My Favorite Movie, and Marrying Your Best Friend

I find it almost impossible to settle on one “favorite” anything. But if asked to name only one favorite movie, When Harry Met Sally is usually my choice. Like some others I’ve mentioned, this movie is so embedded in the pop culture lexicon that I don’t have much to say about it critically. It’s a beautiful, funny story of two people who become unlikely best friends and gradually fall in love over a period of years.

Aside from all the sleeping around, WHMS is pretty much my ideal love story. I strongly believe that the best marriages are between people who were friends first. Once the initial excitement fades and you start really living life together, a solid foundation of friendship is critical. I don’t necessarily believe you have to be friends for a long time before taking things to the next level, but it should be an element of the relationship from the beginning. You need shared interests, shared experiences and adventures, enjoyment of each other’s company… not just loving each other because you have to, but truly liking each other. Of course a marriage can survive without friendship, but who would want that when the other way is so much more fulfilling? Your spouse is the only person who’s required to stick with you for the rest of your life. If he or she isn’t your best friend, it seems like a sad waste.

I’ve read (Christian) books advising NOT to marry your best friend, implying that friendship and romantic attraction, philios and eros, absolutely cannot coexist (at least for men). I call BS on that philosophy. I have a right to – it was one of the reasons my ex gave me for ending our marriage. (We were good friends for three years before dating.) In my opinion, that’s a pretty immature and short-sighted way to look at love.

This topic is close to my heart, and I’ve had some interesting discussions about it with friends this year. I’ve sadly concluded that the “best friends who fall in love” plotline becomes less and less plausible as one gets older. It requires a certain amount of cluelessness about your own feelings (personally, I’m way too self-aware not to know if I’m in love with someone, and I’m not necessarily saying that’s a good thing), and about your place and stage in life. Thus, it’s a lot more likely to happen when you’re young, naïve,and have the luxury of not being intentional about everything. But I still think there’s nothing more romantic than realizing the person you’re meant to be with is the person who’s been right next to you and loving you all the while.

About Brenda

Mom to a preschooler with T1D. Paralegal. Swiftie. Xennial. Grizzlies and Tigers. Pilates and Peloton. Books and fanfic. 901 / 305 View all posts by Brenda →