We’ve had several ice and freezing rain events in Memphis this winter, but on Wednesday night, we finally got a few inches of snow (on top of an inch or so of sleet). I know you Northerners are already laughing at me, but Memphis hadn’t had more than an inch of snow since December 2011, so this was a big, exciting deal!
It was an especially pretty snow, light and fluffy.
This was the view down the middle of my street at about 9 am before I settled in to work (thankfully I have a laptop and the option of working from home in these situations). So I couldn’t go four-wheeling, build a snowman, or sled down my driveway, but I worked at my dining table so I could enjoy the snowy view. It was a luxury to have time to make myself a real breakfast, too.
And of course I popped out into the yard a couple of times.
In the afternoon, the sun came out, but the snow remained. If we had snow on the ground all winter, making everything look crisp and clean and the sunlight brighter, I’d probably find winter more bearable.
I had high hopes of spotting my yard rabbit in the snow – I saw him at the bird feeder about a month ago, so I know he’s still living under my shed. If he ventured out, I didn’t witness it, but I’m pretty sure I saw his tracks! (And several others’. The size of some animal tracks close to my back door was a little alarming. Maybe a stray cat?)
The rest of the wildlife was out and about, though.
Toward the end of the day, I found Peach purposefully having a moment of summer. So I joined her.
This morning as I opened the blinds, I noticed a beautiful full moonset in the west. I threw on my boots and a coat and ran out to look at it in my pajamas. Crunching through the snow in the early light made me feel like I was at a ski resort instead of in my own neighborhood.
If winter is smart, it’ll leave now on a high note!
3 Comments + Posted in: winter
Milestone: I no longer feel weird calling myself a writer. Even out loud. To strangers. Even when they follow up with, “Oh, what do you write?” and my response is “I have a blog” (though I can now add “…and I write for Memphis Type History,” which sounds slightly more accomplished).
Because writing was never really presented to me as a valid (read: secure) career choice, legitimizing my own writing took me many years. I used to think that since I didn’t have a published book on a shelf, wasn’t being paid to write, and had no guarantee that either of those things would ever happen, there was no point in truly pursuing writing. That would be embarrassing proof that I cared too much about my silly, selfish hobby and, even worse, believed other people might care too. But a few years ago, I started taking halting steps toward progress. The dam broke in 2013, when I took a Story 101 course that addressed wounds and fears I never even knew I had as a woman, Christian, writer. I cried a lot and then I was finally ready to take myself seriously.
While authenticity and humility are really important to me, I think some degree of “fake it till you make it” is unavoidable when you’re first starting to own your calling. If I hadn’t done that, I never would have started. (Some days that’s still true.) I had to fake a confidence I didn’t feel. I had to choose to turn my back on the Regina George-like critic in my head, eternally rolling her eyes and saying, Stop acting like this matters. All you’re doing is talking about your loser feelings and epiphanies. Noooooo one caaaaaares.
Now I can shut her up about 75% of the time. I can approach my writing as work. Good work that I want and even need to do for my own wellness, but work, because it has weight. It means something. It takes a lot of guts to believe this day-to-day, because it repeatedly raises the challenge, Who do you think you are? You can’t believe in the work you were made to do until you know and believe in what you are. I know in my bones, in a way I didn’t a few years ago, that writing is my ministry and what I was made to do. Even though it’s not perfect, God can still use it. Even if I never earn a cent from it, it’s my job. Even if I never have a significant number of readers, I am here to talk to those 50 people. Even when people say my vulnerability is stupid and I should stop caring so much about things, I will brush myself off and continue on. Because writing is my main vehicle for my increasingly sure purpose: to be a voice for the voiceless. Not on a save-the-orphans, end-world-poverty scale, but on an everyday human scale. For those who are still too afraid to speak up and open up (as I was for much of my life). In my experience, isolation and shame are the devil’s greatest tools. We pretend everything’s great and life isn’t hard because we want to look like we have it all together. We struggle with so many of the same things, but we stay alone in the dark because we’re too afraid to talk about them. If I can give someone the courage to bring their own junk out into the light and find hope and healing there, I’m willing to look a little foolish. As the great philosopher Miranda Lambert once said, “Somebody’s gotta walk into the night, and I’m gonna be that one.”
