Main Events
Life really started picking up in March. I’m bracing myself for things to get even crazier in April!
Wedding Update
Debra came to Memphis twice this month and helped us with a LOT of wedding things. We now have bridesmaid dresses, flower girl dresses, and a florist; invitations are in process at the printer; I put together a website for online RSVPs; we’re getting our wedding cake from my friend Chasity (a small cake that we’ll supplement with Gibson’s donuts); and my friend Caroline is going to be our wedding coordinator! Debra, Ashley, and I also went to a bridal show at the Junior League so I could talk to the florist. I would normally stay far away from that type of event, but we had fun.
Reading
Next Year in Havana by Chanel Cleeton (5 stars) – A powerful story of a young Cuban woman during Castro’s takeover, and her granddaughter in the present day. Marisol leaves Miami to scatter her grandmother’s ashes in Havana, and uncovers a whole new side of her family history. When I was a kid in Miami, the steady stream of Cuban refugees was part of the wallpaper to me – unfortunately, I had never learned historical details about what drove them to America. This book was a sobering crash course, with vivid and lovable characters. I’m excited for the sequel about Beatriz.
Paws and Effect by Sofie Kelly (3.5 stars) – I’m a Magical Cats fan to the end, but OMG even Marcus is suspected of murder? I told you guys this town is too small to keep this series going indefinitely.
The Dance of Intimacy by Dr. Harriet Lerner (5 stars) – An excellent look at managing change and disagreement in close relationships, and the personal and societal consequences of moving toward health when others aren’t ready to do that.
I’m Fine and Neither Are You by Camille Pagán (4 stars) – When Penny tragically loses her best friend, a famous mommy blogger who appeared to have it all, she decides to start being honest about the difficulties of her own life and marriage. This novel walks a fine line of being both extremely real and ultimately hopeful. I appreciated it.
Frankenstein by Mary Shelley (3.5 stars) – My book club’s March selection. I read this in high school, but had forgotten most of it. While it remains a groundbreaking classic, and our group discussion was very enjoyable, it’s still not quite my thing.
Listening
Now that I can listen to podcasts in my car, my podcast consumption has increased. My current favorite, unsurprisingly, is 10 Things to Tell You by Laura Tremaine. I LOVED this week’s episode about different ways to journal. I’ve realized I don’t regularly have the time or patience for podcasts over 30-45 minutes (i.e. the length of my commute). Some titles I’m trying out: Dare I Say, Stuff You Missed in History Class, The Cut on Tuesdays, The Thread, and Women’s Work.
Watching
Captain Marvel was fantastic. I left inspired and hopeful for every woman to someday have her own “I don’t owe you anything” moment. The orange cat representation was an added bonus – Flerken is Rufus’s newest nickname.
My main watch of the month was The Umbrella Academy. I struggled through the first few episodes, then got hooked around episode five (Five is my favorite character) and was increasingly O_O till the end. I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS. I’ve heard the comics are even weirder and don’t provide a lot of explanations.
I’m three episodes into Shrill, and it’s worth the hype.
Around Town
Taylor and I attended the Tigers’ games in the conference tournament, which we hosted this year. We lost in the third round to Houston. Then we scored tickets to my company box for our first round NIT game! Between that and the Grizzlies, we went to four or five basketball games in seven days. I love basketball as much as ever, but I’m ready to have other things going on in my life.
Debra was my date to the annual gala for Operation Broken Silence. This year’s theme was Masquerade, and the venue was a recently restored carousel at the Children’s Museum. We had a great time dancing and riding the carousel.
Earlier the same day, we went with my mom and nieces to the Botanic Gardens. The flowers and trees are just starting to bloom!
I’ve always wanted to go to a service at the cathedral near my house, and I finally did with some friends for Ash Wednesday. It was as beautiful as I imagined.
My mom and I saw Fiddler on the Roof at the Orpheum. It’s one of her favorites.
