November was an incredible month to be a Memphian! Read all about it in a minute.
Reading
City of Girls by Elizabeth Gilbert (4 stars) – A young woman moves to NYC in 1940 to live with her aunt, who owns a rundown theater. It’s just as juicy and escapist as everyone says, if tough to read at a few points.
The Final Six by Alexandra Monir (4 stars) – I was pleasantly surprised by this Kindle deal of the day. Set in a near future when climate change has taken full effect, it’s about teenagers drafted from around the world for a colonizing mission to Europa – sort of an apocalyptic Space Camp.
Wayward Son by Rainbow Rowell (3.5 stars) – Some sequels can be fully enjoyed without having read the first book. This is not one of them. If you haven’t read and loved Carry On, you won’t get it. However, I liked it and will definitely read the final installment.
Decluttering at the Speed of Life: Winning Your Never-Ending Battle with Stuff by Dana K. White (3 stars) – A repetitive, but straightforward and realistic, guide to decluttering for those of us who don’t have the capacity for a full Marie Kondo.
Watching
This month’s elliptical movies were A Wrinkle in Time, Dumplin’, and Set It Up (loved the first two, the last was just okay). At home, Taylor and I started The Leftovers, which he’s already seen. I’m eager to make progress with it, but the episodes are long, we watch at night, and I keep falling asleep!
We also finally finished our Office rewatch. I’ve voted we move on either to Parks & Rec or Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
Around Town
On November 2, ESPN College GameDay came to Memphis for the first time, and Taylor and I were there! We got to Beale Street at 7 am and stayed until the show was over at 11. By the end, we had made it into the pit behind the stage. It was such an exciting experience and one of the best-attended GameDays ever.
We went home and rested for a while before the actual football game against SMU, which our parents also attended. The Tigers won 54-48!!
Here’s an excellent 5-minute recap of the whole day!
Taylor and I have been talking about acting like tourists in our own city since we met. So this month we did a staycation to celebrate his birthday! We stayed at the brand-new Curio Central Station hotel, which is downtown on South Main in the old Amtrak station (there’s still a functioning train station in the building). Our room was comfortable and nicely appointed, and I was very impressed by the creative branding and design. The lobby bar has a curated collection of Memphis vinyl.
On Saturday, we took a historic walking tour and a walking ghost tour with Backbeat Tours. Both were great. In between tours, we went to the Tiger basketball game as we would normally do. :) We also stopped at the soda fountain at A. Schwab’s on Beale Street, which has fantastic milkshakes and sundaes! We had brunch Saturday morning at the Arcade (a classic) and Sunday morning at Third & Court, a fairly new place near the courthouse. All in all, a great staycation.
Eating
I hosted one of my book clubs this month, and made a tried and true pumpkin pie dip for our snack (basically this recipe halved, with a couple of Splenda or stevia packets instead of 2 cups of sugar, and I heat it in a Crock-Pot Little Dipper). It goes great with apples, pretzels, gingersnaps, and any kind of graham crackers or sticks. We had all of the above.
My friend James cooked the best, prettiest non-fried turkey I’ve ever eaten for our group’s Friendsgiving. He said it was a Martha Stewart recipe. We all posted about it and tagged Martha, but so far her team has not responded.
Wearing
For most of the aughts, I was ALL ABOUT New York & Company. Around the time I turned 30, they must have gotten a new buyer, because the aesthetic and quality changed completely. I haven’t shopped there in years. Taylor and I were at the mall this month and noticed their NY&Co location is closing and everything was 80% off. I found a crisscross striped sweater in navy (similar to this one) that I’ve already worn several times, and a puffy quilted vest in blush pink to go with my new quilted blush pink sneakers. I have rarely been interested in quilted or pink anything. You never know what will suddenly make you happy.
Beauty
I’ve been experimenting with skipping eyeshadow in favor of simple black eyeliner and a lot of mascara. It saves time and creates a mod look that I’m kind of into.
Random Happiness
I’ve been enjoying all the fall trees!
My 2011 MacBook Pro has been struggling for at least a year – it’s extremely slow and I couldn’t take it off the charger anymore. This month, it died completely. I knew the Apple Store wouldn’t help me, and it’s not a great time financially for me to drop two Gs on a new laptop. I took it to iFix as a last resort. They ordered me a new charger, changed the battery, and now I have a functioning computer again! FYI, despite what Apple will tell you, old computers can still be fixed as long as the parts are available. I’m thankful for any time this has bought me.
