It’s official: I’m having this baby in a few days at 39 weeks. So here’s a recap of the third trimester and final countdown!

PHYSICALLY

My third trimester has been a sort of Benjamin Button version of the first: every day I’ve felt a tiny bit worse. I can never find a comfortable position. I have to stand at counters sideways or hunch over the sink. I wake up in the night because my back and pelvis hurt. Foods sometimes taste weird again. The reflux has never eased up. I realize none of this is unique to me, but I’m very excited to be free of these problems!

Around the start of the third trimester, I started experiencing daily spells of weakness and fast heart rate, sometimes with nausea. They sort of wash over me with a warm feeling, like when you’re about to pass out (but I don’t). My OB referred me to a cardiologist, who ran multiple tests and put me on a 48-hour heart monitor. All results showed that my heart is working perfectly, so I still have no explanation, but it’s still happening to this day. I personally suspect it’s blood-sugar related, even though I passed my glucose test (woo!!). Making a point of eating more protein has helped some.

As I’ve mentioned here and there, I’ve been on blood thinner injections my entire pregnancy due to APS. I started on straight heparin, which is a twice-daily shot. Getting the supplies I needed was an excessive struggle. I had to make do with one-inch needles that left my stomach so bruised, eventually I couldn’t find new places to inject myself. When I showed my doctor, she switched me to once-daily Lovenox (which I order by mail). Life has been much better since! However, I had to go back to heparin at 36 weeks, because it clears your system faster for the birth. After nine months of dealing with all this (and this time going to three different pharmacies), I finally found a pharmacist who gets the situation and what I need to administer the heparin without maiming myself. My mind has been blown by this part of the experience. Many people have to go through this kind of drama constantly, for meds they need to stay alive. It should not be this hard.

Despite all this, I really have had a best-case scenario for me pregnancy, and I don’t take that for granted. So many things could have gone wrong along the way, but at every turn, I’ve had the best possible outcome. I haven’t had any of the additional complications that often happen with my various conditions. This is the baby who was meant to live. Thankful.

FITNESS

My aforementioned weak spells pretty much ended any attempts to increase my activity level. I persisted in (heavily modified) weekly weight training, very chill yoga a few times a week, and occasional walks. That’s it. Sometime in the last few weeks, I finally accepted my limitations and forgave myself for not having my dream super-fit model pregnancy. Could I have done it if I really pushed myself? Sure, but it wasn’t worth it to me. This body is going through enough. I’ve put in decades of exercise, and I’m trusting that has and will continue to hold me through this experience. I also have zero intentions of starting a punishing postpartum fitness plan the moment the baby’s out. I will do my best to resist the siren call of targeted ads telling me to reform my body immediately. I want to recover well, and if that means taking things slow, it’s fine. I’m fine. This is big progress.

EATING

Lots of fresh produce, including fruit salads; Think bars and Think oatmeal (high protein); yogurt; hummus; chicken; anything with an Alfredo or white cheese sauce. And the reigning food MVP of my pregnancy, sandwiches with lots of mayo and mustard. (I just microwave the meat first.)

Taylor has gone above and beyond to make sure I get exactly what I want to eat, and has cooked me many special meals that he has no personal interest in. He takes great care of me. <3

BABY PREP

Baby is healthy, active, and looks just like his dad! <3 He has a 90th percentile head and has consistently measured about two weeks ahead. These scans aren’t foolproof, though, so I’m not overly concerned. In any case I’d rather have a “too big,” well-nourished baby than the opposite. At 34 weeks he had suddenly turned breech, so I did a bunch of yoga poses and some flips in a friend’s pool, and thankfully he turned back head down. He might be a little diagonal, though. My doctor is doing a final check on Thursday and I guess we’ll decide then whether I can safely try to deliver him. While I would prefer to avoid surgery, I see pros and cons to both types of birth. I just want what’s safest for both of us, and for the right path to be clear. What I really don’t want is to be in labor for many hours and then have to have a C-section.

This top picture is what the nursery looked like at the end of our home renovation/beginning of the third trimester. It was really upsetting to me as my need to nest increased. As soon as the renovation finally ended, Taylor promised me the room would be cleaned out within two days, and he delivered. We moved in my old dresser that I’ve had since I was four (swapping it out with the former guest dresser) and put new colorful knobs on it. The crib, changing table, and recliner are all from Wayfair. We got a new living room rug (also on Wayfair) and put the previous IKEA rug in here – I think it works perfectly! For some reason we haven’t been in a hurry to hang any art. I have a couple of things I’d like to put up, but we can do it later. With these old plaster walls, you want to be really sure.

We still don’t have childcare locked in for my return to work. My friend/trainer Kara is also pregnant and we’re talking about her watching both babies at her house, but that would be after her own maternity leave, and I’ll go back to work at the end of September. We are on a waiting list at one daycare nearby and need to get on more… not that it really helps at this point, because apparently we were supposed to do that as soon as I found out I was pregnant. We also interviewed with a nanny, but confirmed private nannying is out of our price range. It’s not a good situation. Again, it should not be this hard.

I’m really thankful that I was still able to have THREE outdoor baby showers during this crazy time! One lunch with co-workers, one drive-by shower at my SIL’s, and one by-appointment shower in my backyard. It was great to see most of my friends before the baby comes, and everyone has been so generous.

FASHION & BEAUTY

At this point, I only have a few maternity clothes that still fit and are seasonally appropriate. In desperation, I got a couple of comfy $6 maternity tank tops at Wal-Mart, and one pair of Target maternity shorts. I’m basically living in those items, a few tees, and a Target maxi dress that isn’t even maternity (pictured above). For postpartum, I ordered a couple of Motherhood Essential Nursing Nightgowns and this set of Target PJs that was highly recommended in the Forever 35 Babies group. I’m not sure what non-lounge items I’ll need or how soon I’ll get into some of my regular tops, so I’m trying to resist buying much else right now. (Taylor has helped by hovering disapprovingly when he sees me continuing to browse maternity/nursing clothes online. :P)

My sister passed along at least 20 maternity-friendly bras in a range of sizes and styles, and between those and the few I’ve bought myself, the best one hands down is the Kindred Bravely Simply Sublime Nursing Bra. It’s so comfortable (literally the only one that doesn’t dig into me painfully at this point), provides some lift, and is cheaper than many other popular options. You’re welcome.

