Third Trimester Update

It’s official: I’m having this baby in a few days at 39 weeks. So here’s a recap of the third trimester and final countdown!

PHYSICALLY

My third trimester has been a sort of Benjamin Button version of the first: every day I’ve felt a tiny bit worse. I can never find a comfortable position. I have to stand at counters sideways or hunch over the sink. I wake up in the night because my back and pelvis hurt. Foods sometimes taste weird again. The reflux has never eased up. I realize none of this is unique to me, but I’m very excited to be free of these problems!

Around the start of the third trimester, I started experiencing daily spells of weakness and fast heart rate, sometimes with nausea. They sort of wash over me with a warm feeling, like when you’re about to pass out (but I don’t). My OB referred me to a cardiologist, who ran multiple tests and put me on a 48-hour heart monitor. All results showed that my heart is working perfectly, so I still have no explanation, but it’s still happening to this day. I personally suspect it’s blood-sugar related, even though I passed my glucose test (woo!!). Making a point of eating more protein has helped some.

As I’ve mentioned here and there, I’ve been on blood thinner injections my entire pregnancy due to APS. I started on straight heparin, which is a twice-daily shot. Getting the supplies I needed was an excessive struggle. I had to make do with one-inch needles that left my stomach so bruised, eventually I couldn’t find new places to inject myself. When I showed my doctor, she switched me to once-daily Lovenox (which I order by mail). Life has been much better since! However, I had to go back to heparin at 36 weeks, because it clears your system faster for the birth. After nine months of dealing with all this (and this time going to three different pharmacies), I finally found a pharmacist who gets the situation and what I need to administer the heparin without maiming myself. My mind has been blown by this part of the experience. Many people have to go through this kind of drama constantly, for meds they need to stay alive. It should not be this hard.

Despite all this, I really have had a best-case scenario for me pregnancy, and I don’t take that for granted. So many things could have gone wrong along the way, but at every turn, I’ve had the best possible outcome. I haven’t had any of the additional complications that often happen with my various conditions. This is the baby who was meant to live. Thankful.

FITNESS

My aforementioned weak spells pretty much ended any attempts to increase my activity level. I persisted in (heavily modified) weekly weight training, very chill yoga a few times a week, and occasional walks. That’s it. Sometime in the last few weeks, I finally accepted my limitations and forgave myself for not having my dream super-fit model pregnancy. Could I have done it if I really pushed myself? Sure, but it wasn’t worth it to me. This body is going through enough. I’ve put in decades of exercise, and I’m trusting that has and will continue to hold me through this experience. I also have zero intentions of starting a punishing postpartum fitness plan the moment the baby’s out. I will do my best to resist the siren call of targeted ads telling me to reform my body immediately. I want to recover well, and if that means taking things slow, it’s fine. I’m fine. This is big progress.

EATING

Lots of fresh produce, including fruit salads; Think bars and Think oatmeal (high protein); yogurt; hummus; chicken; anything with an Alfredo or white cheese sauce. And the reigning food MVP of my pregnancy, sandwiches with lots of mayo and mustard. (I just microwave the meat first.)

Taylor has gone above and beyond to make sure I get exactly what I want to eat, and has cooked me many special meals that he has no personal interest in. He takes great care of me. <3

BABY PREP

Baby is healthy, active, and looks just like his dad! <3 He has a 90th percentile head and has consistently measured about two weeks ahead. These scans aren’t foolproof, though, so I’m not overly concerned. In any case I’d rather have a “too big,” well-nourished baby than the opposite. At 34 weeks he had suddenly turned breech, so I did a bunch of yoga poses and some flips in a friend’s pool, and thankfully he turned back head down. He might be a little diagonal, though. My doctor is doing a final check on Thursday and I guess we’ll decide then whether I can safely try to deliver him. While I would prefer to avoid surgery, I see pros and cons to both types of birth. I just want what’s safest for both of us, and for the right path to be clear. What I really don’t want is to be in labor for many hours and then have to have a C-section.

This top picture is what the nursery looked like at the end of our home renovation/beginning of the third trimester. It was really upsetting to me as my need to nest increased. As soon as the renovation finally ended, Taylor promised me the room would be cleaned out within two days, and he delivered. We moved in my old dresser that I’ve had since I was four (swapping it out with the former guest dresser) and put new colorful knobs on it. The crib, changing table, and recliner are all from Wayfair. We got a new living room rug (also on Wayfair) and put the previous IKEA rug in here – I think it works perfectly! For some reason we haven’t been in a hurry to hang any art. I have a couple of things I’d like to put up, but we can do it later. With these old plaster walls, you want to be really sure.

We still don’t have childcare locked in for my return to work. My friend/trainer Kara is also pregnant and we’re talking about her watching both babies at her house, but that would be after her own maternity leave, and I’ll go back to work at the end of September. We are on a waiting list at one daycare nearby and need to get on more… not that it really helps at this point, because apparently we were supposed to do that as soon as I found out I was pregnant. We also interviewed with a nanny, but confirmed private nannying is out of our price range. It’s not a good situation. Again, it should not be this hard.