We went to the Cooper-Young St. Patrick’s Day parade for the first time on one of the first nice days.
My friend Kelsey, who is also engaged, had a lumberjack-themed bridal brunch at Rizzo’s. I didn’t get any pictures, but we all wore flannel shirts and it was awesome!
At Home
I couldn’t resist blue hostas when Taylor and I saw the bulbs at Home Depot. We planted them and some dahlia bulbs on the front porch, and are excitedly following their daily progress. Meanwhile, the daffodils are blooming back at my house.
Some of my wall art is now up at Taylor’s house, in addition to one of my chairs. First step of the move!!
Eating
My dad and I have long loved Elwood’s Shack, a diner in the parking lot of a Lowe’s. This month they branched out to Elwood’s Shells, right in the neighborhood. Debra and I shared the seafood fondue (which has already won a local dip award) and the seafood pasta. We will be back.
Wearing
I realized late in the afternoon of this day that my outfit had a very strong Umbrella Academy vibe. I had just finished the show that morning. Clueless-era schoolgirl chic is one of my style foundations, so I shouldn’t be surprised that my subconscious latched right on.
On another fashion note, I canceled Stitch Fix this month after over a year of them ignoring my feedback. They did send a few pieces I needed and loved, like the pea coat above, but those were exceptions to the rule. As I said in my farewell message, it’s become clear that Stitch Fix has a specific aesthetic that works for me only occasionally. No more sending back flowy, high-necked blouses.
Beauty
Having finally settled into a successful skincare routine, I’m now an easy target for “bonus” products. I decided to try Paula’s Choice’s new azaleaic acid booster, which is supposed to fade acne scars (among other things), and their highly rated retinol body lotion to make sure my chest and upper arms are looking smooth. Both of these items have made a noticeable difference quickly – good timing, because our engagement pictures are next week. I realize I’ve crossed over into Extra territory, but if you can’t be a little extra before your wedding, when can you?
Not pictured: Unfortunately for my bank account, Clinique Take off the Day is the Holy Grail makeup remover everyone says it is. I’ve tried every award-winning drugstore brand and micellar water, and none of them can remove my mascara. I bought a travel-sized Clinique bottle at Ulta just to see. It gets everything off in one swipe. I don’t have to scrub at my eyes at all.
Wellness
Health wise, this month was a little rough. I got sick a second time (having just recovered from whatever I caught in New York) and couldn’t breathe through my nose for days. I was also feeling down and having a lot of anxiety, but after talking things out and receiving support, I’m doing better. Even though this is a happy time in my life, it’s also a complicated, limbo time that’s stirring up a lot of not-great stuff from my past. I want to write more about that, and other thoughts about marriage from my current perspective.
I decided it’s time to start running again. I’m starting with a couple of miles once a week and seeing how I feel!
Random Happiness
My cubicle plants are thriving!
Taylor and I talked about where we want to settle long-term, and quickly narrowed it down to a three-block radius, which includes his current home. I know life takes you in unexpected directions and I’m open to that, but I think it’s a gift to have such a strong, shared sense of where we want to be.
My church has new mugs. I bought one the first morning we had them, as a tangible representation of how happy, safe, and fulfilled I currently feel at my church. That’s a gift too.
I wanted to get a special perfume to wear during our engagement, wedding, and honeymoon, so it would always remind us of this time. We smelled a variety of things and agreed on Clinique Happy In Bloom. Seems appropriate. ♥
Your Monthly Rufus
Rufus also had a bad cold this month, but bounced back after a breathing treatment at the vet (basically a medicated salt cave for cats – hilarious). He’s glad spring is here.
Good Reads
♥ Rachel Syme at The Cut: The Feminist Paradox of Cathy Guisewite
♥ Chris Davis discusses the downfall of print newspapers in the Memphis Flyer: Going to Pieces
♥ Veronica McCarthy at Atelier Doré: Beauty Takes Flight
♥ Amanda Diebert: Jagged Little Pill Is Actually Very Good.