I haven’t talked about it lest I jinx it, but I seriously won the skin lottery this pregnancy. My complexion has never been clearer or more balanced. I’ve felt comfortable with a bare face for the first time in my adult life. This and feeling the baby move are the only things I’m going to miss. Maybe I’ll get lucky and not totally revert to my previous unstable, super-oily skin. I also seem to have avoided severe stretch marks, though I’m told they can suddenly pop up on, like, the last day or even after the birth. Fingers crossed! Hair-wise, I haven’t noticed any big differences one way or the other. I always wondered if pregnancy would make my hair straighter – it didn’t turn really curly until middle school, so clearly there’s a hormonal influence. But it looks the same, which is fine with me.

EMOTIONALLY

Things start to get really real in the third trimester, and I’ve had moments where I was hit hard by fear and anxiety. A few weeks ago I was suddenly terrified of going to the hospital. There are so many bad vibes nowadays about hospital birth, which is not helpful for those of us who need medical oversight and don’t have the option of a midwife or a birth center. I’ve worried that I’ll have no say in what happens to me and it’ll all be cold and clinical. I felt better after our virtual hospital class and learning that their policies are pretty aligned with what I want, but I know I’ll be scared again when it’s actually time to go. I am, of course, also scared about how bad the newborn days could be and whether my mental health will hold up. I’m trying to hope for the best, remember that I have a caring and supportive partner, and tune out all comments that damage my calm. Also helpful, I learned there’s a hormone that makes new mothers more aggressive/have no Fs to give for shenanigans, and I’m starting to feel that kicking in!!

I also feel nervous and weird about leaving work… even though I know they legally have to let me come back. It’s tough for me to give up my security, hand my job over to someone else, and potentially put myself on a mommy track. However, I felt better once I heard they got a temp (rather than making someone work two jobs in my absence), and then after I talked to the temp and gave her an overview of the role. I now feel reassured I won’t be coming back to a total disaster.

I worry about how much we’re about to change Rufus’s life, and am praying he adjusts well. He loves people but is typically scared of kids. I’m hoping once he gets used to the baby sounds and unpredictable movements, they can be BFFs. Rufus is truly like our first child and I reject any comments about how we’re going to love him less. We keep joking that at all times one of us is going to be carrying a baby around, and the other will be carrying a cat.

Something I’ve been saving up to mention here: I had to make some mental adjustments way back when we found out we were having a son. Not that I was/am sad or disappointed at all, but I have a lot of nieces, and girls are what I know. The fact is, empowering young girls is fun! I LOVE telling my nieces that they can be anything they want to be, that they’re smart and strong, don’t let anyone box you in, fight the patriarchy. It helps to heal my ongoing regrets about my passive, submissive, zero self-confidence youth. When I thought about having a daughter, it was with I know how to do this, and I can do it better glee. Instead, defending a boy against toxic masculinity sounds… slightly more challenging and less fun?!? Did any other boy moms feel this way? I’ve also already noticed that there are WAY fewer resources for parents trying to raise kind, non-entitled, equal-minded boys. Taking recs. In any case, he’ll have a great example in his father and that’s pretty important. <3

Finally, it’s a special gift to be having a baby at my favorite time of year. I’m a summer person (in case you’re new here) and am excited to have the whole summer to care for and get to know my child. It also gives me the best possible timing for emotional/mental recovery. Now I have one more happiness that will always be part of my existing early-summer happiness. I also feel good about being an older mom, and having him at this time vs. 6 or 14 months ago.

My next update here will be coming to you from the other side. Prayers and good thoughts appreciated!

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Reading

The Other’s Gold by Elizabeth Ames (4 stars) This novel follows four college roommates over a couple of decades. It’s broken into four sections, each centered around a big mistake made by one of the roommates. If you like Laurie Colwin (I do), this has a kind of similar character-driven vibe.

It Sucked and Then I Cried: How I Had a Baby, a Breakdown, and a Much Needed Margarita by Heather B. Armstrong (3 stars) I’m not a huge Dooce person, but I figured she’d have some good insights about new motherhood. Here she talks about her severe postpartum depression and how she found help.

Then and Always by Dani Atkins (3 stars) In this Sliding Doors concept, a young woman loses her best male friend, Jimmy, in an accident that almost kills her (and the rest of her friend group) too. Years later, back in town for one of the friends’ wedding, she collapses and wakes up in an alternate reality where Jimmy is alive.

No Judgments by Meg Cabot (3 stars) An adult romance about Bree, who quit law school and fled to the Florida Keys after a series of unfortunate events. After a hurricane nearly destroys her new town, she and the resident hunk, Drew, try to save all the pets left behind by evacuees.

Dating Jesus: A Story of Fundamentalism, Feminism, and the American Girl by Susan Campbell (4 stars) An introspective and insightful memoir by someone raised in the Church of Christ. Most deconstruction memoirs I’ve read are by people my own age and younger, so I really appreciated the different perspective of someone who grew up in the 60s-70s.

Good Neighbors by Sarah Langan (3.5 stars) An “if you loved Leave the World Behind” recommendation that skewed a little dark and weird for me. In the near future (with climate change having a noticeable effect), a sinkhole opens up on an idyllic Long Island street, setting off some Lord of the Flies-esque insanity that’s been sitting just under the surface.

The Rural Diaries: Love, Livestock, and Big Life Lessons Down on Mischief Farm by Hilarie Burton Morgan (4 stars) As someone who’s watched One Tree Hill in its entirety multiple times, I came to see what Peyton was up to and was charmed by the life she’s built on a farm in upstate New York.

Dear Haiti, Love Alaine by Maika Moulite and Maritza Moulite (4 stars) A YA novel about a funny Haitian-American teenager who spends a semester on the island, working for her aunt’s nonprofit and dealing with her mother’s recent diagnosis of early onset Alzheimer’s. When she finds out about a supposed curse on her family, she decides to do whatever it takes to break it.

What No One Tells You: A Guide to Your Emotions from Pregnancy to Motherhood by Alexandra Sacks and Catherine Birndorf (4 stars) This is what it sounds like – helpful information relayed in a caring, practical tone.

