Something personally momentous happened last night. I went to my first practice of my suburb’s community band!
I’ve played the flute off and on for most of my life. Since leaving my old church (which had a wonderfully inclusive music ministry) over three years ago, I haven’t been involved with a band or orchestra, so many people who’ve met me since then don’t even know about my flute side. I’m not a professional or even a very talented amateur – especially after a LONG hiatus. But I do love to play, and have hoped for a low-pressure opportunity to play with a group again.
The community band put on an impressive show at our fireworks on July 3rd. Listening to them, I remembered that I had intended to look into that when I moved to the neighborhood… almost seven years ago. (Hey, my life was a lot crazier back then.) I made a mental note to do some research. A little while later I ran into my yoga teacher, who knows I used to play. We started talking about the band, and it turned out that one of her companions was in it! She introduced us, and he encouraged me to come to one of their weekly practices. He assured me that it’s very low-key, there’s no audition process, and you can come and go as needed. The whole encounter felt like a neon sign from God. So I decided to check it out.
No matter how long I’m “away,” the band room atmosphere always feels like coming home to me – rustling music, clicking buckles on instrument cases, conversations half-shouted over scales and that timpani that just won’t be quiet. It’s a unifying experience even if you’re in a room with total strangers. My playing was rough (seriously, I have a LOT of work to do – my intonation is long gone), and the music was tougher than I expected, but I really enjoyed it. Not for the first time, I felt thankful to my mom for insisting I take up an instrument when I was a kid. When music is drilled into you in your formative years, it’s like riding a bike when you’re an adult. You can always come back to it.
Everyone was really welcoming (including the director), but I could see that, as is usually the case, they already have a lot of flutes. In my church band I was needed to fill out the sound, but clearly this community band doesn’t need another mediocre flutist. (We’re a dime a dozen, which is partly why, if I had it to do over, I think I would have chosen the oboe.) Still, they’re willing to let me play! So I plan to keep going and see what develops. I really don’t need another weekly commitment, but I think getting back in touch with my musical side (even temporarily) will be great for my overall health and maybe even my writing. I’m thankful for the opportunity.
5 Comments + Posted in: music
Happy Friday! I don’t have as many links as usual, since Google Reader took all of my starred posts with it to the grave. (I’ve emigrated to Feedly, which, to my surprise, I LOVE.) But here are some things that have caught my interest this week.
♥ Did you miss Sharknado last night? Even worse, did you miss the Sharknado livetweeting? Don’t worry, here’s a quick digest of some of the best tweets. Personally, I think it deserves a place among the most hilariously awful TV movies of all time.
♥ One of my Story 101 classmates is doing a fantastic series on the dangers of “guard your heart” theology. Start here: I Guarded My Heart, and I Regret It.
♥ A fascinating article that could launch a hundred discussions: I Was A Manic Pixie Dream Girl.
♥ Word Nerd Alert: Have you ever wondered about the origin of “OK”? I’ve heard many different stories and was still confused, but this Mental Floss article cleared things up.
♥ Katy Perry did a cover and interview for Vogue. I just love her. My favorite quote: “At first when I met him he wanted an equal, and I think a lot of times strong men do want an equal, but then they get that equal and they’re like, I can’t handle the equalness.”
♥ Finally, I can’t stop watching this redub of the Cosby Show intro with Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines.” It just works.
1 Comment + Posted in: what i'm into
I’ve written before about Captivating, the book that Stasi Eldredge co-authored with her husband John. Despite what some perceived as its narrow picture of womanhood, it really resonated with me – the “too much and not enough” dichotomy is still one of the most spot-on summaries I’ve ever read. So when I heard that Stasi was releasing her own new book for women, Becoming Myself: Embracing God’s Dream of You, I was eager to check it out.
If you’re familiar with the Eldredges’ other books (I’ve read almost all of them), you know that their instructive writing is warm and emotional, and invokes as many cinematic and literary references as Biblical references. Becoming Myself is no exception, and it’s probably the most personal volume yet. Stasi shares about her own past (distant and recent), personal struggles and failings, and what she’s discovered about her own identity and how God sees her. Her voice is so kind and relatable that I felt like I was reading a letter from a friend. Chapter by chapter, she encourages other women to fully embrace our unique selves, dream big dreams for our lives, and trust in God’s love for us. She addresses many common women’s issues in depth, including fear, beauty, friendships, and mother-daughter tension. One chapter focuses on the Marys (Mary the mother of Jesus, Mary of Bethany, and Mary Magdalene) and what we can learn from them – it was my favorite part of the book. Most chapters end with a suggested prayer or activity relating to the topic. I did several of them, and it was enriching.