Your Monthly Rufus
Rufus’s theme for this month was Warm and High Places.
On the Blog
I documented my day in the annual tradition #OneDayHH!
Good Reads
How Penny Hardaway became the godfather of Memphis basketball
The Curly Hair Community Intimidated the Hell Out of Me
On Immigration and Double Standards (part of a great series about being an American immigrant to China)
I Love You More: My Reluctant Journey through Angry Grief
I Was Told I Was ‘Too Ugly’ to Post Photos of Myself — So I Did It Anyway and Went Viral
On the First Day of the Holiday Season
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I’ve been participating in #OneDayHH for six Novembers. Led by one of my favorite podcasters, Laura Tremaine, it’s an annual hour-by-hour capture of a regular day in your life. You’re supposed to post your day on Instagram in real time, but for several reasons, I always save it up and blog the whole thing later. When Laura announced that this year’s One Day would be November 15, I knew it wouldn’t be a “normal” day due to a staycation we had planned. So I decided to document the previous day instead, and it’s taken me this long to put it together.
Past years: 2013 // 2014 // 2015 // 2016 // 2017 // 2018
Thursday, November 14, 2019
5:06 am: Wake up. Yes, I still wake up to a real clock that I’ve had since college. My cat Rufus leaves his spot on my legs to make sure I’m up. I lavish him with pets.
5:10: In the cold months, when heat is coming out, Rufus and I both love living in a house with floor vents.
5:30: Arrive at the gym (a big upgrade from last year’s gym!) for 50 minutes on my cardio machine of choice, the AMT machine. It’s like an elliptical but burns more calories. I finish watching A Wrinkle in Time.
6:25: A pretty row of red trees outside.
6:30: Get home, start the coffee. My friend Rachel gave me this coffee spoon and spoon rest for my bridal shower, and it’s one of my favorite (and most-used) things.
6:45: Showered and getting ready. This is my current hair product rotation and my morning skincare products. I have a bunch of trial size moisturizers and rarely use the same one two days in a row (my skin is oily, so I only need moisturizer around my eyes).
7:05: Put my face on.
7:20: Make the bed. Taylor gave me this creature last Valentine’s Day. We’re not sure what it is – my guess is a dog with a little gorilla DNA.
7:30: Head to work. Most mornings, Taylor cooks breakfast for me ♥ but there wasn’t time today, so it’s my old standby of Bar in the Car. I cue up the new episode of my other favorite podcast, Forever35.
8:02: Arrive at my desk on the 9th floor. As usual, I won’t be able to document the substantial parts of my workday due to, you know, confidentiality.
(not my view)
9:50: While my computer is forced to reboot, I finish my coffee and start my cup of hot tea. This mug warmer Taylor gave me is a game changer.
10:00: I refuse to quit my analog, non-monogrammed Filofax. Here’s what this week looks like.
10:10: Timehop has me reminiscing with Kathy and Daniel about our old Tiger basketball days up in the rafters.
10:35: BREAKING NEWS in the James Wiseman case, which was the main topic of discussion in the Clay household the weekend he was deemed ineligible. This news doesn’t worry me because I assume it means they’ve reached a fair settlement. (Spoiler alert: nope.)
12:05 pm: Annual elevator selfie! I’m wearing a thrifted wrap dress that I think is Ann Taylor, my favorite Steve Madden boots, and a coat that was one of the few scores in a year or so of StitchFix.
12:10: I don’t feel like going far for lunch, so I’m walking over to our campus café for a salad. This garage walkway is blustery and never sees the sun, and is therefore one of the coldest places on earth. I walk quickly, get my usual table, and have the daily reading time necessary for my health. I’m finishing Decluttering at the Speed of Life by Dana White.
1:00: A carpet of yellow leaves.
1:30: The salad was not enough. Time for some mixed nuts.
2:00: That wasn’t enough either. I have a string cheese and finally feel satisfied.
3:00: My desk plants! This crown of thorns plant is very healthy, but weird office lighting has it growing horizontally. I also have an unidentified vine from IKEA on top of my file cabinet.
4:45: This is my work bag. It’s Vera Bradley in Watercolor (retired in 2012). I got it back then for traveling, then enlisted it for everyday when my last work bag fell apart.
