To one who has never truly loved a media platform, the following might cause laughter or concern. But Entertainment Weekly has been a highlight of my life for at least ten years. That’s how long I’ve been an enthusiastic subscriber. When I lived in the suburbs, it usually arrived in the mail on Fridays. I loved to go home on Friday after a long workweek and read the new issue cover to cover, often over a frozen pizza. It was a dependable joy. I love EW so much that “Get published in Entertainment Weekly, if only a letter to the editor” is an original Life List item on this blog. I love the generally witty writing, the cultural analysis, the thoughtful reviews, the scoops, the cast reunions. I love discussing articles with friends who are also loyal readers. EW is solely responsible for keeping me conversant in zeitgeist shows I don’t have time or motivation to watch (e.g. most of them). (This is more important socially than you might realize.)
Six years ago, Entertainment Weekly Radio launched on Sirius, and then I had daily excitement. My favorite show was Diva Deep Dive, a sort of chattier, less salacious radio version of Behind the Music. It, too, used to air on Fridays right as I got off work. I also enjoyed L.A. Daily, which I more recently associate with the gym – when I was first at this job and exercising in the evenings, I listened to it going to and from the gym, and now I hear reruns when I go early in the morning. These small, frivolous things can become an embedded part of your life.
Earlier this week, I gathered from a discussion on L.A. Daily that the show would end today. Some Googling revealed that Sirius is shutting down EW Radio completely. I was bummed, enough to consider cancelling satellite radio (I’ll probably keep it, though, since my alternative is time-capsule/Top 40 local Memphis radio). But the news got worse. EW’s parent company has laid off 13 long-time staffers, including the editor, and is changing the format to a monthly. They’re transitioning most of their content online. It’s probably a matter of time before they’re an online-only publication. We’ve all watched this story play out over and over again in print media, but somehow, I never thought they would come for EW. I hate it for the talented writers. I hate it for the readers. I hate that this is the direction everything is going. (I also have Concerns, in our increasingly autocratic climate, about moving all journalism to a medium that can be altered or controlled with the tap of a key.)
This morning, I listened to the final episode of EW Morning Live. I listened to caller after caller tell how, when they were going through really hard times in their lives, the show gave them something to look forward to and smile about every morning. I felt less silly about my personal sense of loss, because that’s my story with Entertainment Weekly as a whole. Throughout the roller coaster of the last ten years of my life, it’s given me something to look forward to and smile about. It has been a constant. So I wanted to give it the toast it’s due. Thank you, EW, for all the good times.
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Headline News
My company likes to switch people around for a well-rounded experience, which is one of the reasons I came here. This month, after only a year and a half, it was my turn! Effective May 1, I have a new boss, new team, new cubicle, and am doing similar work but in a new business area. While I loved my old team, and the timing isn’t ideal (work was the only area of my life that was stable), I’m happy about the change and encouraged that I was chosen. My new co-workers are great. The work is more complicated and will expose me to more things. I can’t see out a window from my cubicle anymore, but the new space is quieter, more secluded, and less cold, so I’ll take that trade-off.
Wedding Update
My second bridal shower had a Memphis theme and was an all-family production! The overall guest list was too large for the venue for my first shower, so this second one was for church friends and our moms’ friends. It was at my church’s fellowship hall and personally catered by my BIL Lance, including a potato soup people are still raving about. Taylor, his brother and family, and my dad were all there too. I had a great time!
I ordered our guest book and am pretty excited about it. I also sent Penny Hardaway a wedding invitation – hopefully we’ll get something fun back!
We have less than a month to go. People keep asking me what’s left to do, and the answer is A LOT of details I’d forgotten. Linens, cups, ice logistics (the venue has no icemaker), cake knife, etc. Thankfully, Taylor is finished with a busy time at work and should be able to help more from here on out. I still haven’t made a decision about bridal hair, headwear, or jewelry. And I’m starting to feel the way I do in the last lead-up to an important race: excessively aware of the fragility of the human body. Every day I’m like, don’t fall down!! Don’t tear a muscle! Don’t get scratched in the face! Don’t get into an accident! Time to move into a bubble.
