General Highlights:
Memphis is the place to be in May! I went to the Peabody Hotel for a high tea and a rooftop party. After missing it for the last few years, I went to the Sunset Symphony with a huge group of friends, and we barely made it back to our cars before a huge storm hit. Good times! My community concert band had lots of shows on the books, and I played two, one a Memorial Day show at the National Cemetery.
My sister found out this month that she’s having another girl! I really thought I felt neutral about the gender, but when Debra called me at work to tell me the news, I was blindsided by a huge wave of joy and almost started crying at my desk. A nephew would have been wonderful too, but I’m so happy that Niecy will have a sister. A new generation of hermanas. Niece #2 already has a name, but I have to figure out what I’m going to call her here!
Read and Reading:
Book list will post tomorrow, but I unintentionally read TWO YA novels about the last summer of someone’s life, back-to-back. If I’m not careful, I’ll be reading Lurlene McDaniel soon.
TV/Movies:
X-Men: Days of Future Past was crazy awesome. Also, I finally saw the Veronica Mars movie last weekend – Myla and I vowed to wait until we had time to watch it together. (I’m so impressed neither of us caved.) The movie was everything I hoped it would be. THANK YOU to Rob Thomas, the cast, and Marshmallows everywhere. And may I say, Jason Dohring looks better now than he did ten years ago, if that’s even possible.
I just discovered Tornado Alley: Real Time Tornado on the Weather Channel. It’s on-the-scene footage of major tornadoes cobbled together in a chronological format, with present-day narration from the witnesses. So basically, Brenda Crack.
Oh, and the finale of The Mindy Project was PERFECTION. Best show on TV.
Music:
I’ve hit it off with a lot of music this month. My top spins were Nico and Vinz’ empowering summer jam “Am I Wrong,” the new NEEDTOBREATHE album Rivers In The Wasteland, and Johnnyswim’s “Diamonds,” which randomly came up on iTunes Radio and which I immediately purchased and listened to 50 more times. I definitely want to check out their other stuff.
Video:
My cousin showed me this cool video of Tesla coils playing “Sail” by AWOLNation.
Cooking/Eating:
My “team” at work had a very belated Admin Professionals’ Day lunch at Hog & Hominy. It was my first meal there and it definitely lived up to the hype! The BBQ shrimp and grits were good enough to make me consider slapping my mama. In non-hipster food news, Logan’s Roadhouse has a new mango tea in a mason jar that’s out of this world. It cost $6 and probably had like a thousand calories, but I didn’t even care. I need another one soon.
Wearing:
I hosted another clothing swap at my house last weekend. Despite inviting about 40 people, I had the same group of five as last time, but we had fun and most of us left with something new. Between the swap and the stack of $4 Loft tees I found at Half of Half, I’m set for basic tops for the summer!
Home:
My garden still isn’t in the ground (this will be my latest planting ever), but I bought my herbs and veggies last week! They’re happily mingling in a wheelbarrow until I can settle them in, hopefully this weekend.
Random Happiness:
• One of my best friends, Caroline, found out this week that she’s having a boy! So I get a “nephew” after all. Also, my college roommate Kathy gave birth to her fourth child and first girl – actually she was born at the end of April, but I met her in May and I hadn’t acknowledged her here yet!
• Three years ago, I planted a Karl Rosenfield (I always want to call it Karl Lagerfeld) peony. It bloomed for the first time on Cinco de Mayo. I need these visible reminders that hope and patience eventually pay off.
• My cottontailed friend continues to visit my yard!
• In a flash of inspiration, I volunteered to do some social media and PR for the community band (follow us on Twitter!). It’s a win-win. I get to help the band and gain social media management experience, and hopefully more people will start coming out for our concerts.
• I’ve felt especially loved and cared for by my friends this month. There have been healing and bonding moments in friendships that have drifted for a while. I’ve been working through some stuff – nothing major has happened, it’s mostly been in my head as usual – and my friends have been so supportive, encouraging, and hopeful with me. God knew I needed a reminder that I can lean on people. I might write more about this soon.
Travel:
I went to north Alabama for Niecy’s birthday party, but have otherwise stayed local. I was starting to think about planning a fun trip, but this week I had to pay for a new car windshield (thanks so much, ubiquitous road construction).
On The Blog:
I wrote a two-part series about online dating: my experience and my objections. After reading the millionth Christian-singles blog post about how we have to keep trying it even though it’s awful, I could no longer contain the “BULL CRAP” that had been rising up in me for years.
I also did my monthly OneWord 365 update and talked about how all women are cultivators of life.
Posts I Loved:
• Abernathy Bland paints a three-story mural: I don’t know when I stood up. But I finally did.
• Shauna Niequist: LESS. (Aside: can I please spend my summers at a lake house too?)
• Sarah Siders: God Is Where You Left Him
• Claire deBoer guesting at Little Did She Know: Bridge
• Amber Wackford: Unlearning
• Amy at The Messy Middle: The Warning Light on the Dashboard of Your Heart
• Maybe I’m Amazed: Life as a Not-Yet-Mommy
14 Comments + Posted in: what i'm into
As a supporter of Soulation, I was excited to get an advance copy of Jonalyn Fincher’s latest book, Invitation to Tears: A Guide to Grieving Well. Written with thanatologist Aubrie Hills, with a foreword by Dale Fincher, Invitation to Tears uses the framing metaphor of a ship at sea to explore the journey of grief. Each chapter ends with music and movie recommendations to help you along, followed by questions for discussion and/or journaling. Although the authors refer to death, their advice is applicable to any sort of life-changing loss, not only the physical death of a loved one. Along with honest stories about their own personal losses, they discuss how Jesus dealt with grief, and consider Bible verses that are often misapplied in times of personal distress. Invitation to Tears is free of platitudes, instead exhorting the reader that the only healthy way out of grief is through it, and that God can handle your questions and messy feelings.
