Main Events
My grandma passed away on September 22. Due to various family members’ schedules, we weren’t able to have a funeral until last week. I went down to Miami for three days, and Taylor stayed home with the baby. We had a small service – just our immediate family, a couple of Grandma’s caretakers, and her prayer partner of 38 years. Many funny stories were told. My uncle hung this balloon on the tree above Grandma’s and my cousin’s graves. It’s felt weird being in limbo since she passed, so I’m thankful we have now laid her to rest properly.
She worked for many years to get her degree.
My siblings and I hadn’t all been together in three years. We stayed up late talking every night at our VRBO, despite the fact that all of us currently have a child under 2 and needed the sleep. It was so great to catch up. We also spent time with Papa Gene, who is now our last grandparent. He’ll be 90 in January and we’re hoping to travel back and celebrate with him.
The week before the funeral, I randomly thought about how I’d always wanted to get a second hole in my ears, but never got around to it. Within an hour of landing in Miami, Debra told me she was going to get a second hole pierced in honor of Grandma, who always wanted pierced ears but was too nervous to do it (she wore clip-ons). MEANT TO BE!!
I wanted to go to a cool hipster place in Wynwood, but due to time constraints, we had to get our ears pierced at a Claire’s in Broward County. That turned out to be even more amusing and memorable as I wrote “Age: 43” on my piercing form at a store marketed to tweens. We are both happy with our decision.
I paid a last visit to Grandma’s house. She lived along a canal. I hadn’t been in the backyard in years.
My grandma was an artist. My mom and uncle hung all of her works around the house, and we walked around and claimed what we wanted with post-its. I had never seen some of the art before. Below is “Paul on the road to Damascus,” which we all consider her best work. The day after I left, the rest of my family held an open house and art show for the neighbors, and lots of people came.
Some of these paint tubes are probably as old as I am. I will always associate this brand with Grandma.
As always, it did me good to be near the ocean. We went to our favorite place, Shuckers, on the first night and watched dolphins swim by while we ate calamari.
Reading
Bite-sized reviews here because I do not have the capacity.
The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man’s Quest to Be a Better Husband by David Finch (2.5 stars) This was meh.
I’ll Show Myself Out: Essays on Midlife and Motherhood by Jessi Klein (5 stars) I literally laughed, cried, and felt like this was written for me.
I Take My Coffee Black: Reflections on Tupac, Musical Theater, Faith, and Being Black in America by Tyler Merritt (5 stars) So good and inspiring!
A Chorus Rises (A Song Below Water, #2) by Bethany C. Morrow (3.5 stars) This was not quite what I expected, but still good.
Everything Belongs: The Gift of Contemplative Prayer by Richard Rohr (4 stars) My first selection for the book club I’m heading up at church. Hard to believe it was published in 1999 because it’s still very relevant today. There are some ZINGERS.
When Thoughts and Prayers Aren’t Enough: A Shooting Survivor’s Journey Into the Realities of Gun Violence by Taylor S. Schumann (4 stars) Should be required reading in America.
Funny You Should Ask by Eliza Sussman (3.5 stars) A quick, entertaining read in the vein of Emily Henry, but slightly less cohesive/believable.
Listening
I am as yet unable to choose a favorite Midnights track.
Podcast recs: Mary Laura Philpott on Everything Happens; Kristin Kobes du Mez on Pantsuit Politics; Sara Bareilles on We Can Do Hard Things; Maintenance Phase investigates the Bragg’s apple cider vinegar dynasty; and all my favorite TikTokers are getting podcasts!! KC Davis started Struggle Care this month, and I just found out about Elyse Myers’ Funny Cuz It’s True.
Travel
While I ended October traveling to Miami, I started it with a trip to my sister’s new home in Alabama for one niece’s birthday and another niece’s community theater play. C shrugged off the cake at his own birthday party, but at this one, he was INTO IT.
My parents and Debra’s best friend Erin were also in town for the party. We went to a band competition at the high school just for fun/to reminisce about the good old days.
Around Town
Our first attempt to go to the Priddy Farms pumpkin patch got rained out (by the first rain in 40 days), but the following weekend was a success! C enjoyed petting farm animals and looking at pumpkins.
The Grizzlies season has begun!
The Brooks Museum in Midtown (which will soon move downtown) occasionally has large outdoor exhibits. We went to the last night of the current one, Evanescent, a bunch of giant plastic bubbles. A DJ was there, we saw several friends, and it was a fun festive atmosphere for all.
C and I went to River Arts Fest, and to look at the river, with some friends. You may have heard that the Mississippi River is drying up. I witnessed the all-time highest water level in 2011, and now I’m witnessing the lowest. People have been exploring the exposed riverbanks and finding all kinds of stuff. It’s both cool and terrifying.
At Home
October was tree-planting month at our house. When we became members of the neighborhood association, we got a voucher for a free tree. Someone from our favorite nursery came over to consult, and we ended up with a black gum tree. The fall foliage on it is beautiful! We also planted a deodar cedar, a redbud and maple from an Arbor Day Foundation event, and a Japanese maple transplanted from my condo. In the beds, I planted a huge pack of hyacinth and ranunculus bulbs that we got at Costco.
I am obsessed with this candle, which came from HomeGoods and is no longer available on the Red Leaf Home website. I also love my little owl bowls that Taylor got me at an estate sale. They’re great for a sliced apple with peanut butter.