♥ Alison Gary: Cancel Your Clothing Subscription Box (very timely for me)
♥ Living with Grace: Freeing Lent from Diet Culture
♥ The Life of Bon: Jump
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A few weeks ago, Taylor and I went to NYC with his mom and his brother, Adam! I ♥ NY and had been trying to get back since my first visit in 2012. We packed a lot into a roughly 48-hour trip. Much of it was pretty touristy, but I wanted to write about it anyway. This trip confirmed that New York is one of very few places that has a spiritual piece of me – when I go back, in a sense it feels like I never left.
Where We Ate
Vezzo Thin Crust Pizza, 178 Lexington Avenue – Adam’s favorite pizza in New York, and now mine too. I also ate the best side salad of my life there. Like, I could not stop talking about how crisp and flavorful the spring mix was.
Ellen’s Stardust Diner, 1650 Broadway – Extreme tourist trap, but you’re paying for the “Home of the Singing Waitstaff” experience (the food is good, but not $20-French-toast good). It’s a fun atmosphere and the singers are very talented.
John’s Brick Oven Pizza, 278 Bleecker Street – Taylor and Adam gave this pizza rave reviews. I had the ravioli, which was delicious and obviously handmade.
Pasticceria Rocco, 4438, 243 Bleecker Street – I felt the authenticity of this place immediately, because it was like the New York bakeries of my youth in Miami. They have a wide variety of coffee drinks and legit baked treats. I got a tiramisu latte.
Bouchon Bakery, 1 Rockefeller Plaza – Across the street from the Today Show. Went here looking for a black-and-white cookie, had a big chocolate cherry macaron instead.
Heartland Brewery and Rotisserie, 350 5th Avenue – I wish we’d had time to visit some Brooklyn breweries (and Brooklyn in general), but I was excited to try any local beer (in this case their Lavender Wheat). Cindy and I split a lemon rosemary rotisserie chicken.
Charly’s, 1031, 110 Trinity Place – This was a quick walk-up stop between the World Trade Center and Trinity Church, but a solid option if you’re in the area and tired of pizza. I had a surprisingly delicious grilled chicken sandwich, and also found the bona fide black-and-white cookie I had been looking for.
810 Deli & Café, 810 7th Avenue – I was determined to eat an everything bagel with cream cheese before leaving New York, so Taylor and I set out early Sunday morning on almost no sleep to find one before we went to the airport. We had intended to go to a trendier bagel place a block further, but it was so cold I seriously could not continue. I was content with my bagel experience here.
Writing this made me realize that the freshness of even the most basic food is one of the most underrated things about NYC.
Where We Went
NBC Tour at Rockefeller Center – The tour stops change depending on what’s going on that day. We went to the Nightly News set, the Late Night with Seth Meyers set, AND the SNL set, where we saw Kate McKinnon, Aidy Bryant, and Don Cheadle rehearsing a wedding venue skit!!! Starstruck. I was also excited to stand outside the Today Show studio.
World Trade Center Memorial and Museum – Last time I was in New York, neither the memorial nor the Freedom Tower were finished yet. I recommend buying museum tickets in advance, as we did – the line was long. It took us about three hours to see the museum, which has exhibits about the history and architecture of the towers in addition to the chronological walk through 9/11 and the aftermath. It was powerful and well done. Definitely worth seeing once.
Trinity Church – One of the oldest churches in America, and the final resting place of Alexander and Eliza Hamilton, Angelica Schuyler, and (I was excited to discover) Hercules Mulligan. (FYI, Angelica’s marker is on the opposite side of the church from the Hamiltons.) Many of the tombstones are so old that all the engraving has eroded. The sanctuary is currently under construction, but we visited the chapel, which was also beautiful.
Wall Street – I didn’t realize Fearless Girl had been moved, but she now stands facing the New York Stock Exchange! We didn’t realize the significance of nearby Federal Hall, but wish we had gone in, because it holds the George Washington Inaugural Bible and some other artifacts.
