I know a LOT of people. Therefore, I’m privy to a LOT of personal needs and tragedies, and sometimes the magnitude of all that suffering overwhelms me. I feel like if I hear one more sad story, one more financial meltdown or shattered dream or murder or man selfishly destroying his family, I’ll have to go live in a cave for a while. I can’t handle witnessing so much adversity. I wonder how I can keep defending the personal love and deliverance of God without visible proof to point people toward. I feel survivor’s guilt that God has been so merciful to me, but not to others in similar situations. I also struggle to remember that it’s not my individual job to help every single hurting person. In most cases I can only pray for them, and while I know logically that prayer is important, it doesn’t feel like doing much.

I’ve heard some upsetting reports this week, so my thoughts were running along these lines when I went to church last night. We usually have small-group meetings on Wednesdays, but last night author and apologist John Blanchard spoke. His talk focused on the book of Habakkuk, and when he had us turn to the first text, I was stunned. Because there was the topic of my own thoughts of, seriously, minutes before:

1:2 O Lord, how long shall I cry for help, and you will not hear?
      Or cry to you “Violence!” and you will not save?
3   Why do you make me see iniquity, and why do you idly look at wrong?
     Destruction and violence are before me; strife and contention arise.
4   So the law is paralyzed, and justice never goes forth.
     For the wicked surround the righteous; so justice goes forth perverted.

Throughout the book, as Habakkuk accuses God of not taking action to defend His people, God reminds him that He’s still in control and is working even now. It’s similar to the book of Job in that, in the end, the writer is assured of God’s sovereignty and the fact that He’s always on the move, often in unexpected ways – even if it takes a long time and circumstances don’t improve. So Habakkuk goes from accusing God, to this:

3:17 Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines,
         the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food,
         the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls,
18     yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
19     God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer’s; he makes me tread on my high places.

We’re all waiting for our own personal rescue or happy ending, and some of us are not going to get it. I don’t know why God chooses to work that way, but He does. All we can do is rest in the knowledge that He is good and never does anything without a purpose. I pray that I, and others in much tougher positions, can take joy and strength in that more and more. Even in the absence of fig blossoms.

It was all very powerful in the speaker’s words (so if it’s not in mine, I apologize). Habakkuk. Who knew?

4 Comments + Posted in: faith, reflections

As grilling season begins, I want to share my favorite grilling recipe! It tastes kind of fancy, but is very easy to make and ready in a few minutes. You can alter it with different fish, different seasonings, or even more tomatoes (because there’s no such thing as too many tomatoes). I bet this recipe would also be great for a camping trip if you had freshly caught fish.

Easy Tilapia with Wine and Tomatoes
Via Allrecipes.

Ingredients:
4 4 oz. tilapia filets
4 Tbsp butter
3 cloves garlic, pressed
4 fresh basil leaves, chopped
1 large tomato, chopped
1 cup white wine
salt and pepper to taste

Directions:
1. Preheat the grill to medium-high.

2. Place tilapia filets side by side on a large piece of aluminum foil (or you might want to foil each individually). Season with salt and pepper and place one Tbsp of butter on top of each filet. Top each with garlic, basil, and chopped tomato, then pour the wine over everything.

3. Fold up the foil around the fish, and seal into a packet. Place packet(s) on a cookie sheet for ease in transportation to and from the grill.

4. Grill packet(s) for 15 minutes (less time for individual packets/fewer filets), or until fish flakes easily with a fork. Open the packet carefully so the steam won’t scald you. Serve with a side salad or some sweet potato fries!

3 Comments + Posted in: food

Volunteer amaryllii on the side of my house

I hope everyone had a nice Easter! My Easter weekend was a much needed time of refreshment. Good Friday was especially perfect – I took the day off, rode my bike on the Greenline to meet Nell for lunch, scored some deals at Ulta, and saw The Hunger Games again. My brother was here for the weekend, and it was so good to spend time with him. I laugh a lot more when he’s around. On Saturday evening, we went as a family to my church’s third annual Easter Eve concert at the Levitt Shell. Drew and Ellie Holcomb performed. As usual, it was a beautiful night and a good crowd.

