Last week, Sarah Markley put out a call for posts on social media exhaustion and living publicly, and what we should do about it. I really enjoyed her posts and had a few thoughts of my own. Due to the broadness of the topic, I’m sidestepping the living publicly part and focusing on social media exhaustion. None of this is revolutionary and it’s all been said better before, but here it is.

I feel that I use social media fairly responsibly. Sure I spend a lot of time blogging, Facebooking, and Twittering, but I don’t think I’m obsessive about it. I definitely value “real-time life” above virtual life, and I can step away or scale back when necessary. To me, the problem with social media isn’t addiction or volume. It’s over-awareness. As much as I appreciate many aspects of our wired world, in a way I long for the days when our spheres of influence and acquaintance were smaller. I’ve identified three main categories of social media over-awareness that are really damaging for me:

1. Too many needs. Before the Internet, we weren’t responsible for responding to personal news from hundreds or thousands of people a day. We weren’t bombarded constantly by prayer or charity requests from people with many degrees of separation from us. For me, this is the most exhausting aspect of social media. I’m very empathetic and always feel like I ought to be helping everyone (and donating to every cause). I can’t handle daily exhibitions of all the personal problems and tragedies in the world. It depresses me and wipes me out spiritually, robbing me of the focus and energy to help or pray consistently for those who are actually in my community. Try as we may, we can’t provide support to an infinite number of people.

What helps me: Thinking of something concrete I can do for those people and groups who are in my life.

2. The comparison trap. Of course we’re not supposed to compare ourselves to others, but trying to stop that completely is like trying to stop breathing. It was hard enough when we had a limited circle of other women to measure ourselves against. Now we have to compete with the entire world. When I compare, all I see are areas where I’m “failing” and falling short. It’s a major happiness killer.

What helps me: Re-setting – considering my life independently, apart from everyone else’s lives. Without comparisons, I’m actually very content. Of course there are things I’d like to change, but I generally feel good about where I am in life.

3. Hatefulness. The bar for online civility gets lower every day. Most of us would never encounter so much negativity in our in-person lives. Unfortunately, social media is the perfect playground for the many among us, on all points of the spectrum, whose opinions are The Only Opinions. It’s a lot worse right now because of the election, but I’ve witnessed intense personal attacks and flame wars blow up over, like, Coke vs. Pepsi. It’s appalling. On the bloggy and faithy end of things, I’ve read smug, accusatory blog posts by Christians about Christian issues that brought me to tears and made me doubt myself. I’ve felt ripped to shreds by total strangers. There is no excuse for such hatefulness. I believe in absolute truth, but I also believe in non-essentials. There’s a place for calm, respectful discussion, and even (gasp) letting people continue in their beliefs even if you think they’re wrong.

What helps me: Walking away. :P I already know that contributing to vitriolic arguments will accomplish nothing, because these people are only looking to prove their own superiority. So I just try to communicate respect and love whenever I say something opinionated. We are not God or even God’s extra special representatives. Our job is to share and then to love and let God take care of the rest.

13 Comments + Posted in: reflections

Starring Me by Krista McGee is a Christian YA novel. The titular “me” is Kara McKormick, a spunky New Yorker and aspiring actress who recently had her big break on a dating reality show. After making it to the final auditions for an exciting new SNL-type sketch comedy, Kara goes to Orlando to live with the other finalists and be filmed during the elimination process. Around the same time, through friends, she meets Chad Beacon – teenage heartthrob and reigning American Idol America’s Next Star. Although sparks fly, their busy careers and faith differences prevent a relationship from developing.

Unbeknownst to Kara, if she wins the role on the comedy show, Chad will be her costar. Chad’s parents won’t allow him to work closely with a non-Christian girl, so they’ve set up the finalist competition in order to weed out “God’s choice” for him. They install their longtime housekeeper, Flora, to serve as housemother and make the final selection. Kara quickly emerges as Flora’s frontrunner, but what about the fact that she’s not a Christian? Will other events in Kara’s life bring her to faith and lead to a storybook ending?

Starring Me is written fairly well, with some enjoyable characters (especially Kara’s family) and decent pacing. But I have to be honest: it consistently made me cringe. If you’re part of the homeschooling and/or patriarchy movement, you’ll like it. But as a thirtysomething woman who’s bothered by fundie I Kissed Dating Goodbye philosophies, I had to walk away from it several times. In general, the whole book is about as subtle and nuanced as a ton of bricks, with an unrealistic ABC Family Original Movie quality. There are definitely worse things out there for Christian teenagers to be reading, but I think I would have raised an eyebrow at this book even as a teenager.