Hope Sculpture (200 West 53rd Street) – Worth swinging by if you’re in the Times Square area. We happened upon it while walking around.
The Original Macy’s, Herald Square – I tried on some potential wedding shoes here! (Unfortunately, the heel was way too high.)
The Friends Apartment (90 Bedford Street) – Technically I shouldn’t count this, because I only saw it from the Uber. We noticed a big group standing across the street and thought that was probably the right place, but it looks a little different than it did on the show. I confirmed the address later. Next time I’ll check it out for real. The above photo is NOT the Friends apartment, but it does look like it.
Hamilton – The highlight of the trip! We had “standing room” tickets at the back of the mezzanine, which was fine by me since I could dance around without disturbing anyone. The location was similar to where I sat when I saw Hamilton in Chicago. An old friend of Taylor’s and Adam’s is a musician in the show and gave us a backstage tour of sorts!! It was amazing. While we stood on the stage, they talked about old times, and I tried to appear cool while absorbing the energy of Lin-Manuel Miranda through the soles of my boots. Also, we found out later that that performance was Michael Luwoye’s last as Hamilton! I still kind of can’t believe it happened and am very grateful.
In conclusion, I can’t wait to go back. Preferably not in February.
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Main Events
Is it me, or does half the world have a February birthday? Both Taylor’s and my moms and brothers do (three of the four are within a 24-hour period), as well as my boss, my uncle, and multiple friends. It’s a lot in the shortest month. My boss turned 50; we all decorated his office and I baked a German chocolate cake. It was a milestone birthday for Taylor’s mom too, and we all went to her surprise party starring her favorite local band.
We had a quietly romantic Valentine’s Day, not wanting to do anything big since we were going out of town the next morning. Taylor made spaghetti and showered me with gifts, including this animal that we can’t identify. Some kind of bear/dog/sloth hybrid? Anyway, it was the only engaged Valentine’s Day we’ll ever have, so it’ll always be special. :)
Wedding Update
This month we started our wedding registries – and that’s it in terms of decisive action. My sister is coming this weekend to look at bridesmaid dresses and help me get moving on things like flowers and invitations. We also continue to sort out our wedding planner situation and hope to have that resolved soon.
Reading
Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone by Brené Brown (5 stars) – I got Dare to Lead for Christmas, so it was time to start catching up on my Brené reading. This one could not be more relevant for our current moment.
Designer You by Sarahlyn Bruck (3 stars) – An interior designer finds her own way after her husband, the other half of their famous Magnolia-esque renovation business, dies suddenly. Interesting premise, but a little sad and stressful for me.
Until We Meet Again by Renee Collins (3 stars) – A decent time traveling YA romance/mystery. I was much more into it when I was 16 and it was called Both Sides of Time by Caroline B. Cooney.
Spiritual Misfit: A Memoir of Uneasy Faith by Michelle DeRusha (3 stars) – I think this was an early entry in the faith-memoir genre. I enjoyed her different perspective of coming to faith as an adult.
Girl Squads: 20 Female Friendships That Changed History by Sam Maggs (3.5 stars) – My favorite chapter was the one about the 1964 Japanese women’s volleyball team.
Save the Date by Morgan Matson (4 stars) – Morgan Matson is consistently great. I usually avoid the “important event goes catastrophically wrong” trope, but here it’s tempered by many layers of insight about family, relationships, and change. It also inspired me to take out my For Better or For Worse retrospective, since the comic strip central to the story is CLEARLY based on it.
I’ll Be There for You: The One about Friends by Kelsey Miller (4.5 stars) – LOVED IT.
All the Names They Used for God by Anjali Sachdeva (4 stars) – A compelling and diverse short story collection, one of them about women taken by Boko Haram. O_O
Listening
I got my musical leads from the Grammys and SNL this month: H.E.R., Gary Clark Jr., taking another look at Janelle Monae’s whole catalog and that new Brandi Carlile album. In a year that’s supposed to be about love and happiness, I’m a little troubled that most songs I’ve been drawn to so far in 2019 are sad and/or aggressive. But I guess that’s our national mood? Please send positive/love song recommendations!
