One Word: Release

For the eighth year, I’m doing One Word 365. Instead of making New Year’s resolutions, I choose a word to guide the year. I usually start the process of feeling out my new word the preceding fall. This time, December arrived and I still had nothing. After a few days of focused prayer and very basic thought exercises, a theme started to emerge. I resisted this word at first – it felt sort of passive and “giving up,” not the motivational tone I prefer to strike. So I tried to find something else in the same zone… but then (as often happens) I started seeing it everywhere, and accepted my 2021 fate.

Inspiration

Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are. ― Brené Brown

Having a child meant letting go of easy and embracing difficult. It meant being uncomfortable and anxious, insecure and vulnerable. It meant being fully present in the moment and invested in the future. It meant having enough life flowing through my veins that I had some to spare. – Loretta Nyhan

Let go of the things that no longer make you feel alive. The things you’ve looked at for far too long and said, “Well, maybe tomorrow it will be different.” Quitting fuels the art of letting go, so it would be good to learn how to let some things go: Arguments. Problems. Bad habits. Political debates on Facebook walls. People who don’t really see you beyond who you used to be. – Hannah Brencher

When I’ve been taught all my life to hold tight, all I keep learning is that there is relief in the release. – Laura Tremaine

Reflection

Releasing expectations of life in general. In 2021, we will continue living in a global pandemic, and I will (hopefully) become a first-time mom at 41 years old. These two facts mean I won’t have a lot of control over my external circumstances. I’m here for hope, discovery, and opportunities, but I’m not charging into the year with a list of lofty goals, because who even knows. I think a lot of us are on the same page here.

Releasing expectations of myself and my life. Motherhood will be a huge change. Maybe more so for me than for most, because I’ve lived on my own schedule for decades. Pandemic aside, being active and out in the world is important to both Taylor and me, and we plan to do all we can to maintain a life with the baby. The last thing we want is to be those new parents you never see again. But I know I’ll have to exercise more flexibility and acceptance – as well as try to be patient with my new limitations. I probably won’t be earning trophies in other areas while I’m trying to keep an infant alive for the first time. More than ever, I really need to believe that I don’t have to earn my existence. I can just be.

Releasing the need to stick with habits and practices that are no longer working. I think I do okay with this, but it’s on my list to watch out for.

Releasing my expectations of who my child “should” be, how he’s comparing to his peers, etc. I’m trying to keep this top of mind from day one. I want my son to grow up confident that we will love and accept him for his own unique self.

Releasing other people’s opinions and judgments. This is my Everest. I’ve accepted that I’ll always struggle with it and am thankful for the progress I’ve made. But becoming a mother will put a target on my back. As a mom, I will be subject to a daily avalanche of unsolicited judgment, advice, and commentary. Some mean-spirited, some superior, some just clueless; it’s already started. I’ve even prepared myself for the possibility of losing friendships because they don’t agree with my parenting decisions. For my health, it is paramount that I learn to shake it all off, stay focused, and move forward.

Meanwhile, along with everyone else, I’m navigating our polarized national atmosphere on both a personal and macro level. Every day I’m reassessing my boundaries, deciding when to let go, when to push back, when to “give it to God and go to sleep.” A regular Serenity Prayer practice is probably a good idea this year.

Hopefully more specific facets of this word will emerge over the year, and if so, I’ll write about it. But this is the starting point. While the word “release” isn’t in it, I think the poem below captures the vibe I’m going for.

May I be a person who goes out into the morning and sings.

Previously

• 2020: Peace
• 2019: Love
• 2018: Fearless
• 2017: Abundance
• 2016: Light
• 2015: Enough
• 2014: Alive
• 2013: Focus