I find it almost impossible to settle on one “favorite” anything. But if asked to name only one favorite movie, When Harry Met Sally is usually my choice. Like some others I’ve mentioned, this movie is so embedded in the pop culture lexicon that I don’t have much to say about it critically. It’s a beautiful, funny story of two people who become unlikely best friends and gradually fall in love over a period of years.
Aside from all the sleeping around, WHMS is pretty much my ideal love story. I strongly believe that the best marriages are between people who were friends first. Once the initial excitement fades and you start really living life together, a solid foundation of friendship is critical. I don’t necessarily believe you have to be friends for a long time before taking things to the next level, but it should be an element of the relationship from the beginning. You need shared interests, shared experiences and adventures, enjoyment of each other’s company… not just loving each other because you have to, but truly liking each other. Of course a marriage can survive without friendship, but who would want that when the other way is so much more fulfilling? Your spouse is the only person who’s required to stick with you for the rest of your life. If he or she isn’t your best friend, it seems like a sad waste.
I’ve read (Christian) books advising NOT to marry your best friend, implying that friendship and romantic attraction, philios and eros, absolutely cannot coexist (at least for men). I call BS on that philosophy. I have a right to – it was one of the reasons my ex gave me for ending our marriage. (We were good friends for three years before dating.) In my opinion, that’s a pretty immature and short-sighted way to look at love.
This topic is close to my heart, and I’ve had some interesting discussions about it with friends this year. I’ve sadly concluded that the “best friends who fall in love” plotline becomes less and less plausible as one gets older. It requires a certain amount of cluelessness about your own feelings (personally, I’m way too self-aware not to know if I’m in love with someone, and I’m not necessarily saying that’s a good thing), and about your place and stage in life. Thus, it’s a lot more likely to happen when you’re young, naïve,and have the luxury of not being intentional about everything. But I still think there’s nothing more romantic than realizing the person you’re meant to be with is the person who’s been right next to you and loving you all the while.
7 Comments + Posted in: love, movies
Over these last few months, I’ve really fallen off the cooking bandwagon. More often than not, my dinner consists of salad, a veggie omelet, or embellished Lipton broccoli and cheese noodles. While there’s nothing wrong with those tasty choices, I promised myself that I wouldn’t fall into a lazy dinner rut. So the other night, I came home determined to cook a real meal. This fit the bill nicely – artichokes and/or roasted red peppers seem fancy and indulgent to me. It was also exciting to use the peppers I roasted myself! I must have done an okay job with them, because I didn’t get sick. LOL.
Chicken with Artichokes and Roasted Red Peppers
Ingredients:
3 chicken breasts
½ cup chopped onions
3 tsp chopped garlic
1 cup chicken broth
1 can artichokes, quartered
½ jar roasted red peppers, sliced
1 cup cherry tomatoes, quartered
½ tsp crushed red pepper
2 Tbsp flour, dissolved in water (optional, for thickening – I skipped it)
Directions:
1. Season chicken breasts with salt, pepper and garlic, and set to cook on a George Foreman grill.
2. Spray a large skillet with cooking spray, and cook onions and garlic over medium heat. Once onions are clear, add chicken broth and reduce a bit.
3. After about five minutes, add artichokes and roasted red peppers. Remove chicken from the grill and slice into strips. Add to skillet. Add tomatoes and crushed red peppers and simmer for 5 minutes.
4. Add flour if sauce is too runny. Thicken and serve. Great over couscous!
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I lived in a dorm for all four years of college (well, three years in a dorm and then one year in on-campus apartments). Despite the less-than-stellar lodging, it was one of the best times of my life. Recently my heart has been longing to live in a dorm again – or the grown-up version, living on a street or in a neighborhood with a bunch of friends. I’m generally still leery of the roommate thing, for many reasons – my innate protectiveness of my own space, combining belongings while still having to keep track of Mine and Yours, fear of someone’s boyfriend being there all the time and preventing me from relaxing in my pajamas. But if I could have close community and keep my home and my space? That would be perfection.