Eating
I finally made the famous TikTok feta pasta, where you bake cherry tomatoes and a whole brick of feta, then mix in cooked pasta and add chopped basil on top. It was so delicious I could barely function.
On a related note, I want to continue eating whole wheat pasta at home as prescribed by the diet I was just on. But it can be hard to find anything but penne, and sometimes fusilli, at the store. So I placed a VERY LARGE DeLallo order that should see me through the winter at least. Opening the box was hilarious. Taylor still doesn’t think I can eat it all before it expires.
I was inspired by another TikTok to freeze leftover coffee and use the cubes in my iced coffee, preventing it from getting watered down! Genius genius genius.
Beauty
I’ve been exploring more Aussie products, and this curl refresher spray is great when you’re trying to get a second day out of your hair. It has saved me a blow-dry several times. Meanwhile, my lashes have been stubby since having C and I’ve wanted to try a lash serum, but they’re so expensive. (I tried a castor oil/almond oil combo back in the day; it always burned my eyes.) I saw this Cover Girl version for $10 and thought it was worth trying. Verdict is still out.
Current IPSY bag wins: This Anastasia concealer is INCREDIBLE. I’m not a face-makeup expert and even I gasped when I saw how smooth and effective it was. Also, I tried this Feel balm when my nose was peeling after a brief cold. It restored my skin in a day and also smelled great. I later found out it was meant to be a lip balm, but who cares?
Technology
I just upgraded from an iPhone 8s to an iPhone 13! (Of course, Apple announced the 14 the day after I purchased it.) The 8s couldn’t connect to 5G, and it got to the point where I was losing service everywhere. I also take most photos of C with my phone, and I decided in that case I should really have the best phone camera available. If you’re also making the jump to a phone with MagSafe, PSA that you need MagSafe compatible accessories!! I spent a ridiculous amount in the process of getting the right accessories for this phone. But I’m finally settled with my OtterBox case (because my child loves to drop and throw my phone) and my magnetic PopSocket. Hopefully I won’t need to do this again any time soon.
Wellness
My 8-week Fit4Mom program ended the first week of October. In the end I lost 4 pounds and 1-2 inches all around, and more than doubled my pushup, jump squat, and plank numbers from week 1! I was happy with my results. It’s a relief to be free of the daily food judgment, but I already really miss the workouts and camaraderie. (Refresher: I have to come to the office 3 days a week now, so midday workouts are mostly over.) There’s supposed to be an evening session after the holidays, so I may sign up for that. Hopefully I won’t have erased all of my progress by then. I’m trying to stay on the diet for the most part. Not always succeeding.
I just started a new leadership cohort at church, which is a mix of those of us who have been through the cohort before and some new people. When my pastor said the above in our meeting, I LISTENED, because my struggle to ask for what I need in other areas of my life is already A Pressing Issue. One of my lingering spiritual problems post-deconstruction is rarely asking God for things (at least for myself). I got kind of nihilistic at the end of my evangelical era, like “no” was God’s default. I was constantly preparing myself to accept the no graciously, and then I just couldn’t do it anymore. This has bled over into other areas. So to hear that God WANTS our needs met? That asking for things, instead of ignoring my needs, is GOOD LEADERSHIP? Revolutionary.
Good Reads
The Diminishing Returns of Calendar Culture
What My Green Card Love Story Taught Me About Immigration (I go to church with this couple!)
‘Christian Girl Autumn’ Goes Back to Basic
Do I Need to Worry About Shingles? (Spoiler alert: YES. I had it when I was 27. You do not want. Get vaxed as soon as you’re able.
Grief, protest and power: Why Iranian women are cutting their hair
The Key to Better Salads Is at the Bottom of the Bowl
PS: DON’T FORGET TO VOTE!!!
2 Comments + Posted in: month in review
Main Events
September was one of the most intense, emotionally exhausting months in a while. On the Friday before Labor Day, a young mother from my neighborhood, Eliza Fletcher, went missing on her early morning run. The search intensified over the weekend, and on Labor Day, law enforcement found her remains. I didn’t know Liza, but at least half of my friends did. In Memphis you’re never more than one degree separated from anyone. A tragedy like this impacts the whole community. On top of that, all women who run (or used to run) know about getting those miles in the dark, in non-ideal conditions. It could have been any one of us.
The Friday after Liza went missing, there was a 4 am candlelight vigil near where she disappeared on the U of M campus, and an 8-mile loop run. Two of my best friends, Kara and Alanna, came with me to the vigil and then we ran the back half of the loop, back to my neighborhood. I felt like it was important to come together as women and Memphians, to honor Liza and show that we won’t be intimidated.
I’m also aware that this case got national attention primarily because the victim was a wealthy white woman. We need to put this type of energy toward justice for people of all colors, no matter what part of town they come from.
On Wednesday night of the same week, the entire city went on lockdown. A young man went on a rampage across Memphis randomly carjacking and shooting people. He was hard to track because he kept changing cars, so for hours no one was totally sure where he was. Everyone was told to shelter in place. They even stopped the Redbirds baseball game. I’ve never seen anything like it. Thankfully they did catch him later in the evening.
In more personal news, my grandma passed away last week at the age of 84 after a long decline from dementia. I was able to say goodbye to her in July, when I was in Miami for my cousin’s funeral. At that point I didn’t think she’d make it another week. Then she rallied a little. She lived exactly one day longer than the hospice doctor predicted. Getting the last word: classic Grandma. We’ll have a service at the end of October. Even though this was expected, it’s still sad and I keep remembering suddenly that she’s gone. But I know I was lucky to have a grandma into my 40s.
