As I planned my Birthday Week of Awesome, I wanted to share some of the hard-earned wisdom of my advancing age. However, it’s hard to come up with, say, 35 Things I Know For Sure (when I believe that part of wisdom is realizing that we always have more to learn). So instead, I’m leaving it to the experts. Here are 35 of my favorite guidepost quotes – sentiments that I find myself quoting, reminding myself of, or seeing the truth of again and again. Some have been with me for a long time, and some are more recent acquisitions.
1. In all things, it is better to hope than to despair. – Goethe
2. Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. – Philo
3. Keep your heels, head, and standards high. – unknown
4. It’s all been said better before. If I thought I had to say it better than anybody else, I’d never start. Better or worse is immaterial. The thing is that it has to be said; by me; ontologically. We each have to say it, to say it our own way. Not of our own will, but as it comes out through us. Good or bad, great or little; that isn’t what human creation is about. It is that we have to try; to put it down in pigment, or words, or musical notations, or we die. – Madeleine L’Engle, A Circle of Quiet
5. Though I may be going down, I’ll take in flames over burning out. – Sara Bareilles
6. So What? Who Cares? – Fred Armisen as Joy Behar
7. Love is keeping the promise anyway. – John Green
8. We all must make the choice between what is right and what is easy. – Albus Dumbledore
9. I’m not Josie Grossie anymore! – Drew Barrymore, Never Been Kissed
10. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better. – Anne Lamott
11. Before you swim, you’ve got to be okay to sink. – Incubus
12. We accept the love we think we deserve. – Stephen Chbosky
13. Don’t tell me what I can’t do! – John Locke, LOST
14. Everyone has a pain thermometer that goes from zero to ten. No one will make a change until they reach ten. Nine won’t do it. At nine you are still afraid. Only ten will move you, and when you’re there, you’ll know. No one can make that decision for you. – Vicki Myron
15. Sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage. – Matt Damon, We Bought A Zoo
16. Trust your story, not your chapter. – Paige Rowland
17. It’s a fool who looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart. – George Clooney, O Brother Where Art Thou?
18. [F]or a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith — of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire — may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. – I Peter 1:6-7
19. I can’t react and create at the same time. Neither can you. – Jeff Goins
20. I was once afraid of people saying, “Who does she think she is?” Now I have the courage to stand and say, “This is who I am.” – Oprah Winfrey
21. It’s often the last key that opens the lock. – Israa Ali
22. Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more. – Erica Jong
23. Lord, bring new life where we are worn and tired; new love where we have turned hard-hearted; forgiveness where we feel hurt and where we have wounded; and the joy and freedom of your Holy Spirit where we are prisoners of ourselves. – Scottish liturgy
24. Being understood is not the most essential thing in life. – Jodie Foster
25. Love wins. – J.K. Rowling
26. The easiest thing in the world is to be you. The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be. – Leo Buscaglia
27. If you don’t like someone, the way he holds his spoon will make you furious; if you do like him, he can turn his plate over into your lap and you won’t mind. – Irving Becker
28. I want to make beautiful things, even if nobody cares. – Saul Bass
29. Let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. – Galatians 6:9
30. You don’t need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends you can be certain of. – Patti LaBelle
31. What would you do if you were absolutely confident God was with you? – Pete Wilson
32. Small moves, Ellie, small moves. – Contact
33. There are far better things ahead than anything we leave behind. – C.S. Lewis
34. It’s a moo point. It’s like a cow’s opinion; it doesn’t matter. It’s moo. – Joey Tribbiani
35. Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. – Philippians 1:6 (my “life verse,” chosen when I was eighteen)
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I was born on the second anniversary of Elvis Presley’s death. This fact wouldn’t be super notable if I didn’t live in Memphis, the Elvis Capital of the Universe. Every year, during my birthday week, thousands flock to Memphis from all over the world to pay their respects at Graceland. The city is overrun with Elvis impersonators and foreigners in fanny packs. It’s impossible to ignore the occasion.
For my sixteenth birthday, my dad embraced the situation and hired an Elvis impersonator to crash my marching band practice. He even invited my, like, three friends who weren’t in band to make sure my humiliation was complete. Elvis pulled me off the field, piccolo and all, to sing “That’s All Right” to me on the sideline in front of 100 bandmates, my director, and her entire staff. They, of course, loved it and were still talking about it when I graduated. If that happened now I’d take it (mostly) in stride, but I was sixteen, so I basically wanted to die. This only increased my dad’s glee. I think it’s still one of his proudest accomplishments.
Despite an extensive search, I can’t find any pictures of Elvis singing to me. But here’s one from my (low-key) Sweet Sixteen party after!
