As If!: The Oral History of Clueless as told by Amy Heckerling and the Cast and Crew by Jen Chaney (4 stars)
This is exactly what the title says, and if you love Clueless like I do, it’s a delight. I read the whole thing in a day.
Carry On by Rainbow Rowell (4.5 stars)
Rainbow Rowell’s previous novel Fangirl (my favorite of her books) included a lot of fanfiction about a Harry Potter-esque character named Simon Snow. Later, she kept thinking about Simon’s world and how she would write it as herself, not as her character Cath (does your head hurt yet?). Carry On is a funny, fresh, self-aware, totally Rainbow take on all the hero’s journeys we love, centering on magician Simon Snow (“the worst Chosen One who’s ever been chosen”), his whip-smart best friend Penelope (in the Hermione role), and his snotty possible-vampire roommate Baz. I loved it.
The Martian by Andy Weir (5 stars)
As most people already know from having read this and/or seen the movie, the titular Martian is Mark Watney, an astronaut left behind on Mars when he’s presumed dead during a mission abort. The story bounces around among him, his departed crew, and the people back on Earth trying to save him. It is fantastic. I won’t lie, I was kind of crushing on Mark Watney, though some of that may be the Matt Damon influence.
December books: 3
2015 Final Total: 65
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Last December, Emily Freeman hosted a What I Learned linkup. I’m not sure if she’s doing it again this year, but it helped me to reflect on the lessons of my year, so here’s my 2015 edition.
♥ I am not an entrepreneur. This is not a cool thing to admit in 2015, when building and hustling for your brand is, like, the only way to be a creative person (or even a person). For a long time, I assumed that my goal should be to reach a point where I could make a living independently, whether by writing or something else. I compared myself to people doing this successfully and always came up short – because it’s a true apples-and-oranges situation. It was freeing to realize I’m just not made to build and hustle. It wouldn’t make me happy. In the song of life, I am the harmony. I am the glue. I’m meant to find something I genuinely believe in and use my gifts and energy to help make it happen in partnership with others. That’s not sexy, but the world needs it, and me.
♥ I’m a hipster. Fine, I give up. I live in Midtown, eat and drink local, wear hipster glasses, listen to hipster music, and attend a hipster church with hipster coffee… and I love it. As long as I don’t pick up the worst hipster trait of believing my preferences make me better than everyone else, I guess I can live with it!
♥ Waterproof mascara > regular mascara. Thanks to the sleep mask I have to wear, my eyelashes have become very straight, i.e. I’ve lost the only curls I had that were culturally desirable. So I’ve been on a Holy Grail eyelash curler/mascara quest. I’ve never liked waterproof mascara because it’s hard to remove, but for whatever reason, it holds a curl noticeably better than the regular kind. My current pick is Maybelline The Falsies.
♥ Basalt pillars, in Iceland or elsewhere, do not taste like salt.
♥ If you live in a multi-story home, you need two of everything you use frequently. I have upstairs and downstairs scissors, candle lighters, Clorox wipes, etc. Also: you can never have too many phone charging cords.
♥ “Sometimes love does not look like what you had in mind.” – Anne Lamott
♥ It’s okay to change. I’ve changed so much in the last couple of years that sometimes I hardly recognize myself, and sometimes that terrifies me, especially in a spiritual sense. Aren’t Christians supposed to be steadfast, unchanged by experiences or the world, always relating to and understanding God in the same prescribed way from cradle to grave? I’ve been living with an undercurrent of fear, angst, and the sense that even though my core love for Jesus has not changed, I must be going off the rails.
About a month ago I attended a talk about faith and creativity, in which my pastor mentioned several famous bands who experienced a major transformation at the height of their careers. They created albums that everyone loved, then went through a difficult time that resulted in a rebirth and completely different sound. The new sound was just as brilliant and valuable as the old… and they had to tear down and then rebuild in order to find it. The transformation wasn’t wrong or a mistake, even though some people didn’t like it. It was the plan. This example helped me more than anything else I’ve heard this year. It was icing on the cake that one of the bands/albums he referenced was U2’s Achtung Baby, one of my all-time faves. Also, achtung means attention, or caution, like something is dangerous. I’m ready to be a little bit dangerous. ;)
♥ It can take a long time for all the pieces of the story to come together. Both in writing and in life. And that’s not my fault or failure either, even though it often feels like one.