5:00: Leaving, but not headed home…
5:35: Meeting my mom for dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, Casablanca! I never thought I would love an iced tea more than McAlister’s, but Casablanca’s tea is better. (I daydream about this tea. I’ve repeatedly tried and failed to replicate it at home.) We get the hummus and mixed shawarma salad to share.
6:20: My brother and sister both call one after the other, which is nice. Debra and I talk every day, but she didn’t have time for our usual morning call today (rushed mornings all around), so we briefly catch up now.
7:00: My mom comes with me to see my boss MiMi’s son play Olaf in a local kids’ production of Frozen! It’s an entertaining show and I think he’s the most talented kid up there, not that I’m biased or anything.
8:46: On my way home and rocking out to my favorite song from sixth grade.
9:20: Home at last. Watch some of NOVA with Taylor and Rufus. I recently ordered these blue and white pillow covers thinking they could be Euro shams for our bed. The size was way off (I have spatial awareness problems), but I loved them too much to return them, so now they’re throw pillow covers.
9:23: Elizabeth Esther often tweets this around bedtime, and I have never not needed it when I saw it.
10:30: I’m still up and about later than usual because I got home so late. This is my evening skincare routine. Oh, and I use CeraVe cleanser for oily skin morning and night. Not pictured: I recently cut myself off from disposable cotton pads and am now exclusively using washable fabric rounds.
10:50: Since getting married and living in a new place, I’ve struggled to keep a consistent bedtime routine. As a result, I’m always playing catch-up with One Line a Day. I try not to leave blanks, which usually means going back and filling in several days at a time. PS, I used to be hardcore about No Christmas Before Thanksgiving, but this year I’m already enjoying a few little things, like Christmas cat pajama pants.
10:59: Taylor starts our nightly episode of The Office. I’m usually asleep within ten minutes.
11:00: On that note, zzzzzzzzz.
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With new record highs being set the first week of October, I was starting to wonder if fall was coming this year. The trees are just starting to turn, but the cooler weather has officially arrived!
Reading
Miracles and Other Reasonable Things: A Story of Unlearning and Relearning God by Sarah Bessey (5 stars) I gave in and ordered this the day it came out. It’s a beautiful memoir about recovery from a serious car crash.
I’m Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness by Austin Channing Brown (5 stars) Read with one of my book clubs in preparation for Austin’s upcoming lecture at my church! This is some difficult truth for white people, even for me having sat with these concepts for a while, but it should be required reading.
The Newlyweds by Nell Freudenberger (5 stars) A character-driven novel about Amina, who comes to America from Bangladesh to marry George, an awkward engineer. As she tries to assimilate and works toward bringing her parents over, she and George are pulled and pushed together in unexpected ways. It’s a great immigrant story that also depicts some universal truths about marriage and family.
Hallelujah Anyway: Rediscovering Mercy by Anne Lamott (4 stars) Not the best of Anne Lamott’s recent books, but still great. I especially liked the chapter about Anthropologie.
Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men by Caroline Criado-Pérez (3.5 stars) 272 pages of cited examples of current influential research, development, systems, and technology that ignore women’s entire existence. Around the world, the effects on women range from inconvenience to literally dying because people don’t feel like adjusting the status quo. It will make you really angry.
Wilder Girls by Rory Power (4 stars) Lord of the Flies meets Jeff Vandermeer: a group of girls tries to survive at an isolated boarding school after contracting a mysterious, disfiguring disease. When one of three best friends disappears, the other two try to find her and make a lot of disturbing discoveries. Straight-up horror is not my usual genre, but this was extremely well done and left me with way more questions than answers.
PS, I hit a satisfying Goodreads milestone.
Listening
I love Tegan and Sara’s new high school-inspired album, Hey, I’m Just Like You. This track is perfect for jumping around your room.
Most weekends in Memphis, you can catch free music at the Levitt Shell, but a few times a year they have a paid concert as a fundraiser. The fall season’s headliner was Ben Folds! He was fantastic.
My mom took Debra and me to see Lauren Daigle. She’s a beautiful soul and one of the few “Christian” artists I really like. (The first few times I heard “You Say,” I thought she was Adele.) I have never seen my mom so hyped for a concert.
I discovered the SSR Podcast and am working my way through the episodes about my favorite childhood books! And attention fellow Enneagram 6es, the new episode of Enneagram Journey (70 – Leslie Bley) will provide lots of wow moments.
