Even though I’m a Christian, my perspective on life can veer shockingly karma-ward. It’s so subtle that I didn’t start noticing it until a few months ago. Left to my own devices, I believe in a balance to the universe, a mystical, sacrificial bargaining philosophy (well expressed in several Florence + The Machine songs). I’ve had unbidden thoughts like, Well, if only I or [person I love] could have [good thing she has that I don’t], I’m glad it was her. Like there are limits and no good can come to anyone without someone else paying the piper.
This belief might romanticize our sufferings, or help us feel like we have some control over them. But it’s completely unbiblical.
I think I know where some of it comes from, though. One of the most brilliant parts of Daring Greatly (sorry I’m not sorry for still talking about this book) is Brene Brown’s observation that we live in a culture of scarcity. We have a gut instinct that there’s not enough of anything – food, land, love, blessings – to go around, so we scrape and claw for whatever we can get, and once we have it, we defend it ferociously. It affects every aspect of our being. It’s part of why we live by checks and balances and have such a hard time understanding grace.
The fact is, we serve a God of abundance, not scarcity. His resources are limitless, and Jesus paid for everything – our sins and everything else – on the cross. He balanced the books forever. None of us deserve blessings, but they’re all free and God can pour them out on us as much as He chooses. While writing this, I did a search for “abundant” on Bible Gateway and got 46 results, most of them in connection with God’s provision for His people. I don’t believe in prosperity theology, but I could use more reminders that God’s default setting is abundance (non-materially speaking). His goodness, peace, joy, and love are available to me abundantly. In the meantime, if He denies me good things, He’s not just doing it for fun.
Throughout her great book The Allure of Hope, Jan Meyers uses the allegory of a person sitting down to a glorious meal of all her favorite things, prepared by a joyful, talented chef. The person is filled with happy anticipation, but just before the meal is served, she’s suddenly escorted down a hall and into a dark, cold alley. The door shuts behind her, and she’s left alone. She pounds on the door, but no one comes to let her back in. She tries to make sense of what’s happened, convinced that she must have imagined the kindness and good intentions of the chef. It’s an unusual allegory, but the picture it paints is very powerful (to me, anyway) and provides a lot of angles for reflection. Today it reminds me that even if I feel like I’m in the alley at the moment and no one is coming to the door, the feast is still inside and the Chef is still in charge. He’s not presiding over an empty table, but one full of good things. And whenever the door opens, even though my hands are empty, I can partake with joy without washing any dishes.
6 Comments + Posted in: faith, hope
This is my first time participating in Top Ten Tuesday from The Broke and the Bookish! The topic for today is what’s on your spring To Be Read list. Weirdly enough, I almost posted last week about some new releases I’m looking forward to. It’s a sign!
You’ll notice that most of these books have been out for a while. Unlike serious book bloggers, I’m not on top of all the new releases. I don’t have the money or space to buy everything I’m interested in as it comes out, and if I’m able to snag new books at the library, I can’t always finish them within the seven-day limit. So, many of these have been on my TBR list forever, but I finally found them at Goodwill or Half.com.
Clockwork Princess by Cassandra Clare – I’ve loved the Infernal Devices trilogy and can’t wait to find out how it all ends!
Perfect Scoundrels by Ally Carter – I didn’t even know a new Heist Society book was out!
Reached by Ally Condie – No, I STILL have not gotten around to this one. I’ve been avoiding dystopia for my own mental health, so that’s part of the reason why.
Bright Young Things by Anna Godbersen – My BFF gave me this book for Christmas. I was hooked on the Luxe series, and this new flapper-era series will get me in the mood for the new Gatsby movie. :)
Saturday Night Widows by Becky Aikman – A trusted friend told me I would love this memoir.
Still Points North by Leigh Newman – A memoir of an Alaskan childhood, found on Netgalley. It just got a good review in Entertainment Weekly.
At Least You’re In Tuscany by Jennifer Criswell – Another Netgalley memoir that sounds like Under The Tuscan Sun gone hilariously awry. Right up my alley!
Burn for Burn by Jenny Han and Siobhan Vivian – I’ve wanted to read this since its release, and now it’s been optioned for TV.
You’re Already Amazing by Holley Gerth – I’ve seen Holley referred to as “America’s encourager-in-chief.” Sign me up!
Save the Date by Jenny B. Jones – Several friends loved this Christian contemporary romance from several years ago (no Amish characters, yay!).
We’ll see if I get around to all of these this spring!
7 Comments + Posted in: reading
Early Signs of Spring in Memphis
– Daffodils and hyacinths adventurously emerge from the soil.
– The sounds of leaf blowers, mowers, and bulldozers echo through the air.
– A thin coating of pollen appears on your car.
– The Music Fest lineup is released and you debate its merits with friends and colleagues.
– You start thinking about crawfish, BBQ Fest, and Italian Fest.
– Everyone complains about springing forward, but all you care about is that extra hour of light in the evening.
– You walk up Beale to the Forum for the last Tiger home game of the season… and you don’t need a coat!