♥ It’s okay to walk away. I said something similar last year, and it’s an ongoing lesson. Due to both nature and nurture, I tend to hold onto things and force myself into molds long past the expiration date, in the name of stability, responsibility, and sunk cost. I continue to get better at recognizing, accepting, and moving forward when something isn’t working anymore (or just needs tweaking). Sometimes Being Content! and Making Fetch Happen! is really beating a dead horse. You can stop trying. You can say enough. You don’t need a defensible list of reasons why.
What have you learned this year?
3 Comments + Posted in: reflections, year end
Here are my top ten fiction and nonfiction reads of 2015! I didn’t even rate all of these five stars, but I chose them based on 1. enjoyment and 2. how much they’ve stuck with me. A book can be very good and/or enriching and not possess those qualities. Rather than summarize them all again, I’ve gathered them into the common themes that I seem to prefer.
FICTION
Epic Amusing Metacommentary: The Scorpion Rules by Erin Bow; Carry On by Rainbow Rowell
Everyone Feels Small in Space: The Martian by Andy Weir; Shine Shine Shine by Lydia Netzer; We All Looked Up by Tommy Wallach
Emotional Nomads: Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel; Everything Leads to You by Nina LaCour; Open Road Summer by Emery Lord
Spunky Heroine Having Fun: The Royal We by Heather Cocks and Jessica Morgan; Going Vintage by Lindsey Leavitt
NONFICTION
Wholehearted Library: Rising Strong by Brene Brown; Carry On, Warrior: Thoughts on Life Unarmed by Glennon Melton; Never Broken by Jewel
Lives of My Celebrity BFFs: Why Not Me? by Mindy Kaling; Girl Walks Into a Bar… by Rachel Dratch; Wildflower by Drew Barrymore; Sounds Like Me: My Life (So Far) in Song by Sara Bareilles
Faith Journey: Soul Keeping by John Ortberg; Shirt of Flame: A Year with Saint Therese of Lisieux by Heather King
What’s Wrong with Our Society: Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari
What books did you love this year?
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I’ve done the same survey every year for longer than I’ve had this blog. Past iterations: 2010 // 2011 // 2012 // 2013 // 2014
1. What did you do in 2015 that you’d never done before?
Ran more than five miles; snow skied and enjoyed it; attended a gala; became a blood donor; sold and bought a home on my own; briefly reigned as the Friends Trivia co-champion of Memphis; got on Tinder and dated random strangers; went to Iceland; rode 17 miles in the Midnight Bike Classic; visited the National Civil Rights Museum.
2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
My OneWord365 for 2015 was enough. I have a lot to say about it, but here’s a quick summary: Enough is a concept I’ll be learning and wrestling with for the rest of my life. I did not master it in 2015 – my personal sense of enough-ness is battered and bruised, and while I successfully declared “enough” in a few areas of my life, I made little progress in others. This year was a starting point, if anything. Barring unexpected divine intervention, I’ve chosen a word for 2016, and I WILL talk about that after the new year.
3. Did anyone close to you have a child?
No, and this is so unusual, I feel paranoid I’m forgetting someone.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
My ten-year-old cat, Peach. No one of the human variety.
5. What countries did you visit?
ICELAND!
6. What would you like to have in 2016 that you lacked this year?
Love and purpose.
7. What dates from 2015 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
February 13: my house went on the market. March 21: saw my new home for the first time and knew it was the one; got a cash offer on my old house the same day. April 16: closed on both places and moved. June 5: put Peach down. July 11: my wonderful housewarming party. September 16: brought Rufus home!
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
9. What was your biggest failure?
After some reflection, I think these questions have the same answer: I gave myself amnesty in 2015. I’d hovered around burnout level for most of 2014, so this year, I did what I needed to do to stay above it. After my move in April, I thought I’d be back to full throttle in a month, tops, but it never happened. My current schedule is very relaxed compared to what it’s been for most of my adult life. I’ve gotten better at quitting activities, saying no, and/or staying home without an excuse. Around the time I moved, I also realized I could no longer keep up three “jobs” – my paid full-time job, freelance writing, and regularly writing this blog. Obviously the first one isn’t optional, and it’s also zapping my creative energy for the other things. So my writing has suffered. I hate that, and it’s been detrimental to me, but I’m trying to have faith that it won’t always be this way.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Two bouts of hardcore laryngitis (which I’d never had before), and water trapped in my middle ear for a month after a dive trip. Other than that, I feel great and am thankful for my good health!
