Surprise! I was just in South Florida for almost a week. My parents and I just got back to Memphis last night. As a reminder, both of my parents grew up in Miami (I lived there until the summer between fourth and fifth grades), and several of my relatives, including my two surviving grandparents, still live there. So I visit at least once a year – more often if I can swing it. This trip was our annual family pilgrimage to lobster dive in the Keys. My brother flew down too, but sadly Debra and her fam couldn’t make it this year. I’m sure Niecy will be ready to catch lobster before we know it, though, so it’s all good.

My parents, Kevin, my uncle, and I went to the Keys to visit another of my uncles. He and his wife live in Marathon, around the halfway point of the Keys. We stayed for two days and took a couple of lobstering trips on his boat. If you’re not familiar with Florida lobster diving, check out my expository post from a couple of years back!

Traditionally, my dad’s family will stop at nothing to limit out on lobster (6 per person per day). Last year they wouldn’t give up until dark. But this year, the ocean was choppy and rough both days and the water visibility was the worst I’d ever experienced. You couldn’t see your hand in front of your face. My role is usually to hover above the hole and go after any stragglers – I’m not good at staying down to coax the lobster out. So I was useless this year, and only caught one later in shallower water (and it wasn’t a keeper). I didn’t think much of the murky water at the time because we were all together, but later I realized it was really kind of dangerous. But that’s par for the course for our family. While we didn’t limit out, we were close enough both days. I came home with a dozen lobster. Yay!

 

One night we went to a restaurant I hadn’t been to before, Burdines, on the ocean side. (Not to be confused with the old Florida department store of the same name.) It was probably one of the top ten meals of my life!! I had the Slider Trio – a bacon cheeseburger, a chicken florentine burger, and a shrimp burger. Kevin and I shared a fried key lime pie for dessert. I WILL BE BACK. And until then, I will learn to make a chicken florentine burger.

On Saturday, we drove back north to Key Largo to see Dale and Gayle. They were my parents’ best friends when we lived in Miami, and are still like family to all of us. They took us out on their boat to eat at Sundowners (another place I hadn’t been). Then we hung out at their place and swam in the canal behind the house. I paddleboarded for the first time and LOVED it. If I lived in a coastal area, I’d paddleboard all the time! After that we ate key lime pie from Publix, and Gayle taught me how to do “Cups” from the Pitch Perfect movie. It was my favorite day of the vacation.

More tomorrow!

2 Comments + Posted in: family, florida, ocean

Everybody wants to make a sandwich with the last two pieces of bread.
– Cathy Guisewite

Sometimes I worry that I’ve gotten a bad reputation about dating. After all, I’m pretty passionate about my right to say no to a guy. But I’d really love to say yes to someone! Recently an online friend wondered “aloud” whether it was a good idea to set up two of her single friends who don’t know each other. Replying to her helped me clarify some things.

I’m not against fixups. What bothers me is the following extremely common attitude:

“You’re single and alive! He’s single and alive! YOU’RE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER!!!”

Careless matchmaking reduces single people to paper dolls, notable only for their mutual singleness. Thoughtful matchmaking considers singles as complex, unique individuals with histories and personalities. I’m not saying to verify 95% compatibility before setting up two of your friends, but some real commonality or passion should be obvious. You should at least have an inkling of how they might fit together. In that case, even if it doesn’t work out, your friends will still sense your care and appreciation of them as people.

On the other hand, setting someone up with a guy who’s obviously all wrong for her can make her feel devalued and misunderstood. As if she’ll be more acceptable with a man, ANY man, than on her own – and she should prefer it that way too. That hurts coming from anyone, but especially from a friend.

The other fixup scenario that irks me is when the family of a totally passive single man desperately casts about for any woman who will have him. You know what I’m talking about. I’ve watched it happen many times, and if it ever happened to me, I’d want to run away screaming. I’m not interested in being with someone who didn’t care enough to pursue me himself, or in becoming his boss or mommy. To be fair, some women’s families are overinvolved in their love lives too, but a lot of men are looking for a passive wife who can be easily managed. (Ugh.)