Reading
How the Bible Actually Works: In Which I Explain How an Ancient, Ambiguous, and Diverse Book Leads Us to Wisdom Rather Than Answers – and Why That’s Great News by Peter Enns (4 stars) I read this with a book club in advance of the author coming to speak at my church this month! His approach to the Bible really refreshes me. If you’ve hit a wall (like I did) trying to reconcile some old, rigorous interpretations of the Bible with our current lived reality, this book is for you.
All the Lives I Want: Essays about My Best Friends Who Happen to Be Famous Strangers by Alana Massey (3.5 stars) While some of the author’s perspectives are a little self-destructive for me, this is the type of academic pop cultural analysis I crave – especially when it highlights women of the 90s.
Just for Clicks by Kara McDowell (3.5 stars) A novel about twins who’ve been celebrities since birth thanks to their mother’s blog. Now that they’re high school seniors, Claire is ready to abandon their Kardashian-esque lifestyle for something more real. The story starts a little slow, but takes several unexpected turns!
Becoming by Michelle Obama (5 stars) After months on the waiting list at the library, I finally got my shot at this memoir. It was wonderful and inspiring.
Millenneagram: The Enneagram Guide for Discovering Your Truest, Baddest Self by Hannah Paasch (4.5 stars) I couldn’t resist getting this as soon as it came out. It’s an enjoyable, insightful Enneagram deep dive that I began discussing with friends immediately. Sensitive readers might want to check out Hannah’s Twitter before purchasing – she writes just like she tweets.
One True Loves by Taylor Jenkins Reid (4 stars) When I described this book’s plot to Taylor, he replied “Basically, Cast Away” (from Helen Hunt’s perspective). So there you go.
Listening
I downloaded a few songs from Lizzo’s Cuz I Love You and cannot pick a favorite. Perfect for the start of summer!
Travel
I went to Nashville twice this month, first for my older niece’s birthday (she turned SEVEN, how is this possible), and later for both nieces’ dance recital and my sister’s birthday. Taylor came with me for the second trip. We ate at Aquarium for Debra’s birthday, and also at Chef’s Market in Goodlettsville.
Around Town
This month Coach Penny Hardaway (mentioned above ;)) locked down the #1 recruiting class in America / best recruiting class in Tigers history! AND the Grizzlies secured the #2 NBA draft pick! Taylor and I watched the draft lottery together, clinging to each other and then rejoicing as we surpassed the worst lottery pick spots.
Due to my multiple weekend trips, and everything else, I missed most of Memphis in May this year. We did make it to the official bicentennial celebration, Celebrate Memphis, last weekend. Among other things, there was an air show, a new world record for the longest picnic table, fireworks, and street signs representing important intersections in each Memphis neighborhood.
I’m a summer intern mentor at work this year. Most of them are law students and I’m a paralegal, so I’m mostly there for moral/social support, telling them where the cafeteria is, etc. In any case, we’ll have a lot of activities throughout the summer. This week we did a fun scavenger hunt downtown and my in-depth knowledge of the area came in handy. We stopped into the Peabody and saw the ducks.
At Home
We (mostly Taylor) continued working hard in his backyard this month. Lots of weeding and pruning. I brought over some of my large potted plants, and we bought a nice hydrangea to go by the back door. We’ve enjoyed watching a robin raise two sets of babies in a nest under the carport. Last weekend, we saw one of the now-teenage robins hanging around the yard after it had fledged!
Back at my house, my gardenia had its spectacular annual bloom, and I soaked up my last evenings on my patio. Pictured: my final al fresco dinner omelet. The patio table is now in Taylor’s backyard.
On a related note, we haven’t finalized the documents yet, but I already found tenants for my condo and feel good about it! They’ll need to move later in the summer, which gives me plenty of time to move out, clean, and figure out what to do with my excess furniture. Thankful.
Wearing
As my large quantity of Super Cash proves, Old Navy has been my jam lately. Most of my camisoles and tanks ride up mercilessly or are just worn out, so I’ve been buying a lot of their First Layer fitted tanks and First Layer camis in Tall (the extra length keeps them in place). I also found two nicely-structured summer ponte dresses that I can wear to work: this one and this one!