Podcast-wise, I continue to work through The Dream. I also listened to the Jamie Ivey episode of The Enneagram Journey, the Jennifer Knapp episode of For the Love (Kansas is still my all-time favorite Christian album), and the “Where I Live” episode of 10 Things to Tell You – on which I was stunned to hear my friend Lexie representing the 901!!
Watching
I finished Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, and am a couple of episodes into The Umbrella Academy, One Day at a Time, and Salt Fat Acid Heat. Taylor and I watched The Founder, which had been on my list for a while. What Ray Kroc did to the McDonald brothers was appalling. I’m kind of second-guessing joining the Kroc fitness center now because I don’t want to give that guy any support.
Travel
Six years after my first visit, I finally went back to NYC this month! I won’t share too much about the trip right now, because I want to give it its own post. But I will say WE SAW HAMILTON! *heart eyes emoji*
Around Town
After the NBA mid-season trading period, there are so many new players on the Grizzlies roster that the new intro video helpfully provides everyone’s name. Some of them are really growing on me, although nothing can end our grief over losing Marc Gasol. Big Spain forever. Anyway, we got a seat upgrade at one game for Taylor’s mom’s birthday, and it was awesome! Between that and our couple of games in my company box, I have to admit better seats make games a lot more enjoyable.
As part of my mom’s birthday outing, she and I went to a Georgia O’Keeffe Hawaii exhibit at the Brooks. Needed some Hawaii in my life in these last days of winter.
My church has been holding Evensong on the first Wednesday of the month for a while, and this month was the first time I could go! We sang, went through some liturgy, and did an imaginative prayer exercise. There were lots of candles and it was really quiet and peaceful. I loved it.
Eating
I was sick for a week after my New York trip and had a craving for lemon chicken soup. This recipe was easy and delicious! I’d never splurged on bone broth as opposed to standard boxed chicken broth, but the flavor was so much richer.
Wearing
Not to keep harping on New York, but I knew I’d need new flat black boots for the trip. My existing flat black boots have no support at all, and the cold has seeped right through them all winter. I finally ordered the All Weather Winter Boots from Land’s End. They kept my feet warm, dry, and supported while we walked seven miles a day. The nice slim cut and lack of poofy fur and embellishments makes them more versatile. I love them so much, I even went back and left a review.
Beauty/Wellness
I’ve mentioned before that I take a lot of vitamins and supplements (a regimen I started in 2013 after being sick for several months). I recently found two things I was already taking, evening primrose oil and fish oil, in one capsule that’s allegedly formulated for women’s issues. Meanwhile, still researching natural remedies for adult acne, I decided to try something called DIM that’s derived from broccoli. I had never heard of it before and had low expectations. Well, after a month, I can safely say IT’S WORKING! I think this is the best my face has looked since I started this whole experiment over a year ago. Who knew. We’ll see if it holds!
This Neutrogena eye cream is my new favorite. I even got multiple tubes so it can go wherever I go.
Random Happiness
I had a wonderful catch-up happy hour at Alchemy with my friend Stacey. She sent me a link to a daily Richard Rohr e-mail that I’m loving. From quotes in the church bulletin, I suspect some of my pastors get the e-mails too. ;) His reflections are really encouraging me at this more open and mystical place in my faith.
Your Monthly Rufus
LOL of the Month
I saw this somewhere on Twitter and still laugh every time I see it.
On the Blog:
After about four years with my last blog layout, I decided it was time for a new look! I don’t currently have the time/skills/disposable income to create the template of my dreams, but this template on Etsy is a nice, clean refresh. My About page also got a long-overdue update.