On the eve of my 25th birthday (i.e. the 27th Elvis death-iversary), my mom insisted we go down to Graceland to check out the vigil. None of us had ever been. As you might expect, the people-watching at the vigil is unbelievable. Total strangers will catch your arm to tell you about the time Elvis came to their son’s karate practice in 1968 – while wearing a custom screened T-shirt with a photo of that event. It’s a fascinating experience.
I even got a temporary Lil’ Elvis tattoo.
My bonding with Elvis will continue this Saturday morning when I run his commemorative 5K at Graceland. I decided it was an excellent way to kick off 35. I may eventually live in a city not haunted by his ghost, so I might as well make the most of our attachment now!
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About a month ago, I was on the phone with my brother as we both drove to work. He wanted my opinion on a slightly crazy idea he had. “I think it would be fun,” I told him, “and I don’t have a problem with it, but I don’t know if it’s the wisest thing to do.”
After a pause, he sighed and answered, “Yeah, Brens, but you and I always do the wisest thing.”
It gets old to live cautious, careful, and practical… always sacrificing the potential high of the moment for the security of the long run. Always striving to do the safest, wisest thing. My brother is tired of it, and so am I. (I’ve been doing it a lot longer than he has.)
Subconsciously, I’ve always believed it’s sinful or rebellious for a woman to really go after what she wants. There are spoken and unspoken rules about this in Christian culture, lines drawn arbitrarily. Pursue that career or opportunity, but if it’s not working out, don’t force it or be a nuisance. Sign up for online dating, but wait for the man to pursue you. In all things, guard your heart, be responsible, “wait on God’s timing,” and remember that you’re not in control of your life.
In recent years I’ve become comfortable taking small risks, but have continued waiting for God to enact large-scale change in my life, to bring the important things to me. I don’t know why I’ve continued to buy this as an empowered, independent woman, but now, on the cusp of 35, I’m finally shaking it off. I’m the strongest and most whole me I’ve ever been, yet I’ve never felt more trapped in my circumstances, helpless to really make anything of my life. Many people close to me will celebrate watershed moments this fall: marriages, new babies, movie premieres. As my planner fills up with events, I’ve realized that while I’m genuinely happy for my loved ones’ joy and achievements, I want more than a permanent supporting role. I’m the Judy Greer of my own life (love you, Judy!), and I can’t tolerate it anymore. I was not put on this earth to be a background player, never getting her own story.
I think I was waiting for permission to take the reins, to start asking, seeking, knocking, and doing. Now I see that I had it all along… that God has been waiting, patiently, for me to be ready to jump.
A friend said recently, “I’m still waiting for things to happen in the proper order.” Turns out, I was doing the same thing. But first I accepted, once and for all, that that ship has sailed. Now it’s time to be my own damn knight. For maybe the first time in my life, I am truly open to any and all possibilities, figuring out what exactly I want, instead of just choosing from the options readily available to me. I’m discovering how much I’m capable of. I want to make my imprint on the universe instead of absorbing everyone else’s. I’m not worried about guarding my heart. My heart has survived a lot, and it can take it. I’m itchy to get into the arena, and I’m not afraid to take some hits. I’m throwing off the cloak of submissive waiting and saying along with Kaylee of Firefly, “HELL WITH THIS. I’M GOING TO LIVE.”
13 Comments + Posted in: changes, empowerment, one word 365
Lately I’ve been thinking more deliberately about my role models. It’s important to have heroes among your friends, family, and acquaintances, and I do. But you also need larger-than-life role models to keep you focused on who you are and what you want to be. Here are a few of the women I admire most:
♥ Eowyn from Lord of the Rings. Eowyn is fictional, but she’s been real to me from my first Tolkien reading in 2001. If you haven’t read the books or seen the movies, you can find a synopsis of Eowyn’s story here. She’s unselfish but passionate, and brave down to her bones. When Aragorn breaks her heart and everyone deters her from going to war, she disguises herself as a man and rides into a suicide-mission battle, killing the allegedly-unkillable Witch King who tries to get between her and her beloved uncle. After the war, she turns her energies toward restoration of the kingdom, and falls in love again, with the right person. She is everything I want to be. I refer to her so regularly that my friends joke about getting me a WWED bracelet.
♥ Ruth. The story of Ruth has always been one of my favorite books of the Bible. Not for the lady-in-waiting lesson it’s often twisted into, but for Ruth’s loyalty and guts (and God’s faithfulness, of course). A widowed foreigner, she stuck by her mother-in-law and led them to a better life without compromising her morals. Culturally, she was the lowest of the low, but God made her the great-grandmother of King David. (For a deeper analysis, I recommend The Gospel of Ruth by Carolyn Custis James.)
