This Is A Call

Recently, someone asked a group I was in about our callings. Calling, Vocation, however you want to define it, has always weighed heavily on me. I’m still figuring out what I believe about it. Like most people, I would prefer a clear-cut purpose and destiny – to walk a definite path from an early age and consistently advance, because that’s more satisfying and impressive to others. This meandering life can be a liability. I have never known definitively what I “wanted to do” in terms of a career. I’ve always wanted to do too many different things. So I develop my skills here and there as I can, jack of many trades, master of none.

But one of my evolving beliefs is that calling and career don’t necessarily overlap. For many of us, calling is bigger and more nebulous than a title. It’s more tied up in who you are than what you do, and the better you know yourself and how God made you, the clearer your calling becomes. When I thought about my personal callings, I didn’t think daughter, sister, friend or even writer (although I’ve come a long way in claiming that). What came to mind was:

– To love and affirm the people God brings into my life, right where they are
– To write and speak truth so that people will feel encouraged and not alone
– To live as a strong woman of God outside the traditional married-and-mom-by-25 box, help blaze a trail for younger women, and give them hope
– To bring beauty and joy to the world however I get the opportunity
– To do all these things to the best of my ability, not get bogged down in perfectionism, and not give up when I fail (because I will, often).

This list isn’t really one you can drop during a casual discussion group, or put on a business card. It’s not quantifiable. It’s not snappy. Sometimes I struggle hard with that. I feel inferior to people whose roles and gifts are more obvious. I worry that no one will ever look past the surface and see me. But being seen isn’t my job and shouldn’t be my goal.

I’ve come to believe that if I focus on the things I know I’m called to, everything else should fall into place. Maybe I’m shooting myself in the foot by not having a five- and ten-year plan, but I know how quickly those plans can dissolve before your eyes. Right now I’m just living open. Giving God room to surprise me. Working at being faithful to what I know. Right now, that’s enough for me.

About Brenda

Mom to a preschooler with T1D. Paralegal. Swiftie. Xennial. Grizzlies and Tigers. Pilates and Peloton. Books and fanfic. 901 / 305 View all posts by Brenda →