Big Summer by Jennifer Weiner (4.5 stars) This novel starts as a story about a plus-size influencer sort of reuniting with her mean-girl best friend from high school; then it suddenly turns into a murder mystery. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Nothing to See Here by Kevin Wilson (4 stars) Another “mean girl and outcast reunite” novel, but with a totally different tone. Madison, the mean girl now married to a senator, asks Lillian to come nanny for her husband’s two kids from a previous marriage. The kids need special, discreet care because they… can spontaneously catch fire. If you can hang with the oddness, this is a unique and enjoyable story about found family.

Listening

Sigrid has a new banger:

I enjoyed Olivia Rodrigo on SNL and the 90s/No Doubt vibe of this song and performance. I would have been a HUGE fan of hers when I was her age.

https://youtu.be/kiaCdUACJp8

As anyone who wants to know probably already knows, Glennon Doyle and her sister have a new podcast! I’ve only listened to the second episode, about boundaries, but it was great.

Watching

We finished (to date) For All Mankind this month. I can’t believe more people aren’t talking about this show – it got even better in Season 2. The finale was Emmy-worthy.

Most of the time, Taylor and I have a show we’re watching together that he’s already seen. Currently it’s The Americans. It’s good, but as usual I can only handle so much killing and stuff. I do like the “spouses of convenience finally falling in love” trope, though.

The new Pink documentary on Prime is worth watching if you like her. I found it encouraging to see a working mom just taking her kids with her around the world.

Around Town

Thanks to the miracle of vaccines, I’ve gotten to go to THREE Grizzlies games! They’ve increased the arena capacity a little bit each time. For the first regular-season game, they accidentally ticketed us in a media area and ended up putting us in a box suite BY OURSELVES! It felt very luxurious (and safe). Then my MIL and I went to the play-in game against the Spurs – Taylor was also there with some co-workers in another section.

Finally, we went to Game 3 of our current playoff series against the Jazz on Saturday. We lost, but even when we lose there’s nothing like a Memphis playoff experience. It was the biggest crowd I’ve been in since before covid. Despite all the excitement, Whoop That Trick participation, and some looks of concern from other fans, I’m glad to report I did not go into labor at any of these games. Though it would have been very appropriate for us.

Our main bridge across the Mississippi River is shut down due to a massive, dangerous crack that’s been there since probably 2016, but was just discovered this month. It’s… kind of a mess. The Friday night of that week, we decided to have dinner in Harbor Town and then try to spot the crack. It’s very easy to see with binoculars (and maybe even without) if you know where to look.

I was thankful to walk a few hours of the Cooper-Young Garden Walk despite not feeling so great that day. Taylor and I got some more ideas for our backyard!

Baby in Bloom

Debra threw me a final baby shower in my backyard. It was by appointment so we wouldn’t have too many people there at once (though almost everyone who came is also vaccinated). I hadn’t seen so many of my friends since my birthday in August. It was a great day and I loved all the decorations!

At Home

For all practical purposes, the nursery is ready! I’ll have more on this in the third trimester post I’m working on. Assuming I don’t go into labor before I finish it.

We got planters for the front steps and put these Night Sky petunias in them. It was a spur of the moment choice, but they’re turning out to be gorgeous flowers and I would absolutely choose them again!

Taylor built me a new tomato patch at the back of the yard, and the tomatoes are THRIVING. I’m excited for a great summer crop! I planted Cherry 100, Beefsteak, Rutgers, and San Marzano.

Everyone says a reliable beverage holder is important when you’re nursing/taking care of a newborn, so I got this tumbler and recommend it. It shouldn’t spill (much) if knocked over, so I can actually keep it next to the bed overnight, instead of high up where Rufus can’t get it (and neither can I). It really keeps your drink cold – my water is the same temperature in the morning as it was when I went to bed.

Eating

Lots of fruit! We did a fruit pizza for the baby shower (an old favorite from hosting friends’ bridal showers in my 20s), and I made this fruit salad just because I wanted it.

Beauty

I Was Influenced: After watching an Emily Noel video about palettes for spring, I decided to find a bright new summer palette as a last makeup hurrah before I lose my fun money to child care. My Tartelette palette has been my favorite since I bought it almost two years ago, so I decided to go with Tarte’s Unleashed palette. The shadows are as high quality as you would expect and the size is very generous. I’ve been having a good time with it.

Random Happiness

Our owls are back! I’ve seen confirmation on Nextdoor that they’re nesting on our end of the block. For a while this month, they were hooting almost 24/7. I love hearing them, but I also started to wonder if they were okay, or if they knew something I didn’t and I should take heed. They’ve mostly calmed down now. ;)

My favorite roses are blooming again a few streets over.

We went to my BIL’s pool last weekend, and it was a HUGE relief to get a break from gravity for a few hours.

Your Monthly Rufus

I think Rufus is starting to get a hint that something is going on. He’s been getting cuddlier with me and is more curious about all the baby items coming into the house.

Good Reads

• Kacey Musgraves Is In Her Feelings
• A note to new moms from a fellow new mom
• I’m not languishing, I’m dormant
• Multi-Level Marketing Cults & Performative Friendship
• Jesus, John Wayne, and Me
• A Once-in-a-Lifetime Chance to Start Over
• Masks are off — which means men will start telling women to ‘Smile!’ again
• My Beauty Uniform: Stacy London
• The Obsession with “Getting Ahead” in Your Twenties is Failing Young People

1 Comment + Posted in: what i'm into

Main Events

Now that all the local adults in our family are vaccinated, my sister and nieces came for a visit! Last time we were together in October, I had just found out I was pregnant, and my sister was still pregnant with my newest niece, who was born in December. Therefore, this was my first time meeting the baby. After some initial confusion on her part about my resemblance to her mother, we bonded and had a great time. She and Baby C will only be about six months apart! The older girls enjoyed feeling their cousin kick.

Taylor and I had a pretty normal Easter with both sets of parents – thanks again, vaccines!! We all went to outdoor church, and I cooked my traditional Easter menu of pork tenderloin, collard greens, and cheesy polenta. Inspired by this post, I also baked a “robin egg” cake using this white cake recipe and this frosting recipe. It was the best layer cake I’ve ever made and will be my go-to white cake recipe going forward.

We also announced the baby’s name to our immediate family on Easter. We’ve decided to keep it at that and not announce widely to friends or social media until he’s born. It’s not a weird name or anything – we’re just not looking for input, and I felt this was a good compromise with my initial urge not to tell anyone until I was handing them a baby!