Anyway, fixups can be great if done considerately. So I’m very open to that consideration, but not to becoming PB&J with the other heel of the loaf, solely because we were both in the bread drawer.

7 Comments + Posted in: dating, relationships

Here are some recent domestic goings-on:

 

Last weekend I finally cut scalloped shorts from some bootcut jeans I got at Goodwill! I measured the cutoff length against my favorite shorts, then used a scrapbooking border template to outline the scallop pattern in chalk. (I find chalk much easier to work with than a fabric pencil.) After cutting the shorts, I applied fray check to the edges as a finishing touch. I also wanted to stitch a hem for extra security, but my attempts to follow the scallop pattern with the sewing machine were disastrous. Thankfully it only took me one side to realize that it wasn’t going to work, and I just ripped it out. Fun fact: I’ve probably ripped out and re-done 75% of the hems I’ve sewed up to this point.

I’m happy with the shorts, but if I had it to do over, I’d cut them a little longer. My favorite short shorts work because they’re not fitted tightly to the leg. But jeans are, so now I have an unfortunate muffin-leg situation. I’ll just have to remain standing when I wear these! :P

   

After months of waffling, I gave up on my shrilly wheezing Hoover vacuum and bought a Dyson Animal cordless stick vacuum. My friend Stacy loaned me hers for a test drive, and I fell in love. But the painful price tag still made me hesitate. Then Emily alerted me that Costco had them for $70 off, so she ordered one on my behalf and we’re all living happily ever after. I love vacuuming any old way I want, instead of following a strict pattern dictated by how far the cord will stretch (and tripping over/re-extending the cord multiple times). I can take it anywhere, including out to the car, so I don’t have to wrestle with those vacuums at car washes anymore. I can get under cabinets and tables and into tight spaces with no problem. And it’s so quiet – I literally had to wear earplugs when using my Hoover, even though it was barely over a year old. This Dyson better have a longer track record! #firstworldproblems

   

I harvested my first eggplant last week! (At least two more will be ready soon.) The resulting Grilled Eggplant with Tomatoes and Feta was fantastic. All ingredients were homegrown except the cheese, and I felt like a pioneer. I also made Watermelon and Feta Salad for the first time (where has it been all my life??), so basically I’m going through feta cheese like Greece is about to fall off the map.

4 Comments + Posted in: crafts, domestic, gardening, life lately

The book of I Samuel has always been one of my favorites in the Bible – I’ve read it many, many times. I love Hannah the mother of Samuel, and the entire story of David. I recently revisited I Samuel in an attempt to get consistent with personal Bible reading. (It hasn’t been very successful, but that’s not the point of this post.)

Starting in my early 20s, I felt very convicted by I Samuel 8, the story of Israel demanding a king. I’m not entirely clear on why it was wrong for Israel to want to be ruled by a king instead of prophets/judges (especially since that system wasn’t working out so well), but from what I can tell, it involved sinful motivations and pursuit of the wrong things. They told the prophet Samuel that they wanted a king “like all the other nations,” and God saw it as a rejection of Himself. So He told Samuel to give them what they wanted, but to warn them of the sacrifices and oppression that a king would bring.

This story always brought to mind my persistent prayers for a husband, and specifically my prayers for a relationship with my ex, who was just a good friend at the time. No one ever drew that correlation for me, but it was very clear in my mind. Since nothing was happening, I felt like I was badgering God for something He might not want to give me, and maybe I was supposed to say “All I need is God” and leave it alone. Even once I was married, the comparison nagged at me. After my divorce, I came upon the story again. I thought about the hard work and suffering of my marriage, a marriage I had already prayed and wept over years before it began. I thought, Yep. That’s what I get for “demanding a king.” I don’t even believe everything that this interpretation implies, and realize that a complex historical story and a normal desire for a spouse are apples and oranges. Yet I continued to feel vaguely guilty anyway. When I arrived at that chapter again last week, I re-read it with some trepidation. But as I continued reading, I suddenly saw something brand new. God ran with what was already in my head and showed me the rest of the story.