Of course, Easter itself was wonderful! Everything about the service at church was so appropriate and meaningful. I love the joyful atmosphere of Easter, the songs we don’t sing at any other time, and the shining faces and full pews. This portion of the service basically sums up where I’ve been lately, so I recorded it in my prayer journal for reflection:

I apologize for slacking off on posting here. In addition to being too busy, and consequently feeling burned out on life again, I feel a little paralyzed on the blog front. My thoughts aren’t organizing into coherent topics. I’ve also fallen back into the trap of second-guessing myself and my writing in general. The fastest way to kill your own voice is to shoot for perfection AND try to please everyone else. I know this, so I’ll figure something out.

My roses are going CRAZY right now! More pictures to come.

4 Comments + Posted in: celebrate, family, the writing life

As I often post on Wednesdays, here are a few things I’m currently wild about:

(source)

Tarragon vinegar. It’s the best salad-dressing vinegar ever. Trust me.

 

These skirts (from Banana Republic and J. Crew). I’ll probably try to find similar patterns – all Butterick patterns are a dollar at Hancock this week. I really wish I had more time for sewing.

Karmin. If you haven’t heard of them, they’re an adorable couple who make fun, clean party music. Their album comes out in just a few weeks! I love the singles they’ve released so far, and of course, their impressive rap covers. This one is still my favorite:

Aaaand…. the finale of One Tree Hill airs tonight! I discovered OTH in reruns on SoapNet a few years ago and was instantly hooked. I’ve seen the first four seasons multiple times, but haven’t kept up as well with the later seasons – though I’ve stayed current since January since I knew this was the last season. In terms of major plotlines, the show has never been realistic: teen marriage, teens in trouble with the mob, teens going on concert tours, a group of college-aged friends all becoming millionaires and running business empires, heart transplants derailed by stray dogs, evil men and evil nannies wreaking havoc, multiple kidnappings, repeated near-fatal car accidents, and PTSD severe enough to make a man forget he has a son… just to name a few. But under all the ridiculousness, I love the heart of the show. I love the depth and complicated quality of the relationships. Over time, OTH has inspired me as a writer in a way I can’t really put into words. I hope it gets a worthy ending!

2 Comments + Posted in: music, tv

My 2012 vegetable garden went into the ground yesterday! This will be my third (I think?) year gardening in the same location, but with a big upgrade. My dad built a raised bed out of planks I already had in my shed, extending it down to the far side of the chimney. On Saturday he filled it up with Pro Mix from the local nursery. No more struggling with heavy clay soil! Bonnie plants (my usual brand) were half off at Home Depot this weekend, so I went there and loaded up. Then I spent yesterday afternoon planting!

I picked up about six tomato plants (Better Boy, Early Girl, Arkansas Traveler, Sweet 100, Celebrity, and a grape tomato), a huge assortment of peppers, several squash, cucumbers, and an eggplant. They should all have plenty of room to spread out. Thanks to the extra space, I added herbs too. I usually grow those in pots, so I’m interested to see how they do in the ground. But I reserved most of the new section for watermelons – my brother-in-law’s dad gave me some heirloom watermelon seeds at Thanksgiving! I’ve never grown them before, so I don’t know how much space they’ll need. Either way, it’s still too early for them. I know it seems reckless to plant any vegetables on April 1, but I didn’t think twice about it because it’s already summer here. This March was officially the hottest on record. As in, since they’ve been keeping records.

After trying various unsuccessful watering methods, I’m sticking with a basic soaker hose this year. (Which I will arrange better once it uncurls.) My dad suggested I run it fifteen minutes a day. I already have a watering timer (worth its weight in gold), so we’ll see if that’s the magical amount.

I say this a lot, but I’m SO thankful for my dad’s ongoing help with home and garden things. I get a little more capable each year, and I do as much as I can on my own, but I’m still only one person. People are impressed when they hear that I own my own home and do the yard work and stuff myself, and that makes me feel good, but I could never manage it all without my dad. Because of him, I have a home and yard and garden that I love and feel proud of. I’m very blessed.

I haven’t even talked about the things that are blooming right now, so expect a flower update later this week. I know you’re excited! ;)

7 Comments + Posted in: family, gardening