On another note, an expected department restructuring was announced at work. I’m still in the same role (for now), but both of my attorneys moved to other positions and I now have a new boss. Not an ideal situation right before having a baby, but the transition has been smooth and positive so far. I’m not sure if I’ll be coming back from maternity leave to this same position or a different one… all I know is that I’ll have a job!

Baby Events

Last weekend I had a small baby shower lunch with some of my favorite co-workers, most of whom I hadn’t seen in over a year. My now-former boss but still co-worker and friend, Mimi, hosted and the others helped. It was wonderful just to be together again. I felt loved!

The next day, my SIL Brooke hosted a drive-by baby shower for me at her house, which was also wonderful! Despite occasional rain and wind, we were able to be out there for most of the allotted time. She really outdid herself with the decorations and favors!

I couldn’t get over this gorgeous flower arrangement.

Reading

That Kind of Mother by Rumaan Alam (3 stars) After devouring Leave the World Behind, I set out to read Alam’s other novels. This one, set in the 80s, focuses on a wealthy white woman and her relationship with her Black lactation consultant-turned-nanny, which ends up changing the course of her life. I had less tolerance for this main character than for the similar one in LTWB.

Love and Salt: A Spiritual Friendship Shared in Letters by Amy Andrews and Jessica Mesman Griffith (4 stars) I saw a quote from this epistolary memoir in something else I read recently, and was intrigued enough to find a copy. It covers several years of the women’s friendship, including Amy’s conversion to Catholicism, multiple pregnancies, and lots of honest and profound thoughts about faith.

If I Had Your Face by Frances Cha (4 stars) This novel follows four young women who are neighbors in an apartment complex in Seoul: a mute hairstylist, an artist juggling a fellowship and a wealthy boyfriend, a married woman with a long-awaited pregnancy, and a high-end escort. Although it’s compelling, it also touches on a lot of topics, many of which are tough and/or not fully explored or explained.

Welcome, Caller, This Is Chloe by Shelley Coriell (3.5 stars) A YA novel about a relentlessly sunny teen who’s forced to help the lagging high school radio station as part of a school project. Having just been ostracized by her two best friends, she quickly makes herself part of the fold of radio misfits. Meanwhile she’s coping with family problems as her grandma, who basically raised her, deals with Parkinson’s. I feel it was a risky author choice to have such a bouncy Pollyanna protagonist, but she was well balanced by the serious subject matter.

Beneath Wandering Stars by Ashlee Cowles (3.5 stars) When Gabriela’s brother is severely wounded in Afghanistan, she carries out his wish for her to walk the Camino de Santiago in Spain on his behalf. His best friend, with whom she doesn’t get along, is her traveling companion. I’ve been intrigued by the Camino for a while and enjoyed reading about the experience.

What Is a Girl Worth?: My Story of Breaking the Silence and Exposing the Truth about Larry Nassar and USA Gymnastics by Rachael Denhollander (3.5 stars) I read this in a day, and recommend watching Athlete A on Netflix either before or after you read it. Denhollander is a true badass whose perseverance brought justice for hundreds of women, including herself.

All Over the Place: Adventures in Travel, True Love, and Petty Theft by Geraldine DeRuiter (4 stars) I recently discovered The Everywhereist and snatched up her memoir when I saw it available at my library. She’s very insightful, and she and her husband are Relationship Goals.

Our Great Big American God: A Short History of Our Ever-Growing Deity by Matthew Paul Turner (4.5 stars) This book has sat in my physical TBR pile for years, and I think it has more resonance now than if I had read it immediately. Turner provides a summary of the Christian movements that have shaped America’s concept of God, from the Puritans to the Great Awakening to Billy Graham. I’m keeping this on hand for reference/as a warmup for Jesus and John Wayne, which is high on my priority list.

Listening

Everything Happens: Jamie Lee: Weddings, Divorces, and Loves That Carry Us

Pantsuit Politics: “A road map to love our backstories” (with Laura Tremaine)

Confession: My attention span for podcasts maxes out around 50 minutes, so I didn’t make it all the way through these episodes, but what I heard was pretty interesting. Be There in Five: Rachel Hollis and the Rose-Colored Glass Ceiling, Part 1 & Part 2

Watching

I crammed in some of my watchlist while Taylor was on a brief work trip. On deck: the Demi Lovato documentary Dancing with the Devil, and more episodes of Firefly Lane (which I’ve now finished – THAT was the ending?!?). My mom came over one night, and we watched Radium Girls and decided my older niece has a strong resemblance to Joey King.

I missed a lot of 80s classics growing up, so last weekend we watched Cocktail. I had a vaguely positive impression of it because the soundtrack was on heavy rotation in our house… but wow, what a showcase of toxic masculinity. Then Taylor told me Risky Business is about an underage brothel?!? All I previously knew about it was the scene with Tom Cruise in the socks.

I don’t know if it’s pandemic brain, pregnancy, or some combo, but I’ve kind of hit a wall even with media I enjoy. I faded out of Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist and have even struggled to focus on This Is Us. I watch most of our Grizzlies games with Taylor, but half the time I’m also reading. I still care… I just feel burnt out or something.

At Home

I’ve been promising a big post-renovation reveal for a while, and I’m sorry to say I’m disappointing you again. I should have taken pictures for a post on Easter, or before my sister’s visit, when the house was spotless. I wasn’t thinking. All I have is this quick living room/entryway picture from one of those spotless occasions. We got a few new furniture pieces this month, including: a blue storage ottoman to replace our old glass coffee table; a new living room rug (the old rug is now in the baby’s room); a sideboard, behind this couch, for storage; and the baby’s crib! I ordered a changing table at the same time, but it got lost in transit (a co-worker joked it must have been on that ship in the Suez Canal) and a replacement is now on the way.

I commissioned my friend and trainer, Kara, who is also a woodworker, to build some shelves for our upstairs hall closet. It’s the only general-use closet we have (#OldHouseProbs) and was totally cluttered and disorganized, while our linens were haphazardly stacked in the soon-to-be baby’s closet. Now I have a real linen closet plus space for other things. It was a huge step toward feeling less chaotic after the renovation.

Our yard gets more beautiful every day! I don’t know if it was the winterpocalypse, hiring a service in the fall to clean up the leaves, or what, but the plants are emerging much stronger than last year (along with some that we never saw last year). I was relieved to see that my birthday dogwood has survived and bloomed. I’m impressed with how the azaleas have bounced back too, although some look better than others. A few will need pruning of the branches that are for sure dead.