♥ Gwen Stefani. I’ll never forget the first time I saw the “Don’t Speak” video when I was fifteen years old. Half of the video is Gwen gorgeous and demure in a vintage dress, and the other half is her grungily rocking a stage in a sports bra and track pants. As a very girly teenager who also spent hours each day rehearsing in a dusty field, I connected with this dual image immediately. Gwen was the first celebrity to give me a glimpse of the full spectrum of womanhood. She’s never apologized for being an ambitious, talented powerhouse who values love and family as much as her work. Her creativity is fearless – she doesn’t care if her music, clothes, etc. are too out there. She just creates. We should all be so free.
♥ Brene Brown. Dr. Brown became famous after her TED Talk on the power of vulnerability started a national conversation. Her manifesto on shame and vulnerability, Daring Greatly, permanently changed the way I see the world and relate to people. Her honesty (and solid research) is bringing light into a lot of dark places.
♥ Julia Child. I didn’t know much about her until I read Julie and Julia. Then I fell in love with Meryl Streep’s portrayal of her in the movie. Julia didn’t find her true passion until later in life, but when she did, she went after it with a vengeance. She believed in her work and persevered through years of setbacks. Quirky and not conventionally attractive, she still didn’t tone herself down for anyone and had a passionate, epic partnership with her husband Paul. She changed the way Americans cook and brought joy to many lives, just by being herself.
♥ Shauna Niequist. I discovered Shauna’s second book of essays, Bittersweet, in 2010 and went on to devour everything else she’d written. Other than Sheila Walsh, I’d never encountered a modern female Christian writer so open about her struggles, wounds, and doubts. She inspires me from a writing perspective, and her embrace of life’s joy AND pain, of being fully alive, continues to resonate with me.
Who are some of your role models?
4 Comments + Posted in: empowerment, womanhood
Quote from Fangirl by Pandanemar
Vortex and Timestorm by Julie Cross (4.5 stars)
The second and third books in the Tempest trilogy begin with Jackson’s training as an agent of Tempest, the time-travel division of the CIA. Having erased his relationship with his girlfriend Holly in order to protect her, he’s shocked to discover that somehow she’s an agent for the other side… and that’s really the least of his problems. These books are a crazy ride to alternate realities, a Norwegian maelstrom, and the year 3200, but Jackson’s solid bonds with his family and friends keep them grounded. Recommended for anyone who loved Fringe.
Please Excuse My Daughter: A Memoir by Julie Klam (3 stars)
I looked up Julie Klam because she’s Jancee Dunn‘s best friend, and I enjoyed reading about her in Jancee’s books. Like Jancee, Julie grew up in a loving, lively family, but she did so on an estate in upstate New York. Raised as a pampered princess, her journey to independent adulthood was long and tough. I related to her frustration at not being raised for the life she’s living, even while recognizing a lot of it as First World Problems. I also liked hearing about her work on the David Letterman show and Pop-Up Video (where she met her husband).
Beauty and the Bitch: Grace for the Worst in Me by Jan Meyers Proett (5 stars)
Jan’s first book, The Allure of Hope, is one of my go-tos. Here, she shares bravely about her own history and continues her wise musings about beauty, hope, disappointment, and grace. I highlighted about half of this book and felt reassured and encouraged.
You Found Me: God’s Relentless Pursuit to Find You by Keith M. Robinson (3 stars)
Keith Robinson is my brother’s pastor and friend. In this memoir, he shares the gospel via his own life story and faith testimony. Since he works heavily with youth, the book is sort of geared toward young adults, but his story is moving and inspiring for anyone.
Picture Me Gone by Meg Rosoff (4 stars)
Mila, an intuitive British tween, travels to upstate New York with her dad to track down his missing best friend. This short, tightly written mystery (possibly more middle-grade than YA) is a little mundane on the surface, but Meg Rosoff is a Jedi master of the English language, and she makes no mistakes. Worth reading for any writer.
Attachments by Rainbow Rowell (5 stars)
It’s 1999, and Lincoln’s job is to monitor staff e-mails at an Omaha newspaper. He falls in love with movie reviewer Beth through her flagged e-mails with her best friend Jennifer – but, realizing the creepiness of the situation, feels helpless to have a real relationship with her. Besides, he got his heart broken nine years ago and hasn’t dated since. But then life starts happening to him, and anything starts to seem possible. I can’t quite explain why I loved this story so much, other than it was exactly what I needed at this moment in my life, and chock full of insightful quotes. I think anyone can find something in it that resonates.
Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell (5 stars)
In the Simon Snow fandom, Cath is a celebrity, author of the most popular fanfic around. But to everyone at the University of Nebraska, she’s just a socially awkward freshman. Separated from her twin sister Wren and worried about her manic-depressive dad, now living alone, Cath isolates herself with her writing. But she’s occasionally forced into the real world by her boisterous roommate, Reagan, and Reagan’s boyfriend (?) Levi, who just keeps hanging around. Again, I related to Cath and loved the realness, rawness, and ultimate hope of this story. LOVED. IT.
Books for July: 8
2014 year to date: 40
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