Good Reads
♥ Helen Hanison: Nostalgia: On Learning to Let Go of Who You Were
♥ Amanda Magee: The Thing Only You Can Say
♥ Kris Gage: The Dirty Little Secret About “Grit”
♥ Ian Marcus Corbin at Commonweal Magazine: Somewhere Else
♥ Design Mom: Living with Kids: Leisse Wilcox
♥ Melanie Dale at The Mudroom: Your Marriage Doesn’t Have to Look like Anyone Else’s
♥ Tara Bender: It’s Gonna Work Out. —or— Oops, I’m a Sponge.
♥ Garance Doré: The Weight of It
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If January is any indication, 2019 will be an emotional roller coaster. It’s been a strange, happy, eventful, non-eventful, overwhelming month. Most of my energy has gone toward locking in the big pieces of our wedding and starting to process all the realities of getting married. People have responded in unexpected ways, as often happens at the hinge points of life. My work team is getting focused for the new year. Right at the beginning of the year, a friend from my supper club group, whom I was just really starting to get to know, died suddenly. There’s just a lot of intense stuff going on.
So, when possible, I haven’t been fighting my urge to go straight home after work and get straight into my pajamas. If you can’t do that in January, when can you? I’m embracing this season of quiet and stillness, of too much darkness and bright cold light with no leaves to block its way.
Wedding Update
As a refresher, Taylor and I got engaged on Christmas Day. All my siblings arrived in town on December 27 and insisted we go wedding dress shopping immediately. So I found and bought my dress on December 28. On December 30, Taylor and I toured a historic mansion and decided we didn’t need to look anywhere else!* We signed the paperwork a couple of weeks later, on the same day we met with the photographer. Taylor is being a true partner and bringing his needed business expertise to the planning process, but since January is his busiest month at work, we’ve had to make a lot of these decisions in fits and starts on weekends. Despite that, we have a date (June 29), a dress, an officiant (my BIL Lance), a venue, a photographer, a complete wedding party, and a wedding planner. Not bad for month 1. Five more to go!
* = My church sanctuary is beautiful, but we wanted to have the whole event in the same place, and I didn’t really want my reception in the little fellowship hall, where I also vote.
Reading
I kicked off my 2019 reading with A Practical Wedding, by the founder of the great website of the same name. My favorite part was about how most of the “timeless,” “must have or you’ll offend your grandma” traditions pushed by the wedding industry are actually <50 years old. I’m now finishing up Very Married, which I also recommend.
By some miracle, I scored the final Dark Artifices book at the library and spent an entire weekend reading it. 800-something pages is no joke, especially when I didn’t love it as much as the others. Love Saves the Day, a novel partly from the perspective of a cat, had been on my list forever. The last 50 pages made me cry more than a This Is Us episode. Meanwhile, now that my church small group from last “semester” is over, a few friends and I have restarted our book club! We were previously working through a short story book, but now we’re going to focus on long form books by diverse authors. Juliet Takes a Breath was the first selection.
Listening
I finally obtained the technology to listen to my phone, and therefore podcasts, in my 2013 car. It’s been a game changer. I’ve started The Dream (FASCINATING), semi-caught up on the Good Place podcast and Millenneagram, and am adding lots of new subscriptions.
Travel
My friend Esther moved to Korea almost four years ago, and last fall, she got married there! Over MLK weekend, she and her husband had an American reception in her hometown of Chattanooga. I broke up the trip by driving to my sister’s in Nashville on Friday night, going to Chattanooga the next morning, coming back to Nashville that night, then heading home Sunday. All the driving was worth it to see so many of my loved ones in a short time, including 5/8ths of the SIPsters. (PS, we realized that day that our group has two names each starting with A, B, E, and K, and have subsequently rebranded to BABEKAKEs. I love it.)
Since I had Monday off, I didn’t have to rush back to Memphis, so I could spend more time with family Sunday and also do some shopping in my sister’s neighborhood. On the way home, I stopped at the new Solar Farm Welcome Center. I just missed the sun setting over the solar panels, but got a full moonrise instead!