I’m really thankful that I was still able to have THREE outdoor baby showers during this crazy time! One lunch with co-workers, one drive-by shower at my SIL’s, and one by-appointment shower in my backyard. It was great to see most of my friends before the baby comes, and everyone has been so generous.

FASHION & BEAUTY

At this point, I only have a few maternity clothes that still fit and are seasonally appropriate. In desperation, I got a couple of comfy $6 maternity tank tops at Wal-Mart, and one pair of Target maternity shorts. I’m basically living in those items, a few tees, and a Target maxi dress that isn’t even maternity (pictured above). For postpartum, I ordered a couple of Motherhood Essential Nursing Nightgowns and this set of Target PJs that was highly recommended in the Forever 35 Babies group. I’m not sure what non-lounge items I’ll need or how soon I’ll get into some of my regular tops, so I’m trying to resist buying much else right now. (Taylor has helped by hovering disapprovingly when he sees me continuing to browse maternity/nursing clothes online. :P)

My sister passed along at least 20 maternity-friendly bras in a range of sizes and styles, and between those and the few I’ve bought myself, the best one hands down is the Kindred Bravely Simply Sublime Nursing Bra. It’s so comfortable (literally the only one that doesn’t dig into me painfully at this point), provides some lift, and is cheaper than many other popular options. You’re welcome.

I haven’t talked about it lest I jinx it, but I seriously won the skin lottery this pregnancy. My complexion has never been clearer or more balanced. I’ve felt comfortable with a bare face for the first time in my adult life. This and feeling the baby move are the only things I’m going to miss. Maybe I’ll get lucky and not totally revert to my previous unstable, super-oily skin. I also seem to have avoided severe stretch marks, though I’m told they can suddenly pop up on, like, the last day or even after the birth. Fingers crossed! Hair-wise, I haven’t noticed any big differences one way or the other. I always wondered if pregnancy would make my hair straighter – it didn’t turn really curly until middle school, so clearly there’s a hormonal influence. But it looks the same, which is fine with me.

EMOTIONALLY

Things start to get really real in the third trimester, and I’ve had moments where I was hit hard by fear and anxiety. A few weeks ago I was suddenly terrified of going to the hospital. There are so many bad vibes nowadays about hospital birth, which is not helpful for those of us who need medical oversight and don’t have the option of a midwife or a birth center. I’ve worried that I’ll have no say in what happens to me and it’ll all be cold and clinical. I felt better after our virtual hospital class and learning that their policies are pretty aligned with what I want, but I know I’ll be scared again when it’s actually time to go. I am, of course, also scared about how bad the newborn days could be and whether my mental health will hold up. I’m trying to hope for the best, remember that I have a caring and supportive partner, and tune out all comments that damage my calm. Also helpful, I learned there’s a hormone that makes new mothers more aggressive/have no Fs to give for shenanigans, and I’m starting to feel that kicking in!!

I also feel nervous and weird about leaving work… even though I know they legally have to let me come back. It’s tough for me to give up my security, hand my job over to someone else, and potentially put myself on a mommy track. However, I felt better once I heard they got a temp (rather than making someone work two jobs in my absence), and then after I talked to the temp and gave her an overview of the role. I now feel reassured I won’t be coming back to a total disaster.

I worry about how much we’re about to change Rufus’s life, and am praying he adjusts well. He loves people but is typically scared of kids. I’m hoping once he gets used to the baby sounds and unpredictable movements, they can be BFFs. Rufus is truly like our first child and I reject any comments about how we’re going to love him less. We keep joking that at all times one of us is going to be carrying a baby around, and the other will be carrying a cat.

Something I’ve been saving up to mention here: I had to make some mental adjustments way back when we found out we were having a son. Not that I was/am sad or disappointed at all, but I have a lot of nieces, and girls are what I know. The fact is, empowering young girls is fun! I LOVE telling my nieces that they can be anything they want to be, that they’re smart and strong, don’t let anyone box you in, fight the patriarchy. It helps to heal my ongoing regrets about my passive, submissive, zero self-confidence youth. When I thought about having a daughter, it was with I know how to do this, and I can do it better glee. Instead, defending a boy against toxic masculinity sounds… slightly more challenging and less fun?!? Did any other boy moms feel this way? I’ve also already noticed that there are WAY fewer resources for parents trying to raise kind, non-entitled, equal-minded boys. Taking recs. In any case, he’ll have a great example in his father and that’s pretty important. <3

Finally, it’s a special gift to be having a baby at my favorite time of year. I’m a summer person (in case you’re new here) and am excited to have the whole summer to care for and get to know my child. It also gives me the best possible timing for emotional/mental recovery. Now I have one more happiness that will always be part of my existing early-summer happiness. I also feel good about being an older mom, and having him at this time vs. 6 or 14 months ago.

My next update here will be coming to you from the other side. Prayers and good thoughts appreciated!