On a more mundane note, my department at work has decided we all have to come in to the office the same three days a week. This will be a complete flip of my current schedule (WFH three days, in the office two days), so I have to start all over with routines and making life work. If I didn’t have a toddler, it wouldn’t be as big a deal, but I’m stretched pretty thin. That hour I now have to spend in the car matters. Anyway, I’m trying to have a good attitude and hope for the best, but I have… a lot of thoughts.
Okay! Time to perk up!
Reading
Now What?: How to Move Forward When We’re Divided by Sarah Stewart Holland and Beth Silvers (4 stars) I rated this higher than my actual enjoyment because I know it’s excellent – I’m just not in the right headspace right now. It took me a long time to finish it. I’ll probably revisit it later. ALL the respect for these ladies.
The Cats Came Back, A Night’s Tail, and A Case of Cat and Mouse by Sofie Kelly (3 stars each) I was in such a reading slump that I didn’t finish a single book in the first half of September. I decided I needed an extended visit to Mayville Heights. The number of murders in this tiny town is starting to get absurd (as well as the causes – peanut anaphylaxis?!?), but I love the characters and the cats. I feel like this grouping of books was too much about the cases and not enough of the long-term plot. One big development FINALLY happened in these books, but I’m still impatiently waiting for another!
Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin (5 stars) This lived up to the hype. It’s a novel about best friends, who are gamers, told over decades. I really enjoyed reading it, but the more it sinks in, the better I think it was.
Listening
Maggie Rogers is so on top of her game. This is the first song to make me car-dance in a long time. I can’t explain it, but I keep thinking how obsessed my early-20s self would have been with this album.
Watching
I followed the Lori Vallow case in real time, so I wanted to watch the new documentary Sins of Our Mother. It was compelling, but really upsetting.
Around Town
September 1 is a holiday in Memphis, 901 Day. This year it fell right before our week of collective trauma, and it was a fun day. We went to a party in a new area downtown, The Ravine. The atmosphere was great!
We got to attend two big Midtown September events for the first time since 2019! The first was the Central Gardens Home Tour. Every year, about ten fancy houses open up and you can walk through them. Volunteers tell you about the history, architecture, and design of the homes. We love it. The above is the only photo I got from the tour, since you’re not really supposed to take pictures.
The following weekend was Cooper-Young Fest!! Last year I sat in the car a few blocks away and cried because it was too crowded for me to feel comfortable going (this was before C could be vaccinated, and before we actually had covid). I was extremely excited to be back. None of my favorite artists/vendors were there this year, so we didn’t buy anything, but the atmosphere is the best part anyway.
The same day, we tailgated with friends at Tiger Lane before the first football home game! C and I did not attend the actual game because it was too close to his bedtime, but we had fun at the tailgate. First of many for this Tigers baby.
At Home
When we had our house painted almost two years ago, I had to pick something quickly for the door. I chose a bright yellow. While yellow is a good choice for a blue house, the tone wasn’t quite right, and we always planned to change it to something else. This summer I got some swatches and decided to try this coral-ish Behr Watermelon Slice. We love it! Now we can paint the back door too.
We got a few new throw pillow covers for the living room to make things more fallish. I also brought out this pumpkin pillow that I bought circa 2008. I used to keep it on the bed, and my friend Becca would tell me “Remember your pillow” when I got too stressed. Glad to have that reminder again.
I saw this fall owl candle pillar half off at Bath & Body Works and had to have it.
We’ve planted several trees in the backyard since the giant tree collapse in June. First we transplanted a Japanese maple from my condo patio that didn’t have enough light. Then Taylor brought home a deodar cedar for our new elevated landscape bed. Then I picked up a free redbud and maple from an Arbor Day Foundation event. Then we got a voucher from the neighborhood association for a new tree. Central Gardens is a Level 3 arboretum, so they take tree replacement seriously. An expert came out and assessed our space, and he and Taylor agreed on a black gum tree. Basically it’s tree central over here. And they’re all under 8 feet, so we don’t have to worry about them falling on anyone. Woohoo!
Wearing
I couldn’t resist the color and pattern of this Old Navy dress. Perfect for fake fall into actual fall! We also had another women’s clothing swap at church this month, and I found a bunch of great sweaters as well as a BCBG white puffer coat. I recently got a little obsessed with Meghan Markle’s engagement announcement coat, so maybe this was God’s way of telling me to calm down.
Eating
We had snacks after my exercise class one day, and someone brought these Aussie Bites. I had never heard of them, but that weekend we took a special trip to Costco to get a pack, and as you can see I’m obsessed. They’re delicious and one of the few non-produce snacks I’m allowed to eat.
Wellness
As I mentioned last month, I’ve been doing an 8-week program with Fit4Mom. Next week is the last week. I go to two exercise classes a week, and have to keep a log of all my exercise and everything I eat, which is then reviewed by a nutritionist. I have mostly gotten good “grades,” although at this point in the program I have to eat something besides produce or I’m going to go insane, so I’m getting called out more. This is a complicated topic for me, considering my history of shaky mental health around food, my belief in the harm of diet culture while I continue participating in it, etc. The diet part is not my favorite. What I love are the workouts. They’re really comprehensive, and you do five different sets of exercises each class so you’re never bored. This experience has also confirmed how much better it is for my mental health to leave the house and go to a class with other people. Other than running, I prefer every form of exercise in a group setting. At home, when the baby is crying and you’re tired and there’s so much to do, it can be easy to quit or not do it at all. When you go to a class, you are in a place to do a job, and your people have to respect that time. Also, comparison and community are powerful motivators.