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Aside from my house, my original Hillary Butler painting; my new living room rug; and a humidifier.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My mom’s. She spent much of this year going back and forth to Miami to help care for one or both of her parents – usually my grandma, who has been extremely difficult to deal with. She’s also been incredibly supportive and encouraging of my decisions and who I’m becoming. I feel like we’ve learned a lot together this year, and it means everything to know she’s not disappointed in my non-traditional life. And it’s even more special because it wasn’t always this way. I’m thankful for her and our relationship.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
A lot of dudes on Tinder. I’ve had a post about my Tinder experience (and why I quit) sitting in drafts since October, so I won’t elaborate right now, but trust me, Tinder Nightmares is real. Also: Donald Trump.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Travel and concert/event tickets. I’ve made good on my intention to spend more on experiences and less on stuff.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Living in Midtown; going to Iceland; the Tiger Basketball Alumni Game in July; starting to write for Memphis Type History; my (extremely slow) running progress; getting a new cat; MEM’s new direct flight to Ft. Lauderdale; the Tigers going 8-0 in football; my sister and her family moving back to Nashville (which will happen next week!!).
16. What song will always remind you of 2015?
Can’t Feel My Face by The Weeknd. See also: My 2015 Soundtrack (which doesn’t include that song, but I did name my Iceland photo album after it).
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?
Happier on a surface level; sadder on a deeper level. About the same. Slightly poorer (but I don’t regret it).
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Yoga. Praying. Writing. Reading (my book count is down).
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Competing.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
I’ll spend it here in Memphis with my parents and brother.
21. Did you fall in love in 2015?
No.
22. What concerts did you attend this year?
Third Day; Paramore, Jenny Lewis, Bleachers, Ed Sheeran, Hozier, and St. Vincent at Music Fest; Beck; Switchfoot and NEEDTOBREATHE at Moon River Fest; Rob Thomas; alt-J with San Fermin
23. What was your favorite TV program?
The Mindy Project. Thanks again to Hulu for saving it!!
24. Do you dislike anyone now whom you didn’t dislike this time last year?
Yes.
25. What was the best book you read?
Top-20 book post is in process.
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
alt-J, as I have said before.
27. What did you want and get?
A fresh start in a home that exceeds my expectations. A new healthy, happy cat companion. Lots of fun adventures with people I love. Some dates.
28. What did you want and not get?
A kiss. A boyfriend. Something else important.
29. What was your favorite film of this year?
I only had time for the heavy hitters: Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Jurassic World, and Mockingjay Part 2. All awesome.
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 36. I went to church in the morning, and later had dinner with friends on the patio at Slider Inn followed by fun and games at Rec Room.
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A sense that my life is meaningful and going somewhere.
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2015?
I pared down my wardrobe this year and am continuing to simplify my style. I recently noticed I have a lot more leggings than I used to. I also officially gave up on any non-denim pants ever looking good on me, and discovered Joe’s Honey Fit is my Holy Grail of jeans.
33. What kept you sane?
The support of my friends and family.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I went suddenly and unexpectedly heart-eyes over Ed Sheeran. It must have been “Thinking Out Loud.”
35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Is it me, or was 2015 overloaded with passionate political issues? Too many to name? I will say, my political opinions have shifted pretty drastically over the last couple of years. Many times in 2015 I found myself having a strong emotional reaction to events and thinking, “Oh wow. I guess that’s how I feel about that now.” It’s alarming but also kind of exhilarating.
36. Who did you miss?
My siblings. But my sister and her family are about to live much closer!!
37. Who was the best new person you met?
I met many wonderful people this year, but I have to give extra props to my friend Hannah. She came to Memphis at the beginning of June for a weeklong work training. About a month beforehand, she asked if she could stay with me. I barely knew her – I’ve been online friends with her sister for years and she was the one who suggested the whole thing – but I was up for a visitor. Well, when the time came, Hannah arrived to a distraught, weepy hostess and a sick cat’s last days. I felt terrible that she had to witness it all, but her presence and companionship that week were such a comfort to me, and we actually had a great time together. I’ll always be thankful to her for that. PS: during her visit, she had a mutual feelings confession with a longtime friend… and they got engaged last week!
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2015.
Reinvention is not automatically a detour, downfall, or mistake. It’s often not only okay, but also necessary and part of the plan. (Thanks to my pastor and U2 for that one.)
39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Another day older, everyone you knew
All chasing bells and ahead of themselves
And you know you can’t move.
One step forward, step right back
Run for the hills, honey, run for the hills, honey
Run for the hills, don’t look back.
Want to live like an animal, by the skin of your teeth
Put your good face on, you’re fooling no one
You’re a jackrabbit underneath.
One step forward, step right back
Run for the hills, honey, run for the hills, honey
Run for the hills, don’t look back.