Whatever your gifts are, you don’t have to use them on a huge, impressive scale for them to matter. They already matter even if the only recipients are your family and friends or even just yourself. You can start developing them and taking them seriously right now. You’ll be surprised by the sense of confirmation and fulfillment you will feel. And if anyone asks you, Who do you think you are? or Who gave you permission?, tell them to come talk to me.
4 Comments + Posted in: empowerment, the writing life
Perfect Scoundrels by Ally Carter (4.5 stars)
Things are finally sort of normal for Kat, Hale, and their band of teenage thieves after they’ve pulled off two of the greatest heists of the century. Then Hale’s grandmother dies suddenly and leaves the family’s vast business empire not to his father, but to him. When the family butler smells a rat and hires Kat to investigate, she’s torn between finding the truth for Hale’s own good, and protecting her still-new relationship with him. These books are definitely exciting, but I love them most for their picture of what real family is, wherever you might find it.
Girls in White Dresses by Jennifer Close (4 stars)
This novel about a group of friends from college is more like a collection of interwoven short stories. Each woman has her turn in the spotlight: Isabella, the romantic who starts over in a new career; Abby, the child of hippie parents, who falls in love with a classic prep; Lauren, whose “temporary” waitressing job drags on for years; Mary, who finds a great man with a seriously overbearing mother. These stories are funny, touching, and relatable, and Jennifer Close’s prose is just a joy to read.
Next to Love by Ellen Feldman (4 stars)
In a small Massachusetts town in 1943, three best friends marry three men who are about to go off to war. By the end of the war, all of their lives are in pieces. This novel is about how they rebuild (or not) over the next two decades. I felt like Feldman tried to cover too much at times, which came off a little forced and rushed (especially at the end), but overall, the story is well-done.
Say What You Will by Cammie McGovern (3.5 stars)
Another entry in the “Next Fault In Our Stars” sweepstakes, this YA novel follows Amy, a bright, funny girl with cerebral palsy, and Matthew, a shy guy with OCD, through their senior year of high school and beginning of college. To help her learn about making friends, Amy requests peer aides for her senior year instead of the adults who have always helped her through her daily tasks. She specifically requests Matthew, by whom she’s been intrigued since he challenged her overly-sunny attitude the previous year. Soon their relationship starts taking turns that surprise them both. While some of the plot twists were pretty crazy (I actually saw the main one coming and thought, “Oh, please don’t go there”), I liked Amy, Matthew, and their friends, and appreciated a glimpse into the lives of people dealing with these difficulties.
Books for February: 4
2015 year to date: 13
2 Comments + Posted in: book reviews
General Highlights:
Here in Memphis, February has been a month of endless winter. We’ve had one ice and sleet event after another, finally culminating in actual snow on Wednesday (although nothing stuck north of the Mississippi state line). My SAD is in full force and I can no longer remember the feeling of sun on my face or what my arms and legs look like under their two or three layers of clothing. Spring, please come soon.
I listed my house for sale on February 13! I’ve had six showings and (update!) one offer, which I didn’t feel good about and decided to decline. But I’m still encouraged to have this much interest so quickly during a time of bad weather, and I still have a strong feeling that I’ll be on my way before too long. Fingers crossed.
I went to Paoli Peaks, Indiana to ski for the first time in 19 years, and I didn’t die!
My first post at Memphis Type History went up! I have another one pending, and a lot of ideas in the pipeline – it’s just a matter of people getting back to me.
Tiger basketball season is winding up. With one more home game remaining, we’re 17-11. Rough year to be a fan, although I probably needed a break from my Jimmy Fallon-in-Fever Pitch-level obsession.