Anyway, I was only able to do this program because it was near my house, on days I work from home, for a limited time period. Now that my schedule is being changed, I won’t be able to do this type of thing again. I’m having a lot of anxiety around how to keep up my fitness when I am once again relegated to working out at 8 pm. Which, if I haven’t mentioned it, I really hate, and cannot do four nights a week. In the beforetimes I had to get up at 5 am to exercise. If C ever sleeps through the night, I can start doing that again (especially since we have the Peloton right here), but currently sleep is still too precious. Breaking for exercise mid-day is what makes me feel the best all around. But going back to the butts in seats, rigid hours model of work takes away that option. Yay capitalism!!!
If you’re wondering, I’m not going to weigh or measure until the end of the program, but my clothes are fitting better, and I feel stronger and better in my body, and that’s really all I want. Barring a famine, I will probably never be super skinny again and that’s fine.
Randomness
I regret to announce that my favorite crosswords pen ran out of ink last week. It was a plain unremarkable stick pen from who knows where, but everyone in the house knew not to mess with Mommy’s pink pen. My evening crossword time just isn’t the same.
Baby Update
C is 15 months old! He’s building his vocabulary and, at this point, is only not walking because he doesn’t want to. What’s the draw when he can crawl or Mommy can carry him?? I believe he’s fully capable, but this kid let us know early that he doesn’t do things until HE is ready. It’ll happen soon enough. His current obsession/favorite toy is this musical dancing duck, which my mom got for him. It is noisy and makes a horrible clacking noise when you prevent it from dancing, which C does constantly. But it gives him joy, so I endure.
Thanks to generous hand-me-downs from friends, we haven’t had to buy many clothes for C until now. He’s moving into 18-month clothes, and when I took the 18-month bin down from the attic, I noticed it was almost all pants. So this month I went a LITTLE overboard buying him a full wardrobe of bodysuits, shirts, and sweaters. (Primary calls them “babysuits,” which is so cute it makes me want to buy more, give your marketing department a raise.) It was so much fun getting to pick things out myself! He’s also starting to grow out of his current pajamas, so I splurged on a couple sets of Little Sleepies. I was influenced by heysleepybaby. The pjs are so soft and have tons of room to grow. I regret nothing.
Your Monthly Rufus
As the angle of the sun gets lower, we’re enjoying more rainbows from our window prisms. One morning, a rainbow fell on Rufus just right.
Good Reads
One Day, Michelle Branch Will Write a Happy Love Song
Remote workers are wasting their time proving they’re actually working
Rommy Hunt Revson, Creator of the Scrunchie, Dies at 78
This was delightful: It’s About (Danged) Time: Lizzo at the Library!
Perfectionism and the Performance of Organizing. As someone whose spouse keeps calling her out on seeking ever-fancier storage containers for the gram, this was oof.
2022 Fall Fashion is Better Than You Think
1 Comment + Posted in: month in review
Main Events
While I realize aging is a privilege, I felt a little weird about turning 43 this month. It’s such a random number (I prefer even numbers, or multiples of 5) and it feels… older than all the other ages I’ve been. On my birthday this year, I took the day off work, went to an exercise class, bought plants, and enjoyed all the birthday beverages. In the evening, my MIL watched the kiddo so Taylor and I could go downtown for dinner and a movie. It was a pretty good day!
The first Friday in August was a calm afternoon. I had the house to myself, was really getting things squared away workwise and homewise, and felt good. Then I heard a crash so loud it shook the house. At this point I’m well acquainted with the sound of trees breaking, so I knew what it was, but not how large or where it was falling. I ran for the stairs, and, having determined the house was intact, went out back to check things out. What I saw shook me up so much that I called Taylor and he came home immediately.
Our neighbors’ giant oak tree had dropped its biggest limb yet across our backyard, destroying our shed, breaking our fence for at least the third time, and, of course, taking out the power. This limb by itself was the size of a large tree. If any of us had been there when it fell, we legit could have been killed. (Taylor has been nervous out there ever since the ice storm. I kind of thought he was paranoid. I don’t think that anymore.) Our neighbors felt so bad, but I reassured them it wasn’t their fault – they’ve tried for months to have the tree removed and no one would take the job. Since the power wasn’t coming back anytime soon and it was a hundred degrees, we had to decamp to Taylor’s brother’s house for the weekend. It was a circus at our house for a few days, but by the end of it, the debris was cleaned, the fence was repaired, and the giant oak was gone. Of course it was sad to lose such a majestic tree, but it was a hazard to all of us at this point.
At least C3 had a blast with the dogs at my BIL’s house.
Finally, we turned over my condo this month for new renters! We got all the paint touched up, and I put new plants in the plant wall and cleaned up the landscaping. This Rose of Sharon (above) was basically a stick when I planted it in 2016. Now it’s a tree. It did me good to spend time at the condo, although, of course, I just wanted to move back in. I’ll probably never have another home like it. A peaceful haven that I chose for myself, with everything the way I liked it.
Reading
August was a sluggish reading month. I’m trying to clear the decks. I DNFed one book and considered abandoning my current one too, but am powering through. Once I knock that out, I need to finish Now What?, which I was holding off on to discuss with friends. Then I’m going to read something fun and engaging. Anyway, I’m not in the mood to do summaries right now, just ask me about these if you have questions!
