Summer solstice: one of the happiest days of my year!

The older I get, the more intensely I dread winter and love summer. Summer means happiness to me: sunshine, cold drinks and an abundance of fresh produce, picnics, fireflies, sitting by the pool. Lots of time to read, lots of time with friends. Cooking is easy. Looking cute is easy (and comfortable!). The only holidays are fun, carefree ones involving a grill and no stressful gift-giving. I’m naturally more active, so I have more endorphins and can be more relaxed about eating. A great new movie comes out every week. Everyone is less frazzled (especially my teacher friends). Even though I’m a grownup who has to work, I still feel like a kid in summertime. I ride my bike around the neighborhood and stay up too late eating popsicles. I feel full of possibility. Work is less demanding, and we have casual attire every day. When I leave work, several hours of sunshine are still ahead of me. I wander around my yard in the evenings admiring my plants. Everything is alive, alive, alive.

Here in Memphis, we’re having one of the most comfortable summers in recent memory (so far). At this time last year, the actual temperatures were in the 100s, but we’re not even breaking 90 until afternoon most days. I mean, it’s hot, but a bearable hot – not like you’re living in an oven. I really hope the pleasantness holds out for the Fourth of July.

I wish it could be summer all year long. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ll eventually have to move back to Florida, or some other land of eternal summer, for my health. In the meantime I’m soaking this up!

5 Comments + Posted in: summer

Throughout my teen years, I tried on a lot of denominations and schools of Christian thought. (There was a brief period in college when I labeled myself “Catholibapticostal.”) While I liked certain aspects of all of them, none felt exactly right to me. There was always something I couldn’t get past. But when I was 20 years old, I fell in with a bunch of Presbyterians and knew immediately that I had found my spiritual home. I understood the scope of grace for the first time. My heart and life were changed. In a sacred sense, I fell in love, and I was sick of dating around. I was ready to settle down. I felt so free and alive in my faith, I fully expected to hold to all of these new beliefs till death do us part. My mind would never change again on any of these matters. The end. It’s the kind of declaration you can only make when you’re 20 years old. My life was just beginning, yet I assumed that my spiritual evolution was complete.

I still attend a Presbyterian church, consider myself Presbyterian, and cherish many of those beliefs. But when it comes to less crucial principles, I don’t know what I believe anymore. The collapse of my marriage and the rebuilding of my life has been like an 8.0 earthquake. It couldn’t shake the bedrock of my faith, but it caused serious structural damage, if not outright destruction, to most everything else. A lot of those Jenga towers haven’t started to lean until recently, years later. I struggle to reconcile certain teachings with my reality and experiences. Sometimes I’m startled and alarmed when I catch myself cheering on viewpoints that I once opposed. It’s scary when you suddenly don’t recognize yourself.

But I’m starting to think it doesn’t have to be scary. I believe in the importance of doctrine, that little things do matter and affect how we live. But I also believe that God is bigger and more mysterious than we can possibly comprehend. Yes, He reveals Himself to us in His Word, but we’d be out of our (limited) minds to think we can ever fully understand Him. It’s okay to cross-examine things we’ve taken for granted, and be open to different ideas. Maybe part of wisdom and maturity is realizing that the older you get, the less you know. The world keeps getting bigger, not smaller. I hope so, because I have a lot fewer concrete answers than I did as a college student.

My impression is that a growing, sometimes questioning faith is healthier than a stagnant, unchanging one. A static faith is not fully alive. I think God can handle our doubts and everything that comes with them, and He’d rather we just be honest with Him. I tell people this all the time, but I don’t live like I believe it. It’s time to claim the assurance that while I may wander, I am not lost.

6 Comments + Posted in: faith

I have several Netgalley reviews to burn off, so I’m putting them all in one post!

The Vogue Factor by Kirstie Clements – Before seeing this book on Netgalley, I had never heard of Kirstie Clements, former editor of Vogue Australia. If you’re looking for a nonfiction Devil Wears Prada, this intriguing memoir isn’t it. From my perspective, Clements seems refreshingly down-to-earth and appreciative of everything her career has brought her. After starting at Vogue Australia as a receptionist in the 80s, she climbed through the ranks and learned all about the inner workings of the magazine. Eventually, after being let go and briefly working for Harper’s Bazaar, she was offered the editorship, which she held for about ten years. In 2012, she and almost her entire staff were laid off due to a management change. Much of The Vogue Factor recalls Clements’ work with various models and designers, and encounters with celebrities. She’s also very frank about what’s wrong with the fashion and magazine industries, and how they’ve changed for the worse long-term. As for her personal life, she shares a little about her teen years, how she met her French husband, and the funny story of her twin sons’ birth. Overall, a fun read.

Recommended for fans of: fashion and/or Australian pop culture