He sits beside us in the lowest places of our lives, like water. Are we broken? He is broken with us. Are we rejected? …Do people misunderstand us, turn away from us? They hid their faces from him as from an outcast, a leper. Is our love betrayed? Are our tenderest relationships broken? He too loved and was betrayed by the ones he loved. “He came unto his own and his own received him not.” Does it seem sometimes as if life has passed us by or cast us out, as if we are sinking into uselessness and oblivion? He sinks with us. He too is passed over by the world. …God is love, as the sun is fire and light, and he can no more stop loving than the sun can stop shining. …If he does not heal all our broken bones and loves and lives now, he comes into them and is broken, like bread, and we are nourished. And he shows us that we can henceforth use our very brokenness as nourishment for those we love… Our very failures may help other lives; our very tears help wipe away tears; our being hated helps those we love. …The solution to our suffering is our suffering! All our suffering can become part of his work, the greatest work ever done, the work of salvation, of helping to win for those we love eternal joy.
– Peter Kreeft, from the Lenten devotional Bread and Wine: Readings for Lent and Easter
Grieving your dreams is like running from the Terminator. The fight never ends, it only changes. You can keep killing the grief, a thousand times, in a thousand ways, but it keeps coming back at you in different guises. It can catch you off guard, and as you recognize it for what it is, you think You again? How can this be? I watched you fall into that cauldron full of lava!
Or this (weird) image I thought of recently: it’s like a burning stack of papers on a stone floor. You carefully, thoughtfully burn your way through all the layers, and eventually you hit the solid ground, the quiet baseline that will always be with you. You feel the landing in your soul, a completion, a peace at having reached the bottom. But what you don’t know is that there’s a string fuse at the bottom, and it leads to a new, different stack of papers. So when that stack starts to burn, you’re discouraged and, frankly, angry. You wonder if there is any point to it all. You wonder if there will ever be real beauty to replace the ashes.
I don’t know what the above quote looks like, in a practical sense, in my life. I don’t know if God will ever heal some of my broken bones, or how to really gain comfort from His presence in them, or how to make them part of His work. I believe that it’s all true, but it’s hard when you can’t feel or see it. You just keep sitting in the dark, waiting for some kind of light.
3 Comments + Posted in: faith, grief
I’m loving the bright colors of spring blooming all over town. Yesterday, while lunching at a park, I had to take pictures of these beautiful, vibrant tulips!
3 Comments + Posted in: spring, weather
As everyone knows, the Tigers lost to St. Louis on Friday night in their first NCAA tournament game. It would have been more bearable if they had played “the Memphis way” and lost to a better team, but it was obvious right away that they were nervous and off their game. It broke my heart to see such a promising season end so badly. After the game I felt bereft and seriously didn’t know what to do with myself. I mean, my next couple of weeks were planned around basketball – now what am I supposed to do? But by Saturday morning, I had mostly shaken off my emotional hangover. A friend told me she was proud of me for getting out of bed and making plans for the day. LOL.
I feel great affection and pride for the players as individuals, even though I’ve never met any of them, and it hurt me to see them go out like that. Happily, most of them will be back next year (including, I hope, Carmouche! He’s my favorite, but sat out most of the season and is now trying to redshirt). Also, for those who don’t know, most of the starters are native Memphians. My favorite part of the starting lineup at every home game is hearing “From Memphis, Tennessee” again and again. How many major college teams have that much hometown talent? It’s something special.
Do you think I have enough game day shirts?
I hope the Tigers close their ears to the haters and know that their fans are still behind them. I’ve read a couple of articles that made me want to cry, and the calls to fire Pastner are so excessive and reactionary. Are Duke and Missouri turning on their coaches with torches and pitchforks? I stand behind Pastner. I think he’s an outstanding human being who knows basketball and knows what he’s doing. Bad days happen. Sometimes they happen in the national spotlight at the worst possible time. But you move on and continue to build. As for me, I stand ready to buy season tickets for what I’m sure will be an amazing 2012-13 season. TIGER FOR LIFE. GO TIGERS GO!!!
Add a Comment + Posted in: memphis, tigers
Last weekend I did a little decor spring-cleaning around the house! If you follow me on Pinterest, you know that I LOVE wreaths for all seasons. Recently I pinned a bunch of spring wreath ideas, but then I was inspired by something completely different at TJ Maxx.
A basic straw wreath provided the base. I cut up four stems of these pale lavender fake flowers and stuck them into the straw, all facing the same way, for a swoopy effect. I added a few little white birds for extra interest. All the materials are from Hobby Lobby and cost a total of $15. Not bad at all! I don’t know if I’d use a straw wreath again, though – it was a MESS. I had to sweep and vacuum my whole work area after the wreath was hung. Originally I wanted to use a floral styrofoam base, but this was cheaper and more natural-looking.
I also refreshed the mantel! I picked up this aluminum tray with nice lines at a thrift store for three bucks, and painted it with chalkboard paint (a project I’ve wanted to do for a long time). I’ll write something more inspiring on it after the tournament’s over. :) I already had the fake tulips and candles, and the trophy-cup plant is my favorite and has been on the mantel for years. This is a pretty sparse (and probably badly arranged) mantel by popular design standards, but I’m happy with it. If I had a strand of ivy or some other greenery, it would be perfect!
Happy weekend everyone!
PS – The road to the Final Four starts tonight. GO TIGERS GO!!! :)
3 Comments + Posted in: domestic, spring
Every once in a while, I make a breakfast smoothie consisting of Light & Fit yogurt, milk, strawberries, peanut butter, and a little honey. Realizing that the peanut butter is the best part, I was inspired to look for a peanut butter muffin recipe with a reasonable calorie count. Surprisingly, I hit the jackpot right away with this Skinnytaste recipe. The secret is a natural substitute called Better N’ Peanut Butter. I’m leery of food products (or any products) with N’ in their names, but this stuff really is natural – they sell it at Trader Joe’s. So despite my skepticism and the $6 price tag, I gave it a try and was pleasantly surprised. (It’s available at Target for those of us who don’t have a Trader Joe’s.)
These muffins are SCRUMPTIOUS, and lighter and fluffier than most of my go-to recipes. I ate two straight out of the oven.
Peanut Butter Banana Muffins
Via Skinnytaste. Makes 12 muffins, 160 calories each. With real peanut butter, they’re about 190 calories each.
Ingredients:
3 medium ripe bananas
1/3 cup unsweetened applesauce
1 ¼ cups all-purpose flour (can substitute some whole wheat flour)
1/3 cup light brown sugar
10 Tbsp Better N’ Peanut Butter (divided into 8 Tbsp and 2 Tbsp)
2 large egg whites
2 Tbsp butter, softened
½ tsp vanilla extract
¾ tsp baking soda
¼ tsp salt
Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 350 and line a muffin tin. Mash bananas in a bowl and set aside.
2. In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking soda, and salt. Set aside.
3. In a large bowl, cream butter and sugar with an electric mixer. Add egg whites, bananas, applesauce, vanilla, and 8 Tbsp peanut butter. (If you forgot to mash the bananas, like I did, you can break them up and toss them in at this step. They blend just fine.) Beat at medium speed until thick. Scrape down sides of the bowl.
4. Add flour mixture, then blend at low speed until combined. Do not overmix.
5. Fill each muffin cup halfway, then add ½ tsp peanut butter to the center of each muffin. Top off with remaining batter. (I didn’t do this, but it got rave reviews on the original post.) Bake on the center rack for 25 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean.
5 Comments + Posted in: baking