40 Songs for 40 Years

In anticipation of my 40th birthday next week (!!!), I made a playlist of songs that have defined my life. Then I decided to write a little about each of them, because that’s what I do. This is by no means an exhaustive list. I noticed after the fact that Don’t Stop Believing isn’t on here, but Don’t Stop Believing exists around me like the air and therefore does not require acknowledgment.

1. I Just Called to Say I Love You – Stevie Wonder
My first favorite song that I can remember.

2. Greatest Love of All – Whitney Houston
At the end of first grade, my school had a banquet for kids who got straight A’s during the year. They gave each kid a candle and had us sing along to this song. My parents filmed it (we had just gotten our first camcorder), and for years, my mom cried every time she watched the video or heard the song. As a kid, this was very embarrassing, but now I get it.

3. Only In My Dreams – Debbie Gibson
The first album I ever bought with my own money was Out of the Blue, at Woolworth’s. I wore it and Electric Youth out well into my teens.

4. Eternal Flame – The Bangles
I associate this song with my last year in Miami (when it was popular), and with my all-time favorite teacher – she loved it.

5. Kokomo – The Beach Boys
The Cocktail soundtrack was one of the few tapes my family owned, so it got a lot of airtime.

6. Poison – Bell Biv DeVoe
This classic is an appropriate mark of my move from Miami to Memphis. My neighbor Milissa and I once spent an entire afternoon replaying it in the driveway trying to write down all the lyrics, which were extremely inappropriate for kids in fifth and sixth grade (not that we understood them). Ah, the small joys denied to kids of today.

7. Love… Thy Will Be Done – Martika
As aforementioned, my parents weren’t big on buying music, so most of my collection was recorded off the radio. This was at the end of Side A of one of my first radio mixtapes.

8. I’ll Be There – Mariah Carey feat. Trey Lorenz
This recording never, ever gets old for me. It was my last suggestion for Taylor’s and my first dance at the wedding, before we decided to just go with Elvis.

9. The Sign – Ace of Base
Like many girls of the time, I was very into Ace of Base in the early 90s.

10. River Deep, Mountain High – Celine Dion
Debra and I have always unironically loved Celine. We used to dance around to this one a lot, and it’s been Debra’s ringtone on my phone for a while.

11. This Is How We Do It – Montell Jordan
One of the songs that defines my high school memories. Frequently played at Friday night football games.

12. All I Really Want – Alanis Morissette
While I do remember where I was the first time I heard “You Oughta Know” (in the car with my best friend Amy on the way home from getting shaved ice), this was and is my favorite track from Jagged Little Pill.

13. No Scrubs – TLC
To this day, Debra and I prefer the version with the Left Eye rap interlude.

14. Trinity – Jennifer Knapp
In my freshman year of college, Jennifer Knapp was the first contemporary Christian artist to break down the “positive, encouraging” wall and express my own heart. I remember my mom shaking her head at how “depressing” her music was, but she couldn’t complain since it was still Christian music.

15. Fair – Ben Folds Five
My college roommates Kathy and Emily and I had a small rotation of CDs, including Whatever and Ever Amen (which, now that I think about it, might have actually belonged to our friend Sean). I feel like this is the track we listened to the most.

16. Shifting Sand – Caedmon’s Call
Everyone I knew was so crazy for Caedmon’s Call that I refused to like them… until 40 Acres came out.

17. Summertime – The Sundays
I got Static & Silence in a Columbia House 1-cent signup (it doesn’t get more late-90s than that) and it remains one of my favorite albums of all time.

18. Ants Marching – Dave Matthews Band
My senior year of college was Peak DMB. On our college graduation night, some friends and I went to see them at Beale Street Music Fest, and the only comparable BSMF crowd I’ve ever seen was for Ed Sheeran a few years ago.

19. Everywhere – Michelle Branch
The Spirit Room was my perpetual soundtrack for about four years.

20. Weakened State – Sarah Harmer
In my early 20s I made an online friend, Jenn, who introduced me to a lot of artists I now love, including Canadian folkie Sarah Harmer (will she ever make another album?!). Her lyrics are poetry, but this is probably her rockingest song.

