I painted my nails this past Sunday fully expecting them to be ruined by Thursday. Amazingly, they still look great and are only a little chipped at the tips. I bought this polish at the dollar store in the seventh grade. It’s Meloncholy by Cutex. They really don’t make things like they used to!
In other news, my new couches are finally ready! Henco agreed to deliver them for half price, because I was told “no later than four weeks” and am now unable to go pick them up for the next while. They seem to think “four weeks” means one calendar month. I think it means four weeks. So we had to compromise. I’m willing to pay the half if it means not driving out there again.
3 Comments + Posted in: domestic
I go through phases of loving and then being sick of breakfast smoothies. I’ve been loving them ever since I discovered a smoothie recipe consisting of:
milk
plain or vanilla yogurt (I like Light n’ Fit)
strawberries
peanut butter
honey
I don’t remember the prescribed amounts…use your own judgment. :) I usually add two or three ice cubes to increase the thickness. The other day, I substituted blackberries and almond butter because that was what I had on hand. The risk paid off – it was DELICIOUS. I would have had another one for breakfast today if I hadn’t accidentally shut off my alarm and overslept. Instead I grabbed a Fruit n’ Yogurt Parfait on the way to work.
(Tybee Island, Georgia)
One thing I’m having to realize over and over during this time is the importance of living in the moment. The effect on my mental health cannot be overstated. As long as I focus on the day-to-day, I feel okay, even hopeful and happy. Then my goal-oriented brain says, “Better now! Time to look at the big picture!” Thus I’ve learned that the fastest way to make grief crushing and unmanageable is to think about an entire lifetime of dealing with it, to start making long-term plans around your Plan B reality.
I’ve always been a planner, by nature and nurture. Not having the future figured out is scary and makes me feel irresponsible and even guilty. But I know God has been trying to teach me for years to be still and leave things in His hands. After giving myself permission, again, to stop thinking long-term, today I feel peace for the first time in weeks. I don’t think that’s a coincidence.
I will go before you and will level the mountains;
I will break down gates of bronze
and cut through bars of iron.
I will give you the treasures of darkness,
riches stored in secret places,
so that you may know that I am the LORD,
the God of Israel, who summons you by name.
– Isaiah 45:2-3
3 Comments + Posted in: divorce, faith
My pre-birthday weekend was good! My sister Debra threw me a small party at my parents’ house with most of my close friends. She insisted on putting the correct amount of candles on the cake. I managed to blow them all out in one breath (flute skills never leave you), but I’m thinking next year a “3” candle and a “2” candle will be the way to go.
I got many nice and meaningful gifts, but Debra’s was the most special. A few Christmases ago, before she and her now-husband started dating, I gave her a pair of diamond earrings. I wanted her to know that she was amazing with or without a man, and didn’t have to wait for a relationship to have nice things. So, on my first newly-husbandless birthday, she returned the favor. She had to explain the significance to everyone because I was too emotional to talk about it. I’m so thankful to have such a loving, supportive sister! And the earrings are sparkly and gorgeous.
Today, on my actual birthday, I am at work. I thought about taking the day off, but decided it was better for me to be here than to spend the day alone because everyone else was at work. My friend Stacy took me out for a delicious Panera lunch, and tonight my parents are taking me to Macaroni Grill. I’ve gotten tons of nice greetings from everyone. I’m wearing a new outfit and feel cute and sassy. The temperature is a crisp 89 degrees (which seriously feels amazing after weeks of triple digits). 31 is getting off to a good start! Let’s hope it continues!
Add a Comment + Posted in: birthday, celebrate, family, friends
Dear 30,
Almost a year ago, I welcomed you with cupcakes, anticipation and a big box of thoughtful gifts from friends. Although I was disappointed to leave many unmet goals and dreams behind in my 20s, you gave me hope. You were a round, decisive age in which anything could happen, and you felt a lot younger and fresher than I had anticipated. With you, I was finally going to bloom and break out of the roles that I’d spent my 20s trying to force myself into. I felt expectant, and knew I was on the verge of some sort of big change.
I never could have imagined the form that change would take. It was the opposite of what I had hoped for. I expected new fulfillment and new commitments, and instead I lost the commitment I had and the entire future I had planned. I was ripped out of my life by the roots and transplanted to entirely new soil. Although I feel more myself now than I ever have, it only happened because I had to either bloom or die. I have to re-make that choice every day.
30, you will go down in my personal infamy alongside fifth grade and the horrible sophomore semester of 1999. You have been the hardest year of my life, but also the year when I really began to live.
Sincerely, Brenda
4 Comments + Posted in: birthday, reflections