I’m not ashamed to say that I highlighted about half of Becoming Myself. This book isn’t high theology or rocket science, but it’s a balm that my soul desperately needed. It’s easy for Christians (at least this one) to get so caught up in life and/or the Big Issues that we forget the core of the Gospel and start to feel adrift. If you’re in a similar place, I recommend this book! An accompanying group study is also available.
I received these books from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
Add a Comment + Posted in: book reviews, womanhood
(The current prompt for my writing class is reach and release. I’m not sure if the following is the direction we were supposed to take, but it’s what came out.)
I am a chronic reacher. If I feel a sense of accomplishment in any arena of my life, it’s usually fleeting. Rather than be at peace with myself and my place in the world, I inherently struggle to do better and be better, driven by the unrelenting lie that I’m not enough (in any sort of way), but if I work really hard and do all the right things, I could be someday.
Being motivated and engaged with life is desirable to a point, but it’s very easy for me to cross into destructive territory. Whenever I let down my guard against my striving tendencies, they take over quickly. I’m in a spiritual valley at the moment, and reaching is a big part of what put me here. Again. Any time I stop actively fighting it, reaching kicks me right down the spiral staircase of insecurity and hopelessness. I feel increasing guilt over being a small, regular person instead of someone who’s radically changing the world (forgetting that everyone isn’t meant to be a superstar). I decide that the things that are lacking in my life must be my own fault and failure, instead of part of an ultimately good plan. I decide that God is pleased with my friends, but disappointed in me… because of course, reaching seeps into my relationship with God like poison. The voices telling me what I owe God, and how much more He expects of me and my life, drown out the voices of grace. I know I have to do better – but I also know I don’t have it in me.
Thankfully, I always collapse in on myself eventually and find grace again. I remember the parable of the talents, and the man who buried his money in the ground because he (wrongly) feared a harsh taskmaster – one who wouldn’t tolerate not getting a full return on his investment. I think of the parable of the father who joyfully embraced his lost, filthy, worthless-by-all-accounts son. I remember that no matter what my circumstances, I don’t have to earn God’s love or worry about losing it. He loves me as I am, where I am. Unlike the rest of the world, He’s not expecting me to perform or keep leveling up. He just loves me. And in the moments when I really take that in, I can release my need to achieve, and reach for grace. I can open my hands, because I never had anything in them to begin with.
10 Comments + Posted in: faith, imperfection, the writing life
Independence Day is my favorite holiday. I’ve thrown a party for most of my adult Fourths. This year’s party was pretty easy because almost everyone brought a (delicious) dish! I decided not to struggle with grilling hamburgers for a crowd this year, so to compensate for having only hot dogs as a main dish, I assembled a hot dog bar with fancy-ish toppings.
As I lay down to sleep that night, I realized I never set out the shredded cheese. Oops. I didn’t take a picture of it, but the Blueberry Lavender Lemonade was delicious and fairly easy to make. I still have a pitcher left over and have been adding it to my iced tea!
I’ve baked a flag cake every Fourth since I was sixteen. The “recipe” has been altered many times. Last year I started making it in a half-sheet pan instead of a 9×13, to feed more people. This year, after using one box of white cake mix per pan, I started to suspect that I’d previously used one and a half. So to be safe, I made a third layer. Daring greatly!! I was thrilled that all layers came out of the pans cleanly. However, most people preferred the other desserts that were brought, so now I have a ton of leftover cake, and only one me. Lesson learned.
After seeing this outdoor summer centerpiece idea on Pinterest, I had to make some for the party! It’s sliced lemons and limes, and sprigs of rosemary and mint, in a mason jar filled with water and a few drops of Bug Off essential oil. Then you add a floating tea light. These made me so happy! I’m not sure how effective they were at actually repelling bugs, but they looked pretty and smelled good.
Most people left around 8:00 to see fireworks (or put their kids to bed), but a few friends stayed and joined me in playing with sparklers in the backyard!
I hung lights across the backyard for the party. I enjoyed them so much, I’ll probably leave them up for a while. (Gandalf likes them too.)
My parents and I went to the Bartlett fireworks on the night of the 3rd, but they were delayed until almost 10:45 because the control board didn’t work and had to be replaced. Then something else went wrong and there was no finale… the fireworks just sort of stopped. It was a bummer (although I was glad to see them at all). I’m thinking next year I’ll have the party the day after the Fourth, so I can go to the downtown fireworks with everyone else!
How was your holiday?
2 Comments + Posted in: celebrate, summer