A little-known fact about me: I can play the guitar. But only in the Phoebe Buffay sense.
In college, surrounded by guitar players, I became interested and took lessons from my RUF campus minister off and on for about six months. The guitar my family owned was high action and difficult for me to play, so for my twenty-first birthday, my parents bought me a nice used Yamaha (pictured above) that I picked out at a pawn shop. While I enjoyed playing, I quickly realized that I would never measure up to my guitarist friends and acquaintances. (This mattered a lot at the time, since the assumed goal was to get good enough to lead worship or something.) Even with practice, my playing just wasn’t crisp or clean. I couldn’t keep my fingers out of the way of the other strings. I wasn’t serious enough to seriously learn the guitar unless it came easily to me, so I basically gave it up.
However, I kept my guitar, much to the confusion of a few who thought I ought to sell it. I still like it, and I like having it around. I’m still solid on five or six chords. I have some instinct about strum patterns. I know what to do with a capo. But knowledge isn’t ability, and my playing remains awful. Despite this, every so often, I get an urge to look up chords to a certain song and play and sing it purely for my own enjoyment. Or, if I’m feeling especially joyful, for a lucky loved one. (I once called my sister, set down the phone, and serenaded her with Beyonce’s “Halo.” When I picked up the phone again, she said, “What was that?!?”)
The difference between current-me and 21-year-old me is that I’m now content with my lack of talent. I used to believe there was no point in doing anything if it wasn’t as close to perfect as possible. Now I know that mediocrity is valuable if it makes you feel alive. I’ve written a lot so far about ways I’m failing to be fully alive, but this is one small way I’m succeeding. My guitar playing isn’t excellent. Expectations would ruin it for me. I don’t play to improve, try to impress anyone, or serve a higher purpose. It just puts a smile on my face… and I think it makes God smile too.
(This post is part of the monthly One Word 365 linkup at The Messy Middle.)
10 Comments + Posted in: music, one word 365
I don’t remember where I got this recipe, but it’s just right for a winter evening! With a salad and maybe some cornbread, it would be a satisfying meal for two.
Stuffed Acorn Squash
Ingredients:
1 acorn squash, halved and seeded
1 cup diced celery
1 cup finely chopped onion
1 cup sliced fresh mushrooms
3 Tbsp butter
1/2 cup shredded Cheddar cheese
1 tsp chopped parsley
Salt and pepper to taste
Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 350 F. Place the squash cut side down in a glass dish. Microwave for 20 minutes, until almost tender. (BE CAREFUL – I’m so paranoid about exploding Pyrex)
2. Meanwhile, in a saucepan over medium heat, melt butter and add celery and onion. Saute until transparent. Stir in mushrooms and cook for 2-3 minutes more. Sprinkle with salt, pepper, and parsley.
3. Divide the vegetable mixture in half and spoon it into the squash. Bake for 15 minutes.
4. Sprinkle with cheese and put back into the oven until the cheese bubbles. (You might want to turn on the broiler.)
Enjoy!
2 Comments + Posted in: food
♥ Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone! ♥ I’m a fan of Valentine’s. To me it’s a day to celebrate all kinds of love and tell the people in your life how much they mean to you. Actually, I’ve been single for the majority of my February 14ths, so maybe that’s why it doesn’t bother me. I struggle with my singleness a lot more on random regular days.
I enjoy making and sending Valentines to as many friends as possible, especially the single ones. Last weekend I bought some blank cards from the Target Dollar Spot and settled in to create, but I just couldn’t come up with a witty idea that would work for a lot of people. (This was despite pinning like 50 card ideas – sorry if you follow me on Pinterest!) I felt overwhelmed by the task and decided it wasn’t meant to be this year. So here’s a picture of the cards I sent last year. Please accept this post as a token of my love and thankfulness. You know who you are!