(image source)
Reading:
My page count was comparatively low in February. My favorite read was Perfect Scoundrels, the third book in Ally Carter’s series about teenage professional thieves. Love.
Watching:
My friend Ashley and I saw American Sniper as part of her impressive pre-Oscar cramming weekend (she went to four nominated movies in two days). I’m still sorting out my thoughts about it; not to diminish Chris Kyle’s bravery or patriotism, but from a gut level, I saw it primarily as a story about addiction. I’d love to discuss with a group.
Music:
The only new music setting off my radar this month was Ed Sheeran’s “Thinking Out Loud,” which I heard for the first time on the Grammys because apparently I live in a cave. But I can’t replay it excessively like I do most songs I love – it’s too swoonworthy for my tender heart right now. If I ever get to dance to this with a man I love, I will die happy.
As usual, you can listen to my ever-expanding 2015 playlist on Spotify.
Video:
I shared a shorter clip on Instagram, but here’s the full video my brother took of me skiing!
Travel:
My parents and I took our traditional President’s Day weekend trip to visit my brother in Evansville. Before going skiing, we ate at Larry Bird’s restaurant, 33 Brick Street, in French Lick, Indiana. (What better place to be on Valentine’s Day??) The food was delicious, signed jerseys were everywhere, and my Tigers were even playing on TV!
Around Town:
One night, my parish (small group) ate dinner at Trolley Stop Cafe and then went to an art show at Crosstown Arts where one of our guys was exhibiting. It was a great, Memphisy evening. I fell in love with this piece by Yancy Villa-Calvo.
Making:
I learned to fit a non-fitted T-shirt and cut a scoopneck from a too-tight crewneck (here’s a second tutorial), and now no shirt is safe from my scissors. I had a little fun with an old-school shirt my friend Myla Smith gave me from a Valentine show she played YEARS ago. It was perfect for Singles Awareness Day!
Wearing:
I decided it was time to buy a second, more fun pair of glasses, so I ordered some green cat-eyes from Zenni Optical. In the end, they cost about $50 because I’m practically blind, but that’s still not bad. I like them and they’re much more lightweight than my Warby Parkers.
Beauty:
Having run out of the Almay foundation I’ve used for a while, I tried Rimmel Stay Matte mousse foundation and like it a lot! I’m excited to see if it holds up as well in more humid weather.
My complexion has gone rogue, so at a friend’s recommendation, I picked up an activated charcoal face soap from Bartlett Soap Company in my neighborhood. It’s made my face feel much better (although I’m still breaking out a little. What gives?). They also gave me a wonderful citrus soap for being a new customer. I’ll be back!
Random Happiness:
♥ My brother surprised me with these canvases he designed. One photo is of my grandfather’s canal in Miami and has random words inspired by my post about deciding to move into the city. The other photo is one he took in Alaska several years ago, with lyrics from a song they sing at his church. I’m so touched that he wanted to do this for me.
♥ Allegiant Airlines announced this week that they’re coming to Memphis and bringing a nonstop to Ft. Lauderdale starting at $66 each way! I seriously almost cried tears of joy onto my Twitter feed. This could be life-changing for my South Florida/Memphis dual-citizen family. If the prices hold, we can practically go to Miami any time we want. No more hedging over $500 fares.
♥ I renewed my passport and am now free again to leave the country at a moment’s notice. I’m working on going to Greece in the fall!
♥ I watched the Super Bowl at Alanna’s and thoroughly enjoyed Katy Perry’s halftime show.
♥ My pastor has been on sabbatical for three months (about half the time I’ve been attending my church), and he returned last Sunday. The rest of the staff has been killing it in his absence, but I’m still excited to have him back.
♥ House showings are a great excuse to indulge in flowers. Peach likes them too.
Pinterest Quote of the Month:
On The Blog:
Right before listing my house, I posted the final before-and-after shots from eight years of renovations.