Wellness
After making a big deal about not going on a wedding diet, I caved and have been on the Sugar Busters diet since the beginning of May. Basically, no sugar, white flour, corn or corn products, beer, potatoes, or high-sugar produce like pineapple. I chose this method because 1. I only want to lose a few pounds in the stomach area and 2. I don’t have to starve on it, and carbs are fine as long as they’re whole grain. Really I’m only cutting out stuff that’s not great for me anyway. Also, after an initial two-hour label-reading trip to Kroger, I am not obsessing about one or two grams of whatever. This is a big-picture effort.
This diet has been a disturbing education in the pervasiveness of added sugar. IT IS IN EVERYTHING, often for no good reason. I’ve had to get less reliant on packaged foods, and when I go out, a salad is usually my only option. Avoiding corn and flour has been much more limiting than cutting out desserts. However, due to parties and events every weekend and in the interest of enjoying life, I’ve been taking Saturdays off. I never thought I felt badly before on a “normal” diet, but now by Saturday night, my stomach is kind of unhappy and it’s not so hard to get back on the horse.
I don’t have access to a scale, so I don’t even know if the diet is working. I think it is a little bit, but it’s hard to tell. I’ll probably stick with it through the wedding week, and maybe a less restrained version after the wedding. The best compliant foods I’ve discovered are Trader Joe’s quinoa and brown rice pasta, and Lily’s dark chocolate, which has a high cocoa percentage and is sweetened with stevia.
Random Happiness
At my church this Mother’s Day, every woman – single, married, young, old, mom and not mom – got a flower. ♥
Your Monthly Rufus
Rufus turned five this month! I don’t know his exact birthday – the vet just estimated May – so I usually celebrate him at the end of May. As usual, he refused to wear his birthday hat and chewed on it instead.
LOL of the Month
When your fiancé really knows you.
On the Blog
I wrote some reflections about my upcoming marriage!
Good Reads
♥ Kaitlyn Tiffany at Vox: A mysterious gut doctor is begging Americans to throw out “this vegetable” now. But, like, which?
♥ Debbie Weingarten at Longreads: If You Should Find Yourself in the Dark
♥ Abby Norman: What do you do when you don’t know what to do? A sermon for Rachel Held Evans
♥ Another tribute to RHE from Emmy Kegler: My faith makes space for this. I wish it didn’t.
♥ Mike at Listen Carefully: The Six Stages of Deconstruction (I’m somewhere between The Resting Stage and The Justice Stage, with grief still popping up occasionally.)
♥ Amanda Mull at The Atlantic: I Broke Breakfast
♥ Brandi Miller at The Salt Collective: Why So Many White Christians Refuse to Believe In Police Brutality
♥ I’ve followed Karen’s Makeup and Beauty Blog for a while and was sad to hear of her beloved cat’s passing. I sympathized with her beautiful tribute to him: Lessons of Love and Life I Learned From Grief
♥ Danielle Jackson at Longreads: “Give It Up For My Sister”: Beyoncé, Solange, and The History of Sibling Acts in Pop
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credit: Cassie Cardwell / The Warmth Around You
My wedding is less than six weeks away. There’s so much I’ve wanted to write during this unique time. I know I won’t be able to fully recapture my current thoughts and feelings on the other side of the line. But I’m surviving one day at a time at this point, and I have no illusions that that will change before the wedding. So I’m here to hit some high points in lieu of nothing at all.
Understandably, I’ve been working through a variety of fears about getting married again. They’re all purely my own damage and have nothing to do with Taylor – I would have them no matter what. The full awareness of how painful, damaging, and depleting marriage can be. The lament that statistically, marriage kind of sucks for women and why do we even do it? The grief of giving up a home that was mine and symbolized a formative time in my life. The fear of losing myself after I worked so hard to find her. The fear of “failing” again and being “Brenda Wilkerson, Two Divorces.” But a few facts always bring me back from the edge:
– Everything is different this time. Taylor could not be more different from my “wasband,” I’m the Technicolor version of the shadow I used to be, my approach to marriage has changed completely, and our actual relationship is miles better than anything I’ve experienced before. I’m very confident our marriage will succeed (if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t be getting married), but even if a worst-case scenario happened, it would be for all new reasons. The only true mistake is making the exact same mistake twice, amiright?