3 Comments + Posted in: celebrate, winter
The other day, I listened to a Tim Keller sermon in which he told a story about a young woman in the 1930s. Like many Christian teenagers, she felt moved to “take her hands off her life” and “give it to God.” Concluding that this must mean a grand gesture, she decided God’s will for her was foreign missions. Throughout Bible college and further training, she never budged in her resolve. But after all that sacrifice, for various reasons outside her control, she wasn’t allowed to go into the field. She felt bewildered and betrayed. Wasn’t this what God wanted for her life? Then she realized that while this pursuit looked holy, it had been her perception of God’s intentions. She’d insisted that she was open to whatever He had in mind for her, but really, that was never the case. She’d just made assumptions and run with them.
One of my enduring fears is that my life isn’t big enough. I ascribe the world’s standards and values to God in many ways, including the belief that He always expects more from me – that a small life is a wasted life in His estimation. I lack any clear markers of success or achievement. I am neither a mother, nor a highly driven career woman, nor cut out for something drastic like long-term missions. I don’t have a graduate degree. I plod along in a non-altruistic field where people advance maybe every decade or two, and even then the work is basically the same. While I experience small joys and satisfaction, my day-to-day doesn’t feel big-picture meaningful. Underneath everything, a little voice is always saying, You’re wasting your life. You ought to be doing more.
But I’m finding a way to make that voice shut up. A philosophy that’s emerging from years of life lessons:
Being, Not Doing.
Even within Christian culture, we’re often taught – implicitly – that what we do is more important than what we are. As long as the outside of the cup is shiny, who cares about the inside? As long as we’re producing, who cares about our hearts? This is the opposite of what Jesus taught. I’ve seen firsthand what happens when a decaying heart is hidden behind a favorable exterior. I know secondhand that you can be successful by anyone’s standards and still feel miserable and adrift. I’ve learned personally that when all my energy goes toward checking off all kinds of to-do lists, my heart ends up in unpleasant places.
I believe God works through our selves, not just our actions. In my stronger moments, I feel sure that the fruit of my trials isn’t in impressive results (which are few), but in what I’ve become. By being who God made us to be, in our corners of the world, with our specific personalities and knowledge, we can change things. We can have a positive impact. Even more so if our eyes are open to the possibilities.
I’ve always assumed that God’s will is for everyone to be a mover and shaker in some way. But maybe this average life is exactly what He wants for me. Who knows what could happen if I really took my hands off my expectation of an impressive life… if I gave myself permission to stop stressing about my short résumé (literally and figuratively), and focus on having a right heart before God, coming from a place of wholeness, loving people well. It’s almost too much freedom. It’s an ongoing fight, for me, but I think it’s worth it.
3 Comments + Posted in: faith, reflections
On Saturday, ESPN GameDay came to Memphis. It was a big deal for us to be a stop on their 11-city tour. I didn’t go to the Forum at 6:30 AM (!!!) for the taping, but the other fans looked pretty good on TV! At least I got a picture in front of the bus (taken by my friend Janet, who went with me to the game).
The game against Gonzaga (#23 vs. #24) was at 8:00. When we showed up, the atmosphere was already electric. I hadn’t seen the Forum so full and loud since the last time we played Louisville at home. Several former Tigers were in attendance, as well as the Tennessee governor and first lady… and the Travelocity gnome (who seemed to enjoy his visit!).
The GameDay anchors prepping for the broadcast on the floor. Note the bodyguard on the left. What were they expecting to happen? :P
During halftime, there was a reunion of the 1973 Tigers, aka The Other Tiger Squad To Go To The National Championship. Some were represented by their families. It was cool! I’d say I can’t wait for the future reunion of the 2008 team, but that’s unlikely since the NCAA vacated the entire season. Glad we have these guys though.
The game itself was pretty ugly. In the second half, we trailed by as many as 12 points. With several minutes to go, I was already starting to sink into depression. Another loss, on a national stage, at the end of a huge day-long celebration of Tiger basketball. I couldn’t believe it. Then this happened:
And just like that, it was a whole new game and Memphis came back to win 60-54, AND THERE WAS MUCH JUBILATION.
I couldn’t stop WOOing, and basically wanted to hug everyone I saw and tell them I loved them. (Who needs booze??) The losses that come with being in a decent conference are rough, but after this game it all felt worth it. Bring on March!
2 Comments + Posted in: memphis, tigers