I did bump my rating up to three stars after discovering that Starring Me is a sequel. The first book, First Date, is about the reality show where Kara met her best friend Addy. To me, the overall context of the story makes more sense and is better fleshed out if it’s not a standalone.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Add a Comment + Posted in: book reviews

Being out of town unexpectedly for a week, and then catching up, has really thrown me off. I still feel like September has just begun, when in reality it’s almost half over. (!!!) Here are some milestones/events that have gone undocumented since September began:

♥ My very-beloved Gandalf cat had his tenth birthday. TEN! I maintain that he still has plenty of life ahead of him. :)

♥ I had my eleventh anniversary at my job. As always I’m thankful for God’s steady provision, but increasingly feel like I’m checked into the Hotel California.

♥ Last Sunday marked two years of legal singleness. Semi-related, it appears that I’ve become the kind of woman who drives around with the windows down fist-pumping to “Freebird.”

♥ I know fall isn’t officially here yet, but the weather shift has arrived and I couldn’t be happier about it. I can’t wait for it to get just a little cooler so I can open the windows more!

♥ My brother’s broken thumb is healing fantastically and he should make a full recovery. This is still miraculous to me!

♥ Wednesday night small groups started back up at church. We just discuss the sermon each week, pray together, and hang out. I enjoyed the book club I was part of at church over the summer, but I really missed my small group and am happy to be back together and see a lot of new faces! This year, my friend Stacey has started a prayer journal for all of us to write our requests in. Our group had a lot of answered prayers last year, and this will help us keep track of new answers so we can thank God appropriately. :) Maybe it’s time for me to put a few things on that list.

I know there were some other things I wanted to mention. Oh well!

4 Comments + Posted in: life lately, milestone

My Grandma Emily died on September 1, just a few weeks shy of her 85th birthday. She lived most of her life in south central Texas, moving to Miami right after my dad was born and coming back to Texas basically as soon as he was grown. For most of my childhood, we spent every Thanksgiving at her house. I was never super close with her, but got to know her better as an adult – we bonded over cooking tips and gardening. Although Grandma was great at domestic tasks, she wasn’t your typical Susie Homemaker. She could smoke, drink, and cuss like a sailor, and she loved casinos. She gave me my hair, my figure and my middle name. She was a pistol. After my divorce she seemed both concerned about and proud of me, and often asked my sister if I had a boyfriend yet. Who knows what could happen now that she’s petitioning God about it in person! LOL. I hope I can carry on her legacy in my own way.

I spent last week in Texas for the funeral. It was nice to have almost the whole family together. It was the biggest gathering of cousins in at least ten years (11 grandchildren and 16 great-grandchildren). I also saw Grandma’s remaining siblings and their families, some of whom I had never actually met.

Two of our cousins also have babies under a year old, so they and Niecy had a grand old time. I loved seeing all the babies together!

Even cooler, my dad and his two brothers each had one grandchild there. :)

In Grandma’s honor, we the cousins attempted to replicate her signature dessert, Church Windows. We used to pig out on them every Thanksgiving. They’re basically a thin layer of hard chocolate (maybe with nuts?) layered over colored mini-marshmallows. Debra and Lance turned up a recipe for “Rocky Road Candy” in her desk that sounded the same, but it became clear that she had only used that as a jumping off point. Only my cousin Keith had actually seen her make them, so we quizzed him intensely. Lance loves a good baking challenge, so he’s going to make a few more attempts and get our opinions. (Of course, the whole thing totally reminds me of Phoebe’s lost cookie recipe.)

My grandma’s house will probably be sold, and it was also tough to say goodbye to the site of so many memories. It’ll be interesting to see if the family gets together much after this – Grandma was kind of the glue.

3 Comments + Posted in: baking, family

Last night was the Tigers’ season opener against UT Martin. For those who don’t know, the past several seasons of Tiger football have been increasingly awful – their 2011 record was 2-10. I hadn’t even been to a game in a couple of years. But we have a new coach and there’s nowhere to go but up, so I was excited to go to the game with Caroline!

(I was sporting some big hair after a hair appointment earlier)

Unfortunately, ominous-looking clouds started gathering as soon as the game started. By halftime (game tied at 7-7), lightning was in the area, and the usual halftime entertainment was exchanged for a Godzilla-sized Dave Brown on the brand new Jumbotron (third largest IN AMERICA). Dave had been called in from his own birthday party to report on the storm. So appropriate for 901 Day.

It was a good thing Caroline and I had bought our barbecue nachos early, because not long into the third quarter, the massive thunderstorm hit. The stadium of thousands, including the players, took shelter immediately. We waited 40 minutes for the storm to die down enough for a dash to the car. The total delay of game was over two hours – I was home and settled by the time play resumed. The Tigers ended up losing. :( Still, it was the most eventful season opener ever.

My grandma died around 10:00 last night. She had been moved to hospice on Friday, so we were prepared, and I’m okay. But due to the burial and stuff, I probably won’t be blogging this week.

2 Comments + Posted in: friends, tigers