Last weekend I painted my fireplace mantel, an easy job that I had put off for years. It was a compromise between painting the entire fireplace white and leaving it alone. I didn’t want to use straight-from-the-can white for this, so I chose Valspar Swiss Cocoa in eggshell. I originally wanted Behr Polar Bear, since every other paint color in my house is Behr, but I’m starting to suspect that the Wolfchase Home Depot paint counter is a portal to hell. The wait there is never shorter than ten or fifteen minutes just to put in the order, so at least double that time if you’re actually getting paint. Several times I’ve left in disgust and come back later. I actually sent Home Depot an e-mail about it today, and I almost NEVER do that kind of thing.
ANYWAY:
Before:
After:
The mantel itself looks nice – the pretty details are more visible. I’m not sure about the overall effect, though. I feel like it just emphasizes the fact that the mantel is too high over the fireplace. I’ve heard it can be lowered, but Google is surprisingly quiet on the how-tos, and a professional would probably be expensive. I’m considering adding more wood under the existing mantel to beef it up and fill some of that space.
Oh and let’s not talk about those track lights. I’d love different lighting, but that too is outside my area of expertise. :P
Here’s the personal crisis I’ve been referring to: I’m going through a divorce.
It’s been hard to hide a pending divorce from the general public, since it affects every aspect of my life, and I’m pretty transparent to begin with. I don’t even want to hide anymore – there’s just no good way to announce this kind of news without turning into Debbie Downer. When I’m around people who don’t know, it’s awkward and anxiety-inducing. I’ve wished many times that I could issue a press release or something so everyone would know without my having to tell them personally. Although most of the people reading this know the story anyway, this is the closest I can come to a press release, so here we go.
No one goes into a marriage expecting it to fail (I hope not, anyway), but I especially NEVER expected to be in this situation. I am a Christian and I believe that marriage is a sacred covenant and should be taken very seriously. When I said “for better or for worse,” I meant it. I had no doubts about marrying my husband, because I had already loved him for years, and I knew deeply that no matter what he did, I would be able to love him for the rest of our lives. Unfortunately, he married me without the same confidence, and eventually decided he wasn’t “in love” with me. After five years of marriage, he was unfaithful twice within six months. One day in May, he confessed the second affair and then left me. His intentions were very clear, but he didn’t take any steps legally, so I had to take care of it in order to protect myself. The paperwork was filed quickly and should be final sometime in September. Obviously there’s a lot more to the story, but suffice to say I fought for our marriage for a long time. I believe that there was nothing more I could have done for him or us, and everyone I know has backed me up on that. Sometimes they have to re-convince me of it.
Even though my divorce was not my fault and I know I don’t owe the world any information, I feel this ongoing need to explain myself to people. I finally figured out that I just don’t want to contribute to the prevalent cultural attitude that divorce is a normal occurrence, and marriage is easily undoable and no big deal. It IS a big deal. It’s the biggest deal we will know this side of heaven. I definitely believe that divorce is permissible and even correct under certain circumstances, but it’s not something that should be taken lightly. Ever. I don’t want anyone to think that I just shrugged off my marriage and said “Eh, forget him” the moment I was done wrong, or “not happy” – and that includes the many people who find that a totally acceptable reaction.
On the plus side, I have an overwhelming amount of love and support from my family and friends and even from unexpected sources. I’m continually humbled by how great everyone has been. He voluntarily deeded our house to me, and because of my good job, I can still afford to live in it. We don’t have any children – although I’m sorry not to have children, I’m grateful that I don’t have to be a single mom and no one else has to be directly affected. I have a lot of benefits that are unusual for women in this situation. None of them make up for losing the man I loved and my most important dreams, but I’m still thankful for them. I’m still grieving and I have difficult moments every day, but I know that God loves me and is with me, and He will lead me not just to survive, but to thrive in ways that I couldn’t have otherwise. I’m already beginning to feel more whole and fulfilled than I thought possible.
I don’t remember this verse sticking out to me before this year, but it really comforts me and reminds me of what’s really important and why I press on.