– Taylor has proven countless times that he is for me. He loves me, respects me, and takes my needs and desires seriously. It would never occur to him not to treat me as an equal. He is blessedly free of evangelical gender-roles baggage and just sees us as two individuals teaming up and making a life together. I feel stronger and more myself having him in my corner (in contrast, my first marriage was a self-sustaining cycle of me erasing and emptying myself as I thought God expected of me, and my wasband taking full advantage of it). I know Taylor will support me in my life goals and in my pursuit of physical, emotional, and spiritual health, even if it costs him something. He will never plow ahead with something I vocally do not want. My ability to trust in that increases my ability to do the same for him. From the beginning, I’ve felt a strong sense of teamness with him that I lacked in my first marriage, but had noticed in marriages close to me.
– I am now a huge fan of marrying later in life. When I married for the first time at 25, an older co-worker advised me more than once that I was too young. I was actually one of the oldest of my Southern, Christian friend group to get married, so I thought she was crazy. Turned out, she had been down that path herself and knew what she was talking about. In our 30s, Taylor and I both know who we are and what we want, have seen and done some stuff, and have plenty of experience navigating life and taking care of ourselves. That foundation brings a sense of peace and stability I wasn’t expecting.
My main anxiety that’s yet to be resolved is living together. I’ve lived alone for nine years (he’s lived alone for a while too). Protecting the sanctity of my home environment – feeling peaceful and safe, knowing what’s going on in my home – has always been crucial for me. My divorce included some trauma in that area, which made me even more high-strung about it. Even though it’s been a little lonely at times, I never wanted to consider a transitory roommate, and fortunately I could afford not to. I’m not sure I even remember how to live with another person without driving each other crazy! But I know once the move is done and no longer an untested abstract concept, I’ll probably love living with him.
I’ve also spent almost a decade perfecting my surroundings, finding décor that flows well and makes me happy. Now I’m moving into a home belonging to someone whose style is different. We’re working on meshing our stuff, but finding a new style together – and finding places for things – is going to take a while. These are major First World Problems, but they’re real to me, and not for purely superficial reasons. However, I’m not sorry we both fully inhabited our homes while we were single. I stopped believing in “leaving room for your future spouse” a long time ago. Take up all the space, single friends. LIVE NOW.
So if you’re wondering How I’m Doing, I’m exhausted and processing a lot of things, but overall I’m good. It’s all a lot easier when you’re with the right person. I have plenty of help and support with the things, not least from the wonderful man I get to share my life with. As he likes to say, lots of good times ahead!
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This April edition is supersized, so grab your beverage of choice and settle in!
Wedding Update
We accomplished a lot of wedding stuff this month! We did a walkthrough of the reception space with our wedding coordinator and decided where everything should go. I bought my shoes after a long and stressful search. My mom and I took my dress to be altered. Invitations are printed, addressed, and mailed. I put together a website for RSVPs. I narrowed down options for readings and songs. AND… we had our engagement photos taken by our amazing photographer, Cassie Cardwell! Here are just a few of my favorites (seriously, I could post a hundred):
My first bridal shower had a Tea and Books theme and was held at a tearoom in an antique store. A friend had a baby shower there a while back, and I really liked the venue. My sister and mom did a fantastic job planning the shower and making sure I felt loved and celebrated. ♥
Pictures of joy: carrot cake from Muddy’s and a good pet-based vacuum cleaner.
I haven’t moved anything big to Taylor’s house yet, but the wedding presents and most random items that go out my door end up there. When we were first engaged, I mainly felt overwhelmed at the thought of leaving my home, but I feel more and more excited to live with him and start our real life together. :) I plan to start actively looking for a renter for my place next month.