I had a really great time at the game on Saturday. The crowd was over 18,000, and the “positive energy” (Coach Pastner’s favorite thing) abounded. Kathy and Daniel brought all three of their boys, and we fully enjoyed our last visit to section 224 until next year. WHERE did this season go??
I was going to write a season-ending ode to the Tigers today, but decided to save it for whenever we’re out of the tournament. As March Madness is about to begin, I’m issuing my annual blanket apology for excessive Tiger flailing and bracketology talk on all social media over the coming weeks. Get ready!!
Add a Comment + Posted in: memphis, spring, tigers
I used to do this as Wild On Wednesday. I’m trying to form a regular (ish) blog schedule – bear with me! Anyway, here are some things I’m loving lately.
A few weeks ago I bought a Blu-Ray player. After it was all set up (a long and arduous process), I went to the Redbox to rent a Blu-Ray and test it out. On a whim, I chose Seeking a Friend for the End of the World, an indie from last year. It turned out to be one of the best movies I’ve seen in a long time. A lot of people might not like it, but I found it funny, profound, and beautiful. I’m still thinking about it. Of all the comedians who’ve moved toward dramatic roles, Steve Carell is my favorite. He’s a surprisingly multi-dimensional actor.
Target sells single-serving packets of its delicious granola. After impulse-buying them on every recent Target run, I gave in to a whole box of the blueberry flax. The chocolate hazelnut biscotti is too dangerous to have around in large quantities, though.
My new “Monica” gold leaf necklace is exactly what my wardrobe needed! It’s a little long, so I can even layer it with my gold horseshoe necklace. I’m slowly curating a collection of yellow and rose gold jewelry via Etsy. I think a ring will be next.
Winter has suddenly caught up with my body, and I am not pleased. So my goal is to do this tried and true toning video AT LEAST once a week. It has two parts, but I only do the first, free-weights set because I don’t have an exercise ball. Sometimes I think “Whatever, this isn’t doing anything,” and the next day I can barely walk. So I’m trying to Keep Calm and Trust Denise. The woman is crazy as a loon, but she gets the job done.
Happy Friday!
4 Comments + Posted in: movies, what i'm into
I am a multitasker. In all I do, I seek to be, in the words of Cake, “fast, and thorough, and sharp as a tack.” Because I naturally want to do and know at maximum intensity, it’s very easy for me to overload myself and realize it too late. Despite the lies the world tells us, it’s not possible to do All The Things well. At some point, you end up doing a rushed patch job on everything and then feeling like a failure. Or freezing up and not doing Any of The Things.
I started this Lenten season with a loose plan to make more time for prayer and just being with God. The next day, I had a divine inspiration to make that easier for myself by instituting a curfew. No social media or internetting after 8 pm (with exceptions for family video chats or very quick tasks). I’d gotten into a bad habit of wasting away the evening in front of the TV with my laptop or phone, and while that’s fine in moderation, it didn’t make me feel good long-term. Three weeks in, the positive effects are noticeable. I didn’t realize how badly I needed some silence, and space for my head and heart to breathe. When I’m home, which is most of the time, post-8 pm has become a mini Sabbath to me. With that one change, I stopped feeling pressure to scramble around accomplishing things until bedtime – proof that feeling overwhelmed may have contributed to my vegetating. Now I have a relaxed prayer and Bible time, not rushing through it to get to something else, and then I read or watch a specific show or even write. I’m always behind on Facebook updates now, and various home and craft projects sit unfinished. But after 8 pm, I don’t have to worry about it, and it feels great.
Our world idolizes quantity. We honor those with the furthest reach of influence, the highest sales numbers, the most pounds lost, the most lives touched. We honor them even more if they reach those peaks quickly. These are the marks of success, even within the Christian community. But as much as I fight with myself to achieve quantity, I seem to be destined for a smaller, slower life of quality. Everything about my personality and experiences reflects this fact, and even my realization of it has been slow. I don’t need to learn everything in life “the hard way” – that’s something else entirely. But my progress is repetitive and incremental. I learn and grow in pieces, and quickly forget again. (Thanks be to God for being patient with me.) Everything worth having comes to me slowly. Some people launch blogs, and within six months, have hundreds of followers and are writing articles and books; I’ve had this blog for three years, most of my audience still consists of in-person friends, and I’m just starting to seriously work on submissions for other sites (let alone have them accepted). Some people go on crash diets and lose weight overnight; it took me a year to lose ten pounds, but I’ve kept it off and more. Some people are dating industriously before the ink on their divorce papers is dry; I’m still waiting to go on one date, because I won’t – can’t – go with just anyone. But God made me this way, so I guess He’s being merciful to me, even if it makes me want to scream sometimes.
All that to say, I want to start purposefully giving everything its due time and attention. Not necessarily in the sense of less activity or not trying new things – it’s something deeper. An anti-frantic policy, as Shauna Niequist says. Quality, not quantity. Whether I like it or not, it’s a theme of my life, and it’s time to start embracing it.
4 Comments + Posted in: one word 365, reflections