The Anthropocene Reviewed: Essays on a Human-Centered Planet by John Green (4.5 stars)
The Vacationers by Emma Straub (4 stars)
This Will All Be Over Soon: A Memoir by Cecily Strong (4 stars)
Watching
I chose Nope as my birthday movie. It was really good. I don’t like scary movies, but I love Jordan Peele.
Both of the shows Taylor and I watch together – Better Call Saul and For All Mankind – are now over (forever, and until next season, respectively). Both of these seasons were fantastic. FAM is truly the most underrated show around. I have a long list of shows I personally want to watch, but there’s not room in my schedule currently for TV alone time.
Around Town
My birthday party was at the new Wiseacre taproom/HQ downtown. It opened around the beginning of covid, and then I was pregnant, and then I had a baby, and we were still in a pandemic… so I had never been! I was excited to hang out there at last. It was a surprisingly kid-friendly place on a Sunday afternoon.
It was great to see so many of my friends. I felt loved. C was also living his best life.
To cap off my birthday week, Kathy and I saw To Kill a Mockingbird at the Orpheum. No pics, but it was powerful!
At Home
On a rare trip to TJ’s, I grabbed some fresh eucalyptus to hang in the shower, as seen on bougie Instagram. Maybe I did it wrong, because I never smelled anything! It just looked pretty.
I’ve been wanting a watermelon peperomia for a while. Found this tiny one at Golden Hour downtown! The last plant in this pot didn’t do so well, so I’m hoping it hangs on. All my propagations are thriving. Starting to feel like a real plant lady.
Our hibiscus is hitting its stride. I can’t believe how vibrant these flowers are.
Wellness
I don’t want to make too big a thing of it, but I started A Program on my birthday. It’s an intensive 8-week fitness program with the moms group I went to on my maternity leave. I signed up primarily for the workouts and group environment, but there’s also a heavy diet – excuse me, lifestyle change – component. I’m following the rules because I don’t want to be the only person with no results at the end (and, as we all know, I fear disapproval). Is it the best situation for a person with iffy mental health around food? No. But I’m staying self-aware, and my sister and Kara are keeping an eye on me. So far it’s been fine, but this is week 3 and I’m starting to hit a wall. Or as I call it, the “crying while cramming spinach into your mouth” phase. On a positive note, the workouts are great. All the muscle memory I’ve built over a lifetime is coming back. I’m starting to feel like myself in my body for the first time since March 2020.
Anyway, part of the program is drinking a lot of water. I bought this Reduce cold cup when I was pregnant, because I heard it was very important to have a great water bottle for postpartum. I didn’t use it a ton then, but when I started this, it became my best friend. I love it so much I bought another one to keep at the office. The handle and the straw are both key. If I try to drink plain water from a glass, I’m overcome by how boring it is, but from a straw in an opaque cup, it could be anything.
Wearing
When I’m not at the office, I’ve been living in my J. Crew Factory v-necks and some $7 shorts from Costco. They’re not available on the website, but the pockets zip up and they’re super comfortable. I have three pairs. I also LOVE my J. Crew bike shorts with side pockets for workouts.
Beauty
Two new items resulting from my spa day last month: I was a big Seche Vite fan in the 20teens, but gave it up for multiple reasons. When the manicurist busted out this Seche Vive top coat, I was intrigued. Well, it’s a miracle product. My manicure lasted 10 days with no chips, and my pedicure is still going. I had to get some. I also bought a lactic acid serum because the aesthetician used a similar one. I’ve heard people say a product made their skin “bouncy” and never understood what that meant until now. I saw a difference the next morning with this serum. It’s like 10 bucks.
Current top Ipsy bag selections: MAC Stack mascara (the best so far of the many mascaras I’ve received), and H20+ gel cream. Great for undereyes in the summer heat.
I’ve been seeing my stylist for about 15 years, and this is one of the best haircuts she’s ever given me. I don’t know what it is about it, but I feel great.
Random Happiness
On my way to Alanna’s birthday dinner at Shelby Farms, I saw a huge double rainbow! My fave.
I splurged on a new keyboard for the home office, because my old one was so noisy it was damaging my calm. I have no regrets. C3 enjoys pounding on it and throwing my mouse around the room.
Baby Update
C3 is 14 months old! He’s making big strides in both talking and movement. He doesn’t say many actual words, but babbles and expresses himself constantly, and yesterday he said “peekaboo” while popping his head over the couch. He is right on the edge of walking. I mean standing and cruising confidently, only needing support with one hand, climbing stairs… just not taking that step forward! I’m not concerned, especially since he’s a bigger kid and has more mass to move around. I am excitedly anticipating it though.
He still doesn’t sleep through the night. It is not fun. I am not interested in advice about it, only commiseration, or miracle testimony about your difficult sleeper who suddenly got his or her act together. I look at sleep consultants every day online. Every day. I hear 18-24 months is a time when a lot of issues resolve themselves, so maybe relief is on the way.
We had a lot of sickness this month. Not covid. Just the general crud that we knew would come with daycare. I asked around about how long everyone is sick once your kid goes to daycare, and most people told me a year. ** nausea emoji ** Still, I’d rather go through this now than when he goes to kindergarten and it could interfere with his learning. I figure I should just start covid-testing us all weekly, like sports teams.
Your Monthly Rufus
Rufus has been looking extra handsome this month.
On the Blog
I wrote out some stuff that had been percolating for a long time: Thoughts on Parenthood After 14 Months.
