Over the past week or so, underneath my basketball excitement, I’ve been in a funk. However happy I am with my life (and I do have a GREAT life), the fact remains that I’ve been handed a pretty crummy, unfair situation… single again at 32 with major emotional scars and no hope on the horizon. Sometimes it’s just hard. Sometimes I just get mad. While relationships come easily to other people, I have to keep depressingly low expectations. I know there must be good reasons why I’m still so single when almost every other divorced person I know was actively dating again within six months or less. A lot of it is due to my own pickiness and attempt at wise choices, and I thank God for protecting me or whatever He’s doing. But it would be really nice at least to have male friends. Before I was married, I mostly hung out with guys, and I miss having a male presence in my life not related to me. Someone I can talk to and go to sporting events with. My close friends are married to great guys and I consider them my friends too, but it’s not the same. You can’t really hang out with someone else’s husband.

Anyway, two things have straightened me out this week. One was remembering that God doesn’t owe me anything. If He took everything away from me except His love, it would still be more than I could ever repay. The mere fact that I’m still breathing is a statement of His mercy, let alone all the other extravagant blessings He’s given me. So if He decides I’ll live a nunlike existence for the rest of my life, I have no right to feel angry or resentful. I also need to shake off my elder-brother syndrome regarding other people’s relationships. I can’t take the credit for conducting myself “better” than some in a difficult situation, nor have I earned a happy ending.

The second thing was this Tim Keller sermon I listened to yesterday (Tim Keller groupie!). The sermon is about Hosea. If you don’t know his story, Hosea was a prophet whom God called to marry a prostitute, to remain faithful to her and keep going after her no matter how many times she betrayed him. The whole thing is meant to symbolize God’s relationship with Israel, and later, Christ’s relationship with the Church. It’s an emotionally difficult story that I thought about a lot in the last six months of my marriage. At one point, Dr. Keller says that God is telling us, “Until you understand this experience of being betrayed by the person closest to you, you can’t fully understand My heart for you.” When I heard that, I got major goosebumps. There are many mysteries I don’t understand, but my heart is fluent in that experience. In the early days, I knew that in the midst of the pain, God had given me a gift. A deep, personal way to identify with Jesus, know His heart toward me, and appreciate it more fully. I had forgotten about that, but now I’m reminded that I’m blessed, not cursed. Chosen, not rejected. Equipped, not put on the bench. It brings a much needed sense of revival.

This is a lot of honesty for a public blog, but if it encourages even one person, it’s worth it.

7 Comments + Posted in: faith, singleness

This weekend was a total Tiger immersion. On Friday night, my dad went with me to the Conference USA tournament semifinal against UCF. I’d never been to a conference tournament game before and wanted to take advantage of having it here in Memphis. The Tigers only have one more year in C-USA, and then they’ll be in the Big East, which has its conference at Madison Square Garden every year. While I’m not ruling out traveling to NYC for basketball, I’m not counting on it either, so this was a special experience.

The Tigers won decisively, moving on to the championship game against Marshall on Saturday morning! So just a few hours later, I came back downtown, this time with Kathy and Daniel… ending the season the way we started it!

Unexpected Pyro

 

I made this sign for my dad, who thought it would be hilarious. I waved it around every time Will (Barton, C-USA Player of the Year) did something awesome.

Although things were a little iffy at first, in the end the Tigers won 83-57, and there was MUCH JUBILATION.

   

It was glorious.

After the game, we went to the Kooky Canuck (a downtown restaurant) for the post-game show, which we hadn’t done all season. None of the players showed up, but it was fun to celebrate with the radio guys and other fans.

Yesterday I met Kathy and Daniel at Buffalo Wild Wings to watch the selection show! None of us were thrilled about the Tigers’ 8 seed (when they should have been a 6 or even a 5), or being in the West bracket again (why do they always put us there?), or the fact that we have to play Michigan State in the second round. But I tried to remember that about six weeks ago, we were worried about getting into the tournament at all. And in the end, all the analysis means nothing because ANYTHING could happen. That’s what makes March Madness so great!

I’d be very pleased if we made it to the Sweet 16. Not many “experts” have us going even that far. But if we get to the Final Four, I’m going to New Orleans. Stay tuned! :D

Add a Comment + Posted in: friends, tigers

I’ve had this recipe in my binder for a long time, and finally prepared it last weekend. There’s not much to it ingredient- or time-wise, but I liked it! My old oven didn’t really have a broil setting, so using the broiler still feels fancy to me.

Cheesy Spinach Artichoke Pasta
From Real Simple. Serves 4.