Watching
Traditionally I’ve watched TV shows on the elliptical, but I’m now catching up on missed movies instead. (Fewer interruptions and commercials!) Always Be My Maybe is one of my favorite movies of the year. I keep thinking of more things I liked about it! I also finally watched Morning Glory with Rachel McAdams, followed by Mindy Kaling and Emma Thompson’s Late Night (an excellent double feature).
Bluff City Law didn’t get picked up for its back half of episodes, and just wrapped production here in Memphis. I’ve really warmed to the characters and think the show gets better every week. There’s a chance it could get renewed if it performs well on streaming, so if you’re at all interested, please give it a watch!
PS: I teared up at the final Rise of Skywalker trailer. CANNOT WAIT.
Around Town
In a move that probably surprises no one, I agreed to be a community association block captain! I went to my first meeting and it sounds a little like being a dorm RA, but for your block. We’ll see how things develop. Another night, I helped string pretzel necklaces to sell at Cooper-Young Beerfest, the second of our big annual community events. (Sadly, I did not attend Beerfest because we had a Tigers football game that night and I didn’t think that combo would go well for me.)
The Irish pub nearby had Cider Fest this month. My mom is all about cider, so she and I and Taylor and a friend hit it up. Interestingly, all our favorite ciders were combined with other fruits besides apple.
I’ve been feeling antsy and thought it would help to get out in nature, so we took a hike in Shelby Forest with my mom. I’d like to make it a more regular thing. It was very peaceful.
The new Grizzlies season has started, and Tiger basketball is about to crank up too! In Tiger football news, my college roommate Emily and her family (who now live in New Orleans) came up for the Tulane game. Also, you may have heard ESPN College Gameday is coming to Memphis for the first time this Saturday. !!! Be on the lookout for MUCH MORE about that event!
At Home
We now have a few feline regulars on our porch. This sweet kitty visits almost every evening. She (I think it’s a she) hasn’t let me very close to her yet, but I bet we’ll be friends eventually. Rufus is getting less worked up when she comes to the door.
We got our chimney cleaned and can now actually use our fireplace! Taylor built the first fire last weekend and it was very cozy.
Our neighborhood is pretty.
Eating
October was my first full month of CSA produce. I’m glad to have it, but there’s a lot of food prep, planning, and freezing involved to ensure everything gets eaten (and doesn’t take up the whole fridge). I welcome your best turnip and/or yellow squash recipes – this was a good one that I took to a potluck. Sweet potatoes are in the bag almost every week. I dice and freeze them immediately to use later in hashes, or in one of my favorite soups.
Wearing
Now that it’s finally cool, I’m happy to be reunited with my Girlfriend Collective leggings. They’re expensive, but worth it AND environmentally friendly. And, after wanting a pair since last Christmas, I got some Steve Madden quilted sneakers! Funny how I’ve almost totally eliminated pink from my wardrobe, yet did not want these in any color but pink.
Beauty
My hands and feet are perpetually dry – I have to apply lotion to both before bed in order to sleep comfortably. With winter coming, I’m on the hunt again for an industrial-strength non-greasy lotion. I’ve never used Soap & Glory products before, but decided to try their Daily Smooth Body Butter and so far, so good! I liked the smell so much that I got the matching body wash on a later Ulta run.
After a few eyeliner-sharpening disasters, I splurged on the Urban Decay sharpener, which is safe for all pencil types. I also got a hot (or cold, ha ha) tip: refrigerate your eyeliner for a few minutes before sharpening it!
On a beauty-related note, I joined the Forever 35 Facebook group and it’s a lot of fun! I haven’t posted anything, but I chime in sometimes and take note of good recommendations (such as the refrigeration tip above).
Wellness
I continue to run sporadically. Next month, I have to get serious about shaping up for the St. Jude 10K (10K used to be, like, Tuesday for me, but times have changed). Anyway, my mom, MIL, and I did Race for the Cure last weekend in a monsoon. I think if any of the three of us had backed out, we all would have, but we decided if millions of women can fight cancer, we can handle some bad weather. It was still an inspiring experience.
Two months after miscarriage, I’m finally feeling good and settled in my body again. I’m doing better/feeling more stable emotionally too, although it was a bummer all month to see lots of pregnancy announcements from people due around the same time I was. Like, congratulations on your functioning uterus. (I had a strong reaction to Maren Morris’s announcement – my sister reassured me that I’ll eventually be co-pregnant with some other celebrity I like.) But that should be the last of the big triggers until spring.
