Lately I’ve been thinking about friendship, and how much I’ve yet to learn about it! While I tend to be the planner in a lot of my friendships, I’m not great at being the pursuer. I sometimes give too much space, assuming that people are busy and have many other friends they’d rather talk to, when they might actually be feeling alone and I could fill that gap for them. (I’ve learned for myself that you can have a lot of acquaintances and still feel pretty lonely.) Or I don’t ask enough questions, when someone might be dying to talk about something but doesn’t want to bring it up.
I’m also becoming aware of my failure to question or challenge friends when it’s called for. When faced with that situation, I usually just think as long as it makes them happy, or they’re going to do it anyway, or I’m not in their shoes, who am I to judge? This is partly due to my natural conflict avoidance, but mostly a result of laziness and selfishness. While respect and boundaries are important, I think a big part of true friendship (especially Christian friendship) is voicing concerns when they arise, even if it creates conflict. I’ve really fallen down on that job.
I’m making progress with these things, but I want to be more intentional about them. I’ve gained some life and relational wisdom as a result of my experiences, but sometimes I realize that I still don’t really know anything. :) I’m thankful that wisdom is one of the few things that the Bible PROMISES we will receive if we ask for it. I need a few truckloads!
Unrelated PS: According to Google Reader, I now have 45 subscribers. I’m excited! Thanks to all of you for reading. :)
“(I’ve learned for myself that you can have a lot of acquaintances and still feel pretty lonely.)”
It’s so true! Even if you replace “acquaintance” with “friend”. S lesson I’ve had to learn myself. Blah.
It is hard to bring up stuff that may start conflict. I commend you for working to be a better friend in that regard. Your friends are lucky to have you!