We got a new hummingbird feeder, and some dahlias for the front bed.

I was choosier about my greenhouse plants this year and got a few new things, like dill and poblano peppers. Meanwhile, Taylor built me a tomato patch at the back of the yard, the only place that gets consistent, intense sun. I’m hopeful for a good crop – tomatoes were clearly not living their best life next to the greenhouse last year. Gardening can be tough when you live under an urban forest canopy.

The house next door to us and the house on the other side of it sold recently, and our new neighbors (all in our general age range, plus some young kids) seem really great. We didn’t know any of the people who lived there before, so Taylor and I are both excited for a more neighborly situation. When we moved in over a year ago, we had great intentions of getting to know people on our block, but then covid happened. Hopefully we’re starting to turn that around.

Eating

As my pregnancy heartburn/reflux gets worse (yes, even worse), I’m having to eliminate more foods from my diet and eat smaller portions at a time. I can no longer tolerate tomato sauce, so one night Taylor made me this chicken pesto pizza from scratch. <3

Some things I cooked and liked in April: Bowties with Sugar Snaps, Ricotta and Lemon; Sheet Pan Chow Mein; Healthy Banana Bread; Broccoli Beef; Yoga with Adriene’s Clean & Green Enchiladas (my favorite of the month). I’m currently obsessed with sugar snap peas in general, as well as strawberries and cantaloupe. I spent a lot of this month eating all those things in the kitchen straight from the container.

All my pre-pregnancy life, I pretty much drank iced tea all day. I can’t really do that now, so finding appealing and satisfying drinks continues to be a struggle. I’m not a huge plain water person (though it is refreshing sometimes) and several times I’ve gotten really into a particular Crystal Light flavor only to burn out on it and never want it again. The whole berry and lemonade genres are boring me at this point. Last week I saw Orange Vanilla Mio at Kroger and thought, well, that’s different! Turns out it’s pretty good. I’m carefully not overdoing it because I don’t know where there is to go from a creamsicle drink mix. If anyone has recs for something else off the beaten path, I’m all ears.

Wearing

I spent actual months searching for The Perfect Dresses for my maternity photos and baby showers. I ended up getting this ruffled dress from Pinkblush (in light blue, no longer available) for my drive-by baby shower, and this tank dress from Amazon (pictured) for my backyard shower next month and a few maternity pics. I went with a more demure hand-me-down dress for the bulk of the portraits because I thought it would age better – I was worried about the bodycon dress being Too Sexy!! for formal pics, but I ended up loving it. Anyway, it’s very comfortable, and I’d get another if I was going to be pregnant for more of the summer.

Side note: I’ve longed after this dramatic lace maxi for my entire pregnancy, but it was too expensive a risk. In a pandemic I have no reasons to wear such a thing, and it’s a style that I love in theory but doesn’t really work on me in reality. I couldn’t even find it secondhand for under $50. It was nice to dream about, though!

At 8 months, I am now having to get a few things I was previously okay without, like maternity layering tanks. My regular Old Navy white tanks are at their limit. I hate spending money on stuff I’ll only wear for a few weeks, but it is what it is. I’ve also started looking for good pajamas and loungewear for postpartum. I ordered this Target shorts set that someone recommended. Of course the top only covers about half my stomach right now, but the fabric feels great and I think I’ll be very glad to have them later.

Maternity Portraits

Here are some of my favorites, taken in Overton Park by my friend Katie Barber Photography!

Beauty

I got a sample of Tatcha Water Cream as the choice item in my Ipsy bag this month, and I am IN LOVE. I’ve been using it mainly as an eye cream. It feels amazing. Hopefully I can make it last a while – I still have a remnant of Drunk Elephant samples from two birthdays ago.

Wellness

Getting vaccinated has been a huge boost to my mental health. I know the pandemic isn’t over, and we’re still masking up and taking some precautions, but not having to worry about… all that for myself, Taylor, or the baby has lifted a heavy weight. I can hug my family and hang out in their homes, see friends, eat on patios and go places without fear, and generally feel almost normal. For the record, I had very mild side effects from the Pfizer, just a brief headache and some fatigue. Please don’t let fear of side effects alone keep you from getting vaccinated! Even if you have a rough time, it’s worth knowing you’re not going to die of covid.

I went back to church in person for the first time last week. My church is still taking a lot of precautions with minimal people in the building, so with that on top of being vaxxed, I felt comfortable. I figured I should take advantage of these last baby-free Sundays, since after that I’ll probably be out again for a while.

Everyone asks how I’m feeling, and my answer is usually “up and down.” Sometimes in the same day. I still have frequent spells of feeling weak and floppy with a fast heart rate. My OB referred me to a cardiologist, who ran a bunch of tests and determined my heart is working perfectly, so I guess it’s a general pregnancy thing or maybe a blood sugar thing (even though I don’t have diabetes either). I’ve been trying to eat more protein and think that might be helping a little. At this point I’m not doing a whole lot. I go for slow after-dinner walks, I try to do some kind of yoga at least a couple of times a week, and I go to training once a week. That’s it. This month Kara and I had to start modifying more of my exercises – such as, I can no longer deadlift from the floor because my stomach gets in the way. But I give myself points for being 8 months pregnant and still deadlifting anything at all. Late pregnancy in your 40s is NO. JOKE.

Your Monthly Rufus

I like to get a “senior photo” of Rufus with the azaleas when they’re in bloom. He remains skeptical of the whole experience.

A generous friend brought me two huge piles of baby boy clothes. Rufus of course helped with the sorting process by getting his fur on them. None of the changes in our house or my body seem to have clued him in to what’s about to happen. I’ve been researching the best ways to introduce a baby to a cat. I plan to try the suggestion to let your cat rub its face on the socks your baby will wear home from the hospital – then the baby smells “friendly” when it arrives.

Good Reads

• The ’90s Are Back… Beauty Then and Now
• Maybe Getting Back to Normal Is Just As Hard.
• Dorothy Brown: ‘The System for Wealth Building Is Designed to Build White Wealth’
• Making Peace With My Quarantine Body
• The Death Knell For Millennial Pink Has Sounded
• Why we need miscarriage leave (like New Zealand)
• Am I a “Job Hopper,” and Is That Bad?