What I miss about dorm life is the easy, spontaneous social interaction; the comfort of being one bee in a massive hive. Friends were naturally part of my days. I could be alone if I wanted to, but if I wanted company for a walk, or for dinner, or just to watch a favorite show, a friend could be available in five minutes. If all else failed, I could go to a common area and see who was around. Hanging out was flexible, not a commitment that had to be penciled in weeks ahead of time. (There was also an element of excitement, because you never knew who you might run into or where the day/night might take you.) As adults with responsibilities, we inevitably lose a lot of that freedom, but I don’t believe we have to lose all of it. If I lived really close to a bunch of like-minded friends, there would be no reason why I couldn’t call someone at 7:30 on a Monday night and say, “Hey, want to come over for a few minutes and talk while I fold this laundry?” Or, “I baked a cake, want to stop by and keep me from eating it all by myself?” They could also call me and say, “Could you come entertain the baby for half an hour so I can get something done?” It goes both ways.
I think a lot of people – married and single – long for this kind of day-to-day involvement in each other’s lives. I’m experiencing a great sense of community at my church, which is something I’ve needed and prayed for for a long time, and I’m truly thankful and thrilled about it. But it’s not quite the same as what I’m talking about here. I live across town from most of my friends, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. But hopefully this season of aloneness is temporary… in one way or another.
3 Comments + Posted in: community, reflections
Sorry this is a little late. September was a quality-over-quantity month – three of these books were five-star reads!
Grace For the Good Girl: Letting Go of the Try-Hard Life by Emily Freeman
It’s hard for me to talk about this book concisely, yet I can’t stop talking about it in general. I am a Good Girl in the bone, and this book highlighted truths that God has already taught me through experience, as well as lots of things I’m still learning. It is freeing, encouraging, and life-changing. I want to hand out copies to every woman I see. I’d like to write a few posts about it, if anyone is interested.
Love, Charleston by Beth Webb Hart
I don’t often judge a book by its cover, but this gorgeous cover drew me in. While I enjoyed the story – about two adult sisters and their cousin, and the new priest at their historic church – and the charming setting of Charleston, something about it was a little disconnected. One of the sisters suffers from the most extreme case of postpartum depression I’ve ever heard of, and it’s never fully explained. The main romance takes place almost entirely “offscreen.” Things happen abruptly. I almost got the feeling this was written for NaNoWriMo or something.
The Help by Kathryn Stockett
I’m pretty much the last person to read this, so just add my praise to the chorus. What an excellent and inspiring story. I think the book and/or the movie should be part of the curriculum in modern US history classes – they really brought the day-to-day realities of the civil rights movement to life for me. The strength of Aibileen, Minny and Skeeter will stick with me for a long time. Amazing.
Goliath by Scott Westerfeld
The perfect ending to a perfect trilogy. I believe the Leviathan books are destined to be classics. There’s something brilliant, unique, and timeless about them that people of all ages can enjoy (although the whole fabricated beasts thing might be too much for young kids to grasp). As I said recently, I think they have a well-rounded, Princess Bride-ish quality. Goliath is also very romantic in a wholesome way, and I teared up at several points. (True, I am very emotional, but if you don’t feel something at that ending, you are MADE OF STONE.) It may be the final push for me to write a post about relationships and “marrying your best friend” that’s been percolating for a while. I also want a Bovril of my own, although my cat Gandalf is pretty perspiscacious himself. Anyway, I will love these books forever. And maybe we can look forward to a movie someday – for any Westerfeld fans who haven’t heard, the Uglies movie is finally happening!
Books for September: 4
2011 year to date: 59
3 Comments + Posted in: book reviews
I was perusing my quotes file this week, and came across this excellent one from the book The Soul Tells A Story:
Creative people learn to savor whatever befalls them. Sometimes we wallow in wonder, sometimes we wallow in sorrow or confusion. But we learn to notice the finer details, even when those details wound or confound us. When you approach experience in this way, you do become less of a victim and more of a creator. You gain some power when you choose to partake of any experience more wholeheartedly. You are not merely a person to whom things happen; you are a person who takes hold of whatever happens. That’s a huge difference.
– Vinita Hampton Wright
3 Comments + Posted in: quotes