Around Town
For New Year’s Eve, Taylor and I and most of my siblings went to Mollie Fontaine’s. It was special to go out together, and I was thrilled to ring in the New Year with my family and my fiancé (!!) while wearing a Badgley Mischka. (It was my first Rent the Runway experience, and I’d definitely do it again!)
We haven’t seen these streamers much in January, since the Grizzlies are currently a blazing dumpster fire. We were happy to be present for both wins. There’s lots of drama happening with the team, which is well documented in local media if you want to look it up. The Tigers are doing better, but have had their down nights too. Tough times in Grind City.
Since I’ve felt so hermitlike this month, my only non-basketball outing was to Wes and Matt’s birthday party at Civil Axe. It’s like bowling… except with throwing axes. I hit the target a few times, but couldn’t get the axe to embed. The attendant asked me if I was afraid of the axe, to which I replied, “YES, yes I am, IT’S AN AXE.” The guys in the lane next to us were apparently in a league and were throwing their own shiny, sharp axes with great force. Clearly this place will only be open until there’s an incident, but in the meantime, it’s entertaining.
At Home
One of my camellias bloomed! Winter-blooming plants are such a miracle.
Eating
It’s been years since I’ve regularly kept real bread in my house. At Kroger, I saw that this (not cheap) Dave’s Killer Bread Organic 21 Grain was only 60 calories a slice and decided to splurge. IT IS DELICIOUS. I may never go back.
Wearing
Despite my general efforts to avoid obvious sweatshop fashion, I have two of this long-sleeved dress with pockets in heavy rotation. They’re comfortable, can be worn alone or with leggings, and are under $20 in some colors. I’m also all stocked up on Old Navy Pixie pants, the skinny work pant I thought only existed in my imagination.
Beauty
I spent the night at my parents’ house on Christmas Eve, and my mom had put some Tree Hut body wash in the guest bathroom. I’ve used their salt scrub for a while but didn’t know they made a body wash. Well, I had to get my own! It costs around $6 and is incredibly moisturizing.
I’m also loving the Colourpop Wet Palette, which I bought specifically for New Year’s Eve, but have been using on regular days too. You can do some less dramatic looks with it. Besides, I’ll have fun with sparkly blue eyeshadow any day of the week.
I upgraded my Tresemme heat spray to this Keratin Smooth version, and there’s a noticeable difference in quality.
Random Happiness
My Christmas present from Alanna was Signet Sealed’s Good News Calendar, “because good things have happened, and good things will happen again.”
When Taylor and I signed our paperwork at the wedding venue, the room we were in also held a wall of really old books. I was too awed to touch them, but I looked at them carefully.
I don’t remember how I found it, but I subscribed to the Girls’ Night In newsletter. It comes out on Fridays with lots of tips for restful fun and wellness!
On January 20, I wrapped myself in a blanket and watched the super wolf lunar eclipse from my balcony.
Wellness
I’ve been exercising in the morning before work for two months! In December, I had social plans almost every night and didn’t really feel the benefits of having my evenings free. But it’s started to feel worth it in January. I go to the gym at minimum three mornings a week – two for cardio, one for weights. One morning, I do yoga at home because I have Pilates later in the day. The fifth morning is a crapshoot depending on how sore and tired I am (usually very). I do think my body is burning calories more efficiently than when I was exercising at night, since I’m not gaining weight despite being ravenous all the time. Winter hibernation urges are so much fun.
On that note, despite societal expectations, I don’t plan to go on a drastic wedding diet. I already have a dress, and it fits. I’d love to lose about five pounds, but I won’t be devastated if it doesn’t happen. I have enough to do in the next five months without starving myself.
I started Yoga with Adriene’s annual 30-day January practice, Dedicate, but skipped a lot of days because I didn’t have the drive this year. Congrats to everyone who finished!