Your Monthly Rufus
Rufus got a good report at his checkup this month! ♥ Here he is having a well-deserved rest after the appointment.
Good Reads
♥ Eliza Brooke at Vox brought back warm memories of my 80s Miami childhood: Terrazzo used to be kitschy. Now it’s on everything from Spalding basketballs to Madewell dresses.
♥ Design Mom on her family’s move to France: A Slower Pace of Life
♥ Christy Lynch at Longreads: Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo-Hoo
♥ Bailey Steger: My Strange Friendship Problem
♥ Marianne Eloise at Vice: If You Don’t Want to Have Kids, You Don’t Have to Want a Career Instead
♥ Samantha Field: Star Wars on generational trauma and redemption: why Kylo shouldn’t be saved
♥ Liz Krieger at Curbed: The quest for the perfect closet
♥ THIS IS CRAZY: Caroline Kitchener at the WaPo: ‘Jenny B’ is congratulating women on our pregnancies with a handwritten card. We’re not pregnant, and we don’t know Jenny.
♥ Lore Wilbert: Carrying Our Lives across a Threshold
♥ Rebecca Jennings at Vox: The one where the Friends logo won’t go away
Happy Halloween, everyone!
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This is the summer that never ends, yes it goes on and on, my friends. It’s October 1, and the only fall thing happening is that I’m eating a lot of pumpkin seeds.
Reading
Red Rising by Pierce Brown (4 stars) – I read this because my friend Vada loves it. Darrow is a Red, part of a caste that slaves under the surface of Mars to prepare it for human habitation. After a personal tragedy, he finds out there’s a lot more going on on Mars than he was told. This story is sort of a Hunger Games / Lord of the Flies / Total Recall mashup, so it’s unsettling, but the worldbuilding is excellent.
The Friendship of Women: The Hidden Tradition of the Bible by Joan D. Chittister (3 stars) – A short collection of profiles of different women of the Bible, assigning them each a trait that’s good to have in a friendship. Not what I expected.
Vivian Apple at the End of the World by Katie Coyle (4.5 stars) – Vivian is Left Behind after her parents, and thousands of others, disappear in the Rapture foretold by the culty Church of America. As conditions get worse, she sets off on a cross-country road trip with her best friend and a cute boy to get some answers. This may look like a simple YA romp, but it speaks powerfully to our current American moment. I’m still thinking about it.
The Only Plane in the Sky: An Oral History of September 11, 2001 by Garrett M. Graff (5 stars) – A comprehensive collection of 9/11 interviews with the people who were there. Equally hard to read and hard to put down.
The Vagina Bible by Dr. Jennifer Gunter (4 stars) – A great women’s health resource that I would recommend shelving alongside the classic Taking Charge of Your Fertility.
Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption by Bryan Stevenson (5 stars) – I read this with my church book club over a couple of months. The author is the founder of the Equal Justice Initiative, which advocates for wrongfully accused prisoners. His story is an important wake-up call to the deep injustice being perpetuated every day in America. I’m looking forward to the movie version in December.
Listening
Call me basic if you must, but I give T. Swift’s latest effort two thumbs up. I also downloaded Chance the Rapper’s The Big Day after seeing the tracklist of collabs with 90’s girl groups.
I was a late adopter of the Forever 35 podcast, but I’ve really gotten hooked on it. They have two episodes a week – a shorter one with listener comments and questions, and a longer interview. There’s been a fascinating ongoing discussion lately about friends who flake out on plans.
Other notable podcast episodes I heard this month:
Young House Love #147: Our Summer of Living in a Smaller House in a Smaller Town
Second Life #91: Mandy Moore (love her!)
Watching
I finished Four Weddings and a Funeral on Hulu! I thoroughly enjoyed it and am surprised so many critics didn’t. (Duffy and Ainsley are kind of the worst, though – is it me or is Duffy the new Ross?) I have a special place in my heart for romcoms that focus equally on friendships. The finale made me cry more than a This Is Us episode. Speaking of, This Is Us is back (along with The Good Place)!!
On Mondays at 9, you can now find most Memphians watching Bluff City Law on NBC! It’s so exciting to see a weekly drama set in my own city. They’ve filmed all the episodes here, some in my neighborhood. Thankfully (because we would all watch it no matter what), it’s an enjoyable show. Hoping for a full season and beyond!