Good Reads
Why Did the World Fall in Love With Elyse Myers? Great Question, I’d Love to Tell You
What Teachers Wish Parents Knew
The Metamorphosis of Mindy Kaling
Catherine Newman’s House Is a Joyful Jumble of Books, Games and Cats
The Beginnings of Student Debt Jubilee
The Mom From ‘Bluey’ Gives Me Permission To Be an Introverted Parent
2 Comments + Posted in: birthday, month in review
Some random things I’ve learned/been pondering now that I’m the mother of a toddler:
When you have a baby or young child, you just need things to work. If I have any margin for error in my day, it’s very small. I need to be able to depend on my surroundings. I need my home set up as functionally as possible. One small issue can cause a ripple effect. My life would also be easier if I didn’t have to make special arrangements to go to Target, Costco, or basically any big box store besides Kroger. I have no intention of leaving my 105-year-old house in the heart of the city… but I get it now. For the first time I really get why new parents move to new homes in the suburbs, built for 21st century people, with underground power lines, located close to things families need. You can value history and culture and also value your sanity.
Super Simple Songs >>> Cocomelon
Showing up on time to anything is very hard. Toddlers have, at best, a vague grasp of the concept of time. I can plan the morning with the best intentions, but when C decides he doesn’t want to put on socks and shoes today, those intentions are shot. Thankfully my employer, my church, etc. have given me a lot of grace, but as a formerly punctual person, this has been a blow to my ego.
There is never enough time in general. The adage about “work, marriage, exercise, a clean house, friends, you can pick two” (or whatever) is THE TRUTH.
Children are people. This concept could be a whole book (someone’s probably already written it). I don’t know why this is so hard for so many to grasp. Expecting babies to conform to specific habits and benchmarks practically from the moment of birth is ridiculous. From the get-go, they are individuals with their own preferences and issues. I’m only interested in advice and methods that acknowledge that, and don’t try to force me or my kid into a box.
On a related note, there is nothing more stressful than problems with your child’s sleeping and/or eating. And then other people blaming you for those problems, because clearly they’re happening due to your failure to do some very simple thing.
25 people can tell me I’m doing a great job as a mom, but I can’t fully absorb the encouragement if people close to me (or people in authority) don’t agree.
I saw a TikTok recently that said feeling like a failure is a core part of parenthood, and you just have to accept that and move on. I remind myself of it a lot. It helps.
Everything is a moving target. As soon as you get a handle on one thing with your child, there’s a new puzzle to solve.
Two of the most helpful things people have said to me are: “The crib is a safe place” (because sometimes you need to set them down and take a minute) and “We know he won’t be a high schooler who gets around by rolling” (because, does it really matter that he started crawling a few weeks “late”?).
The transition from non-mobile to mobile happens VERY FAST. Despite knowing in theory that it was coming, we were not ready. Our babyproofing process is ongoing.
Over the years, many of my friends became mothers and inevitably drifted away, or only wanted to talk about mom things. As a childless person, I assumed I wasn’t interesting to them anymore and/or they felt I couldn’t possibly know anything about their experience, or kids in general. Maybe that’s true for some women (thanks, patriarchy!). But for me, there is currently limited space in my brain or life for anything besides mom things. It’s not that I don’t care, or that I think being a mom makes me superior in any way. It’s that I am at capacity.
Parenthood changed my orientation to everything. I see the world differently. I can no longer hear about upsetting things happening even to fictional children (while pregnant, I read a synopsis of a novel that haunted me for days; the other day I almost had to leave the room when a baby was in peril on a show Taylor was watching). I am also still figuring out what it looks like to be a mom in a marriage of equals. I worked for over a decade to overcome my doormat nature and programming, and the moment C was born, it was like DOORMAT REMIX! It was a psychological avalanche, and I’m still digging. Looking forward to the day when I figure this out and can pass a pickax back to other struggling moms.
My son is a delight, even when he’s not. I am amazed that I made him. I’m so glad he’s here.
3 Comments + Posted in: motherhood, reflections
Main Events
I had a tough beginning of July. I flew to Miami for the funeral of my cousin Diana, who passed away in June. It wasn’t unexpected – she had been fighting cancer for six years and on hospice for six months – but it was very sad. She was a sweet, encouraging soul who loved animals and music.
My mom has been in Miami since the day after C3’s first birthday party, living at my grandfather’s house. My grandfather was in the hospital for most of June after a bad fall. He was discharged and came home the day I left. My mom helped my uncle take care of my cousin’s arrangements, and is now caring for both of her parents… because my grandma is also on hospice. While I was there, my grandma was doing so badly that we were all just praying for her to hang on until Diana’s service was over. She wasn’t there at all mentally when I went over to say goodbye to her. I thought she would pass within days, but somehow, she rallied. I’ve talked to her on video chat several times, and she knew who I was. Not having to turn around and go right back for another funeral has helped emotionally, but this is still a rough time for my family. Please pray for my mom, as I don’t know how she’s holding it together.
We did get to enjoy some time with relatives we don’t see very often, like my cousin Kayla and her husband. I think she’s actually my third cousin, but whatever. She’s the sweetest. My immediate family and my uncle also had a spontaneous nice dinner at Rusty Pelican to celebrate Diana’s life. My parents used to go there for all their anniversaries, but I had never been.