While my closest friends and family are all (thankfully) alive and well, as a divorced person, I’ve grieved the loss of my marriage. I believe a divorce is worse than a death in some ways, and in the beginning, it was horrible to sit with and work through my feelings instead of ignoring them or self-medicating. But I was determined to grieve well and come out the other side a whole and healthy person. In that sense, Invitation to Tears was very validating and encouraging to me. I nodded along to Jonalyn’s and Aubrie’s words, and many of them are actually things I’ve said myself. I loved their assurances that grief is NOT a logical or linear experience, and not only do we all grieve differently, but we also grieve specific losses differently. Grief is an opportunity to be brave even as we fall apart, to confront our fears and our humanness while applying lots of grace to ourselves and others.
Invitation to Tears is a great resource and comfort for anyone facing the death of a loved one, marriage, child, career, or long-held dream. It would also be a wonderful study for a support group. You can find it on Amazon. In the coming weeks, Jonalyn and Aubrie will be hosting a read-along at the Invitation to Tears home page. If this topic interests you, I recommend checking it out!
3 Comments + Posted in: book reviews, grief
Last night, one of my BFFs Alanna and I went to a Peabody rooftop party! These parties are a summer Thursday night institution in Memphis. I’d been meaning to go to one for several years, but never went through with it. So we decided to seize the day and go before it gets too hot!
I know all the cool kids arrive late to these kinds of things, but ladies get in free before 7:00, so we were early birds. Plus, I like to watch the sunset.
Alanna had never been to the rooftop, so I took her to see the ducks. They live in a little house there on their off hours from the lobby fountain.
The entertainment was an 80s cover band dressed in hilarious costumes, and a British singer who reminded me of Pink or Lily Allen.
We didn’t stay too late, because we’d both had long days and had work the next morning. But it was fun and I’d like to go again! Definitely in August when Ingram Hill is playing.
I love my city!
3 Comments + Posted in: memphis
I’ve been expanding my thinking about Alive, from what being fully alive means for me to how it affects others. I’m not a person of special influence. I’m no one’s boss, nor am I an official leader of anything. But I’m increasingly aware of the power all of us hold, in every interaction, to make others’ lives better or worse. In a sense, we always have a choice either to create or destroy.
I don’t believe (anymore) in being a doormat or passively ignoring problems in the name of peace. As I’ve written before, being fully alive means facing the truth about life – good AND bad. But I notice more and more that I have daily opportunities to defuse negativity instead of adding to it. Anger and stress are so contagious. My default is to fire right up and drop to the level of anyone acting unnecessarily jerky or inflammatory. This includes other drivers on the road, people at work, telemarketers, and at least half of the internet population. The jerkiness doesn’t even have to be directed at me. My blood pressure has gone up many times reading tweet wars or insensitive comments on blog posts by people I don’t even know. But when I am involved in these one-off situations, I’m trying to stop, take a breath, and ask myself some questions:
1. Is this worth getting worked up over? Seriously. Some circumstances are worth a confrontation. But when someone almost rear-ends me in traffic because they just don’t want me to merge over, the answer is always no. Sure it feels good in the moment to start yelling back at them, but it’s not helping anything.
2. What’s really motivating this person? Insecure people act superior to make others feel insecure. Employees who are treated poorly turn around and treat their direct reports poorly. A dad who has a horrible day at work comes home and yells at his kids for no reason. Explosive behavior usually doesn’t come out of nowhere. It’s often a chain reaction, and I have an opportunity to break the chain. Remembering this makes it a little easier for me to have compassion, take things less personally, and stay calm.
6 Comments + Posted in: one word 365
Last Saturday, I went to High Tea at Chez Philippe in the famous Peabody Hotel. My mom planned the tea for her friend Becky’s milestone birthday, and since Becky’s daughter Sarah was invited, she asked me to come too. Then she decided she wanted this to be her Mother’s Day activity, so I treated both of us. Win-win!
Afternoon tea at The Peabody includes a course of savory tea sandwiches and a course of tiny desserts. Everything was delicious! My favorites were the smoked salmon sandwich and the strawberry shortcake. I’ve heard raves about the lavender cheesecake, but it wasn’t one of the selections that day, so there’s my excuse to go back sometime.
Between courses, we were served blueberry scones with heavy butter and jam (I got pretty excited about this). Naturally, the tea service was continuous. You choose a tea at the beginning of the meal – I got the blackberry sage and it was great, but they had several other promising options, like raspberry and ginger peach.
Chez Philippe is a classically ornate restaurant with plenty to look at. However, the lighting isn’t the best for photos (as you can tell).
My mom was over the moon about the hat she purchased for this occasion. Meanwhile, I chose my outfit to complement a beach hat I already had. It worked!
Amazingly, there were a few leftovers, which I got to take home for some reason (I wasn’t going to argue). Even the take-home bag was fancy! Overall, the tea was a great special occasion activity. I’d go again.