Breaking Bad (re)watch update: I tapped out at the end of Season 3. I still pop in and out while Taylor is watching, but I couldn’t cope with how many lives were being ruined/ended because one man wanted to cook meth. Stories like that drag me down too much, regardless of how well done they are. I can’t seem to change that about myself.
We went to see Ad Astra, because I’ll never say no to complicated family dynamics in space. I liked it!
Travel
My parents and I went to Nashville for my younger niece’s birthday! Taylor was flying home from a work conference and couldn’t be there, but a few Florida relatives flew in. In addition to the birthday party (at a bouncy house place), we all went to the park together, and had a surprisingly excellent meal at Red Robin. It was a nice weekend.
Around Town
September is a big month in Midtown: the Central Gardens Home Tour, followed by my favorite, Cooper-Young Fest. I was excessively excited for CY Fest this year! The Cooper-Young 4-Miler is such a great time that I had to participate despite total lack of conditioning and recent medical trauma. Neighbors have parties all along the route. I actually ran more of it than I thought I would, and had fun and took Jello shots in the process.
This was my mom’s and my fourth Home Tour, and we agreed it was a little lackluster compared to past years. There were still some wow moments and Midtowny stories, though.
Wes and Amanda and I went to an event in the Edge District called Boxlot. It had everything: pop-up shops in railway containers (we love those railway containers!), Astroturf, Bluetooth speakers inside handmade 80s style boom boxes, and this new I Love Memphis mural.
The Tigers beat Navy (whew) and are now 4-0!
At Home
No matter how much you love someone and want to live with them, combining mature households is rough. I had a little nervous breakdown about All the Stuff earlier this month. Taylor responded heroically as usual, spending 3 nights putting boxes in our attic. Ideally, I would have gone through each box and sent about half of them to the perfect charity, but my mental state didn’t allow it. The best I could do was cull some obvious things off the top and take them to Salvation Army (by this point I’ve made friends with the attendant at the dropoff). I’ve been thinking about various pieces of my tension: loss of identity and the home I built for myself, current cultural idealization of minimalism and shame at having possessions, etc. I hope to take some of this apart for further analysis because I feel like it doesn’t get explored much. Anyway, even with a full attic, we’re still over capacity in the actual house and I still haven’t found workable solutions. I’ve even considered hiring a professional organizer, which is depressing because I once intended to BE a professional organizer and even took a class.
On a cheerier note, we’ve been excited to see this crepe myrtle thrive. I got it and its brother from the Arbor Day Foundation in the spring, and it was the slower to take off. The other seedling was shooting up and popping out leaves while this one was still a stick. But look at it now! Also, after a long hiatus, our dahlia bloomed again.
And best of all: our Meyer lemon tree is flowering on every branch! Lots more lemons on the way! ♥
Cooking/Eating
I renewed my long-dormant subscription to our local farm share, Bring It Food Hub, for the fall season. Last week I got my first bag full of good produce. Tasty times ahead!
I made Smitten Kitchen’s blueberry cornmeal butter cake for a Labor Day cookout (it’s only in her cookbook – this link is from another blog). I wanted something a little different. Also, Taylor made me my own pan of spinach enchiladas one night and they were AMAZING.
Wearing
I’ve taken a new tack with purse organization. I’ve had a Fossil Emma Satchel for a couple of years. Over time, the organizer I had in it was just providing more places for items to get lost and stuck. It got to the point where I was seriously losing my keys inside the purse multiple times a day. So cleaned out the whole thing and got a simple set of zippered pouches . Now I know where everything is, and my frustration level is much lower!
AND: thanks to the equivalent of five cents’ worth of tiny plastic phone cord, my wedding rings are staying together as a unit and fitting more securely. Game changer.
Beauty
I’m really loving the classic Tartelette eyeshadow palette I bought for my birthday. I went back to Ulta on the last day of 21 Days of Beauty and picked up a half-price Urban Decay 24/7 eyeliner, as well as another Stila Stay All Day lipstick (also on sale). My makeup area is starting to feel pretty upscale!!
BTW, if you enjoy makeup and beauty, you need to follow Karen at Makeup and Beauty Blog. I’ve been reading her blog for a while, but have gotten extra joy from it the last few months. She’s delightful.