In happier news, I think I mentioned last month that I have a new niece! My brother couldn’t come to the funeral due to having a newborn. The baby is eating and sleeping well and doing great! Also, after many years in the Nashville area, my sister and her family just moved to northern Alabama, where my BIL is from. It’s the same distance from Memphis. They did a new build, and it is beautiful. I’m having to remind myself of the things I love about my 105-year-old house, because… all those closets! All those bathrooms! Energy efficiency! Sigh. C3 and I are hoping to visit next month. In summary, this summer has really been a time of upheaval for my whole family, good and bad.
Reading
The Lazy Genius Kitchen: Have What You Need, Use What You Have, and Enjoy It Like Never Before by Kendra Adachi (4 stars) I read this in a bit of a fog and probably need to skim through it again. The principles are great, but I could have used a section on how to make them work when you’re not the only person making decisions about your kitchen.
Several People Are Typing by Calvin Kasulke (3.5 stars) A short workplace novel told entirely in Slack messages. It’s kind of silly, but I enjoyed it enough to finish it.
The Nineties by Chuck Klosterman (5 stars) As a graduate of the Class of 97, I could not have enjoyed this topical history/assessment of the decade more. And of course I had the phone on the cover.
Sea of Tranquility by Emily St. John Mandel (4.5 stars) Another sort-of pandemic novel from ESJM that jumps around in time, and to the moon and back. It has a touch of Interstellar.
Currency: a short story collection by Kiley Reid et al. (3.5 stars) These short stories were free on Prime Reading and interesting enough to keep downloading them. A few were extremely meh for me. I liked Jia Tolentino’s best.
This Time Tomorrow by Emma Straub (5 stars) More 90s! More time travel! More emotional father-daughter bonds! These are a few of my favorite (literary) things. I’d never read any Emma Straub, but apparently she is my jam.
This Golden State by Marit Weisenberg (4 stars) It’s rare that I buy a book almost immediately after learning of its existence, but that’s what happened with this novel of a young woman raised in hiding and on the run. I HAD TO FIND OUT WHY.
Listening (Podcast-Only Edition)
Lazy Genius Podcast #270 – A Midsummer Pep Talk. I needed this so much, I listened to it twice in the same day.
Maintenance Phase: Pete Evans Part 1: The Paleo Way. I don’t know why, but this episode was SO FUNNY to me. I was LOLing in my car.
Pantsuit Politics: the roundtable Now What? Hits Home (I’m currently reading the book), and January 6th Hearings: Mailbag.
D.L. Mayfield’s The Prophetic Imagination Station: God Lovers, a conversation with Erin Moon about the Christy Miller series. I loved how this held space for nostalgia/fondness for these books and Robin Jones Gunn without sugarcoating anything. I’m here for everything D.L. is creating right now, including her newsletter God Is My Special Interest about the intersection of neurodivergence and faith. Sooo interesting. As she said on this episode: “I’m coming for all of it. ALL. OF. IT.”
I went on a new-podcast binge this month and subscribed to Sounds Like a Cult (where has this been all my life?!?), The Bible Binge, Under the Influence, Good Inside with Dr. Becky, Unruffled, Terrible Thanks for Asking (a little iffy on this one tbh), and The Simplified Podcast. Feel free to weigh in on any of these. Please note that I don’t listen to every episode of every podcast I subscribe to – this just gives me more of a selection. ALSO, my oldest friend Christie just started The One Sentence Podcast about women’s incarceration and the American justice system. It is compelling and I’m proud of her for using her voice in such a meaningful way.
Watching
We’re immersed in the final episodes of Better Call Saul. Only three more to go. I hope Jimmy/Gene and Kim reunite in the end, but it could really go in any direction. We’ve also kept up with For All Mankind since it’s been back! On the edge of my seat for multiple plotlines, and also, DANNY STEVENS IS THE WORST.
Around Town
I hadn’t attended the neighborhood Fourth of July parade in years, but we went as a family and had a good time!
One Sunday we went to Memphis Chess Club for an early dinner, and determined it is far too cool/scene-y a spot to bring a baby, even in the daytime. Lesson learned. C3 looked cute on this couch though.
We decided to get this wagon after talking to someone who had one at the parade. It has cup holders and a sun shade, kids can sit inside (strapped in) or sidesaddle, you can pull or push it. It would be useful at the beach, at the Shell, for tailgating or neighborhood events, giving a pile of little cousins or friends a ride around the block… I think it’ll serve us well for many years to come.
We went to Belly Acres with my dad, and C3 sat on the tractor for the first time! He’s getting so big!
At Home
After attending Carmeon Hamilton‘s talk about houseplants, I have been propagating All The Things (and also painting more pots, a project I started last fall). A local Twitter friend brought me some gorgeous Japanese laurel that she had propagated. This week I took some of my rooted cuttings to the CYCA Plant Swap and came away with two plants that had been missing from my collection: a monstera and a (raven) ZZ plant! If you’re local and interested in some swaps, I am all about it. I already started another pothos cutting. My goal is to have plants in almost every room next winter.
I have yet to have a successful food garden in this house, and so far, 2022 is no different. We’re in a level 2 drought and the plants just aren’t happy. However, Taylor bought me a blueberry bush and it has so far produced FOUR berries!! Here are two in the berry box I finally got, after wanting one for years (actually a set of three). I’m keeping tomatoes and avocados in them.