Your Monthly Rufus
Rufus wants to remind everyone that a real cat is better than one in a book. He’s also spending a lot of time on my fleece Tigers Snuggie.
Quote of the Month
From Lin-Manuel Miranda and Jonny Sun’s G’Morning, G’Night, which is balm to my soul.
On The Blog
I wrote up my and Taylor’s engagement story, and announced my One Word for 2019, Love!
Good Reads
- Addie Zierman: Live Your Calling! (and other New Year’s Propaganda)
- Anjali Kumar at Atelier Doré: Things I Learned From Being Curious
- Amanda O: Everyone’s Missing the Obvious about the Declining U.S. Birth Rate
- Jami Attenberg at Curbed: Bright Lights, Small City
- Laura Turner in the WaPo: ‘The Good Place’ has created a heaven and hell perfect for our time
- Bailey Steger: You Aren’t Wrong Just Because Someone Else Is Upset
- Margaret Dilloway at HuffPo: What White, Western Audiences Don’t Understand About Marie Kondo’s ‘Tidying Up’
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2019 is my sixth year of participation in One Word 365. Instead of making New Year’s resolutions, I choose a word to guide my year. Most of my friends and family know I do this, and some of them have started adopting words (or phrases) too! The ritual of feeling out my next word starts in the fall. I meditate on common themes I see in my life, what I need help with, what I think God is trying to show me. I usually start with a few ideas and slowly narrow it down. The process has gotten easier and clearer over the years, and the Words have flowed naturally into each other, which is important to me. I pretty much knew my 2019 word in November. I always feel hesitant at first about my choice, which I believe is actually an affirmation (much in the way that the Enneagram type that hits painfully close to home is probably the correct one). But this time, I really took a step back and asked myself, Are you sure? For one thing, I prefer the Words less traveled. I cringe away from the obvious choices. For another thing, I prefer bold Words, but I’m never going to top this.
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. – I John 4:16-18
[S]ince we are fallible, and likely wrong about so much, I would rather err on the side of love. I would rather be wrong while trying harder to love, trying to open my arms wider to bring more people around the Table. – Laura Jean Truman
We can only love others as much as we love ourselves. ― Brené Brown
She had so much love to give – she had always felt that – and now there was somebody to whom she could give this love, and that, she knew, was good; for that is what redeems us, that is what makes our pain and sorrow bearable – this giving of love to others, this sharing of the heart. ― Alexander McCall Smith
The passage about love in I John 4 has always been one of my favorites. I used it last year for Fearless, and it confirmed my sense that Love was a natural follow-up. I didn’t get to write much about Fearless, but I did wrestle with it all year. I continue to identify areas where my thoughts, actions, and beliefs are motivated by fear, and try to root it out. This is the ongoing work of my life.
In 2019 I will plan a wedding, get married, move out of my home, learn to be a landlady, and live with another human after living alone with cat(s) for nine years… all because of love. I’ve never experienced such a restful, uplifting, and secure love. I’m ready to celebrate it and lay a foundation for it to grow for the rest of our lives. Reminder: I chose this word before I got engaged, which feels like more affirmation!
I’m turning 40 this year. It’s a good time to reaffirm that love is central to what I stand for and what I want my legacy to be. I wish I had a big-picture action plan for loving people well, but mostly I take it one day at a time. Mostly I don’t even understand all that it means to love people well. I’d like to get better at it.
I want to know and experience God’s love in new ways. Much of my faith has been based in fear, and in a stern interpretation of divine love that can look a little like abuse. I feel strong enough now to trust that God’s love is big enough to hold me. I’m pursuing truly good news of an abundant love, for myself and for others.
I’ve struggled with this post for weeks, because nothing feels like an adequate exploration of the biggest concept there is. But these main reasons for choosing Love will have to do for now. If you have a word, phrase, or theme for the year, let me know!
About my previous One Words:
2018: Fearless // 2017: Abundance // 2016: Light // 2015: Enough // 2014: Alive // 2013: Focus
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