Ingredients:
8 oz. rigatoni, macaroni, or other short pasta (I’m partial to Ronco Large Elbows)
1 14-oz. can artichoke hearts, rinsed and quartered
1 9-oz. package frozen creamed spinach, thawed (I just tossed in some fresh spinach)
1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
2 cups grated mozzarella cheese
Salt and pepper

Directions:
1. Cook pasta in a medium to large pot according to package directions. Drain and return to the pot.

2. Add artichoke hearts, spinach, Parmesan, half of the mozzarella, and 1/4 teaspoon black pepper. Toss to combine.

3. Heat the broiler. Transfer the pasta mixture to a 2-quart or 8-inch square broilerproof baking dish. (Apparently neither Pyrex nor Corelle are broiler safe, so I had to use a Calphalon cake pan.) Sprinkle with the remaining mozzarella.

4. Broil until the cheese is browned in spots, 2-3 minutes.

March Madness has begun and I’m in with both feet. I have tickets to this afternoon’s C-USA semifinal, plan to go to the final tomorrow morning if the Tigers make it, and already have Selection Sunday plans with Kathy and Daniel. Prepare for many posts and tweets about basketball. :) Enjoy your weekend!

2 Comments + Posted in: food, tigers

Last weekend I read one of the best novels I’ve read in a long time. Since I’m still thinking about it, I thought it deserved its own post. Not many books have made me laugh AND cry on the same page, but this one did. I couldn’t wait to finish it, I hated for it to end, and then I wanted to start over again.

The Fault In Our Stars by John Green is the funny, sweet, sad love story of two Cancer Kids. At 16, Hazel lives in a sort of suspended animation, her lung tumors stalled (likely temporarily) by an experimental drug. At a support group, she meets Augustus, a smart, sardonic former osteosarcoma patient with one leg. Their bond is instantaneous. After swapping favorite books, they decide to go to Amsterdam to confront the author of Hazel’s favorite book, an eccentric recluse who won’t answer any of his fan mail. Hazel wants answers about the book, and Augustus is determined to help her get them in the time she has left.

I thought I knew where the story was going, but it surprised me. Still, I loved it. I loved Hazel and Augustus, their relationship (they fall in love with each other’s words – it doesn’t get much more romantic for me), and both of their wonderful relationships with their parents. I loved the quirkiness and realness of the plot. And after reading this, I feel like I have a much better understanding of what it’s like to have a terminal disease.

I’ve read one other John Green book (An Abundance of Katherines) and thought it was witty and original, but this book is in a league of its own. There are a lot of funny, and true, comments on Goodreads about his mastery of the English language putting everyone to shame. He definitely has a special talent.

Some of my favorite quotes from the book:

“Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you.”

“As he read, I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once.”

“Sometimes, you read a book and it fills you with this weird evangelical zeal, and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless and until all living humans read the book. And then there are books which you can’t tell people about, books so special and rare and yours that advertising your affection feels like a betrayal.”

“You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, old man, but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices. I hope she likes hers.”

“We are literally in the heart of Jesus,” he said. “I thought we were in a church basement, but we are literally in the heart of Jesus.”
“Someone should tell Jesus,” I said. “I mean, it’s gotta be dangerous, storing children with cancer in your heart.”
“I would tell Him myself,” Augustus said, “but unfortunately I am literally stuck inside of His heart, so He won’t be able to hear me.”

“Sometimes people don’t understand the promises they’re making when they make them,” I said. Isaac shot me a look. “Right, of course. But you keep the promise anyway. That’s what love is. Love is keeping the promise anyway.”

5 Comments + Posted in: reading

Here are some things I’m currently wild about:

I’ve gotten some good mail over the last week or so! My friend AJ, who lives in Belgium, sent me this bright scarf that happened to match the shirt I was wearing that day:

She also knitted me a little rabbit! It’s actually the second one she’s sent me – the first still lives on my nightstand. Now he has a friend.

Last February I visited Jessica in Oregon for a women’s conference. I couldn’t go this year, which was a bummer because Carolyn Custis James was the keynote speaker. But Jessica sent me a surprise copy of the latest book, Half the Church, signed by the author herself!

She even included a picture of CCJ signing the book. How thoughtful is that? :)

In other news, I found the perfect orange bag at TJ Maxx!

It’s roomy but not too large, structured but not too fussy, well-made, and has a TON of pockets. But what pushed me over the edge was the matching umbrella in a special pocket at the bottom of the purse. I’ve been getting by with one falling-apart umbrella for several months, so since I needed a new umbrella anyway, why not get a bag too? ;)

I haven’t found any orange or yellow flats, not even at DSW, but this dose of orange ought to satiate me for a while.

Finally, my cats were especially cute last weekend:

 

 
On Sunday afternoon I realized I hadn’t seen Gandalf in a while, so I went looking for him and found this:

 What an adorable weirdo.

9 Comments + Posted in: cats, fashion, reading