21. Walk Away – Kelly Clarkson
If we’d had Tinder in the mid-aughts, the bridge of this song might have been my profile. I saw Kelly at Mud Island in 2006 (?) (where I set a new record for most mosquito bites), and for some reason, I still remember the light cues for this one.

22. All These Things That I’ve Done – The Killers
My friend Myla put this on a mix CD for me and it’s still one of my favorite songs. It was also extremely well used in the pilot of the underrated CBS show Jericho.

23. In the Rough – Anna Nalick
Wreck of the Day is still a masterpiece, and this track proved to be the most personally relevant to me over time.

24. Here to Stay – Christina Aguilera
The song I would probably choose if I ever need intro music for something. I don’t relate to it so much as continue to aspire to it.

25. Bottle It Up – Sara Bareilles
Sara fully sank her hooks into me with this song, which is kind of a mission statement for me. She’s incredible.

26. That’s What You Get – Paramore
It was around this time that Paramore officially became my favorite band. I had trouble picking one song for this list, because almost all of their songs tie to something personally specific. So I went with the catchiest, which I used to sing to my cats a lot.

27. Great Divide – Hanson
Despite my half-lifetime of Hanson fandom, I lost track of them for a little while after This Time Around. I think my friend Bethany alerted me to their The Walk album and tour, and as soon as I heard this opening guitar lick, I was all in on Grown-Up Hanson.

28. I Gotta Feeling – The Black Eyed Peas
The song that defined the summer of 2009. Debra came to stay with me for a week or two, and it was seriously one of the happiest times of my life. We painted a shed in my backyard and listened to this a hundred times.

29. So What – Pink
In contrast, the summer of 2010 was my Summer of Divorce, and this song was a lighthearted lifeline for me. “I guess I just lost my husband, I don’t know where he went.”

30. Rolling in the Deep – Adele
Another song that hooked me forever from the first chord and breaking dish. It inspired me to make a T-shirt, which I’ve worn to many races and events where I needed to psych myself up.

31. Drive All Night – NEEDTOBREATHE
If you’ve never heard of them, start here.

32. One – U2 and Mary J. Blige
The original version of One has always been important to me, but I’ve come to love this remake even more. I became aware of it right around the time I started to struggle hard with evangelical church culture, and Mary was preaching right to and on behalf of me.

33. I’m Not Your Hero – Tegan & Sara
And this was my song of walking away from boxes I’d spent my whole life trying to fit into. It resonates more with me all the time.

34. Diamonds – Johnnyswim
The one and only time I used Apple Music, it shuffled to this song by this weirdly named band I’d never heard of. It’s now my ultimate Gryffindor anthem and I’ve been to two Johnnyswim concerts so far.

35. Elastic Heart – Sia
2015 was a roller-coaster year of change for me, and this song helped as I wondered if I had hit my limits.

36. Jackrabbit – San Fermin
A lovely, invigorating existential crisis tune. I’ve had some great running experiences with this song – how can you not when the chorus literally says to run for the hills.

37. Non-Stop – from the Hamilton soundtrack
The best End of Act I ever written, containing several useful lines for everyday life (my last year at my old job was basically me thinking “HAMILTON WROTE THE OTHER 51”). It’s also very fun to try to sing all the parts at the end.

38. How Far I’ll Go – Auli’i Cravalho, from Moana
The perfect Disney princess anthem for an ocean-loving late bloomer.

39. Glorious – Macklemore feat. Skylar Grey
In December 2017, three big things happened in under 24 hours: I left my job of 16 years, told Taylor I loved him for the first time, and ran my second St. Jude half-marathon. I had been listening to this song a lot while training, and I never felt its promise more than that day. It still makes me tear up a little.

40. High Hopes – Panic! at the Disco
It’s too soon to know whether anything I’m listening to right now will have lasting impact in my life, but I’m pretty confident I’ll love this song for years to come, so it seemed like a good and uplifting conclusion!

THE END