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Main Events

March: the month when everything comes back to life. Enjoy some pictures of spring coming to my neighborhood!

Reading

The Opposite of Maybe by Maddie Dawson (3.5 stars) In her mid-40s, Rosie finds herself accidentally pregnant by her boyfriend of 15 years. When he reacts poorly and asks her to move across the country, she instead moves in with the ailing grandmother who raised her and a colorful cast of characters, including the kind handyman, Tony. I enjoyed the layered relationships in this story. Also taking recs for more novels about pregnant women in their 40s!

Your One & Only by Adrianne Finlay (3.5 stars) A YA novel about a society of clones and one nonconformist clone who shakes everything up. It’s no Never Let Me Go, but it’s interesting.

I’m Just Happy to Be Here: A Memoir of Renegade Mothering by Janelle Hanchett (4 stars) Last year I discovered and instantly loved Janelle Hanchett’s blog, so I had to read her memoir. It’s more an unflinching look at addiction than it is about mothering, and is therefore a tough read at times, but I think it was important for her to share her story.

Writers & Lovers by Lily King (4 stars) Casey, a writer in Boston, is waiting tables in her 30s while struggling to write her novel and find her way. As several people I know noted, this is a very self-absorbed novel, but I liked it. Strong Sweetbitter vibes.

How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy by Jenny Odell (3 stars) An examination of what it really means to “do nothing,” who’s privileged enough to do so, and how breaking free from algorithm culture is an act of resistance. Odell makes many excellent points, but I didn’t expect this book to be so academic and had a hard time focusing. Maybe that proves her point.

Good Apple: Tales of a Southern Evangelical in New York by Elizabeth Passarella (3.5 stars) Read with my church book club. Passarella, a native Memphian, shares funny stories and reflections about becoming a longtime New Yorker and how her faith and beliefs have changed (or not). I felt like this book kind of didn’t know what it wanted to be – a memoir, an essay collection, a faith book? – but I liked it nonetheless.

The Boyfriend Project by Farrah Rochon (4 stars) Inspired by a true story, this novel starts with three women becoming friends after they publicly bust out the clueless guy who was dating all of them at once. It then focuses on one of the women, Samiah, a computer engineer at a hot startup, who secretly dreams of developing her own app. As she and her new co-worker Daniel slowly fall into a relationship, she relies on her new friends to help her keep her priorities straight. Meanwhile, Daniel has secrets of his own.

Ghostbuster’s Daughter: Life with My Dad, Harold Ramis by Violet Ramis Stiel (4 stars) A touching (if at times a little alarming) story of Stiel’s unconventional childhood and incredible bond with her dad. I honestly didn’t know much about Harold Ramis before reading this, but it exceeded my expectations.

Entwined by Heather Dixon Wallwork (3 stars) A YA fairy tale about twelve sisters that’s been on my Kindle forever. It was okay. I think I just wasn’t in the mood for it.

Listening

This has been my jam lately, for no apparent reason other than it’s awesome. #coldtakes

Some good podcast episodes: Father James Martin on Everything Happens; former NXIVM member Sarah Edmondson on The Confessional; author and activist Mia Birdsong on Everything is Fine.

Watching

I might have mentioned For All Mankind last month, but this was the month I really became obsessed. Highly recommended if you love the space program or even just alternate histories. It is extremely relevant. We’re only one episode behind and then we’ll be caught up and ready for new Friday drops.

Speaking of Friday drops, the end of WandaVision was fantastic. I haven’t started on the Falcon and Bucky show yet.

I’ve seen (I think) four episodes of Firefly Lane and was pretty into it, but keep forgetting to get back in there and finish it.

Travel (!)

Spring break is currently the only time Taylor can really take PTO, so we drove our half-vaxxed selves to Gulf Shores for a few days of cautious, distanced beach time. It’s the only “babymoon” we’re going to get, and having not communed with the ocean in a year and a half, I really wanted to do so before the baby is born. (Though of course, I also want to put the baby in the ocean at the earliest opportunity.) We stayed at a hotel in Gulf Shores State Park that had no other hotels around it – it was easy to find isolated spots on the sand.

Explained to baby that he was at the ocean. He didn’t react. I’m not sure he could distinguish it from the womb sounds.

The water was rough (and cold!) – red flags were flying for most of our visit. While I would normally venture in anyway, I decided to obey warnings for once. My balance is off, I get sudden weak spells, this is not the time to risk it. I was happy just to stand at the shoreline.

We went to the pier and saw three sharks!!

At dinner on the last night (we only ate outside… and almost had to make a scene about it once), I was really craving a frozen tropical drink and asked if they had any mocktails. They brought me this tasty concoction on the house and told me congratulations. It made me so happy!

At Home

After 75 days (I counted), our home renovation is DONE!!! The contractors finished last Friday. We haven’t deep cleaned/staged the house yet, but here’s a sneak peek of the bathroom floor tile, which I love. Expect a big before and after reveal post next month! As I’ve mentioned, the baby’s room has been a holding area for construction materials and random crap, and last week I told Taylor my inability to nest was creating a real mental health situation. He said he would handle it. True to his word, he cleaned out the entire room last weekend (it would have taken me a week plus), and then we ordered a crib and changing table. I feel much better after this progress.

I also commissioned my friend/trainer Kara to build some shelving for our upstairs hall closet. We have no designated linen closet (or coat closet – old house probs) and I’ve haphazardly stored linens in the baby’s room since we moved in. She should be able to install the shelves later this week, and I have new baskets on standby. She’s also building me a blanket ladder, since it’s become clear there’s no good place to store throw blankets upstairs. These items are an important first step in a domino effect of non-baby organizing that needs to happen ASAP.

Eating

Some meals I cooked and loved this month: Air Fryer Salmon with Arugula-Berry Salad; Shredded Buffalo Chicken Sweet Potatoes (amazing, but plan to bake those potatoes for an hour); Spring Chicken Salad Toasts; air fryer coconut shrimp and squash; and best of all, Meghan Markle’s banana bread.

I also discovered a little lunch hack: those three-packs of Hearts of Romaine. Each heart is a great size for a salad of whatever you’re in the mood for, and it’s a better deal than salad mixes.