For fun, I shared about how I put together my new Filofax planner. I got my ideas from another blog post, so I figured other organizational geeks might enjoy it!
I’ve felt extra sensitive and weary of my singleness this month. I talked about it right before Valentine’s Day (resulting in such a vulnerability hangover that I almost decided to take the post down) and discovered that selling a house and being single produce some similar emotions.
On the faith front, I talked about my Lenten commitment to start practicing a daily Examen. I also addressed our tendency as Christians to assume God is always teaching us a lesson. I’m trying to overcome this.
Posts I Loved:
♥ My friend Lindsey gave men some great tips about what not to do when dating over 30 (especially online)!
♥ My friend Becca kissed Facebook goodbye, and now she’s back with fascinating thoughts on her reasoning and experience.
♥ Amena Brown Owen at Storyline: What to Expect When You’re Least Expecting. This was very timely for me, and I plan to write about the same topic soon.
♥ Glennon Melton and her friend Amy requested letters from readers about their deepest fears and pain. Throughout Lent, they will read these letters to bear witness to people’s stories, and then burn them – the theme is, cool ashes can’t burn us. This moves me deeply. I know I link to Glennon a lot, but she’s quickly becoming one of my role models. One post at a time, I feel like she’s giving me a vocabulary for my purpose in this world.
♥ Random thoughts from Ashley Hackshaw on writing and living well: When Life Opens Up.
♥ Elisabeth Klein provides the exact advice I would give to any woman who came to me with this question: Should I Stay Married or Can I Divorce?
♥ LOL of the Month: Leigh Kramer’s If Your Life Was a Hallmark Movie. Spot on.
6 Comments + Posted in: what i'm into
My house has been on the market for about ten days now. When I prepared the house for photos a few weeks ago, I felt so satisfied and proud. I could see that it was at its best. Even as I tried to keep my expectations realistic, I was overflowing with optimism that someone would fall in love with it, quickly. It also pleased me to think about giving someone a great moving experience. All the major repairs are done, so the new owners will have nothing to dread or worry about. I’ve kept excellent records and can tell them exactly how to care for (and enjoy) the house and its quirks. I can even leave some things I’ll no longer need, if they want me to. They’ll be happy, and so will I.
The sign went up, the house started showing, and I was introduced to a little thing called feedback. So far, everyone who’s toured my house agrees that it is indeed very nice. A couple of them even liked the price. But they’ve all rejected it over small things that I can’t help – the road is too busy, or they need more space. I fully respect everyone’s right to choose important things based on whatever’s important to them, even if it seems insignificant to others. But it’s near-impossible not to take it personally. The worst is when someone gives a 5-out-of-5 rating, then states that they are Not At All Interested. Those situations leave me staring up at my ceiling at night. Wondering what I could have done differently, aware that the answer is nothing. Looking for a logical explanation that will enable me to check a box and move on, aware that it will never make sense.
That’s okay, I thought after the first weekend. This house is perfect for someone and will make them very happy. These people just couldn’t appreciate what it has to offer. They’re clearing the way for the right buyer, who is on the way. I also reminded myself that the weather has been awful, four showings the first weekend is great under any circumstances, and selling a house takes time. Still, I felt weirdly rejected and downcast. Pretty soon I realized why it all feels so familiar and painful. I’ve been going through this emotional cycle for years… about myself and my singleness. And at this point, it looks like the “right buyer” exists only in my own imagination, a fairy tale I tell myself to keep some sort of hope alive. I know my house will sell, even if I eventually have to compromise or drop the price to make it happen. But a little part of me already feels foolish for believing that everything would come up roses here when it hasn’t elsewhere.
I know God wanted me to see this correlation, and to be honest, it irritates me. Really, God? I haven’t dealt with this enough? You wanted me to experience it from a whole new angle? So I’m praying that He wants to show me a different, happier ending to the story. Otherwise, it just seems like rubbing it in.
4 Comments + Posted in: moving, singleness