Wellness
The week after the CY 4-Miler, I ran a 5K for an organization I support, Operation Broken Silence. My MIL came with me. I’m still holding out for cooler weather before I start training for the St. Jude 10K… although I can’t hold out much longer.
I’ve been doing Pilates weekly for a year and a half. Sometimes it’s empowering and sometimes it’s frustrating, but the whole time, I have disliked my Pilates socks. I didn’t know what I was doing when I chose them. They’re toe socks, and when you’re hurrying to get in place for class, nothing is more annoying than having to maneuver each individual toe into its own spot. This month I finally ordered a new pair of Mary Jane-style Pilates socks. They’re more comfortable, take seconds to put on, look cute, and cost eight bucks. Win.
My schedule has been wonky lately, so I decided to go to an evening Zumba class at my gym and LOVED it. I hadn’t been to one in at least five years. In my experience, a good or bad Zumba class totally hinges on the instructor, and this one was fantastic. Her choreography was so much fun, I want to go back.
Random Happiness
My church celebrated its ninth birthday this month! I’ve been around for the last five of those years, and they’ve been a ride. I feel like I talk a lot about how my church and I have evolved at basically the same pace and in the same direction, and for a lot of similar reasons. But I’ll keep talking about it because after 30 years in The Church proper, I know what a rare and precious experience that is. After a few lean years, I feel like I’ve settled in a healthier, more grounded spiritual place, and a lot of that is because of my church. I don’t know if it could have happened anywhere else. I’m thankful to be able to bring my whole self to this place, to draw closer to God with these genuine and caring people.
Ashley, who was one of my bridesmaids, asked me to return the favor for her New Year’s Eve wedding! It’s going to be fun. We’re all wearing black dresses of our choosing – she’s still deciding whether or not to do mixed lengths. More to come.
Your Monthly Rufus
While sorting and moving boxes to the attic, we came across a bag of catnip that I grew and dried myself years ago. “Are cats really interested in that?” asked Taylor. In response, Rufus zoned right in on the bag. We let him go to town. It was worth every second of cleanup.
In my experience, cats change their rotation of favorite spots as the calendar turns. It’s been fun watching Rufus do that in our new house. His current favorite hangout is our “landing” table in the living room, where he spends hours at the window, intensely watching things I cannot see.
On the Blog
I wrote about miscarrying my first pregnancy. It happened in August. Once I had gathered my thoughts about it, I felt that it was important to share, both for my own processing and to help others.
Good Reads
♥ Another reason I spoke up about my miscarriage is that I’m furious about new laws (such as Georgia’s) attempting to interrogate and prosecute women who have lost pregnancies. Now it looks like the next step is to insist, against all scientific evidence, that ectopic pregnancies are viable. Anna North at Vox: This life-threatening pregnancy complication is the next frontier in the abortion debate.
♥ Angela Giles Klocke: This is the story of a door. (Props if you sang that to yourself a la Nine Days)
♥ Rachel Wilkerson Miller at Self: How to Cancel Plans without Losing Friends and Feeling like a Jerk
♥ Design Mom: Living with Kids: Jackie Leishman
♥ DW McKinney at Narratively: My Secret Life as a Mysterious Multimillionaire’s Personal Assistant
♥ Josh Gondelman at Vox: The best $80 I ever spent: TSA PreCheck
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The first few months of marriage are usually a transition. Mine have been more of a tidal wave. I started living with Taylor right after our June wedding, but the new tenants for my old place didn’t move in until Labor Day weekend. In the interim, we (mostly Taylor and my dad) executed the slowest move ever, involving no traditional packing and endless tears of nostalgia and overwhelm from me. Until this week, we were drowning in piles of unsorted stuff at our house (the piles have now migrated to the attic.) Meanwhile, I’m learning to live with someone for the first time in almost a decade. We’re figuring out things like who does what chores, our morning routine, and how best to get our introvert time.
I was prepared for these adjustments to married life. I was not prepared to also get pregnant almost immediately, and then to lose the baby at eight weeks.