The wonderful tenants in my old condo bought their own place last month, so we’re currently sprucing it up for new renters (a friend from high school and her husband!). Going over there still brings up a lot of feelings and wistfulness, but I love being able to show my son where mommy used to live. <3
Eating
I regained a little cooking mojo this month. A few things I made: Creamy Roasted Red Pepper and Spinach Goat Cheese Chicken; Healthy Breakfast Casserole (for brunch with Kara); Sautéed Shrimp with Mango Salsa & Coconut Rice (the recipe called for cauliflower rice, but I rebelliously used the real deal. Have I mentioned my 2-cup rice cooker is one of the best things that ever happened to me?? I also grilled the shrimp on skewers).
We’re working on C3’s toddler diet. He likes most foods, but getting him to eat at the table is a real job. I haven’t figured out what’s bothering him. He’s mastered feeding himself (yay!), but only with his hands, not utensils yet. About half of what he picks up gets thrown on the ground, so some spoon-feeding is required to make sure food is getting into his body. Regardless of the type of feeding happening, he starts yelling and crying after a short time at the table. After some struggle, I give up and feel guilty and stressed about whether he’s getting enough to eat. Sometimes I give him a puree pouch, which he then flings all over himself and the surrounding area. Repeat multiple times a day.
Wearing
I’ve done too much retail therapy this month, with all the sales and the fact that I’m still figuring out what fits me and looks good. I have a pretty consistent thrift-store-to-giveaway-pile pipeline. Matrescence is so fun! I placed a large J. Crew Factory order that I later realized almost made a capsule wardrobe. I love all of the items, so my only regret is not also getting that blue top in yellow (it’s sold out now). I also decided I don’t have to hide my body in a solid one-piece indefinitely, and got THE CUTEST gingham high-waisted two-piece suit on clearance. I’m still waiting for some orders from Old Navy, ThredUp, and Soma (though most of the Old Navy order is for the baby).
Beauty
I haven’t done beauty recs in a while, so here are a bunch of things I’ve been enjoying. Most of them are from various Ipsy bags. I’ve tried A LOT of eye creams the last couple of years thanks to my undereye eczema, and this Yensa cream instantly went to the head of the class. I plan to invest in a full size. This body scrub is finer than most, but leaves your skin feeling really moisturized. The Paula’s Choice BHA body lotion works wonders on KP (keratosis pilaris, aka chicken skin arms). I’m on at least my second summer with this bottle, so you get a lot for your money.
Taylor gave me a spa certificate for Mother’s Day, which I finally got to use last weekend! I did a Spa Escape – a facial, massage, and mani-pedi. It was great. My facial was more intense than I was expecting. She gave me dermaplaning and I’m happy with the results (though no one warned me about the itchiness!). My skin is good these days except for a lot of closed bumps I can’t get rid of, and dermaplaning is supposed to loosen those up. I may get it again. The aesthetician gave me these samples of Dr. Babor cleanser and lotion, which is so fancy the box instructions were only in German and Russian. She recommended I start a rotation of once a week enzyme cleanser, then a scrub a few days later, then hydration a couple days after that. I’m a little bemused by the enzyme part, so please send recs.
I’m into pastels for my nails right now. It just looks clean. I did a pale lilac pink at home recently (Essie UV Got Me Faded), and then a very similar shade when I got a manicure. This is off brand for me.
Wellness
I’m consistently doing 30-minute Peloton rides now! At this point in my Peloton journey, I love Jess King, Robin, Cody, and Leanne Hainsby, and I stick to their rides for the most part. (By now I have Opinions about most of the instructors.) This month I had a spiritual experience with a cathartic Jess King pop punk ride. I also just started her EDM EDU series, because my husband loves EDM-type music, and I know very little about it.
In general, I’m doing okay. Having C3 in daycare at last has been huge. It’s a big change, but we’re all adjusting well. I’m feeling some residual disappointment and restlessness about missing my New York trip, as almost everyone I know jetted off to fun destinations this month. I’ve spent a lot of time on Google Maps and Zillow looking at cool places. Once again, I’m thankful for all the traveling I was able to do in my thirties. I think I feel more restless because I had already been locked down for almost a year and a half when C3 was born, and now it’ll be hard to do anything for a very long time. It might be for the best though, with the whole monkeypox thing. Was it really too much to ask to live through only one pandemic?
Random Happiness
Here are some TikTokers who consistently make me laugh: @csapunch, @badparentingmoments, @shrimplybeautiful (shrimp raves!), @kaylareporting, and @millennialkyle (he has one schtick, but I love it every time). I’m also slightly obsessed with @mummysflippinhouse (her Instagram is very active too).
Your Monthly Rufus
Rufus continues systematically shedding on every baby item in the house. He also enjoys laying in the new wagon (which we keep indoors). I wish I could trust him to stay in the wagon or stroller basket on a family walk. Someone please invent a stroller that can accommodate both baby and pet! Despite the fact that it was over 100 degrees here for most of July, Rufus is always trying to get outside. One night this week, he slipped out the back door behind me when I went out to work in the greenhouse. I had a little trouble capturing him and did not like that he was out at night. I found out the next day that, no joke, a pack of dogs has been roaming our neighborhood at night attacking cats!! So thankful he didn’t run off.
Good Reads
Treat your to-read pile like a river, not a bucket
Little Ditty About Instagram, A Predatory Social App in the Heartland
MY FAVORITE CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE IS DAYCARE
The Mouse, the Bird and the Algonquin Round Table
Why I want to quit social media – and why I can’t
Brutally Honest Greeting Cards for Parents
How to fall back in love with reading
And something inspiring: Sighting of Rare Leucistic Killer Whale at the Farallon Islands
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