Reading
Marriage, a History: From Obedience to Intimacy or How Love Conquered Marriage by Stephanie Coontz (4 stars) – The last couple of years have renewed my drive to study history as context for current events. I’m seeing both that there’s nothing new under the sun, and that a lot of what’s presented as The Good Old Only Right Way is actually fairly new and/or has corrupt motivations. (In other words, An Enneagram 6 Studies History.) This book focuses that lens on the institution of marriage and how it’s changed through the centuries. A long but worthwhile read.
Two-Part Invention: The Story of a Marriage by Madeleine L’Engle (reread) (5 stars) – It was time for a reread of this memoir, which is as much about L’Engle’s sophisticated theatre life in midcentury New York as it is about her life with her husband, actor Hugh Franklin. It’s delightful, deep, and heart wrenching.
The Blue Castle by L.M. Montgomery (reread) (5 stars) – Throughout April, the wonderful Rachel McMillan led a group (re)read of one of my all-time favorite books. It’s one of L.M. Montgomery’s few novels for adults, and I see new things in it every time. The protagonist is Valancy, a submissive, oppressed spinster who shakes free of her shackles after getting a terminal diagnosis. I’ve always related to her, but this time I related to her love story too!
All the Good Parts by Loretta Nyhan (3.5 stars) – Leona is a 39-year-old nursing student living with her sister’s family. When her doctor suggests she go ahead and have a baby on her own, she starts thinking hard about her options and rethinking her whole approach to life. Some aspects of this book were great, but the rude, pushy sister character got on my last nerve.
More than Words by Jill Santopolo (3.5 stars) – Hotel heiress Nina finds herself caught between a lot of rocks and hard places after her father dies. Despite the high society setting, this story felt real and I appreciated the complexity of the characters.
Wearing God: Clothing, Laughter, Fire, and Other Overlooked Ways of Meeting God by Lauren F. Winner (4 stars) – I started reading this from the library over a year ago, stopped and bought my own copy, then forgot to pick it back up. As often happens, I think I got more out of it now than I would have then. It’s more of the insightful, academic content you expect from LFW.
Listening
Sara Bareilles, one of my all-time top five, released Amidst the Chaos this month. I got so obsessed with this track, I thought about adding it to the shortlist for our first dance song.
In more faves news, Johnnyswim dropped their new album Moonlight, coinciding perfectly with the Blue Castle group discussion (Moonlight is one of the main character’s nicknames).
Current podcasts: Forever 35, The Cut on Tuesdays (loved this week’s interview with Nicole Cliffe and Daniel Ortberg), and I just added Ask a Clean Person.
Watching
On the elliptical: I finished Shrill; am in for the new season of The Bold Type; watched Beyoncé’s Homecoming (resulting in several new calorie burn records) and Amy Schumer’s Growing. Confession: I’ve been working on Season 1 of Marvelous Mrs. Maisel since before Christmas and can’t get super excited about it. It feels so slow! Maybe it’s just not a good exercise show.
While addressing and stuffing my wedding invitations, I watched 27 Dresses, Mamma Mia, and disc 1 of Friends Season 7 (the season of Monica and Chandler’s wedding).
Travel
My SIL Stefanie was in her hometown of Kansas City this month to star in a local production of Funny Girl! My mom and I came up for a long weekend to see the show. She was AMAZING. We stayed in the Country Club Plaza area, saw Avengers: Endgame Saturday morning (I LOVED it and am ready to go again), did some shopping, went to Union Station, took a trolley tour around the city, and checked out the downtown farmers’ market. Sunday night, Stefanie and I and one of her best friends went to a jazz club she loves. I also got the chance to grab coffee with Marie, one of my last “original” online friends (i.e. about 15 years) whom I had never met in person! It was great. I feel sure we’ll meet again.
Since we drove, Mums planned surprise stops for us in each direction. On the way up, we toured the Laura Ingalls Wilder House. I got to stand at the desk where Laura wrote several of the Little House books, which, b t dubs, she did not start doing until she was SIXTY-FIVE. My mom hoped I would get some writerly inspiration from the visit, and that one fact did it for me!
On the way home, we stopped at the World of Wildlife Aquarium in Springfield, Missouri. They have lots of saltwater fish, sharks, a stingray touch tank, otters, alligators, jellyfish, a massive shell exhibit, and much more!