– San Fermin
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It’s that time again! Here are the songs that encapsulated my year. My self-imposed rules: no repeat artists (duets/feat.s don’t count), and the final edit has to fit on a CD. You can listen to this playlist, or the full unedited version, at Spotify.
Past years: 2010 // 2011 // 2012 // 2013 // 2014
perfect “cover” image by Debbie, via Flickr
1. Left Hand Free – alt-J
I have no idea what this song is about and can’t decipher most of the words, but it rocks, and alt-J is my Best Band of 2015. Honorable mentions: Breezeblocks, Every Other Freckle, Hunger of the Pine
2. ***Flawless – Beyoncé
Queen B’s (and Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s) best pep talk. I like it so much, I bought a T-shirt.
3. Elastic Heart – Sia
My “title track” and anthem for 2015. I also enjoyed discussing Sia’s performances and videos with people throughout the year. I find her weirdness/performance artistry much more real and Wholehearted than, say, Lady Gaga’s (though I can appreciate Gaga too).
4. Make You Better – The Decemberists
The harmonies in the chorus are the best part of this. Aside: I knew my hipster transformation was complete when I couldn’t stop talking about how great What a Terrible World, What a Beautiful World was.
5. FourFive Seconds – Rihanna feat. Kanye West
I’m a total sucker for a RiRi hook, and this one grabbed me right away. It’s so satisfying to sing along to.
6. Future – Paramore
Every year needs a Paramore track. Future is how I felt about leaving my home of eight years. I wished for a shorter version for this playlist, because after the lyrics there’s a five-minute no-holds-barred jam session. But I saw it live at Music Fest, and it was really cool – at one point they turned off all the amps on purpose, and you could still hear everyone whaling away. So that’s a memory too.
7. Welcome to New York – Taylor Swift
8. Good Morning Baltimore – Nikki Blonsky (from Hairspray)
My moving-to-Midtown and new-Midtowner themes, respectively. Replace both city names with Memphis. ;) During my first month or two in my new place, I frequently described my mood to friends as “totally Tracy Turnblad,” and it wasn’t an exaggeration. I was breathing pure elation and possibility. If I could have climbed onto a city garbage truck and sung about the panhandler at the Circle K, I would have.
9. Only One – Kanye West
I truly heard this song for the first time when Bleachers covered it at Music Fest. I know Kanye wrote it about his mom and daughter, but to me, these words are Jesus talking straight to me, and I can rarely listen to it without crying.
10. The Less I Know The Better – Tame Impala
Tame Impala snuck up on me – I realized suddenly that a lot of their stuff was in my rotation. I chose this one because the theme is relatable, it has a great groove, and you have to love a song that rhymes “together” with “Trevor” and “Heather.”
11. Feeling OK – Best Coast
The peppiest accurate representation of life with mild depression ever.
12. What the Hell – Avril Lavigne
My mindset as I embarked on Tinder for the first time last summer. I felt fed up and restless, and sort of needed to believe I was capable of being this girl. (Spoiler alert: I’m not.)
13. Jackrabbit – San Fermin
This resonated with me from the first listen. I saw San Fermin when they opened for alt-J, and they’re really unique and cool. A+ for inclusion of band instruments.
14. Clearest Blue – CHVRCHES
One of my top five running songs. When that bass line hits, I’m all YEEEEES like Rocky running up the stairs.
15. Pretty Pimpin – Kurt Vile
Singing the days of the week was never so much fun.
16. Rivers and Roads – The Head and The Heart
Another song that usually makes me cry. It’s about the changing nature of relationships and loved ones lost and found, which has been a major theme of my life this year.
17. First – Cold War Kids
Another instant like. I have no other anecdotes about it.
18. Door Number Three – Sara Bareilles (from Waitress)
I was musing about a closing track for this list/my year when I remembered I still hadn’t downloaded Sara Bareilles’ latest album, the soundtrack to her new Broadway musical. Sara is one of my most inspiring and kindredly artists, and sure enough, when this song ended I said “Yep. That’s it.” Also, I want to plan a trip to New York next spring to see Waitress!
Top Five Best of the Rest:
Independent – Webbie feat. Lil’ Phat (this is “my song” with my friend Christina)
Uma Thurman – Fall Out Boy
Thinking Out Loud – Ed Sheeran (painfully swoony and romantic, so I can’t listen to it much)
#Beautiful – Mariah Carey & Miguel
Here – Alessia Cara (anthem of introverts at parties across the land)
Yay for another year of musical ADD!
2 Comments + Posted in: music, year end