Lesson from My Eyebrows
♥ The writing life is so meta: Jody Casella: Day by Day, Good Day
♥ Not my usual scene, but I appreciated this installment of Living with Kids on Design Mom, from a recently divorced mom. Love her style, too!
♥ A local Prince remembrance from Chris Davis in the Memphis Flyer.
I’ve wanted to attend the Festival of Faith & Writing since I first heard about it a decade or more ago. In 2014, I was dying to go sit at the feet of Anne Lamott and Susan E. Isaacs, but a flight from Memphis to Grand Rapids, Michigan cost almost as much as a flight to Hawaii. Thankfully, a lot can change in two years. With an improved airline situation, and Christmas money from my parents and grandfather, I registered for FFW 2016.
However, I have never felt less qualified to attend a writing conference. After about a year of upheaval and intensity at work, my brain is fried, and even reflective writing just for close friends has ground to a halt. Though I can easily see the internal and external consequences of not writing, I can’t generate the focus or energy to get back to my old self – let alone progress as a writer. Thinking about my approach to FFW, I didn’t see the point of trying to hide or overcome my “writing depression.” I decided I would go quietly, with open hands and heart, not hustling or trying to prove myself. I was only seeking a little inspiration and mojo (and a faith boost too). By that definition, this Festival was a win. I loved every session I went to, and felt buoyed just being around so many people who love talking about books.
Going to FFW at all was a bucket list item, but I knocked off another one: meeting one of my inspirations, Shauna Niequist (“the sensei,” as Hillary commented). I thought all morning about something meaningful to say to Shauna, but all my ideas made me tear up, and I didn’t want to be the crying weirdo at the book signing. So I stuck to my usual silent fangirling while she signed my old copy of Bittersweet. She did a Q&A earlier that afternoon, and I was encouraged by how similar our writing processes are.
Even though networking wasn’t a priority for me, I met several of my favorite bloggers and had sightings of many more. After picking up my packet first thing Thursday morning, I was wandering aimlessly through the lounge when I was seized by Tammy Perlmutter, founder of my favorite collaborative blog, The Mudroom. She recognized me from Twitter and immediately introduced me to Mudroomers whose posts I’ve been reading and linking to for years. Then she took me under her wing for the rest of the morning. She convinced me to apply to the Redbud Writers Guild and made me promise I would pitch to her by July. Tammy, you’re a wonderful human being. Thank you for seeing me!
I ran into Cara Strickland (one of the people I most hoped to see), and met Sarah from All Manner of Inspiration, who recognized me at a panel for beginning writers. We both participate in What I’m Into every month. She’s great and we ended up sitting together at Shauna Niequist’s talk.
After the first day of the Festival, I decided I didn’t want to spend my entire visit to Grand Rapids on the Calvin College campus. Happily, I had Erin! Erin and I met on LiveJournal* maybe eight years ago and have been friends ever since. She attends seminary at Calvin and invited me to stay with her and her husband while I was in town. Erin was a fantastic and generous hostess, and having her and her place as a home base made my Festival experience even better. Since we’re all into craft beer, we hit up two breweries, Founders and Vivant. Memphis’s craft beer scene is great but still young, and it was cool for me to see what we’re working toward. I knew ahead of time that Grand Rapids is one of the hipster capitals of America, so I also knew I’d feel at home there!
On the last day, I went to hear Sarah Bessey. At the beginning of her talk, she shared about her experience at her first Festival. Her husband had researched Christian writing conferences and sent her as an act of support and love. Sarah knew no one, heard over and over that she needed a “platform” and a “voice” to succeed, and decided by the end of the conference that she was done writing. She knew she would never be the right type of writer or person to fit into that world. As she prayed in her hotel room on the last night, she clearly sensed God saying to her, “You may never be published or known. But I called you to write, and if you write, I will meet you there.” She went home revitalized and started writing just for God and herself. Eight years later, she’s the author of two books and a polarizing and respected figure in North American Christendom. I don’t want a high-profile role like that, but I do need affirmation that God called me to write, and He will meet me there, even if no one else cares. I didn’t come home from FFW ready to take on the world, but I do have a little more spring in my step. And that’s all I wanted.
In summary: 5/5, would go again.