Around Town
Grizzlies season finally came to an end – with the firing of our coach, and the demotion of a GM who should have been fired. Now we wait for the NBA draft to find out how long we’ll have to wait to be in the playoffs again.
Our friend James had a birthday dinner at Bounty, a farm-to-table family-style place I had somehow never been to. It was a good time.
I volunteered with some co-workers at an immigrant legal clinic. As a paralegal, there’s only so much I can do at pro bono activities, but I’m glad to contribute what I can. I hope we go again now that we’re trained and understand how it works.
At Home
As usual, April was all about the yard and plants! With a LOT of help from my parents, Taylor and I made improvements to the back patio and backyard at his house. I hadn’t really planned to plant a vegetable garden this year, but my mom and I cleared an unruly area and found the soil in excellent shape. My dad quickly created a border and I popped some plants right into the ground – two tomatoes for me, two Roma tomatoes so Taylor can make pizza sauce, two bell peppers, jalapeños, and several herbs! I also planted some sunflower seeds along the back fence.
We’ve had many conversations about the 50-year-old azalea hedge in the front yard, and decided to wait until after the spring bloom to give them a needed pruning. The wait was WORTH IT!
At my house, a lily of the valley I planted four years ago bloomed for the first time! I’m leaving most of the plants at my house in place, but plan to move my Julia Child rose and a mature clematis vine to Taylor’s house. Should be interesting.
Eating
One of my favorite annual events, Cookies on Tap, moved from High Cotton brewery to Crosstown this year. Their new raspberry saison is fantastic!
I usually opt for grilled items at Soul Fish, but after reading a rave review in the paper, I had to try their special thin-cut fried catfish filets. They were especially satisfying on a day of yard work.
I finally cooked Smitten Kitchen’s shakshuka recipe, which had been on my radar for a while. It’s an excellent weeknight meal.
Single-serving drink mix update: Crush Strawberry is now available and delicious. I just wish we could eliminate unnecessary red dyes from these mixes.
credit: Cassie Cardwell/The Warmth Around You
Beauty
I’ve hired a makeup artist for the wedding, and had her do my makeup for our engagement pictures too. I was VERY pleased!
My future MIL gave me a Color FX face palette she got in a beauty box. I have no contouring or highlighting ability, but I enjoy playing around with it. I usually use the darker highlighters as blush.
Random Happiness
I’m obsessed with Cocoa Puff, a Continental Giant rabbit getting into all kinds of shenanigans with a charming family. He sparks joy.
My company had a small carnival for Earth Day, where I met a screech owl! Also, a few yellow-crowned night herons are nesting in my neighborhood as they do every April. Last time I drove over, I only saw one heron, but several nests. I’ll check back.
My church announced this month that we’re officially moving to an egalitarian leadership model, which means women can now serve as church elders. I am THRILLED to be part of a church where women’s voices are being elevated and respected. I’m a regular Communion server – my favorite, most life-giving church task – and I still sometimes marvel that as a woman, I wouldn’t have been allowed to do that in my past churches. Onward and upward. (PS, I got to serve Communion on Easter, including to my own parents, which was really meaningful.)
Your Monthly Rufus
I couldn’t choose between several great Rufus pics!
Yoga with Rufus
Quote of the Month
A friend shared this, from medievalist professor Sara L. Uckelman, about the fire at Notre Dame. It reassured me, both in context of the fire and of my evolving faith:
Good Reads
♥ Sarah Jaffe at Slate: The Real Ramona
♥ Monica Hesse in the WaPo: The key to glorifying a questionable diet? Be a tech bro and call it “biohacking.”
♥ Emily P. Freeman: What to Do When You’re Offended
♥ Joe Fassler at Longreads: The Man Who’s Going to Save Your Neighborhood Grocery Store
♥ Rachel Miller at Vox: The best $16 I ever spent: Old Navy pajamas after my husband left
♥ Bailey Steger: Do Expectations Kill Happy Marriages?
♥ Design Mom: Living With Kids: Lilly Bekele-Piper
♥ Jessica M. Goldstein in the WaPo: How D’Arcy Carden finally found her Good Place
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