Main Events
My grandma passed away on September 22. Due to various family members’ schedules, we weren’t able to have a funeral until last week. I went down to Miami for three days, and Taylor stayed home with the baby. We had a small service – just our immediate family, a couple of Grandma’s caretakers, and her prayer partner of 38 years. Many funny stories were told. My uncle hung this balloon on the tree above Grandma’s and my cousin’s graves. It’s felt weird being in limbo since she passed, so I’m thankful we have now laid her to rest properly.
She worked for many years to get her degree.
My siblings and I hadn’t all been together in three years. We stayed up late talking every night at our VRBO, despite the fact that all of us currently have a child under 2 and needed the sleep. It was so great to catch up. We also spent time with Papa Gene, who is now our last grandparent. He’ll be 90 in January and we’re hoping to travel back and celebrate with him.
The week before the funeral, I randomly thought about how I’d always wanted to get a second hole in my ears, but never got around to it. Within an hour of landing in Miami, Debra told me she was going to get a second hole pierced in honor of Grandma, who always wanted pierced ears but was too nervous to do it (she wore clip-ons). MEANT TO BE!!
I wanted to go to a cool hipster place in Wynwood, but due to time constraints, we had to get our ears pierced at a Claire’s in Broward County. That turned out to be even more amusing and memorable as I wrote “Age: 43” on my piercing form at a store marketed to tweens. We are both happy with our decision.
I paid a last visit to Grandma’s house. She lived along a canal. I hadn’t been in the backyard in years.
My grandma was an artist. My mom and uncle hung all of her works around the house, and we walked around and claimed what we wanted with post-its. I had never seen some of the art before. Below is “Paul on the road to Damascus,” which we all consider her best work. The day after I left, the rest of my family held an open house and art show for the neighbors, and lots of people came.
Some of these paint tubes are probably as old as I am. I will always associate this brand with Grandma.
As always, it did me good to be near the ocean. We went to our favorite place, Shuckers, on the first night and watched dolphins swim by while we ate calamari.
Reading
Bite-sized reviews here because I do not have the capacity.
The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man’s Quest to Be a Better Husband by David Finch (2.5 stars) This was meh.
I’ll Show Myself Out: Essays on Midlife and Motherhood by Jessi Klein (5 stars) I literally laughed, cried, and felt like this was written for me.
I Take My Coffee Black: Reflections on Tupac, Musical Theater, Faith, and Being Black in America by Tyler Merritt (5 stars) So good and inspiring!
A Chorus Rises (A Song Below Water, #2) by Bethany C. Morrow (3.5 stars) This was not quite what I expected, but still good.
Everything Belongs: The Gift of Contemplative Prayer by Richard Rohr (4 stars) My first selection for the book club I’m heading up at church. Hard to believe it was published in 1999 because it’s still very relevant today. There are some ZINGERS.
When Thoughts and Prayers Aren’t Enough: A Shooting Survivor’s Journey Into the Realities of Gun Violence by Taylor S. Schumann (4 stars) Should be required reading in America.
Funny You Should Ask by Eliza Sussman (3.5 stars) A quick, entertaining read in the vein of Emily Henry, but slightly less cohesive/believable.
Listening
I am as yet unable to choose a favorite Midnights track.
Podcast recs: Mary Laura Philpott on Everything Happens; Kristin Kobes du Mez on Pantsuit Politics; Sara Bareilles on We Can Do Hard Things; Maintenance Phase investigates the Bragg’s apple cider vinegar dynasty; and all my favorite TikTokers are getting podcasts!! KC Davis started Struggle Care this month, and I just found out about Elyse Myers’ Funny Cuz It’s True.
Travel
While I ended October traveling to Miami, I started it with a trip to my sister’s new home in Alabama for one niece’s birthday and another niece’s community theater play. C shrugged off the cake at his own birthday party, but at this one, he was INTO IT.
My parents and Debra’s best friend Erin were also in town for the party. We went to a band competition at the high school just for fun/to reminisce about the good old days.
Around Town
Our first attempt to go to the Priddy Farms pumpkin patch got rained out (by the first rain in 40 days), but the following weekend was a success! C enjoyed petting farm animals and looking at pumpkins.
The Grizzlies season has begun!
The Brooks Museum in Midtown (which will soon move downtown) occasionally has large outdoor exhibits. We went to the last night of the current one, Evanescent, a bunch of giant plastic bubbles. A DJ was there, we saw several friends, and it was a fun festive atmosphere for all.
C and I went to River Arts Fest, and to look at the river, with some friends. You may have heard that the Mississippi River is drying up. I witnessed the all-time highest water level in 2011, and now I’m witnessing the lowest. People have been exploring the exposed riverbanks and finding all kinds of stuff. It’s both cool and terrifying.