Israel wanted a king regardless of the consequences, so God chose Saul to lead them. Saul’s rule began well, but it became clear that loving and serving God wasn’t a priority in his life. Saul disobeyed God in a big way on several occasions, and when the prophet Samuel called him on it, he tried to backpedal. When he finally acknowledged his sin, it was out of fear and desperation not to lose what he had. In response, God regretted making Saul king, and removed him from the throne.

Samuel grieved deeply for Saul’s actions, Saul himself, and his own role in the whole situation (even though he’d tried to honor God throughout). But after he’d mourned for a while, God said to him:

Even if you’re not a religious person, you probably know that this son of Jesse was David, the star of the Old Testament. David was far from perfect. He committed many sins and blunders, and his reign wasn’t free of disasters. But he was a man after God’s own heart, chosen to bless Israel with his many skills and talents and point them to God in all he did. (He also happened to be charismatic and handsome. ;))

God could have ended the royal line with Saul, or left Saul in power and let things fall apart as punishment for Israel. Instead, He intervened and gave them David. So, within my flawed interpretation of this whole story, maybe He has a David for me too. God might not intend for me to marry again, and if that’s the case, my life can still be happy and fruitful. But from now on, when I feel erroneous guilt about the path my life has taken, or am grieving unhealthily over things long past, I’ll remind myself of God’s abundant grace and mercy even in Plan B situations. I’ll remember that I am free. Then I’ll pray for a man after God’s own heart, fill my horn with oil, and go.

Add a Comment + Posted in: faith, hope

Becoming Myself: A Woman’s Journey of Transformation by Stasi Eldredge (4 stars)
I reviewed this here.

Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-vs.-Christians Debate by Justin Lee (5 stars)
Torn arrived on my doorstep the same day DOMA and Prop 8 were repealed. Talk about timely. From page one, I was riveted. By sharing his own story bravely and honestly, Justin Lee stands as proof that you can be gay AND a Christian. In the context of his personal journey, he examines evangelical “ex-gay” programs, the difference between orientation and behavior, the problem with “love the sinner, hate the sin,” the real meat of what the Bible says on these issues, and much more. I have reservations about some of his conclusions, and think there’s more to this Biblically than just the verses that speak directly about homosexuality. However, I feel a growing compassion for gay people of all faiths and non-faiths, and have wished for a way for gays and Christians to be on the same “side.” This book points us toward that way. 

Most of all, I related to Justin’s heart as he struggled to reconcile his unwanted homosexuality with his devout faith. While I’m straight as can be, I went through a similar emotional and spiritual process when I got divorced. I consumed every Christian book, sermon, and Biblical commentary I could get my hands on about the topic, ashamed of this new label that I didn’t ask for and had actively fought, afraid that I was derailing my life and my testimony. Because of that common experience, I feel certain that whether you agree with Justin or not, he’s coming from a place of wanting to honor God, even if it costs him. Bottom line, read this book. I don’t think it’s hyperbole to say (along with the book) that the future of the American Church partly rests on how we respond to this issue. It’s not going away anytime soon.

Virtuosity by Jessica Martinez (3 stars)
Carmen is an internationally known violinist competing for the Guarneri prize, the most prestigious honor in her field. Her mother, a former opera singer whose promising career was cut short, has molded and managed her entire life to prepare her for this moment. Now, at 18, Carmen is suddenly aware that she’s just a passive participant in her own life and career. Her realizations are complicated further when she falls in love with her competition, Jeremy King, a virtuoso just like her. I flew through this novel and think any professional musician would love it.

Journal of a Solitude by May Sarton (5 stars)
A selection from my writing class, this book is a documented year in the life of a poet living alone in a New England country house in the 1960s. It’s mostly her musings about the craft of writing, the problems and blessings of being a creative person and/or a single homeowner, and anecdotes about her garden and animals. As others have noted, she also expresses views that were pretty brave and radical for the time. For better or worse, I often felt like Sarton was describing my own life. Something resonated with me on every single page. I give this five stars not because it’s brilliant (though it often is), but for my own personal connection with it at this particular time. It encouraged and inspired me while also warning me away from some things I don’t want to become. (PS – Despite this glowing review, I was really traumatized by what happened to the farm cats at the end of the book. It was a terrible twist ending!)

Books for July: 4
2013 year to date: 41

3 Comments + Posted in: book reviews, reading