I’ve always been a trail mix junkie, but I bought an extra-large bag of Kroger Fruit & Nut mix for our trip, and ate the entire thing by myself in about ten days. If this kid comes out screaming for candied pineapple, we’ll know why.

Beauty

While I’m thrilled that curly haircare has expanded so much over the last decade, I’ve found that a lot of formulas are too thick and heavy for my 3b curls. I saw this lighter weight Maui Moisture conditioner at Target and it’s turned out to be just right! It smells great, too.

This month’s Ipsy bag looked especially fun. I haven’t actually tried any of the stuff yet, but I did try some E Galactic Lid Gloss liquid eyeshadow from a previous bag. It turned my eyelids into disco balls. On a workday. I left it on because so what, who cares.

Random Happiness

As I mentioned above and in my second trimester post, I got my first vaccine dose this month (Pfizer), and will get the second tomorrow! My county went from phase 1b, to including pregnant people in 1c, to including their partners, to opening vaccines to everyone over 16 in the space of a month. Hallelujah.

After Valentine’s Day, we decided to have fresh flowers in the house more regularly. These daisies and alstroemeria are still going strong after over a week.

We had our own little two-person bracket pool at home. We both picked Gonzaga to win it all, but other than that, I haven’t done too well. Still love the upsets though!

Your Monthly Rufus

When this clock was on the wall in my bathroom, Rufus stalked it. When it was on the floor in Taylor’s office, Rufus stalked it. Now it has a new home on the wall in Taylor’s bathroom, and Rufus is still stalking it. I often find him in there visiting his clock friend.

More cuteness:

On the Blog

I wrote a very thorough second trimester recap! I’ll be 30 weeks on Friday. Put another way, I’ll only write two more What I’m Intos at most before this baby is born. I’m starting to get nervous, but am also getting excited to meet my son and almost equally excited not to have heartburn anymore.

Good Reads

Next month: things really start to get real. Hold on to your butts.

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The weeks are starting to fly by at an alarming rate! I’m 27 weeks today and thought that put me in the third trimester, but apparently that doesn’t actually begin until 28 weeks. (Math: never my strong suit.) But this post was ready to go, so here it is a week early. Surprise!

PHYSICALLY

Overall, the second trimester has been a huge improvement over the first. I have near-normal energy levels and very little nausea! Baby is active and clearly starting to explore the limits of his space. I’m feeling lots of weird things, like he’s headbutting me or doing “paint the fence” in there. Feeling him move is definitely my favorite part of pregnancy (at least for now before he can do much damage). Once in a while, he really gets going and my stomach jumps around like a bongo. It’s crazy.

HOWEVER: I did not get the promised second-trimester break from heartburn and acid reflux. It may sound like a minor annoyance, but as anyone who has suffered from this knows, it’s not. My throat feels like a clogged drain about to overflow 24/7. I often have to prop up on several pillows to get enough relief to fall asleep. Many mornings I wake up feeling good, but the discomfort comes back the moment I drink or eat anything. Skipping doses of Pepcid always proves to be a mistake. I’m so thankful that this has an end date – people with GERD, you have my eternal compassion and sympathy.

I’ve had restless legs all my life, but the pregnancy version feels different, more rooted in my hips and lower back. If an attack is brewing, no amount of stretching can stop it. Pretty much the only thing that helps is a heating pad. (Pre-pregnancy, I just took an Advil or Aleve.) I’m hoping that taking more walks will help with this. Rufus has always slept on my legs at night, so I have the added stress of knowing I’m bothering him every time I move. I wish I could convince him to sleep next to me for a while.

We got another ultrasound at 20 weeks and the baby looked great! He’s definitely a boy and was measuring ahead of schedule. I should get another ultrasound at my 28-week appointment and am excited for the update. I also have my glucose test next week. Gestational diabetes runs in my family, so genetically my odds are bad, but I’m hoping against hope. I’ve already been on daily blood thinner shots since 5 weeks (for my APS) and reeeally Do Not Want to add finger pricks, insulin shots, and a strict diet to the routine.

I keep discovering things I physically can’t do anymore. It mostly makes me laugh. Stretching up to reach items feels so bad that I now need a stepladder to get things off the middle kitchen shelf. Picking things up off the floor is tough. Crossing my legs when I sit is getting tough. Often when I try to access my ab or hip muscles to do something (like swing my leg over the cat when getting off the couch), nobody’s home. It reminds me of when I first tried to suck in my stomach at about 10 weeks and absolutely nothing happened.

Tennessee just added pregnant people (and their partners) to vaccine category 1c, and I got my first dose of Pfizer this week! Taylor and I will both be fully vaccinated by the beginning of April. I’m so thankful and know this is a privilege – it wouldn’t have been possible for us if better leadership hadn’t just taken over our local rollout. I will not debate my decision to get vaccinated. I did so with the full support of my doctor, ACOG, the WHO, and the CDC, all of whom feel the benefits to pregnant people outweigh any risks. The woman who vaccinated me was also really supportive and kind, and told me I was doing an important thing, which meant a lot to me. I’m thankful to be able to give antibodies to my baby, especially considering the uncertainty around when kids will get that protection. And of course it’ll be a bonus to have a little more freedom and peace of mind before the baby is born.

FITNESS

I’ve kept up with yoga several mornings a week. I discovered the Harlow’s Earth prenatal yoga series and enjoy doing each week’s practice. I also like this 30-minute tabata workout. Prenatal-specific videos are great! You never have to do anything that feels bad or unmanageable.

I’m still going to my trainer once a week, and she’s making sure to incorporate squats and/or deadlifts at every session. She’s also pregnant, and has decided we’re going to be the new moms with killer arms. I’m on board.

Now that it’s warmer and staying light longer (yay!), Taylor and I are walking several times a week. Walking is really the only “cardio” that feels good – I think I’m already too big to run comfortably (especially since I’m out of running shape). I haven’t been able to access my elliptical due to our renovation, so I’ve done almost no cardio so far in 2021. Unless getting faint from climbing the stairs counts as cardio. I struggle emotionally with not living up to my own high pregnancy fitness expectations. If we weren’t in a pandemic, I’d likely still be going to the gym and Pilates and feeling on top of things. Instead I’ve been isolated with limited options, and it’s hard to get motivated to do more. Following pregnancy fitspo probably isn’t helping me feel better, but I am learning helpful stretching and labor prep tips from Expecting and Empowered and Mamaste Fit.