At Home
October was tree-planting month at our house. When we became members of the neighborhood association, we got a voucher for a free tree. Someone from our favorite nursery came over to consult, and we ended up with a black gum tree. The fall foliage on it is beautiful! We also planted a deodar cedar, a redbud and maple from an Arbor Day Foundation event, and a Japanese maple transplanted from my condo. In the beds, I planted a huge pack of hyacinth and ranunculus bulbs that we got at Costco.
I am obsessed with this candle, which came from HomeGoods and is no longer available on the Red Leaf Home website. I also love my little owl bowls that Taylor got me at an estate sale. They’re great for a sliced apple with peanut butter.
Eating
I finally made the famous TikTok feta pasta, where you bake cherry tomatoes and a whole brick of feta, then mix in cooked pasta and add chopped basil on top. It was so delicious I could barely function.
On a related note, I want to continue eating whole wheat pasta at home as prescribed by the diet I was just on. But it can be hard to find anything but penne, and sometimes fusilli, at the store. So I placed a VERY LARGE DeLallo order that should see me through the winter at least. Opening the box was hilarious. Taylor still doesn’t think I can eat it all before it expires.
I was inspired by another TikTok to freeze leftover coffee and use the cubes in my iced coffee, preventing it from getting watered down! Genius genius genius.
Beauty
I’ve been exploring more Aussie products, and this curl refresher spray is great when you’re trying to get a second day out of your hair. It has saved me a blow-dry several times. Meanwhile, my lashes have been stubby since having C and I’ve wanted to try a lash serum, but they’re so expensive. (I tried a castor oil/almond oil combo back in the day; it always burned my eyes.) I saw this Cover Girl version for $10 and thought it was worth trying. Verdict is still out.
Current IPSY bag wins: This Anastasia concealer is INCREDIBLE. I’m not a face-makeup expert and even I gasped when I saw how smooth and effective it was. Also, I tried this Feel balm when my nose was peeling after a brief cold. It restored my skin in a day and also smelled great. I later found out it was meant to be a lip balm, but who cares?
Technology
I just upgraded from an iPhone 8s to an iPhone 13! (Of course, Apple announced the 14 the day after I purchased it.) The 8s couldn’t connect to 5G, and it got to the point where I was losing service everywhere. I also take most photos of C with my phone, and I decided in that case I should really have the best phone camera available. If you’re also making the jump to a phone with MagSafe, PSA that you need MagSafe compatible accessories!! I spent a ridiculous amount in the process of getting the right accessories for this phone. But I’m finally settled with my OtterBox case (because my child loves to drop and throw my phone) and my magnetic PopSocket. Hopefully I won’t need to do this again any time soon.
Wellness
My 8-week Fit4Mom program ended the first week of October. In the end I lost 4 pounds and 1-2 inches all around, and more than doubled my pushup, jump squat, and plank numbers from week 1! I was happy with my results. It’s a relief to be free of the daily food judgment, but I already really miss the workouts and camaraderie. (Refresher: I have to come to the office 3 days a week now, so midday workouts are mostly over.) There’s supposed to be an evening session after the holidays, so I may sign up for that. Hopefully I won’t have erased all of my progress by then. I’m trying to stay on the diet for the most part. Not always succeeding.
I just started a new leadership cohort at church, which is a mix of those of us who have been through the cohort before and some new people. When my pastor said the above in our meeting, I LISTENED, because my struggle to ask for what I need in other areas of my life is already A Pressing Issue. One of my lingering spiritual problems post-deconstruction is rarely asking God for things (at least for myself). I got kind of nihilistic at the end of my evangelical era, like “no” was God’s default. I was constantly preparing myself to accept the no graciously, and then I just couldn’t do it anymore. This has bled over into other areas. So to hear that God WANTS our needs met? That asking for things, instead of ignoring my needs, is GOOD LEADERSHIP? Revolutionary.
Good Reads
The Diminishing Returns of Calendar Culture
What My Green Card Love Story Taught Me About Immigration (I go to church with this couple!)
‘Christian Girl Autumn’ Goes Back to Basic
Do I Need to Worry About Shingles? (Spoiler alert: YES. I had it when I was 27. You do not want. Get vaxed as soon as you’re able.
Grief, protest and power: Why Iranian women are cutting their hair
The Key to Better Salads Is at the Bottom of the Bowl
PS: DON’T FORGET TO VOTE!!!
As always, loved each story and lesson you shared. I do appreciate your reminder of Shingles – we worked together when it struck me (even though I’m 30 years older than you) and you gave me courage to accept the unrelenting pain with a promise that it would someday leave – if I didn’t thank you then, THANKS!!
<3