In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith – of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire – may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.
– I Peter 1:6-7
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July was my most productive reading month of the year!
Don’t You Forget About Me by Jancee Dunn
This novel is about a thirtysomething New Yorker who moves back to her childhood home in the suburbs after her husband leaves her. In preparation for her high school reunion, she basically regresses to that seemingly-better time. This book was funny, thought-provoking and even comforting to me. The characters were real and relatable, and in some cases, charming. I really liked it.
The Solitude of Prime Numbers by Paolo Giordano
I read this in one night. It’s a sort-of love story about Alice and Mattia, two solitary, disturbed people with dark pasts. I never warmed up to either of them and didn’t really like the story itself, but the writing and the translation from Italian are superb. Most translated books I’ve read have seemed awkward, but this one wasn’t at all.
Schooled by Anisha Lakhani
A novel about a private school teacher who temporarily loses her ideals in favor of big bucks on the side. I’m always fascinated by these NYC-high-life novels (see also Lauren Weisberger’s entire body of work). Part of it is escapism into a cushy life I’ll never lead, but part of it is morbid curiosity as to why these characters don’t just leave New York. I mean, it appears to be a culture unto itself. Move to Cleveland or somewhere and enjoy a normal life with normal priorities! Although I guess then there would be no book.
The Summer Before by Ann M. Martin
I was a diehard Baby-Sitters Club fan as a kid, and the books impacted me in subtle ways that I probably don’t realize even now (not including the traces of Stacey McGill in my handwriting). So I was excited to hear about the first new BSC book in many years. It follows the “core four” in the summer before they start the BSC. I’ve heard that some of the plot is directly contradictory to the Portrait Books, and it also reminded me a little of the liberties-taking BSC movie (not sure if AMM had a hand in the movie). But I still enjoyed it!
A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life by Donald Miller
One of my passions in life is a well-told story, and this book is all about telling a good story with your life. It’s about Donald Miller’s experiences while turning Blue Like Jazz into a screenplay. It’s convicting, inspiring, and brilliant…but his simplistic, almost Forrest Gump-like manner of thinking/writing drives me nuts a lot of the time.
Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life by Amy Krouse Rosenthal
This is sort of a memoir in short, unrelated vignettes. It’s really original and interesting. I laughed a lot, and, like many others, wish I had thought of it first.
The Tales of Beedle the Bard by J.K. Rowling
Finally got around to reading this! It’s brief and simple, but a nice background piece. I liked Dumbledore’s notes. :)
Tea Time For the Traditionally Built by Alexander McCall Smith
#10 in the No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency series. I LOVE these books and I think Mma Ramotswe and I would be good friends.
Books for July: 8
2010 year to date: 40
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Welcome to my new blog!
I’m going through a lot of unexpected changes in my life (more on that soon), but in some ways I feel stronger and more hopeful than I ever have. Don’t Stop Believing is the perfect title for me because it pretty much encapsulates everything I stand for right now. I’ve always liked the song (I think appreciation for Journey is one of those things that only grows as you get older), but when I saw it performed on the premiere episode of Glee, it came alive for me. Over the last six months or so, I’ve listened to the cast version almost daily. Eventually I’ll have the Rachel Berry part nailed…I’m working on it. :)
My subtitle is from Paramore, one of my all-time favorite bands, whom I will be seeing at their hometown show in Nashville on August 21. I’ve never seen them live before and I am SO EXCITED.
Anyway, please stick around for photos and recipes and random thoughts! I’ve exported most of the posts from my other blog, which I’ve had for about three months and am now closing. I thought it would be nicer than starting with nothing. :)
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Today is Free Tea Day at McAlister’s. Don’t miss out!
This is the new hard plastic, insulated Tea Tumbler. It entitles you to 99-cent tea for the rest of the year. I wanted a new cup for work anyway (having used a giant insulated mug for the past several years), so two birds, one stone. I’m really enjoying it! I think it’ll actually help me buy fewer restaurant drinks, since it provides the straw/lidded cup experience that I crave for some reason.
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