In my heart, I truly didn’t believe I could get pregnant. I tried unsuccessfully for a year or two in my first marriage, and despite multiple tests showing nothing wrong with me, I still suspected I was the problem (even though I now believe God was protecting me). As I got divorced and remained single through my 30s, I gradually accepted that I wouldn’t get another chance to have kids. This acceptance was expedited by watching most of my women friends have babies and go through multiple circles of hell. By the time I met Taylor, I was pretty comfortable with being a cool aunt forever. Together we decided that we would give kids a shot, but our happiness and life plan wouldn’t hinge on it. Statistically, the chances of getting pregnant at my age are slim. I figured a couple of years would pass, nothing would happen, we’d be a little sad but move on with life, invest in our families and community, and generally be awesome.
So a positive pregnancy test after a few weeks of marriage was the shock of my life. On one hand, it felt like a big confirmation that I’m with the right person this time. On the other hand, we had barely started merging our households. I had barely even started changing my name. We hadn’t found our new normal yet. We hadn’t had our fun newlywed time. There’s no room for a nursery in our house. For the first few days, I mostly freaked out. I also felt weirdly embarrassed, like some naïve teenager getting pregnant in the backseat of a car. Taylor kept reassuring me that we have all the support we need and could handle it. Slowly, I started to wrap my head and heart around what was happening. The turning point came around six weeks. While (safely) exercising, I felt a distinct difference in my body, a new awareness that Something Was There. After that, my enthusiasm and optimism started to ramp up. I frequently updated Taylor on the current size of the baby (usually some kind of candy or seed). I felt pretty good – just tired and a little bleah in the evenings. We went to Miami for a weekend and talked about our hopes and plans for parenthood while floating in the ocean. I started having hopes and plans for parenthood. I thought any maternal instincts I’d had were long gone, but day by day, they were being activated.
Of course, we tried to keep in mind that the pregnancy might not last. We decided not to tell anyone until after my initial eight-week OB appointment, which happened to fall the Monday after my 40th birthday weekend. (I drank non-alcoholic sangria at my party to avoid suspicion.) Over that weekend, I noticed some concerning signs but knew they could also be normal, so I wasn’t too worried at first. Unfortunately, things escalated and by the time we went to the doctor, it was pretty clear what was happening. Instead of the happy appointment I’d looked forward to, we got confirmation that I was miscarrying. I’d gotten on board with this surprise life change, and now it was like nope, just kidding.
1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. I know more women who have miscarried than haven’t, and obviously they’ve shared about it if I know about it. But even though women are talking more about miscarriage, even though we know the legit medical reasons and that we didn’t cause it and couldn’t have prevented it, there’s still an underlayer of shame and secrecy. A lot of people still consider it taboo or uncouth to bring up. That carries over to the workplace, so women have to attempt to show up and act professional in the midst of a traumatic and physically miserable experience (side note: my boss is amazing and her having my back has meant everything; yet another reason why we need more women in leadership). Miscarriage is scary and isolating. It’s a loss of control that no amount of resilience can prepare you for. I won’t take on the added burden of acting like it didn’t happen. This is my way of helping to normalize sharing about this very common experience. I don’t want to be dramatic about it, but I also don’t want to talk and write around it for the rest of my life. Starting to become a mom has changed me. If we eventually have a healthy baby, I will always know it wasn’t my first. I’ll always love this baby and feel sad that I missed out on knowing him (I feel it was a him). I want to be able to acknowledge him, and the experience, in a straightforward way.
I also want the people in my life to understand why I’m a little off lately. I’m okay, but I’m also not okay. It’s only been a few weeks. I’m still processing everything – not just this, but all the changes of the summer – and feel like I have a suppressed emotional/mental immune system. I cry and get overwhelmed very easily. I still feel sad when I see pregnant women or new babies. I probably jumped back into my regular routines too fast. I had great intentions of diving into goal-setting and new challenges in this new chapter of my life, but now I need some time (possibly the rest of 2019 :P) to rest, re-calibrate, and ease up the pressure on myself. I also want everyone to know Taylor has been a supportive, caring, brave partner throughout this whole experience. This was a lot of stress to put on a brand-new marriage, but I think we’ve come through it even stronger. I love him very much.
In conclusion, I was due at the end of March. I considered that a very convenient time to have a baby, except for one thing: March Madness. Obviously it’s unlikely that the Tigers will go to the Final Four next year, but not impossible, since we have the #1 recruiting class in America. Taylor and I are dead set on going if we ever make it that far again, and I was disappointed thinking I could miss it. I imagined myself yelling at the TV while in labor, pushing nurses out of the way to see the game. Well, now I’m available again, so redeem my pain, Tigers. 2020 is the year. See you in Atlanta.
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