All that said, I feel generally okay about how I look. I felt like a sad, awkward blob for the first trimester, but now I have a nicely shaped bump that reminds me my body is doing amazing things. I mean, this is a miracle bump!

EATING

Thankfully, most of my food aversions went away early in the second trimester and I’ve mostly resumed my regular diet. Even so, I have days or even weeks when nothing sounds particularly good. It’s weird. I try to follow my instincts during those times, and as a result have bought a lot of weird things, like cottage cheese.

Some of my favorite foods this trimester: SANDWICHES, all condiments, sauces, and dressings (continued from first trimester), provolone cheese, Kalamata olives, hummus, yogurt, chicken salads and wraps, oatmeal, quinoa bowls, baked potatoes, ice cream. Confession: I’ve had ice cream almost every night of my pregnancy because it’s the only food that helps with the heartburn. I also go through a lot of strawberries and blueberries, as I have for my whole adult life. Excited to be moving back into the season of abundant, cheap berries.

I’m not a huge fan of plain water, so finding a variety of satisfying drinks is an ongoing challenge. My big obsession is Diet Snapple peach tea. The Crystal Light peach tea is almost as good. They’re both low in caffeine. I think I need the bite of the fruit and fake-tea flavors, because I still have an aversion to a lot of regular teas. I also love the Mango Tropical flavored water from Aldi, and the Crystal Light lemonades.

EMOTIONALLY

In a day-to-day sense, I enjoyed feeling pretty even-keeled in the second trimester – it’s really thrown into relief the hormonal roller coaster I’m usually on. However, my anxiety is rising as the time draws closer. At no point in this pregnancy have I felt like I had anything under control. This is probably something I should lean into, since control is an illusion and all, but every post from a smug mom with her hospital bag packed at 20 weeks has set me back. I am “behind” on almost every getting-ready-for-baby milestone. I have to keep telling myself that this doesn’t mean I’m already a failure as a mom. Meanwhile, due to my various health complications, I need to be emotionally prepared for a variety of birth situations. I’m okay with that part – all that really matters to me is that he’s born safely – but there’s a chance I could be induced as early as 37 weeks. I’m praying against that because I need those three weeks! I think I feel extra pressure because I’ll most likely only do all this once, so there’s no opportunity to do better next time. This is it.

Pandemic pregnancy also continues to bring its own weirdness. On one hand, I’m thankful for the more relaxed pace of life, more flexibility, and reduced opportunities for unwanted commentary and/or strangers touching my belly. On the other hand, I’m sad about not getting to experience pregnancy in community. I don’t get to go to prenatal yoga classes, shop for baby clothes with friends, get prayed over at church, or just generally share this experience in a physical, present way with more than a few people. It can be a little lonely. When I do “go out” (e.g. to the park or Target), I have a higher awareness of being a Pregnant Woman in Public than I think I would in normal times. Any of the traditional kindnesses extended to pregnant women touch me deeply. Also, as we enter the very early stages of finding a “new normal,” sometimes I feel bummed that I never got to give my old normal a proper goodbye. My new normal will be EXTREMELY NEW, with no going back. I don’t totally hate this – I feel ready and even excited for a fresh start in a few areas, and think it will be good. It’s just… another thing.

PREGO FASHION & BEAUTY

My friend Alanna loaned me a large bin of cute maternity clothes in my size, and it saved my sanity (and wallet). I also still have some things from my sister, and Old Navy has filled in the gaps. My favorites so far are these shirts and these distressed skinny jeans. As a long-torsoed person, I love how long maternity shirts are. You can easily wear them with jeans OR leggings! Flexibility! I might have to keep some of these in rotation.

Next I’m looking for dresses for my (distanced) baby showers and maternity photos, one or two pairs of shorts, and maybe a few lounge items for postpartum. I generally find online maternity shopping frustrating. I know being WFH during my pregnancy is saving me a ton of money, but I also feel guilty spending real money on any pieces, because the cost per wear will be so high. I’m having a particularly hard time with the dresses. Lately I’ve focused on Pinkblush listings on Poshmark, but nothing has felt just right yet. I really miss in-person thrifting.

For attempted stretch mark prevention, early on I started full applications of Palmer’s cocoa butter in the morning and Neutrogena body oil at night. So far so good. As a side benefit, my upper arms, which usually look scary after the winter, are nice and smooth.

I have a few patches of dry, red skin under and around my eyes. They just appeared one day, and no eye cream or lotion or even eczema cream has erased them. When they flare up, it looks a little like I got punched. Several women I know (mostly boy moms, interestingly) told me that they got them too, and they’ll go away. So weird. Other than that, pregnancy has been very good to my complexion.

I can still (mostly) tend to my own toenails, but I know that window is closing fast. It’s a relief to think I could maybe get a real pedicure before the birth.

“PREPARING” FOR BABY

As I’ve mentioned, we’ve been in a home renovation for two months, and baby’s room (formerly the guest room, which no guests ever got to stay in because pandemic) has been a dusty construction storage zone. While I love the improvements and am thankful we were able to do this, it’s been tough not to be able to nest. Now that the renovation is close to finished, we can finally start thinking about furniture and setup. A friend brought me a big bag of hand-me-down baby clothes, and I’m excited to go through it and start putting little clothes in drawers.

We don’t have a Nursery Theme, which has caused me a little distress (despite being a first world problem). At this point I feel like narrowing my options will just make it more challenging to put a nursery together. Besides, I love baby sea life and baby dinosaurs and forest animals. So it might be kind of a mishmash with a loose blue/gray/green color palette.

I’ve finally set up baby registries and am adding to them slowly. The initial registry creation required two long Facetimes with my sister to go over every item recommended to me, or that I had randomly chosen. The complexity of baby merch is truly overwhelming, but I’m starting to get a handle on it.

As far as names go, we’re down to two or three front-runners and cannot make a decision. I thought about waiting to choose until we saw the baby, but we both feel it would be less stressful not to make that weighty call while recovering in the hospital. I’m also reaching a point where I want to be able to call him by his name. So we may decide soon, but I’m not sure if we’ll announce the name publicly until he’s born. I find people have fewer loud opinions if you hand them your cute baby and say “This is X,” rather than sharing ahead of time when the baby is still an abstraction.

Gold star if you made it through this novel. That’s all for now!

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